A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter out! I had finals and final papers, and while Genius of Masks is much more fun to write than an analysis of American Civil Religion (damn my theology major!), the analysis will get me good grades, and this won't. However, it's glorious glorious vacation now, and the next chapter's here and ready!
After Iruka falls asleep, curled up contentedly beside him, Kakashi stares at the ceiling. He isn't restless, precisely; he's just not ready for sleep yet, and he has a few things he wants to think over before he surrenders to dreams.
For one thing, he's rather proud of himself for the day's events. It has taken rather a lot of work and more meddling than is usually worth it, but Gai and Lee seem to have gotten themselves figured out, if those kisses on the training field meant anything. Don't think Gai could have gotten cold feet, he muses to himself. With the way he acts… and the way Lee acts… ha. As if the kid would let him get cold feet. The mental image of Gai trying to back out of things, and Lee cheerfully taking the kisses as a 'please molest me' signal, amuses Kakashi, and he chuckles softly to himself in the darkness.
Iruka mumbles in his sleep and presses closer to Kakashi. He's been working hard recently, and it shows in the slight dark circles under his eyes, in how quickly he's been falling asleep at night. The new school year is well underway, and it's a particularly large class this time – Iruka is paying the price of the village's blossoming population. Fortunately, the weekend is coming up; Kakashi looks forward to having a couple uninterrupted days to relax, and help his lover relax. A lazy few days together, no upcoming missions for Kakashi and two days child-free for Iruka. It will be fun.
He isn't certain how long he drowses in the darkness, not quite at the point of falling asleep but far too sated and comfortable to move. With Iruka cuddled up to him, he's warm and disinclined to do much of anything. It's a couple hours, maybe a little more – he's not keeping track, doesn't really care – that he floats, half-asleep and listening to Iruka's soft mumbles of sleep-talk, watching the moonlight trace its way across the room.
By his guess, it's probably around two in the morning when there's a rattle from the window; at first, all he does is rise out of his drowsy state, not bothering to try and figure out the source of the noise. Then a second rattle – pebbles. Someone is throwing pebbles at his apartment window. Who could that be? There's a pause, the thrower stooping to gather more, and then a third rattle.
If this keeps up, it will wake Iruka, and Kakashi doesn't want that – the poor schoolteacher needs all the sleep he can get. So he carefully disentangles their limbs and slides out of bed. A quick detour to grab a mask, and he gets his face covered before opening the window and looking out.
Gai is standing in the street below, another fistful of pebbles cocked and ready to throw. His expression is dark and haggard – the mask is down, his emotions sharp and almost painfully bare on his face – and Kakashi has a foreboding realization. Something must have gone wrong.
The green-clad jounin drops the pebbles, seeing Kakashi, and points off to the north. Understanding the gesture, Kakashi nods, and Gai turns, jogging off in the direction he pointed.
The silver-haired jounin closes the window, troubled. If Gai is initiating mask-down time now, when he should be sleeping off a very satisfying encounter with Lee – or perhaps still going at it, taijutsuist stamina being what it is – then whatever's happening, it's probably fairly serious. What could have happened? Was Lee the one who panicked at the last minute? That seemed almost impossible to imagine, with the kid's intensity and refusal to back down from anything.
He needs to go find out. It only takes him a minute to dress, and he pauses to leave a note for Iruka. His lover gets up early to prepare for the school day, and this could take hours. A few simple words suffice. Something's come up. Don't worry – not a mission. I'll be home later today. He signs it with a henohenomoheji and tucks the little scrap of paper into Iruka's hand. With that taken care of, it's time to go – better not to leave Gai alone too long, in this state.
There is a place near the edge of the village – an old treehouse, its original occupants long since grown to adulthood and possibly deceased. Kakashi has been using it as a refuge since childhood, and Gai has known about it since the early days of their friendship. It has become the preferred location for Gai's mask-down times because of its privacy and relative isolation, letting him indulge in expressions of emotion that are very much contrary to the public persona he's carefully developed. Only Kakashi is privileged to see the guilts and fears that lurk underneath.
Moving quickly, it takes Kakashi about ten minutes to get there. When he steps into the one-room structure nestled high in the branches of an enormous oak, he finds Gai sitting crosslegged, staring at the wall with a fixed, unreadable expression, the darkness rendering him a figure of shadows.
A moment of sifting through his extensive memory, and the master of a thousand jutsu recalls a simple one for light; a moment, and a warm yellow glow fills the treehouse, showing Gai's face set in lines of guilt, self-directed anger, and worry. This is not good. What's happened after those kisses?
Gai doesn't react immediately to his presence, although there's no doubt he knows exactly where Kakashi is standing right now. No matter what he pretends, he is a jounin of Konoha, with the situational awareness necessary to survive in that rank.
After nearly five minutes, Gai finally speaks. "I think I would like to hit you." His voice is flat, angry.
That is, needless to say, a rather unusual start to mask-down time, one that Kakashi rather wants to know the reason for. Normally, when Gai asks for this form of release, he's depressed or worried, not angry.
Without needing to be prompted, Gai elaborates on that startling statement. His words are practically dripping with heated accusation as he speaks, accusation aimed at the person he's been closest to for nearly a decade. It's a hard thing to understand, why this sudden fury has overtaken him. At least, at first it is. Gai's words begin as an impassioned rant, not necessarily fully coherent logically. Pure emotion, the sort of thing he has kept bottled up until now, because it is anger, judgment, accusation, something that could easily develop into a grudge, and the Maito Gai that Konoha knows doesn't deal in any of these things. He is Kakashi's self-declared rival, but Kakashi is a rival that he praises. He doesn't speak of Kakashi as a terrible human being. It's a display of temper like even Kakashi has never seen from him before.
It all boils down to one simple thing. In Gai's view, Kakashi has no right to ruin Lee's mental state by informing him of the taijutsuist life expectancy. He is not Lee's mentor, he obviously doesn't know him well enough to explain things in the proper manner, and Lee's incredible loss of spirit and focus is all due to Kakashi's interference.
It's a very revealing tirade, as out of character as it is. Gai is protective of Lee's emotions in a way he can't be of Lee's physical safety, and this particular topic digs hard at his own neuroses. Kakashi takes these things into account and doesn't respond with anger or defensiveness; instead, he waits until Gai has clearly exhausted his words on the subject. Guilt underlines everything he says, and Kakashi reads underneath to find a very different message than Gai is trying to convey.
I'm angry with you for doing what I could not. I'm angry with myself for not being able to do my duty by Lee. I'm angry with life for passing this sentence on both of us – on everyone who tries to follow this path! This is what Kakashi hears, and this – not Gai's actual words – is what he intends to respond to.
His answers are simple, and he lays them out without elaboration; his direct, compassionate but calm statements contrast Gai's verbose passion. Lee deserved to know, and it was clear that Gai couldn't bear to tell him – it's easier for someone with no personal involvement to deliver bad news. It's clear to him that for Gai to discuss such a thing at length would be very hard. Lee understands – now, at least – that he has to live every day to the fullest, enjoy everything, carry through with his hopes and ambitions sooner rather than later. He's a tough kid – yes, it's natural that he'd spend a little time being thrown off by it, having to readjust his worldview – and Kakashi is certain that he will bounce back, will regain his focus and probably have even more drive than before. It will take more than a little bad news to stop him; he'll be fine.
And he reminds Gai that life is what it is; Gai has told him, and he reminds Gai now, of the motto passed down from Gai's sensei. Don't worry about dying; it will come when it comes, with no help from you. Focus on living your life.
Although Kakashi rather expects Gai to quibble over his points, to argue with him, to reject the things he's saying, nothing of the sort happens; the taijutsuist remains silent, listening with a sort of grave, hard focus. The look on his face is unpleasant, filled with frustration and anger.
As long as Gai is silent, though, Kakashi just keeps going, trying to talk him through his anger. From what he read into Gai's statements before, Gai's not really reacting to the things he thinks he's reacting to, and that makes it easier for Kakashi to manage. The neurosis Gai carries around regarding age is easier to talk into the back of his mind than his feelings for Lee, since it's something Gai doesn't really like talking about anyway.
Lee, despite the near-death experiences he's faced on many occasions already, is still young enough to think he's immortal – still young enough to be convinced that while he can be hurt in battle, he'll never suffer the depredations of age, never wake up to a morning when his body simply will not do what he asks it to. Kakashi still hopes some of that will rub off on Gai.
In the middle of a word, Gai interrupts Kakashi with a sharp, heavy tone.
"I had sex with him."
When the mask is on, Gai speaks completely differently than when the mask is down. Sometimes, Kakashi wonders which one is more true, which one is really the mask – the short, sharp phrase sounds uncomfortable in Gai's mouth, as though he wanted to say it differently. But it's how he speaks during mask-down time.
"Good." The silver-haired jounin offers approval. "It's about time."
Clearly, Gai is not particularly surprised by this response. However, expecting it doesn't mean he's happy about it. He shoots Kakashi a dark look. "I had sex with Lee while he was upset and confused – thanks to you! – and not thinking clearly. Still good?"
Well, okay, Kakashi has to concede that maybe Gai has a bit of a point there. That's maybe not the best time to introduce a virgin to the joys of sex. But it doesn't strike him as anything near the crisis that Gai seems to think it is. It's not as though Lee would have rejected him if he'd been thinking clearly. Hell, maybe he'd have been even more enthusiastic. "Not as bad as you seem to think."
And Gai explodes. A long, angry torrent of guilt, self-condemnation, and disgust bursts from his lips; again, Kakashi reads beneath to find an entirely different message, one whose truth Gai is probably only half-aware of.
I love Lee, that message says. I love him and I want to protect his emotions – his trust, his innocence – the way I can't protect him physically. He's suffered enough already – I don't want to put him through anything else. Even if it means protect him from myself, from my own desires and his. It's really rather sweet, though misguided, and Kakashi feels the beginnings of a headache. He could be in bed with Iruka right now, asleep, instead of talking Gai through this for the millionth time.
"So you slept with him," he finally cuts Gai off. "What are you doing out here, then?" The question stops Gai, renders him completely silent for a long moment – the look in his eyes is equal parts deer in the headlights and bracing himself.
Silence.
"…I left after he fell asleep." The admission is quiet, rather guilty – Gai clearly knows it was a stupid thing to do.
For a long moment, Kakashi searches for words. His initial impulse – to shout and possibly throw things – isn't the best response, and his second impulse – to tell Gai in no uncertain terms to get himself backto Lee as soon as possible and hope the kid hasn't already woken up to find him gone – isn't much better.
"So he was emotionally distraught, you fucked him," Gai flinches at the harsh, deliberate word, "and then snuck out while he was asleep. Because, of course, the kid who thinks you're God isn't going to read any rejection into that." Gai looks like he wants to protest, but Kakashi doesn't give him the time. There are so many reasons why that's painfully stupid, and he relentlessly dissects every one. His friend looks like he's about to break by the end of it.
"Of course," Kakashi's tone is suddenly mild, almost soothing, "there's a very easy way to fix this." His sudden switch catches Gai off guard, and Kakashi admits to himself that he does feel a little bit bad about going the tough-love route. Obviously Gai already feels bad about this, and mask-down time is usually for comfort, not accusations. But this needs to get fully through Gai's head, and he really can be intentionally thick about some things.
Fixing this will all be rather simple, Kakashi explains, rather ironically thanks to Lee's deep devotion to his sensei. If Gai goes back and gives Lee more of the attention he craves, Kakashi has a feeling that any ruffled feathers from this little slip will be remedied within moments. And then Gai can settle down to figuring out how to get rid of his entirely misguided sense of guilt, which Kakashi's pretty certain will happen easily enough. He honestly doesn't see why Gai is so concerned about being intimate with Lee.
Explaining this over and over to Gai, in all the different ways he needs to hear it in order to be convinced, takes them well past sunrise. Good thing I left that note for Iruka, Kakashi thinks to himself. He's tired, starting to get decidedly cranky, and more than ready to head back to his apartment and hopefully at least catch Iruka for a few minutes; when Gai finally seems more or less convinced, he hops down out of the tree, and together, they leave the little refuge.
A messenger finds them a few minutes later, as they're on the way to the apartment complex where they both live. "Maito Gai," she says briskly. "Hokage-sama wants to see you right away." And then she's gone, hurrying about her other morning errands.
If it's something that's taken such immediate priority that Tsunade's sending for people early in the morning, then it's something Gai can't delay his response on. Kakashi shrugs and glances at Gai. "Go on. But stop by and talk to Lee before you leave the village."
As he watches his friend head off toward Tsunade's office, he just hopes – for both Gai's sake and Lee's – that he's gotten through.
