A/N: Thank you all for the continuous encouragement and support with this story. I'm so glad people are still interested and new readers discover this silly little story. Updates may be a bit slow from time to time, since occasionally a little idea strikes my fancy and I have to figure out how to fit the scene into the overall storyline. I don't want to proceed with the narrative and then go like "Damn, I wish I had written that three chapters ago." This is one such recent inspiration that came to me last week. There's a lot of talking and introspective scenes so far, but don't worry the action and speed will pick up in a few chapter. I hope I have some surprises in store for you that will hit you from left field in a good way. I apologize for any typos and mistakes, I'm flying beta-free here, and lately my brain has been on strike grammar-wise. Oh and the usual disclaimer applies. Do you really think I'd be writing fan fiction if I could make a living in Hollywood as a screen playwright? Yeah, right...
"We're here," Cal announced as he killed the engine. Gillian looked out of the passenger window and took in the small mansion.
"I've missed this." Gillian turned her head back to look at Cal.
"White Victorian-style mansions?" He frowned slightly confused. Was she dropping a hint that she did actually want them to buy a Victorian house to move in together after all?
Gillian laughed out softly, "No, silly. Working with you. I've missed working cases with you. Torres is fun and Loker can be helpful with his fountain of seemingly useless trivia every once in a while… but working with you, that's what I like most."
"Kind of reminds you of the old days when it was just the two of us against the world." Cal smiled wistfully. He'd made an executive decision after their marriage license application that he'd pair himself with Gillian from now on to make talking about the logistics easier. Besides, if Loker and Torres hadn't learned how to do the job by now, they'd never will. And he had missed working with Foster, too. Like really missed it.
"Do you think Loker and Torres will get suspicious if we no longer train them on a short leash?"
"Nah, we've sent them out on their own before."
"Yeah but we paired them with us because we didn't want to work so closely together anymore. Surely this didn't go by unnoticed by them." Gill reminded him.
"So they'll think we've made up for good. We have been getting along again since Claire's death and worked cases together. If you hadn't started dating Mark, I would have partnered us up again for good much sooner." Cal explained. "Now let's go and find out what it is exactly that Mr. Cutter wants from us." He reached for the door handle to get out of the car.
Gillian undid her seatbelt slowly, glancing curiously at Cal out of the corner of her eye. His words floated around in her head. What exactly did he mean when he said that if it hadn't been for Mark, they'd partnered up again sooner? Sure, she knew that there was no love lost between Cal and Mark, but why would her ex-boyfriend have a role in whether or not Cal and she worked together? Gillian grabbed her purse just as Cal opened the door on her side. He must have walked around the car and grown impatient.
"You coming, Foster?" He stuck his head in, trying to read her face. His curiosity was barely tampered when he saw confusion spread all over her face. She looked up at him, her head slightly tilted, and gazed into his eyes curiously. They stared at each other for a few moments, before Cal cleared his throat. He wasn't usually one to break down in a staring contest first, but they did have that appointment and they were already running a few minutes late.
"Yeah," Gill nodded quickly and moved her legs out the door. Cal couldn't help but stare at her long and well-toned legs that appeared from underneath her skirt. God, he loved summer. He really did. The view was never better. He swallowed quickly before he'd start drooling and reached out his hand to help her out.
She looked at him amused. Oh, he was so busted. She'd totally noticed he'd been checking her out. Again. He always did. But instead of throwing a flirty comeback at him as she usually did, she just looked at him intently and then brushed past him.
Cal let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and closed the door swiftly. He pressed the button on his car fob to lock the doors while he quickly caught up with Foster.
0~0~0~0~0
"Excuse me?" Foster looked at the older man who was sitting across the coffee table from them. Had she just heard right?
Cal sent her a slightly disapproving glance and focused on their new client. "Why don't you start at the beginning, Mr. Cutter? What makes you think your son murdered his girlfriend?" Oh this was going to be lovely. Father accused his estranged son of homicide… that should make for some interesting interviews and family dynamics.
"Paul has always been a hothead, you see. I must admit it is absolutely my fault. My wife was the only one who could handle him, and after she died… well, I'm afraid I wasn't the best father to become a single dad. Paul and I never connected really well." He looked apologetically at Gillian. "I'd been too busy building my business empire when he was little. I was an absentee father. I think he blamed me and resented me for his mother's death. So he started lashing out, at me, at the world, at everything. He got in with the wrong crowd, started doing drugs, drinking too much."
"That doesn't necessarily make you a killer," Gillian pointed out.
"No, of course not. But Paul… he called me a few weeks ago. Said he was in trouble. I'd assumed he needed money so I turned him away. Turns out he was seeing this girl, a college student really, four years his junior. She'd accused him of date-raping her, made a big scene in front of his apartment until the neighbors called the police."
"So they arrested Paul?" Cal followed up.
"Yes, but they released him after a few hours. They couldn't corroborate the girl's story, Paul's friends gave him an alibi and nobody else really saw anything."
"Let me guess a few days later the girl ends up dead." Cal asked drily.
Cutter sighed deeply and nodded. "The collegiate rowing team found her body in the river during morning practice two days later. ME ruled the death accidental/possible suicide."
"I don't understand, if the ME didn't find anything suspicious why is this still a homicide case?" Gillian interjected.
"It isn't. The police aren't really pursuing the investigation. They hauled in Paul for questioning when the body was discovered but he alibied out again and when the ME didn't rule it a homicide they closed the case."
"Mr Cutter, if your son isn't currently under investigation or charged with anything, why are we here?" Cal asked.
"Because I have my suspicions…" he stopped and looked at Gillian ashamed. "You must think I'm a horrible father to accuse him of murder. I just… I don't think it was an accident. It may have been a suicide. The girl maybe killed herself because no one would believe her my son raped her. Or…" He heaved another sigh and looked Cal straight in the eye, "Or Paul killed her to shut her up because he raped her."
"So you think your son raped his girlfriend?" Cal asked to clarify.
"If the police didn't arrest him, what makes you think he did it?" Gillian threw in.
"Because he did it before, ten years ago. Paul was fifteen when he forced himself onto our old housekeeper. I don't know all the details of the girl's accusations against Paul but the few things I learned from our lawyer they… um… they triggered familiar memories."
"So Paul has already been convicted of rape once?" Gillian inquired further.
Cutter shook his head, "No. Our old housekeeper didn't file charges."
"You let him get away with rape?" Cal looked at the man incredulously.
"Please, Dr. Lightman you have to understand. He was my son. He was fifteen and confused. He had so much pent up anger inside him after his mother's death, he wasn't himself. I'm his father; I had to protect him! Juvenile detention would have made things only worse. Hillary, our housekeeper, she'd been with us since Paul was born. I didn't force her; I swear it was her decision not to report it. I didn't buy her silence or anything. And after the incident, I realized Paul was beyond my control so I enrolled him at a boarding school specializing in troubled youths. Hillary left us, of course, and I recommended her to good acquaintances for a position. I can get you in touch with her, if you need to speak to her."
Gillian laughed out loud, "That's rich. You let him get away with rape as a teenager but are ready to turn him in for murder now?" She liked the case less and less and she shot Cal a glare to convey her disgust with this client and case.
"Dr. Foster, I need to know if my son raped and killed that girl. I don't want him to go to jail, but if Paul is guilty then he needs help. If he killed that poor girl, it'll be my fault because I didn't stop him ten years ago."
"Well, I'm sure the women your son assaulted and harassed in the meantime will be very glad to hear that!" Gillian steamed.
"Dr. Foster, please understand. I was only trying to do the right thing by my son. I know I made a terrible mistake but I'm willing to take the responsibility now. I have to stop Paul, before other girls get hurt. I can't live with myself, if I raised a murderer and rapist."
"With all due respect, sir, you did raise a rapist." Cal replied harshly. "You don't know how many women Paul has hurt since, not all may have had the courage to come forward and report it. Did any of his previous girlfriends go missing?"
"No!" Cutter shook his head vehemently, "Nothing since the incident in his teenage years. Except for two years ago, Paul was drunk and hit his ex-girlfriend. We settled it out of court though, no formal charges were pressed."
Cal wanted to shake his head. He'd seen Gillian's disapproval and couldn't agree more. As fascinating he'd been with the case at first, he wasn't sure he wanted to help a rich kid get off yet again. There was little doubt in his mind that Paul Cutter raped and killed his girlfriend. "Mr. Cutter, I'm afraid we're the wrong people for the job."
"20,000. All I ask is that you do your thing and tell me afterwards if Paul is innocent. Just keep the police out of it. Please, Dr. Lightman, I need to know if my son is guilty so I can get him the help he needs and keep him away from society."
Damn. 20,000 bucks was a lot of money. Money they could really use to keep the company out of the red. He glanced at Gillian, who'd been on the fence all through the interview. Another reason he didn't want to take the case. She obviously felt so strongly about this case, he didn't want to trade their recently rekindled partnership for a wad of cash.
Gillian looked at Cal torn. They could really use the money. It would help a long way to provide financial stability in their books, which they needed for the adoption applications. It was only one interview, a few hours of their time at most.
Cal shook his head barely noticeable. It's not worth it; we don't need blood money. Gillian smiled timidly and then gave him a simple, sharp nod. Cal raised his eyebrows surprised.
"We agree to the interview on one condition," Gillian turned to Cutter in a cold and business-like fashion, "$15,000 but we can't promise to keep the police out. If we think your son either killed or raped his girlfriend, we're required by law to report it."
Cal smiled internally. Foster had just shaved of $5,000 dollars off their bonus in her counteroffer to keep their integrity intact. $20,000 would have been nice but he had no complaints. $15,000 was still $5,000 more than they usually charged for a small but proper investigation and all he had to do this time is sit down for a staring contest with some spoilt brat.
Gillian watched Cutter senior who was quietly mulling over her counter offer. She could understand that the father wanted to keep his son out of jail, but she would have no hand in letting a serial rapist and possible killer walk free on the streets, if she could help it. He was going to make a counter offer she realized. Cutter was trying to figure out how much he'd have to raise his offer to get them to keep the cops out. Not going to happen. Gillian spoke again with more resolution, "It's our final offer, Mr. Cutter. Take it or leave it."
"Fine. $20,000 and you'll hold back on reporting your findings to the police if Paul's guilty. Instead you'll allow my son to turn himself in, so our lawyer can work out a plea deal in his favor. I give you my word I'll make him turn himself in, if your findings say he's guilty."
Gillian turned her head to Cal away from Cutter. She mouthed, "I can live with that."
"Deal!" Cal exclaimed and stepped forward to seal the offer with a handshake. "20,000 plus any expense we may incur during the investigation. We'll need anything you have on the recent allegations and we need the details of 'the incident' as you like to call it, in written form. Have your lawyer get a statement from your housekeeper and any other witnesses. He should also obtain the girl's police reports and statement. Please stop by our office soon to set up the contract and appointment for your son's interview."
0~0~0~0~0
"You're awfully quiet," Cal noted when they were back in the car and on their way back to the office. "You ok?"
"Yeah," she shrugged.
"You did want us to take the case, right? I mean, I didn't do anything wrong did I?"
"No, Cal," Gillian sighed, "it's not you."
"Wanna tell me what's going on inside that pretty head of yours or do I have to pull over and read you?"
"What a screwed up family!" Gillian finally shared.
"You can say that again!" Cal harrumphed. "I feel a bit sorry for the father because he tried to protect his son and now he has to pay for his mistakes. But really? Why do rich people always think they're above the law? If he had turned in his son, or even if just his housekeeper had pressed charges, Paul would have been properly dealt with and this college girl would still be alive."
"I know." Gillian sighed and fell quiet again. After Cal drove another twenty minutes in silence, he saw a Taco Bell and McDonald's sign and exited the freeway.
"What are you doing?" Gillian looked up.
"Getting off the interstate. I told you I was gonna pull over if you didn't tell me what's really bothering you. Now we stop at Subway's down the street and get us some lunch. That'll be about the time I give you to decide to tell me on your own. After that, I'll grill you." Cal turned into the parking lot. "Subway ok with you or did you want to get something else?"
"No, no. Better than the crap at McDonald's and Taco Bell anyway." Gillian undid the seatbelt and slipped out of the car before Cal could attack her with more questions. She threw the car door closed and breathed a deep sigh.
Cal had gotten outside as well in the meantime and raised his eyebrows concerned.
"Do you think if Mr Cutter had been around more and a better father to Paul, his son would have turned out differently?"
"Probably. Every one of our actions has consequences." Cal locked the car and went around the hood where he joined Gill. They walked towards the entrance of the Subway store.
"Do you think some people are just born evil? I mean Paul was probably a nice child. Sure he started acting out after his mother died and got in with the wrong crowd, but his father loved him. He tried his best but it wasn't enough."
"Ahhh, the good old nature versus nurture debate." Cal grinned. "Do I think Paul would have started raping and killing women with a strong mother figure in his life? I don't know. It's really futile to ask yourself these questions anyway. Unless we study Paul and pinpoint his trigger for abusing women, we can't make any conclusions. I shouldn't have to tell you that, Doctor Foster."
Cal looked at his friend and colleague amused. Usually she was the clinical psychologist with the proper training and experience to connect these dots and remind him to keep an open opinion. "What's brought on these thoughts, Foster, if I may ask. You're not usually one to jump to conclusions about psychological development, that's my specialty."
"I'm a bit scared."
"Oh. I'll do the interview. If Paul Cutter gives you the creeps, you won't have to be in the room with us. I can give you that day off, order you to stay away from the office. Give you a chance to make a real dent into your stuff to package for moving. Play the insane and overprotective boss card in front of Loker and Torres."
Gillian laughed out loud and explained, "I'm not chicken. I wasn't even thinking about Paul Cutter." She was interrupted when the Subway guy asked her for her order. "One cup of soup du jour and 6 inch Italian herb with turkey breast and pepper jack toasted; plus a foot-long cold cut combo on Italian, no cheese, not toasted." Gillian rattled off their order without even asking Cal.
He watched her amused and was about to make some comment about how hot it when she ordered for him but then she turned to him and fixed him with her stare. "Like I said, Paul Cutter is probably just some spoilt, rich brat. I'm concerned about the whole nurture vs nature thing regarding our child."
Cal's smile fell at her words because she couldn't have punched his guts anymore if she'd literally punched his guts. Whoa! That explained her earlier reaction. Apparently when it came to motherhood, she threw Dr. Foster out the window and succumbed to the same gnawing doubts and insecurities as all mothers did. This was some serious questions she had and he had no answers ready. Crap, crap, crap.
"Would you like some veggies?" Saved by the subway guy!
Cal sighed in relief and turned the tables on Gillian. "No thanks, just some salt on the cold cut combo." They watched the young man wrap up his order. Just when he was done the oven beeped and Gillian's sub was ready. "Everything but olives and cucumber for the lady, lots of light ranch dressing but go easy on the salt and vinegar." He grinned at Gillian proudly. How's that?
She nodded amused but couldn't resist a little roll of her eyes. "Really, Cal, you have to outdo me ordering subs? Are you always this competitive?" He was about to retort but she held up her hand, "Save it!"
Instead she added their drinks to the order and walked over to the soda fountain to fill their cups. She didn't ever bother to haggle over who paid for the lunch, knowing he'd never let her win anyway. When Gill looked up again, she saw Cal grabbing a table in the corner, where they could have a relatively private conversation.
Since neither of them knew where to start, they ate their subs in silence. Cal practically wolfed down his footlong and was done before she'd finished her half sub. She was down to her last few bites, when Cal took a long gulp from his soda and finally spoke up.
"Look, I'll start, ok? Though I haven't gotten much further than I don't know the answer to your questions."
Gillian nodded and swallowed quickly. "I didn't expect you to have any. Hell, I don't even know how to ask my questions. However, all during our interview I couldn't help but wonder why Paul Cutter turned out the way he did? I mean Paul is Cutter's biological son and he had no control over him. We might not even know where our child comes from, what he or she's been through."
"Well, if that's your worry, we can insist on an open adoption. This way we can stay in touch with the biological parents and have information about their psychological and medical history. That way, we'll be somewhat prepared for what we may have to deal with in the future. Provided the birth parents are honest and wiling to share of course. I'm assuming that after birth defects stemming from drug and alcohol abuse during the pregnancy will be very high on the list of what we have to prepare ourselves for."
Gillian nodded. "We could always say no to severe health and mental damage caused by abuse on the application. They let you do that, refuse to adopt a baby whose health risks might be a big emotional and financial strain to parents."
"Is that what you want?"
"I don't know. Sophie was born to a junkie mother and she was perfect. Just my luck that my addicted birth mother has a spiritual awakening and decides to turn her life around in the 57 days of the waiting period and wants to have her miracle cure back." Gillian laughed bitterly.
"Hey now, I already made that a ground rule. No adoption in Delaware or any other state where the birth mother has time to change her opinion after the birth. I'm not gonna go through that with you again."
"It's horrible of me to say that, isn't it? I mean normally you would cheer that kind of behavior and resilience on."
"You're not horrible, you're just human."
"But what if I'm not good enough? What if we won't be good parents to our child? What if he resents us because he knows he's adopted? What if we can't find a way through to our daughter because she can't bond with us?"
"You're gonna hate me for saying this, but as we learned last weekend: Bonding happens only between birth mothers and their offspring, just like regular dads, we have to make do with forming attachments." Their course instructors, Ken and Staci, had taken to repeat this little nugget of wisdom ad nauseam last weekend and it had quickly become the running gag among the participants during breaks.
Gillian rolled her eyes. She knew that. She'd known that before the workshop. She'd even known it before her first course with Alec. She didn't expect the kid to form a strong bond with her the minute she held her for the first time but what if they never connected.
"I think I may want us to adopt babies and toddlers only with as little history of abuse as possible. I thought we could adopt an older child through foster-adopt, but after only one week into the refresher course, I'm starting to doubt my ability to deal with stubborn teenagers and damaged children."
"Jesus, Gill, would you stop putting so much pressure on yourself? I must admit I haven't been as supportive as you may have wished and expected but it was never because I doubted your ability to connect to older children! Would you just listen to yourself? The Gillian Foster I know would never describe a child as damaged, she'd bristle at the thought and gave whoever said it a swift kick in the arse!"
"It's all these horror stories from the foster workshop."
"Those are just stories. Hearsay. I met this couple at such and such and they told me about this couple they knew that adopted a kid that was the inspiration for Problem Child."
Gillian chuckled and Cal smiled satisfied. It had worked, he had lifted the dark clouds hovering over her mind just a little bit.
"What about the examples from Staci and Ken?"
"Warning shots to prepare us for the worst case scenario? Remember most people in the class are not trained psychologists like you are and may not be aware they're signing up for a lifetime of trouble. The kids are not damaged, they just have special needs. Needs even we as trained psychologists might need a little refresher for how to deal with their tantrums and behavior. Just think what rude awakening Ken and Barbie, bless their hearts, are in for regarding what parenthood is all about." Ken and Barbie weren't the nicknames Cal had given the young college couple in their course. Despite their introduction games, Cal couldn't remember their real names and stuck with Ken and Barbie. Gillian admitted it fit them to a T, they did look a bit like Mattel's doll power couple, right down to the blonde hair and fable for pink for the girl and the same haircut for her husband.
"I know! I just want to grab them and shake some sense into them. You're only twenty-two! Go live your life, see the world, gather experiences, and grow a bit wiser and mature before you take on the responsibility of a child. I'm afraid they consider this a bit like a puppy test run. Let's try and see how it goes with someone else's child before we commit to one of our own which we can't return when we grow tired of it."
"I sure hope Staci and Ken pull them aside to have a little heart-to-heart with them, cause if I don't I swear I'll talk some sense into them."
"Maybe you're not the right person to talk some sense into anyone." Gillian shook her head laughing.
"Fine, you'll do the talking, I'll do the knocking." Cal grumbled. They smiled at each other just a tad moment too long, before it became so uncomfortably they had to cast their eyes downward.
"Wanna know a secret?" Cal whispered and leaned in conspiratorially. Gillian just raised her eyebrows curiously, as if to say go on. "I had just the same thoughts with Emily. Especially when she was little. Zoë did most of the hands-on parenting, since I had to travel quite a lot for the Pentagon back then. I would get home and constantly question my parenting skills, didn't help that Zoë was constantly nagging at me. I would spend whole nights watching over Emily sleeping, beating myself up for a decision I'd made earlier in the day afraid I screwed up my kid forever. What if she turned into a shoplifter because I didn't buy her any candy at the grocery store? What if she became a homegrown terrorist because I made her learn the Bill of Rights and the Declaration of Independence by heart against her will in first grade? Not that she had much choice since it was a homework assignment but still. Was it too early to wean her off her nightlight and teddy bear, so she wouldn't rely on clutches too much in life? Would she fall in with the wrong crowd and become susceptible to peer pressure when her mom and I divorced? Start doing drugs to drown out the emotional pain? What if she inherited my mother's depression? What would set it off and when? So many fears, Gill, so many sleepless nights, all over the whole nurture vs. nature thing."
"Well, to be fair, she has you for her father, so troublemaker is already in her DNA." Gillian teased him.
"Maybe you should be thankful that we can't make a baby of our own naturally after all. What a nightmare a son of mine might be! He'd have all your good looks and my terrible behavior." Cal laughed out loud.
Gillian grinned wistfully. She'd bet their biological son would be as cute as a button until he hit school age and Cal's rebellious streak turned from adorable and so cute once into agony with no end in sight.
"For the record, Foster, I may have my reservations about taking in a troubled teenager through the state's foster-adopt program because I don't want to expose Emily to the things I try to keep her away from, but I just know that out of all the people that troubled kid had to deal with in their young life, you'll be the first and perhaps the only one who'll get truly through to them. You're amazing, Gill, when you do your thing. And there's no shame in admitting that you bit off more than you can chew. We can just drop out of the workshop anytime, if we decide it's not what we want. We aren't bound by any commitments. And just because we admit we're not strong enough to deal with the baggage that comes with an abused and neglected child, doesn't make us any less suited parents. Though I feel sorry for all the kids in the system who'll miss out on a great chance in life with a wonderful role model, friend and mother."
"Is that what you want? Drop out?"
Cal shrugged his shoulders.
"We should finish, just in case, don't you think? I mean it will look good with the adoption agencies, since it shows commitment to the whole process and understanding that we're willing to do anything to become parents and that we're really serious about it."
"You just wanna keep going back so you can watch Max trip over his hormones and slip in his puddle of drool over you." Cal teased her and for the first time since their meeting with Mr. Cutter Gillian laughed wholeheartedly.
Gillian wiped a tear out of her eye, "Thank you, I needed that."
"Pleased to be of service." Cal tipped his imaginary hat.
"Thanks, Cal. For everything. I don't know if I've been expressing much lately how grateful I am that you're in this with me. You keep me grounded, I don't know what I'd do if I had to go through this alone."
"You'd still have me to come to. I'll always listen to your problems and if I can't help you feel better, there's always my shoulder to cry on. There's only one thing you'll never be: alone. Gill, I promise we'll see this through together. I'd be there for you every step of the way even if you'd decided to do this as a single mum. I'm your friend, Gill. I'll never leave you hanging again." He put his hand over hers in a reassuring gesture.
"Cal?" He nodded at her timid inquiry. "I think we should talk about stuff like this more. Even if we think the other one is not going to like what we have to say. I think it's really good and important for us to sort out any issues and fears we have about the adoption before we start applying."
"Maybe we really should start making that list, like Emily suggested. Not just for the wedding but also for the adoption."
"We can keep it on the fridge, so Emily can contribute her concerns to. And then once a week we can sit down as a family and address a couple items on it."
"That sounds like a plan." Cal grinned and rose from his seat. "Now what do you say we get back to the city before rush hour begins and the kids send out a S&R party for us. I bet Loker is already bursting with excitement to tell us how he kept the fort down while mummy and daddy ran out on an errand." He held out his hand for her.
Gillian chuckled and accepted his hand. "In that case, we should stop over at CVS and buy him a lollipop for good behavior."
Cal guffawed. "I'm rubbing off on you. I like it." When Gillian really pulled in the direction of the store once outside, Cal added, "And don't worry we'll get some gummy bears for you, too, love."
