OMIGODS 50 REVIEWS! Thankyouthankyouthankthankyo u! You guys are the best :D

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.


Act 1 Scene 8

Quirrell: I thought walking home drunk was hard before.

Everyone burst out laughing at the sight of a drunk Quirrellmort.

Voldemort: We should have realized that with both of us drinking into one belly we'd get twice as drunk. Hey Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell,

"Did he really have to so it so many times?"

"Well, he's drunk."

You remember that girl you were talking to, you remember that girl you were talking to well I was talking to her sister on my side.

Quirrell: Oh, so that's why she freaked out when we stood up.

Both: She didn't know that we were the same person!

"Did the girl not realize she was talking to Voldemort?"

"Maybe she was a Muggle."

Quirrell: You know I haven't had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick's Death Day Party of '91.

"Those are so not fun." Hermione and Ron nodded in agreement to Harry's statement.

Voldemort: I haven't had this much fun since, uh yeah, well shit I can't ever remember having this much fun!

"Maybe that's why he's so evil."

Quirrell: You never had fun, ever? Doing-doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil.

"Potter's like Quirrell!"

"Shut up, Malfoy."

Voldemort: Yeah, maybe. Definitely to do with the fact that Muggles and Mudbloods make me sick to my stomach.

Hermione gave a humph of indignation.

But uh-but uh, yeah I guess you could be right. I guess. I mean it's kind of funny.

Quirrell: What is it Voldemort?

Voldemort: Oh it's just that I never-I never ever really ever-I never really ever, ever really ever considered another reason for me being so evil because normally I just kill people that try to get me to open up you know?

"Poor Quirrell has to die now. Pity. He was cute too."

Oops! But, uh, it's kinda nice to just talk.

Quirrell: Yeah, you know I have to admit, I was kind of nervous when you demanded to attach yourself to my soul.

"Really?" Harry said sarcastically.

Voldemort: Yeah, I could sense that.

Quirrell: But like, now I think it's-it's kinda cool. It's like having a really close roommate or even a-

Voldemort: Yeah, like a slave, like a-like a Death Eater.

"He's hopeless."

Quirrell: No man, it's like having a friend.

"Aaw," Ginny cooed.

"That's so sweet!" Hermione said.

Voldemort: I've never had a friend before.

Quirrell: Well, it looks like you got one now.

Voldemort: Who would have thought at the beginning of this year we would feel like that for each other? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?

"Here comes that song again."

Quirrell (singing): I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me. We're different, different as can be.

Both: We simply guarantee when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can be.

Quirrell: It's a comedy of sorts, when you're bound to Voldemort.

Voldemort: And I'm happy as squirrel, as long as I'm with Mr. Quirrell.

The students laughed as Voldemort rolled his R's.

Both: We'll lead him to the slaughter and we'll murder Harry Potter.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't."

We're different, different, different, different as can be!

"Well, that was odd."

"No kidding."

"Does every scene involve talk of me dying?"

"Probably."

Harry groaned.

"Let's just move on…"

Please Review!