Sorry this was a bit of a wait...I've been super busy, and a bit uninspired, but literally 30 minutes ago I got so inspired that I wrote half the chapter in one sitting, so I'm now feeling pretty good about it.
From the day after the fight Teddy began going to Quidditch practice again. Victoire refused to speak to him, and he refused to speak to her because, no matter how guilty he felt, he was too stubborn to back down. They each tried so desperately to be unaffected by the other that their flying improved, as did their academic work. Henry Carmichael and other members of the Quidditch team all noticed that something was going on between Teddy and Victoire, but all of them were reluctant to bring it up when they were flying so well. Their professors all noticed the new vigor with which they approached their work, but they just wrote it off as N.E.W.T. mania or pre-N.E.W.T. mania in Victoire's case. Only their friends, and not just Claire and Matt, knew something was going on. Of course, many of them had seen the fight in the common room, but they hadn't known how serious it was.
So, it was with great trepidation that Matt decided to broach the subject with Teddy for the first time. It had been about three weeks since the fight and it was one week until the big match against Slytherin on the May 31. They were in the boys dormitory studying Herbology, as they had been for the previous two hours since they came back from dinner. Their N.E.W.T.s began on June 2 with Herbology, and as they were only about a week away everyone was going into over-drive.
"So..." he began casually, looking up from his notes, "When are you gonna talk to her?"
"Who?" Teddy asked, feigning innocence and keeping his head in his notes.
"You know bloody well who," Matt said, deciding to cut to the chase. "Victoire! It's been weeks! Are you gonna talk before the match against Slytherin next Saturday? After?"
Teddy shrugged, mostly because he didn't know what to say.
Matt decided to try a knew tactic. "You know, you'll do way better on your N.E.W.T.s if you and Victoire make up because you'll be more relaxed."
Teddy still said nothing. He felt guilty about everything he'd said, but he was also one of the stubbornest people alive, and he wasn't going to apologize unless Victoire made the first move to speak with him. A part if him also thought Victoire was better off without him, and in any case, he wasn't one to go where he wasn't wanted.
What he didn't know was that he was wanted.
Victoire spent most of her time studying or practicing for the Quidditch final, and she threw herself into all of her work with vigor, but wen she wasn't studying or flying she was moping. This behavior alone was enough to make Claire worry. Victoire's mantra had always been 'his loss' whenever she was dumped or she and a friend had an argument, and the only other time she and Teddy fought she'd at least kept up the 'his loss' attitude as best she could, but not this time. Of course, whenever she saw him, she pretended to be absorbed in whatever she was doing and animated about whatever it was, but when he was out of sight she'd slump back with the effort of it all.
On one such occasion Victoire was doing her Transfiguration homework at about ten at night in the common room when she saw Teddy get up with Matt from the corner and head towards the boys' dormitory staircase. As he passed she elbowed Claire, who was sitting next to her on the couch, and started laughing merrily.
"Claire, you're terrible!" she said with a radiant smile.
Claire was laughing too, though she wasn't quite as good an actress as Victoire. Teddy was trying not to notice them, and as a result he didn't notice that she was faking.
As Teddy moved away and disappeared up the stairs behind Matt Victoire stopped laughing and picked up her quill, only to set it down and say, slightly awkwardly, "Thanks..."
Claire had stopped laughing too. "What are friends for other than to help create the appearance of fun?" She hadn't meant to say it so icily, but she was worried about Victoire.
"I'm sorry, Claire, I know I'm not much fun right now. I'm just really stressed because of the Quidditch match. It's in two days. Once that's over I'll be fine."
"Oh come on Vic," said Claire, "You may be a good actress, good enough to fool Teddy for the twenty seconds he's near you every day, but I know better. You know I hate Teddy, but I'm willing to put up with him because I'm your best friend and you love him! You need to talk to him because if you don't-"
Victoire had only just caught up with Claire's words. She snapped indignantly, "I do not! What do you mean I love him?" She kept her voice low, and looked around the room, making sure no one was listening, but most people were getting ready to go to bed, ready for Friday to start.
Claire rolled her eyes, "You said so yourself, he's like your brother. I'm not trying to convince you that you love him, you already know that," she saw that Victoire was about to interrupt, so she hastened to add, "And however you want to interpret 'love' is your problem. All I'm trying to get you to do is talk to him because however you love him, you miss him! He's leaving Hogwarts, and if he goes off to auror training after his N.E.W.T.s he'll be gone and if you don't make the effort to communicate now you might not get another chance! If you guys are friends again you can write from Hogwarts and see him over breaks, but if you don't make up now you'll always know you missed your chance."
Victoire was shaking her head before closing her eyes for a moment, and if Claire hadn't known any better she would've said that Victoire had been holding in tears. But when Victoire reopened her eyes they were dry.
"Do you really think," she said in a broken whisper, still being careful that no one near them could hear, "That I haven't thought about it? Do you really think that that thought doesn't cross my mind every single day?"
"Then why don't you talk to him?" Claire asked exasperatedly, throwing her arms up in irritation.
"Because it's better this way. You were right all along, we're too similar. It's not good for me to be friends with him. I need to quit him, and this is the best way to do it. What this year has proved is that now that we're older we're toxic for each other. Because we know each other so well we know all the right buttons to push, and we never used to do that, but now we do, or at least he does," she added darkly, "And that isn't a good basis for a friendship. We've outgrown each other. Besides," she said the last sentence bitterly, "You've always thought the worst when it came to Teddy. I thought you'd be happy."
Claire looked at Victoire for a long moment before she said, "Why would you ever think that you being unhappy gives me any satisfaction?"
And with that she too walked away from Victoire.
Left in the common room, with no one for company but two fourth years huddled in the corner, Victoire pulled her knees up to her chest. She was sitting on the far right of the couch, leaning slightly against the arm, and as she turned her head just slightly to the right she could see directly into the fireplace. She looked at the dancing flames. As she looked, her arms still tight around her knees, keeping them to her chest, she considered Claire's words, the ones that she hadn't been considering before.
Did she love Teddy? Her reflex answer was of course she loved Teddy, she'd grown up with him, her childhood companion, her twin in personality and mannerisms, her best friend. Her Teddy. She pulled one arm away and ran it through her hair, pushing some of the longer tight ringlets out of her face. That gesture alone was enough to make her think of Teddy. When they'd been about four and five she'd seen him run his hands through his sandy-blond hair, and she'd done it too to be like him. After a while it had turned into an automatic habit.
She closed her eyes again, and felt the beginnings of tears, but still she did not cry. She wasn't trying to hold them back, she just didn't cry, or maybe she couldn't. The last time she'd cried wasn't even from sadness, but from laughter. She remembered it clearly: she'd been twelve and Teddy thirteen. They'd been at her house a few days before leaving for Hogwarts, and Teddy had been going through a phase where he changed all of his features every day, and when she saw him with a clown-red nose, bright green hair, and yellowish skin she's laughed until she cried.
She smiled fondly to herself.
She had plenty of memories without Teddy, plenty of happy ones too, but not the ones that really counted. Not the ones that really mattered. He wasn't absent from any of those, and did this mean that he would be from future ones? She had always thought that when push came to shove Teddy would always be there for her, and even now she knew deep in her heart that he still would be, if she'd only reach out to him.
But did that mean she loved him? Really loved him. Did she really know what being in love meant? She'd thought she loved some boyfriends, but that was after they'd dated a while. How did you know that you loved someone if you'd never dated them?
She tried to really picture a permanent situation in which he wasn't in her life. She thought for a moment that she might actually sob, but she just continued to stare motionless at the fire.
She did.
She loved Teddy.
The thought crashed down on her, bringing in a wave of implications that she did not want to face. She stood up abruptly and stared at the fire for a moment, trying to find some way to digest this information without screaming, which she couldn't very well do in the middle of the common room. She was suddenly so mad at him it made the room spin and her head ache. How dare he make her love him? It wasn't fair!
And then she was laughing. Standing in the common room and laughing. The two fourth years looked at her in alarm, before both hurrying up the stairs to their dormitory, but she barely noticed. Of course she loved Teddy! She was sometimes so irritated with him that she wanted to scream, and twice this year she'd been so mad she'd wanted to hit him, and one of the times she actually did, but that was why she loved him! He was just like her, but at the same time her opposite. Her companion and her foil. Her best friend and her toughest competition. Her comfort and the bane of her existence.
Her Teddy.
She felt something cold trickling down her cheek. She touched it, her laughter subsiding slightly to be replaced with wonder.
It was a tear.
Okay, so I'm really unsure about how I handled this chapter...I really like it but I'm not sure if anyone's going to understand what I was going for at the end. I'm a little afraid that everyone's going to think I've gone crazy, so leave me a review and tell me if it made any sense. I suppose I was trying to make it not make sense because love sometimes doesn't make sense but...I can't really articulate it, so just review and let me know if you think I'm crazy.
XOXO
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