Disclaimer: I own none of the characters here. They belong to JK Rowling and company. I just use them for my own wish fulfillment and amusement.

Summary: It's sixth year and Severus Snape is dying to get Lily Evans to give him a chance at being her boyfriend. He challenges her to two weeks over the Christmas holidays to give him a shot. And if it doesn't work, he'll leave her alone forever. Will he be able to win her heart? Or will her burgeoning crush on James Potter win out over her friendship with Severus?

AUTHORS NOTE: This is a re-posting of this story. I took it down before due to several negative responses and decided I wanted to tweak a few parts, especially the ending. But this is the same story as before, thus far, so no need to read it again. The new parts will be posted as I finish them. But do remember this story is posted under 'angst'. I have taken some liberties with the characters because frankly we don't know that much about James and Lily and Severus as a boy. But this is not an AU story. It's more of a 'what if' scenario that this holiday could have happened and we'd never know about it. So if you're looking for a fluffy story, this isn't it. Be prepared for some tough stuff for my favorite characters. Snape wouldn't be Snape if he didn't suffer. So with that said, I am putting this story back up, but am re-doing the last part I posted (that not many of you probably saw) And if this is your first time reading this, welcome to my story. I hope you'll enjoy it. And if not, that's okay too. This is the story I wanted to tell. I just think I can tell the ending better than I originally did. Thanks for reading along.

This chapter is new material that I never posted before. The beginning is the same, but it changes midway and becomes different than previously posted and written.

Holiday of Hope

After Severus ate some soup that was leftover, he was allowed to go in his room. He figured he'd at least send Lily a thank you note for getting his stuff back. It was the least he could do. He still didn't quite understand why she'd done it at all. But he scribbled out a note for her.

"Dear Lily, I came home to find my belongings in their rightful spots. Why did you do it? Does this mean you forgive me? I'm forever grateful and apologetic. Love, Severus."

He attached the note to his owl and let her fly. Then she just sat and picked up his journal and wondered how much of it she actually read. There were terrible things in there not meant for her eyes. The ways she would make him feel, the longings he had. He didn't much want his mother reading them either, but apparently there was no such thing as privacy where his journal was concerned. And he supposed he had that coming after snooping through Lily's sock drawer. But what if she read how much he wanted to make love to her the night they spent in her bed? Would she freak out and never look at him again? Those had been private thoughts! He just hoped she didn't have time to sit with a cup of tea and read the entire thing. The last entry was bad enough, but it was less private than others. She already knew how angry he was at himself, so it should come as no surprise he wrote about those feelings. But he shuddered to think of her reading the rest of them. But he just put the journal in the bottom of his Hogwarts trunk under some papers. That might prevent his mum from reading it at least. That wasn't a pretty thought at all, though if she had read his deepest fantasies, she wasn't bringing them up thank God.

He got up from the bed and put on one of his records, since he still had the pleasure of music at his fingertips. The song was sad and maudlin, but it fit his mood. He was just wondering if he'd hear back from Lily as he lay on his bed and let the music consume him.

Meanwhile at Lily's house, she was in the same sort of maudlin mood. She kept listening to The Stone Poney's on repeat and tears were falling from her eyes. Especially the part where it said, "we'll both live a lot longer, if you live without me…" She decided to scribble a note to James and once and for all tell him no. A firm no. She'd explain how she had tossed the necklace in the river and that she wasn't ready to belong to anyone. She wanted him to stop having hope, because every time she gave him hopes, she hurt Severus. And every time she gave Severus hopes, she hurt him too. She just hurt everyone. But she wrote to James.

"Dear James, I'm writing to ask you to please leave me alone. Stop alluding to our romance, as it's not happening. I'm not ready for any boy to tie me down. And since you refused to take it back, I threw your necklace in the river. It's gone. And I want you to stop sending me things like that. I'm not your Lily and I never will be. There has been information that has come to my attention that has drastically altered my opinions of you, as well. Is it true you still bother Severus and wanted to beat him up in a bathroom? Don't lie to me, because he told me the truth. I can't abide bullying. I've warned you before. So please stop contacting me. And no more gifts. I need space. I need time. And I need you to give me that. Sorry, Lily."

She wiped tears out of her eyes as she read over the note, but it was exactly what she needed to tell him. And on the outside of the note she wrote the lyrics, "we'll both live a lot longer, if you live without me…" Then she attached it to her owl and sent it off into the night. It was her first step into actually making a choice about what she wanted in her life. And right now, James wasn't it. He was too immature, she realized. And the more Severus kept telling her about the ongoing bullying, the more she believed him. He had his reasons to lie, but she trusted him more than James or Sirius right now. So the note had to be sent. Butterflies or not, James just wasn't the man for her right now. And maybe not ever. But if he wanted her, he'd have to do a lot more growing up.

And just when she was crying over James, Severus's owl showed up with a note for her. She sighed and took it off the bird and read it. She didn't know exactly how to answer it. Had she forgiven him? Not entirely. But she did feel bad for him still. However she didn't want to lead him on any further. She couldn't. But she owed it to him to tell him in person how she felt. So she wrote back quickly.

"Severus, I felt guilty for you losing your belongings. But I'm still upset that you did what you did. I would like to talk to you in person to work this out. Will you meet me in town tomorrow around noon at Panacotti's sweet shop? I'll buy you a hot chocolate and we'll talk. Love, Lily,"

She sent the note back with his owl and sat on her bed and held her head in her hands. She wasn't sure what to tell him, except some of what she'd told James. She wasn't ready. But with Severus, she still wanted his friendship. She loved him enough, and they had history enough, that she still wanted his friendship and presence in her life. He meant the world to her, she realized. But she just wasn't in love with him. Not now. And maybe not ever. Maybe something was just wrong with her? She didn't know. But she knew now with perfect clarity that she loved Severus, it just wasn't the kind of love he felt for her. And he had to know that so he could move on with his life. Just like James needed to know she wasn't impressed by him and wasn't going to be his girl. Both of these boys had to stop waiting around for her to make up her mind because it may take forever. And it wasn't right to string them both along.

Severus received the owl back and he was excited at the prospect of meeting with her in person. That meant she was likely going to forgive him. Or throw hot chocolate in his face. Either one, really. But he kept out hope that it would be the first thing. At least she was still speaking to him. And that thought kept him warm all night realizing that maybe he hadn't blown his chances after all.

The next day Lily wandered into town and waited for Severus outside the sweet shop. It was a sunny day, and the streets were all slushy, but if you sat in the sun, it almost felt slightly warm. She sat at a table and just closed her eyes, feeling the sun beat down on her as she tried to think of the best thing to say to him when he arrived. It wasn't long after when he made his appearance.

"Lily," he smiled at her.

"Severus. How is your arm?" she asked wondering if his mum had been able to fix him up.

"Oh it's fine. A little sore, but I left the sling at home. I can manage."

"Well let's get some hot chocolate okay? Then we can talk," she offered.

They went inside the shop and she ordered two hot chocolates with marshmallows in them. And then they took them outside and sat back down again.

"So I wanted to apologize again," Severus began, but she held up her hand.

"No, it's okay. You've apologized enough. I'm still a little cross with you, but it'll pass," she informed him.

"Okay. Good. But I really am sorry."

"I know that. You want to hear something funny?" she asked with a sly grin.

"Always."

"I wrote James and told him to leave me alone. I said I'd heard about his continued bullying of you and his plans in the bathroom. And then I told him I threw the necklace in the river," she chuckled slightly.

"What? You said that to him? You told him you chucked it in the river?" he laughed along with her.

"Yes. I didn't want to tell him it was you. And if he asked for it back, I wanted to have a good excuse as to why I couldn't give it to him. So I lied. You're welcome, by the way," she said sticking her tongue out at him.

"I can't believe you did that. Any of that. Not just telling him you'd chucked it, but standing up for me, and telling him to go away. Does this mean what I think it means?" he asked very hopefully.

"Well it means I didn't pick James, that's for sure."

"So you picked me?"

"Not exactly."

"What?"

"See, that's why I wanted to talk to you in person. You deserve more than a kiss off letter like James got. I love you too much to just write a stupid note and be done with it. But the thing is, I didn't choose anyone. I chose me. For real. I can't be anyone's girlfriend right now. And I need this time to focus on just me," she explained to him.

"I see. Like you tried to tell me before and I kept pushing. But this means there's still hope. Someday there could be, right?" he asked earnestly.

"Severus, I love you. I really do. But I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry. I thought I might be. Or that I could be. But I'm not. It's not the love you deserve."

"You may fall in love with me someday. You can't know you won't," he offered desperately.

"I think that it's not right between us. You're like a lovely brother to me. I tried to feel the romance, and at times, it was blossoming a bit, but I think in the end I need someone in my life who gives me butterflies when I see them. If I'm going to be with a bloke, I want to be giddy with happiness over just seeing his face. I want the fairytale package. And you're my dearest friend. That's how I feel for you. And I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's true. I can't keep leading you on. I won't. We don't have a romantic future, but I do hope we can be friends still," she said hopefully.

"Friends. That's it? Friends? Why don't I give you butterflies? I don't understand. You give them to me. You make me fall off ladders when I see you! How come you don't see me that way? Aside from my indiscretion with the necklace, I've been good to you. Treated you well. I don't understand," he said shaking his head and feeling tears form in his eyes.

"It's nothing you did or didn't do, Severus. It's just how I feel. You know how some people are meant to be in each other's lives, just not romantically? I feel that's us. We've known each other since we were kids. You're very important to me. But it's not romantic. I can't make myself feel what I don't feel. I thought I could. But I can't."

"I'm willing to wait, you know. If it takes time, I have time," he offered.

"Severus, no. I don't need time. I've told you how I feel. And I'm sorry. I just hope we can be friends still," she pleaded with him.

He sat there and absorbed her words and he could actually feel his heart twisting into a knot. It was breaking entirely. She was never going to be his. And it wasn't because of anything he did or didn't do. It wasn't even because there was another boy she liked better. It was simply because she didn't have those feelings for him. He couldn't fathom how he could love her so completely and she felt nothing but friendship. The whole world seemed out of balance. But what could he do? She'd made herself clear. It was never happening. Ever. And no amount of time was going to change that. He stood up from the table and wiped his eyes.

"I really have to go now. Sorry. I just have to go," he said, turning on his heel and running away from the table.

"Wait! Don't run!" she called after him.

He stopped momentarily but didn't look back at her as she hurried to catch up to him.

"I don't know if I can be with you right now, Lily," he said softly, with tears in his eyes.

"Please don't be that way. A few weeks ago, we had nothing together. Not even our friendship. Now we have something great. Yes, it's not what you desired, but it's incredibly special. Please don't ruin it by running away," she pleaded with him.

He turned to face her and she was stricken at how upset he looked. He really had believed he could wait for her and her mind would change. He based his whole life on that fact. And now she was telling him it'd never happen.

"I know I should be grateful for what we do have now. It is better than before. Before was dreadful. You wouldn't even look at me. But now I just keep remembering your lips on mine. And that won't ever happen again. It's too much. It hurts too bad," he admitted.

She reached over and took his hands.

"Severus, I wanted it to be you. I really did. And if I could make a choice, I think it would have been you. But I just can't be with anyone. And I don't want to give you these false hopes that one day I'll fall in love. Because sometimes it's just a matter of if you feel a thing or you don't. And I just don't. But I tried to! I really tried to. But please don't let it diminish what I do feel. And that's great love and affection for you. God, you're the best friend I've ever had. Don't let me lose you," she said with her own tears in her eyes.

"Is it because I'm ugly? Is that the problem? My nose is too big and my hair is not nice. Is it my clothing? Is it my lack of money?" he asked desperately.

"No, it's none of those things! None of them. It's just, aren't there girls you know at school that you like but wouldn't date? There's nothing wrong with them, but you just don't feel the spark," she explained.

"There are no other girls in my life. I don't talk to them. And even if I did, I'd never even consider dating them. Not when I love you."

"You're missing my point. I just meant that sometimes you like a person, and they're perfectly lovely, you just don't feel a spark. The romantic fuzzy feelings. Doesn't mean there's something wrong with the person."

"I get it. I do get it. I'm not daft. I just don't understand what's wrong with me that you don't feel it, that's all," he told her.

"I can't explain it. It's just something I know. And I don't want to be this terrible person stringing you along forever when I know my feelings won't change," she said.

"But see Lily, you don't know if your feelings will change or not. No one can know that. That's just dooming something to failure without actually knowing the future or what it might hold."

"Severus, are you going to wake up one day and stop loving me? Will you wake up and suddenly realize I'm not the one you want?" she asked.

"No, never. I will always feel that way."

"How do you know? If you say I can't know, then how do you know?" she posed the question.

He just stood there contemplating her words and realized he had no good response.

"Fine, okay. You got me there. So you're saying you're as sure as I am that my feelings won't change?" he sighed.

"Exactly. But that doesn't have to spell the end for us. We could be wonderful friends. Like we used to be. Say you'll at least give it a try," she pleaded.

"I don't know if I can do it," he admitted quietly.

"Will you at least try for my sake?"

"Aright. Fine. Friends?" he offered begrudgingly.

"Friends. Now can we finish our hot chocolate?"

He sighed and walked back over to the table and sat down with her. His heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces and all he wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. But he put on his stoic face and sat there and tried to pretend the whole bottom of his world didn't drop out. Friendship was better than nothing. He had to admit that was true. And at first, her friendship was all he was after. But the game changed when he thought he had a chance to win her over. But he had to just keep those memories and move on like they never happened. He was going to try. But it wasn't going to be easy. He'd had a taste of something now, and it was impossible to go back to a time when he didn't know what her lips felt and tasted like. Or what her breasts felt like in his hands. Or the way her warm body curled up next to his in bed. All of those things had happened and if possible, made him even more obsessed with her. It was like a blind man seeing for the first time and then a week later, he loses his sight again. It would have been better to never have seen at all so you'd never know what you were missing. But they sipped the hot chocolate that had gone cold and neither one of them looked at each other. Finally Lily couldn't stand the silence.

"So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?" she wondered.

"Nothing. Just go home and wallow probably," he shrugged.

"Well we can't have that. Let's do something. We could sled again with the bin lids? Or go window shopping. I have a little bit of money my mum gave me, maybe we could buy some sweets besides the hot chocolate?" she offered.

"No offense, but I'm not really up to it," he admitted with a sigh.

"Oh come on. I'll buy you a chocolate truffle. You love those."

"You think a truffle will ease my pain?"

"No, but it won't make it worse. I'm buying it," she said as she got up and went inside the sweet shop, leaving him at the table to sulk in peace.

He just sat there and replayed everything over and over. He wondered if he really screwed it up by throwing the necklace away. But she seemed over that now. Maybe he just had to face facts that she just didn't love him that way. And there wasn't anything he did or didn't do. It was just him that was somehow undesirable. She wasn't even picking another boy. She would rather be alone than with him. Somehow that wasn't as comforting as she thought it should be. She soon walked out with a small bag of sweets in hand and laid it on the table.

"I got truffles and some hazelnut crème's and also one mango flavored lollipop. Isn't that great?" she smiled at him.

"It's lovely. Except I hate mango," he said being difficult on purpose.

She stuck out her tongue at him.

"Since when? You liked it when we were twelve. I shared my mango pop with you once and you said it tasted like heaven," she reminded him.

"I was twelve. And also mad for you. It wasn't the mango I enjoyed, it was that you had it in your mouth first and then shared with me. That was the heaven."

"Well, I'll still share it with you again if you want," she sighed.

"Just give me my truffle," he said with a slight smile, trying to cheer up and not be so moody, lest she change her mind altogether and just ditch him completely.

She handed over the truffle and he bit into it and had to admit it was damn good. It didn't really ease his pain, but her smile at watching him eat it, did a little. He wanted Lily to be happy. And apparently this made her happy. Being with him as friends. He had to accept that. So he just smiled back and admitted it was very tasty.

"See, I told you a chocolate would help cheer you up. Now you're smiling. We could still have fun today, you know. I'm still up for makeshift sledding," she offered.

"Alright. If that's what you really want to do," he shrugged.

They gathered their sweets and finished off the cold chocolate drinks and set off towards their special spot. They walked in silence and Severus kept his distance from her and just looked at his feet.

"You realize, I don't have a special spot with anyone else. Just you. I mean, there's no one else I'd ever say, 'let's go to our spot' and they'd know what I meant. It's like our secret spot," she smiled at him warmly.

"It's not so secret really. It's near the park. But there's not a lot of children around anymore to play there," he pointed out.

"But still. It's our spot. It's special. We spent so much time there. I love that we have it all to ourselves."

"It is special, I guess. And I like you don't have any special spots with anyone else."

"Should we find some bin lids to swipe?" she asked as they walked through a neighborhood near his to get to the spot.

"Yeah, hopefully no one will notice," he said grabbing up two lids and running off. She chased after him and they ran almost the entire way until Lily got out of breath and was laughing too hard to go on.

"Stop! I can't run anymore. I think we got away with it," she informed him.

He handed her a lid and smiled.

"I just wanted to see how far you could run."

"You're awful. I'm all sweaty now," she said peeling off her gloves and shoving them in her pockets.

"Let's get sledding."

He led the way and soon they were at the clearing where the hill was. They both sat on their lids and swooshed down to the bottom. They kept repeating it over and over, and Severus had to admit it was still fun. He was still with her. He just couldn't kiss her anymore. Once they tired of sledding, they sat back down under their tree just like the first time they did it. Lily got out the mango lollipop and unwrapped it and stuck it in her mouth.

"Mmm…you're missing out," she said relishing the taste of her candy.

"Give me some then," he said holding out his hand.

She handed over the sucker and he put it in his mouth. It tasted like mangos and Lily. It was heavenly. Even if he'd pick cherry as a flavor instead. But he enjoyed the way it was almost like kissing her again, before he handed it back to her.

"So do you think when we get back to school again, people will give us a hard time for being friends? I mean, I worried about what would happen if we were a couple, but even being friends is bound to raise some eyebrows," she said thoughtfully.

"I don't much care, I don't think. I reckon your mates will have the toughest time. Seeing as how they still love to taunt me," he sighed.

"And James got a huge kiss off from me. He's going to be really sore over that one," she giggled slightly.

"Good. He should be. Serves him right for what he and Sirius were going to do to me."

"Yeah, you're right. I wish I had known. I was a fool. I hadn't seen them go after you or anyone else, and they said they'd matured. Bollocks. I can't believe I believed them," she said sourly.

"I can't speak to them not messing with other people, but they still mess with me. Mind you, since they heard of my spell, they have toned it down. But fear will do that to a person," he said somewhat smugly at the idea of James and Sirius being afraid of him.

"I wish everyone could just get along," she lamented.

"Life doesn't work that way," he told her, grabbing the lollipop again and having another taste.

"I know it doesn't. But I did make a choice, Severus. It wasn't the choice I thought I was going to make, but I did choose you, in a way. I chose your friendship over theirs. That has to mean something to you, doesn't it?" she asked, taking back her pop.

He thought on it for a moment, then he smiled slightly.

"Yes, it means something. I just hope you'll really not be friends with them. I worry that once we get back to school, they'll draw you back in with their wily charms. Not that I think they have charms, but everyone else seems to think they do," he noted.

"They do have charms. It's true. But not so many that I'll overlook their behavior. No, they'll honestly have to change before I'll give them the time of day again," she said firmly.

"I don't know what took you so long to decide that part. It should have been easy. Don't be friends with bullies. Especially when their favorite target is someone you claim to love. Even just as friends," he pointed out.

"Well sue me. I was angry at you. Really super angry. And I did ask them to stop, but at first I know it was just worse than before because they were defending my honor or something. But then I asked them to lay off, and I swore I thought they did. I'm not always around them!" she defended herself.

"It's fine. But I trust this time you won't think I deserve it."

"I never really thought you deserved it. I just didn't care for a while. I was too angry."

"I get why you were angry. I deserved the anger. But did it really take a year and a half to forgive me?" he wondered, snatching the lollipop back again.

"No, it didn't take that long. But I thought you hated me. You never tried to apologize really. You just sort of ignored me. So I ignored you. So I'm the one who should be asking, what took you a year and half to apologize?" she said with a raised eyebrow.

"I tried to before but you kept walking away! And then when James would get on me, you didn't stop it, so I figured you were one of them. The enemy. So then I did just ignore you. But I always plotted ways in my head of how and when I'd be able to say sorry. I wanted to give you enough time to cool down," he explained.

"Cool down? Well a year and a half was a long time to cool down. But I get it. We both just ignored each other because we thought the other person hated us. Makes sense. Stupid of both of us, but I get it. But I was never your enemy. Far from it. I was just sad and hurt. But it's okay now. I understand that it was a slip of the tongue. An atrocious one, but I know now you didn't mean it. But what would you do if one of your friends said the same to me? Would you defend me or just stay quiet?" she wondered, taking back her lollipop.

"Of course I'd defend you."

"Really?"

"Really. Would you defend me if James or one of his cronies says something or does something to me?" he wondered.

"Yes. I would say something. I wouldn't tolerate it."

"Then I guess we have our answers as to how to handle what people think of us being friends. It's not so strange really. Just because you're a Gryffindor and I'm a Slytherin doesn't mean it's against the rules to be friends. Sometimes people take house rivalry too far," he lamented.

"I agree. I have friends who are Hufflepuff's. It's just normally Gryffindor's and Slytherin's just hate each other."

"Well I don't hate you," he smiled.

"I don't hate you either. But I do still sort of hate the people you hang around with. You know, I'm willing to back away from my old friends for your sake. Are you willing to back away from yours?" she asked.

"I said I'd defend you against them."

"I know, but will you back away? I don't like the dark spells or the people you make them up with. I worry about you, Severus. The Dark Arts are just one step away from joining You Know Who. I don't want that for you," she said with some concern.

"Not this again," he rolled his eyes and looked up at the sky. "Stop worrying about me. I'm a big boy. I know what I'm doing. And doing some spells for fun or to see if I can do it makes me a brilliant wizard and talented. Not evil. Not all spells are shooting rainbows out of a wand. I'm making defensive spells. Useful spells. Things that you could really put to use in the war or something," he said protectively.

"I guess I can see the benefit of them, but still. I don't much care for the dark nature. It upsets me. But I realize you can't defeat a powerful foe by throwing a goldfish at him like I can conjure up. So in that respect, I get it. I'm just not entirely certain your friends have such noble intent," she remarked.

"I don't care about their intent. I'm telling you mine. So that's all that should matter."

"True. Okay," she relented. Then she handed over the remains of the lollipop. "You want the rest?"

"Nah, you have it. I've had enough for now."

She crunched it up and swallowed what was left and then tossed the stick on the ground. Severus saw it and picked it up and put it in his pocket.

"Why'd you put that yucky thing in your pocket?" she asked with a small laugh.

"Because it's not good to litter," he said with a shrug.

But the truth was, he wanted to keep the stick because it had been in Lily's mouth. He knew that made him insane and crossed over some weird line, but he didn't really care at this point. Things like old lollipop sticks were the only reminders he had now of touching her lips with his. If there ever was a more pathetic person on earth, he couldn't think of one to rival himself at this moment.

They finally got too cold and it was getting late, so they set off back towards home. They parted ways at the house where they got the bin lids and then Lily went her way, and he went his. No hugs or kisses goodbye. Just two friends parting ways with a small smile on their face. But Severus's smile faded pretty quickly once she was out of sight. He still wasn't happy in the slightest. He knew he should be, but he wasn't. The whole thing had been such a long shot anyway, he didn't know why he was even surprised. He knew going in that he probably had no chance with her, yet so many of the things they'd done and the signals she'd given him, were telling him he was wrong. That he did have a chance. But he should have known it was futile to dream of such a thing. Lily would never be his. But he'd never stop loving her. And in Severus's mind, that was tragically beautiful in some way, but he realized in most others eyes, it'd just seem pathetic. But how do you stop loving someone? He didn't know. And he knew that at least for now, he wasn't going to stop dreaming that someday she'd wake up. He had to live with that tiny little hope, even if it was tragically misguided. It was the only way he'd be able to sleep at night. It was the only way he'd be able to live and not feel like he'd lost everything. Because he hadn't really lost her. She was still there. She was just his friend. But one day, she might see him in another light, no matter what she said. He had to hold onto that or else he feared he'd die.

To be continued…please leave comments to let me know if you're liking this story or not. Thanks for reading!