A/N: Sorry for the long wait guys! I'm working full time again and seeing a Physio for my wrecked knees, so haven't had a whole lot of time or energy to write.


"Which one do you think?" Mum holds up two cauliflowers that look pretty much identical and expects me to have an opinion on them. I bloody hate food shopping with her. We've been in the organic market for almost an hour now and the woman has fondled everything from the cauliflowers to the mangos. She's a nightmare, but I only have dinner with her once a month so I guess I have to make the effort.
"I dunno, that one?" I point randomly at the one on the left and she puts it in her basket.

She's been on this organic whole food diet thing for a while. She even went through a raw food phase, which was less than pleasant. I wasn't sure my mum's cooking could get any worse, but apparently she can screw dinner up even more than usual when she doesn't cook it. "How about we get some cheesecake for desert?" Mum suggests with a devilish smile.
"Sure. Can we get real cheesecake though? Like, with actual cheese? Not that vegan stuff." I roll my eyes and she shakes her head disapprovingly.

"I thought you were on a health kick missy? What would your trainer say?" I guess I've mentioned Emily to my mum a few times; though I failed to tell her about the whole business with her marrying Freddie. She knows I like her. I don't know what it is but mum's can just tell can't they? It's like you mention a girl's name once and they're marrying you off.

"My trainer would probably tell me to share. She eats like a- Emily." I stop midsentence as I catch sight of the other girl coming down the produce aisle. Her hair is tied back and she's wearing her uniform from the gym, so I'm guessing she's just got off work.
"Naomi, hey." Her face lights up as she spots me and I feel my own lips tug up in to a smile. She looks a little nervous as she notices my mum hovering beside me. To be fair I'd be nervous too if some crazy looking blonde woman was grinning at me while holding a selection of tomatoes.

"Oh, this is my mum. Mum, Emily. Emily, mum." I introduce the two of them and only realise how much of an idiot I sound as my mum leans in to shake Emily's hand.
"Most people call me Gina." She smiles warmly at Em and the tiny girl's nerves begin to fade as she shakes her hand.
"It's nice to meet you Mrs Campbell. Naomi's told me a lot about you." I've told her that my mother is bat-shit crazy and going through a mid-life crisis every other week. Thankfully Emily is polite enough not to bring that up.

"Oh, Naomi's told me plenty about you too." Mum beams. God, could she get any more embarrassing. "Nice looking cabbage you've got there!" Okay, so apparently she can. Somebody shoot me.
"This place does the most amazing fresh produce." Emily doesn't seem too terrified by my mum. In fact they seem to click as they swap horror stories about supermarket vegetables and pesticides. Emily shoots me little sideward glances and I feel my stomach doing flips. It's ridiculous the effect this girl has on me.

"You should join us for dinner!" What? Did I zone out and miss something? Did my mum actually just invite Emily over for dinner with us tonight? I must look like I'm catching flies as I stand there with my mouth hanging wide open, unsure of what to say. Emily looks just as uncomfortable; probably because the last time we had dinner together it involved me spending the night with her. She's too nice to say no though; which kind of sums Emily Fitch up in a nutshell.
"Sure. I'd love to."

"Excellent! We're having cheesecake!" Mum grins again as she links her arm in to Emily's and starts dragging her towards the chilled aisle. I mouth an apology at her as she looks helplessly over her shoulder and back at me; though I'm secretly a little bit thrilled that I have an excuse to see Emily again outside of the gym. Once we're finished at the market we take the groceries out to Emily's car and load them in to the boot. It saves lugging them all home on the bus, but I still feel guilty about her getting roped in to dinner with us tonight.

"I'm really sorry about this." I apologise again, as mum is out of earshot sitting inside the car. I haven't even spoken to Emily since I left her house Saturday. Things were kind of weird between us in the morning, so I didn't want to bother her by trying to call her or anything. We've got a session tomorrow afternoon anyway, so I was just going to see her then.
"Don't be. It could be fun." Emily tries for a smile, but I can see her straining. I try to give her hand a reassuring squeeze, but she pulls away from me, losing her smile altogether.

"I think Freddie's cheating on me…" And just like that she's walking away from me and getting in the car. She's just dropped a bombshell like that on me and walked off! I stand there, gaping after her with my mouth hanging open. How much does she know? She's met Effy at my flat. Does she know that's who Freddie's cheating on her with? Or is she just guessing that he's cheating? I need to know what she knows. I feel the knot in my throat tightening as I slowly trudge towards the car. It feels like I'm walking towards my execution as I slip in to the front passenger seat.

It's not like I can ask her anything about it in front of my mum. Emily's talkative enough in the car as mum asks about her work at the gym, but I don't say a word for the whole drive home. I'm too preoccupied with Emily's unexpected announcement. We get to the house I grew up in and my anxiety starts to grow. This is my childhood home. My whole life is practically up on the walls for anyone to see; Baby photos and school pictures, certificates and stupid finger paintings from nursery that mum refuses to get rid of.

Emily is discrete about it, but she gets a good look around as we carry the shopping bags through the hallway and in to the kitchen. "Would you like some help with dinner Mrs Campbell?" Emily offers politely, but mum waves her off.
"No, no, dear! I'm perfectly capable. You just put your feet up; get Naomi to get you a glass of wine." Mum shoots me a pointed look. I'm just standing here, leaning against the kitchen table as my brain melts.

"I'm driving, but thanks anyway...Could I just use your bathroom?" It's Emily's turn to look at me expectantly and it snaps me out of the daze I've been in since we left the market.
"Sure. It's upstairs." I lead her upstairs, trying not to cringe at the baby photos we pass on the way. "It's that one on the-" I don't get to finish as Emily grabs hold of my shirt and crushes her lips to mine.

The kiss is like the first one we shared on Friday night; desperate and feverish. Her arms wrap around my neck as she leans up to kiss me and her shirt rides up. My hands find their way to her waist, my fingers running across her bare skin. She's got me breathless and my head is spinning. I can't think straight when she's kissing me; no pun intended. I start moving us towards my old bedroom, which probably isn't the smartest move I could make, but I'm not exactly thinking with my brain right now.

"Em, what's going on?" I gasp as I finally manage to pull away from her long enough to take a breath. She tries to kiss me again, but somehow I summon the inner strength to stop her. I move my hands from her waist to her shoulders and hold her at arm's length, which seems marginally safer. "Emily. Talk to me." The tiny girl lets out a frustrated sigh as she flops down on to my bed and cradles her head in her hands. She looks close to tears and all I can think about is the fact that she's in my bed. I am a terrible, terrible, person.
"He's cheating on me…I know he is."

"What…what makes you say that?" I try not to choke, but I can't help sounding painfully guilty. I should have been honest with her from the start. I should have ratted Freddie out the moment I found out Emily was his fiancée. Emily shakes her head at me, obviously struggling to put her suspicions in to words.
"He's been really distant for months. He keeps going out. He says he's with his friend Cook, and of course Cook backs him up, but…I don't know. I've just had this feeling that I'm losing him. I think there's another woman…which is pretty funny, seeing as we almost…" She trails off and her cheeks go a vibrant red to match her hair.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't cheat on him. No matter how much I wanted to. It just isn't me." She looks up at me with those big pouting eyes of hers and I'm pretty sure this is my punishment for not being honest with her. It's like god is playing some kind of personal joke on me; of course you can have the most amazing girl you've ever met sitting on your bed telling you how much she wants to sleep with you! But you can't actually do anything about it.

I want to tell her to leave him. She doesn't love him anymore, if she ever did. If she goes through with this wedding then she's just going to trap herself in a lie and it's all going to end in tears eventually anyway; but we've been down this road before and I know she won't listen to my advice. There's only one way I can convince her to leave Freddie. Of course, it will mean all of us end up heartbroken and miserable, but it's the right thing to do. She has to know the truth. She has to-

She's kissing me again. God damn it, she's kissing me and I all of my good intentions are just flying out of the window as I kiss her back. How am I supposed to give this up? How am I supposed to be honest with her when I know she'll hate me for it? Does Hallmark make a greetings card for this kind of shit, or something? Is there a 'Sorry my best friend is screwing your fiancé, but by the way I'm in love with you' card? "Emily…" I sigh. Even her name rolling off my tongue just sounds so fucking right. "There's something I have to tell you-"

"Girls, dinner will be five minutes!" Mum shouts up, cutting me off and reminding Emily that we're not alone in the house.
"We should go back downstairs." She flusters as she fixes her ponytail and adjusts her shirt. I can't let her walk out until I've said what I need to say. I've missed my chance far too many times already. No more excuses. I'm going to tell Emily Fitch the truth.
"Emily-"
"Naomi. Please. I can't do this right now." She doesn't give me time to finish as she walks out of my room, wiping furiously at her eyes. By the time I follow her downstairs she's already in the kitchen with my mum, smiling and talking away with her like nothing happened between us upstairs. She's totally calm and collected; though I bet anyone who knows her well enough could see right through her act.

She keeps it up all through dinner, her façade never cracking. It makes me wonder just how much practise she's had at pretending everything's fine when it really isn't. She's been engaged to a man she doesn't really love for years, fighting her true desires in order to keep her family happy. I couldn't imagine ever having to live like that. I might not always appreciate having a vegan eco-warrior for a mum, but I know she loves me no matter what. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not to get her approval. I don't know how Emily does it. I would have cracked long before now if I was in her position.

"I should get going." Emily finally announces not long after we've finished desert; which as vegan cheesecakes go, wasn't too bad. "Freddie will be home soon and he'll be wondering where I am." She forces a smile, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes as they meet mine across the kitchen table.
"Freddie? Is that your flatmate?" Asks my poor clueless mother, making me want to curl up and die on the spot.
"Oh, uh…Freddie's my fiancé. We're getting married in a couple of weeks." Emily explains and my mum almost chokes on her wine. God, if it wasn't embarrassing before.
"Oh? You're…getting married?" Mum tries her best to recover, but the damage is already done.

I stand up to see Emily to the door while she and mum go through the motions of saying goodbye, nice to meet you and all the usual crap that strangers say to each other. I walk Emily out to her car, shivering a little at the cold. I didn't realise quite how late it was. I wonder if Freddie's even noticed that Emily hasn't come home yet, or if he's making the most of me being at mums to spend the night at the flat with Effy. God, I fucking hate the creep; though nowhere near as much as I hate myself right now. I've had a few glasses of wine to try and steel my resolve, but once again I'm standing staring at Emily and the words just won't come out. All I manage to come out with is a lousy, "I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for." Emily offers me a sad smile as she presses a kiss to my cheek before quickly drawing back and climbing in to her car; if only she knew the half of it. I trudge back inside the house and find mum waiting for me in the kitchen with a big glass of wine and a sympathetic smile.
"So she's straight then?" Gina's never been one to beat about the bush. I take the glass from her and down the wine in one, instantly feeling the buzz from it as I shake my head and the room begins to spin.

"No. She's not."
"Oh sweetie…" She stands up to give me a hug, and for once I let her. Tonight is one of those nights in life when I just need a hug from my mum and a shoulder to cry on. I want to tell her everything. The whole sorry, sordid mess, but I'm too afraid to. I know she'll tell me to tell Emily, just like I know telling Emily is the right thing to do; but that doesn't make the prospect of being honest with her any less daunting. I don't want to lose her. I can't lose her.


Getting through work the next morning is a daunting task. I have the hangover from hell thanks to the cheap wine my mother plied me with and I can't focus with thoughts of Emily floating around my head. I keep checking my phone all day, counting down the hours until my appointment at the gym. The thought of seeing Emily again is the only thing getting me through the day as I work on an article about local allotments. It's hardly the prize winning journalism I had hoped to be doing after getting my degree, put it pays the bills and keeps a roof over my head; not that I went home last night.

I ended up staying over at mum's house and sleeping in my old room. By the time I got home this morning Effy had already left for work. We might have made up over the whole her knowing about the Emily thing, but things between us have still been tense lately. I might stay at mum's again tonight, since Effy's on a dayshift for a chance and Freddie will no doubt be over tonight. I really can't stand the sight of him right now; though then again, I can't even face myself in the mirror at the moment. Emily's tearing herself up with guilt from just kissing me.

By the time I get home to the flat I've got a little over an hour until I'm supposed to be meeting Emily at the gym; so I'm totally caught off guard when my phone starts ringing and Emily's number flashes up on the screen. "Hey Em, am I running late? I thought we said four?" I greet her as I'm pulling my jeans off and holding the phone pressed between my ear and my shoulder.

"Hi. Yeah, we did…I uh…I actually just called to say I can't make it today." Emily sounds nervous and distant as she mumbles in to her phone. I try not to take her cancelling on me personally. She's probably got a good reason for it. I know she's been fitting me in around her usual clients at no extra charge and I'm really grateful for it; though it's hard to hide my disappointment.
"Oh. Okay. When do you want to reschedule?"

There's an awkward silence on the other end of the line and I can almost hear Emily chewing on her bottom lip as she hesitates to answer. "I don't think…I don't think we should see each other anymore. I…I crossed a line professionally and-"
"Don't do this. Please, Em. Please don't do this…" My voice falters as I realise she's not just calling to cancel today's appointment. "If it's about yesterday, my mum's bat shit crazy but she means well. I promise you won't ever have to meet her again-"

"No! It's not that. Dinner was fine, and your mum…your mum's perfect, Naomi. I wish I could have dinner with the two of you every week." She sighs like the weight of the world is pressing down against her shoulders. "I wish I could meet your friends and be a real part of your life. I wish I could be honest about how I feel about you…but I can't; and I can't do this anymore."
"Why not?" I choke down the hysteria that's building up in my chest. I can't lose it. The only chance I have to win her over is to keep it together and talk her in to meeting up with me. I can't let her end things this way. "You can't marry Freddie! He doesn't love you and you don't love him! He doesn't deserve you Em! Please, just meet with me tonight. There's something I need to tell you. Something I should have-"

"I can't. I'm sorry." Emily practically whimpers down the phone and it feels like a knife being twisted inside my chest. "I don't think we should see each other anymore. It's for the best…I'm sorry Naomi."
"Em-" She hangs up before I can argue with her and the line goes deadly silent. I slump down on to my bed, feeling numb all over as try to comprehend what the hell just happened.

I've lost her.

This realisation is like a slap in the face and the strange, numb sensation I feel is quickly replaced by searing hot anger. A week ago I thought I had no chance with a girl like Emily; but now I know differently. I know she has feelings for me! I know she wants to be with me! She's just scared. Scared of calling Freddie out on his cheating ways and scared of calling off the wedding; and of telling her parents she's gay.

I can't let her end things like this. If she wants me out of her life then there's not much I can do about it; but I can be honest with her. I make up my mind there and then as I pull on my trainers, grab my keys and shoot out of the front door. Weeks of training with Emily seem to pay off as I manage to keep up a steady pace and run most of the way to the gym.

My lungs are burning and my legs are in serious cramp by the time I reach the carp park of Fitch Fitness. Emily's car is still in her usual space. I practically collapse against it as I try to keep myself upright and struggle to get my breath back. I'm going to pay for my impromptu marathon tomorrow. I can already feel the lower half of my body seizing up.

"Naomi?" It seems I'm just in time as Emily walks out of the gym and finds me slumped against her car. I'm still breathless, so I can't form a single word to answer the questioning look in her eye as she approaches me. "Oh my god, are you ok?" She drops her kitbag on the ground beside us and moves to check on me. Having her hands on the back of my neck doesn't exactly help me to calm my breathing down. My heart just starts hammering all the more inside of my chest.

"Wait there." Emily lets go of me and climbs in the back of her car to grab something. I'm not sure where she thinks I'm going to go in my condition. I'm not sure I could take another step. I slump down against the bonnet of her car, desperately trying to form something even close to a coherent sentence.
"I…need…need to…tell you…something." I gasp, my chest contracting painfully with every word I try to force out. "Freddie's-"

"Alright Naomi-kins?" Oh no. Fuck no. I look up in horror as I see Cook swaggering towards me. His hands are shoved in to the pockets of his chinos and he's wearing his usual shit eating grin. I shake my head at him, hoping he'll just walk on by and Emily won't spot him; but of course I'm not that luckily. "What you doing round these parts? Where you been anyway? You know how much Freds misses ya!" He cackles with laughter and winks at me, his voice rising even higher.

"Cook, fuck off!" I try growling at him, but it's too late. The damage is done. Emily climbs out of the back seat, holding a paper bag in her hand and wearing a look of pure disappointment. The way she's looking at me knocks the wind right back out of me. "Emily, I-" My cheek stings as her hand connects with it, stunning me in to silence. I recoil from the blow and take a step back, knocking in to Cook.

He wraps an arm around my waist, stopping me from stepping forward again. The way Emily is glaring at both of us in enough to make my blood run cold. Cook is the first of us to speak, and for once he doesn't sound like a complete arse. "I'm Sorry Red. I really am." He can't look her in the eye; but I have to. I have to try and explain.
"Emily, I-" She doesn't wait around to hear what I've got to say. Emily climbs in to her car and guns the engine, speeding out of the car park and narrowly missing a 4x4 that's pulling in.

"What the fuck are you doing here Cook?" I snap at him as I turn to face him. The stupid prick has gone and ruined everything! I was thirty seconds away from telling Emily everything and he just had to come along and drop us all in it! I stare him down as my anger bubbles inside of me, but Cook doesn't flinch. He looks me right in the eye with unwavering certainty as he shrugs his hulking shoulders at me.

"I'm sorry it turned out like this Naoms; but Em's my friend too. She deserves to know what's really going on." I'm not so sure that Cook turning up at the gym was an accident. That fucking wanker was coming here to meet Emily!
"And when did you go and grow a fucking conscience?" I growl at him, hating him almost as much as I hate myself right now.

He doesn't miss a beat as he answers, putting me firmly in my place. "About the same time you lost yours, Blondie! When Freddie told me what was going on I thought you'd do the right thing. You're always so fucking high and mighty about what's right and wrong! But when it comes down to it Naomi, you're just as much of a fucking coward as Freddie is!"