Chapter Nine
The First Date Initiative
Sheldon awoke Friday morning still in his clothes, lying on top of his blanket. He had a very bad taste in his mouth, and he realized he didn't even brush his teeth the night before. His table lamp still on, he saw the time to be 5 a.m. Sitting up with his back against the headboard, he stared ahead and thought of the previous evening.
After terminating the Relationship Agreement, he went to his room, closed the door, and did not reemerge, even though his friends each came to the door to speak with him. He responded to none of them, and eventually he heard the group leave to head to Penny's, with Leonard coming back around midnight, promptly getting ready for bed.
For the first two hours he rotated between sitting and pacing, the past five years of Amy running through his head. What happened? Met someone else? Who? Blondie from that day at the university? He couldn't possibly be better than Sheldon. What did Amy see in that playboy, for that's what he certainly was, a playboy, swooping in to steal his woman. He had no right. Amy belonged to him. He had dibs. For five years, he had dibs.
By the third hour, Sheldon began to reevaluate the conversation between him and Amy the previous Friday. He sat down and transcribed the conversation from memory. What did he miss? He was honest with her. She was honest with him. They should be back together right now, planning a Saturday trip to the zoo or an evening of board games.
By late evening, Sheldon began to ferment, thoughts of the tall blonde man and Amy together, holding hands, playing counterfactuals, kissing. He kissed her when she wanted. Well, most of the time. What did she want? Ah, yes, commitment. He wasn't ready. She knew that. So she should wait, instead of moving on to someone else. That wasn't commitment. That was, that was… moving on to someone else. He worked himself into a jealous rage. He almost reemerged to gather Leonard and the others to go hunt the mystery man down, but instead chose to reorganize his comic book drawers.
At some point in the evening, he must have fallen onto the bed and went to sleep, because here he was, wrinkled, uncomfortable, and fuming the next morning. How dare she put him into such a state! He would win her back – Sheldon Cooper always won. But he needed more information and a plan. He had neither at the moment.
Besides waking over an hour before his normal time, Sheldon went through his morning routine and jumped onto the computer. After checking all his social media accounts, he went on his e-mail. Deleting several advertisements and reading the latest Star Trek news update, he then saw an e-mail from a Sally McCarthy, the address ending in . He thought back to his banter the other evening with geologist Lillian Fox, and now began to wonder if the entire Pacific Northwest geological community was out to get him. Still, he was curious, since he had several ongoing conversations with scholars all over the world. But what if they wanted to send him a virus? That would be just like those dust collectors. In his paranoia, he Googled Sally McCarthy, USGS.
She only had one social media account, a Facebook page. She was older than Sheldon, maybe in her fifties. Her profile pic revealed a short and stout strawberry blonde/grey-haired woman, posing with a gray-haired man (her husband, perhaps). The cover photo showed a larger image of the pink-bowed cartoon Sasquatch he'd seen on Lillian Fox's page. What struck Sheldon most was how Sally McCarthy's smile reminded him of Meemaw's. He felt instantly attached to her, although he knew the feeling was unreasonable. He clicked on another page featuring her name, and found a small town newspaper article from Woodland, Washington profiling how park ranger Sally McCarthy won the recent Memorial Day bake-off with her delicious snickerdoodles.
Leonard suddenly emerged from his room, dressed and ready to begin the day. "Hey, buddy," he began, seeing Sheldon up and ready.
"I don't want to talk about Amy. Don't even try," Sheldon replied, a harshness in his voice Leonard didn't hear very often.
"Um, okay," Leonard said. He began to fix his breakfast.
Sheldon went back to his e-mail and opened Sally McCarthy's message.
Dear Dr. Cooper,
Our dear, sweet Lily Fox informed us of your badgering comments about geology. Her fiancé Yoshi, another of our lovely grad students, was planning on leading the charge to attack your university, with a heavy artillery of rocks in tow. Lily assured us she put you in your place (and I believe her – she's got the sharpest tongue this side of the Rockies), but we here at the Mt. St. Helens Observatory thought we'd still join in the fun. Feel free to respond in kind – we love playing pranks and such on other scientists. We've had an ongoing rivalry with the group up at Mt. Rainer National Park for years.
Take care, Dr. Cooper.
Sincerely,
Sally McCarthy
Sheldon scrolled down to see a photo of several park rangers and others dressed for outdoor work, posing in front of Mt. St. Helens, holding an elaborately made sign that read "Dr. Cooper, Kiss Our Ash." He recognized Sally McCarthy in the middle with Lillian Fox (the adult version of the little girl he saw in the Facebook cover photo days ago). A young man with dark spikey hair stood beside her (Yoshi?). The grey-haired man from Sally McCarthy's profile photo smiled in the background. The seven people in the photo looked happy, all grinning at him, the sky blue above them, and the air probably fresh and cleansing. In his current confused and angry state, he felt like crawling into the picture and punching each and every one of them. Sheldon felt shocked by this feeling, since he was never one for violence.
"Ha, that's funny," he heard Leonard say, directly behind him. "Is that Mt. St. Helens? Who did you pick an intellectual scuffle with now, Sheldon?"
"Apparently the entire United States Geological Survey," he muttered, staring angrily at the photo.
"We should brainstorm with Howard and Raj today some funny physics joke to send back," Leonard said, sounding intrigued.
"Whatever," said Sheldon.
"You still in a Twitter war with that botanist from Calgary?"
"Yes, although we only spar on a monthly basis now."
"How about that biochemist from Berlin?" Leonard continued.
"Occasional e-mail exchanges and rude jokes, although German humor sometimes escapes me," Sheldon replied, feeling himself get more irritated.
Leonard didn't seem to notice. "And that art historian from Athens?"
"We exchange letters every other month."
"Letters. Wow."
Suddenly, Sheldon rose and snapped in Leonard's face, "And if you're going to ask about my neurobiologist, the answer would be nothing! Because she ran away with another man. A man who I'm going to find and, and, and . . . harm . . . or at least insult." Sheldon returned to his room and did not reemerge until they needed to leave for work. The car ride was silent, and not in the way Leonard enjoyed.
Amy arrived back home after work excited for what the future held. The girls planned on coming to her apartment after work, and she'd stopped at the store for snack supplies. She was filling bowls and getting out the wine glasses when Penny arrived about 5:30 p.m. The two embraced, and Penny sat down with Amy, waiting for Bernadette to arrive.
"Okay, so I'm absolutely dying to hear what's been going on with you the past few weeks," Penny said. "All I know is tidbits from Howard and Raj, but they haven't said much."
"Well…" Amy began.
"Wait, this is wrong. We need to wait for Bernadette. And make sure I only have one glass of wine tonight. We're looking at wedding sites all day tomorrow."
Amy smiled, eager to hear about Penny and Leonard. "Why don't you fill me in on the wedding?"
Penny told Amy about the past couple weeks, almost getting married in Vegas, Leonard's confession, and finally seriously setting a date and informing their families.
"So we're looking at the week before Christmas," Penny said, snatching up a pretzel. "I think it'll be romantic."
"Oh yes," said Amy, beaming at her best friend. "But you need to find a place soon. That's a very busy time of year."
"We've divided up different locations to visit tomorrow. Leonard, Raj, and Howard are taking four possibilities and me and Bernadette were taking five others. I want you to come too," Penny said. "Unless, of course, you're busy with this mystery man."
"I'd love to come," said Amy, feeling a blush come on just thinking about Erik.
About 6:30, Bernadette arrived, throwing her purse off to the side and taking a seat on the couch. "Okay, details. Now."
Amy proceeded to tell the story of her and Erik, starting with how they met all the way through to their kiss at his door Wednesday evening.
"Holy crap, that sounds so amazingly hot," Penny exclaimed.
"Howie and Raj told me a bit about him. They've been playing some online game together for the past few weeks," Bernadette added. "He sounds like a super nice guy."
"They didn't tell Sheldon about him?" Amy asked.
"No. I don't know, Amy, but I feel like we've all been Team Amy these past few weeks," Bernadette said.
"Well, except maybe Leonard. But I think he feels he needs to be supportive of Sheldon," Penny said. "I love Sheldon dearly. He's like a brother. But I could see he's a horrible boyfriend. You did the right thing, Amy."
Amy felt better knowing she had the support of her friends. She still had to ask, "Did he talk about me at all during the past several weeks?"
"Occasionally. Just wondering when you'd come back," Penny said.
"Oh," said Amy. She felt strangely disappointed. But why would he pine over her then when he didn't want her when they were together?
"So, have you gone back to the sexy photographer to tell him you're available?" Bernadette asked.
"No," said Amy. "I thought it might be too soon. Aren't I supposed to wait a couple of days or weeks or something after a break up?"
"Honey, what you had with Sheldon was hardly a romantic relationship," Penny began. "What you had was a friendship…"
"With no benefits," Bernadette chimed in.
"I don't know," Amy said quietly.
"I know," Penny said, suddenly very excited. "Go down there right now."
"What?!" Amy exclaimed. "Are you crazy?"
"Amy, you practically jumped his bones the other night. Why not trot down there right now and ask him out?" Bernadette said.
Penny leaped up, upsetting a bowl of M&Ms. "Yes! Let's go!"
"What if he's not home?" Amy asked.
"You said he drives a blue Mustang? It was parked in the lot when I pulled in. Can't miss a car like that," said Bernadette. "Come on, Amy. Do it!"
Both girls began chanting "do it, do it," until Amy said, "Alright. Just give me a moment."
She stepped into the bathroom to comb through her hair and straighten her clothes. Why was she so nervous? She'd hung out with Erik before; it was like they were already dating. Goodness, she'd even had her tongue in his mouth. She knew he'd say yes. Nevertheless, she felt overwhelmed.
This could be the beginning of something, she thought. Something amazing. What if he was the one?
Amy marched out of the bathroom straight for the door, calling to the girls, "Be right back."
"We're coming too," Bernadette said, as she and Penny scrambled to their feet and followed Amy out.
"You two can stay on the stairwell between the second and third floor," Amy said.
"Okay," the girls said as Amy continued downstairs.
She approached Erik's door, knowing immediately he was home from the distant sound of a sporting event. The day he fell asleep in her apartment flashed into her mind, and she couldn't help but smile. She knocked on the door.
Erik opened the door, dressed in Batman pajama bottoms paired with an Air Jordan t-shirt. His face immediately broke into a broad smile. "Hi, Amy. How have you been?"
"Good," Amy said, suddenly feeling lame. Was that all she had?
"I've been missing you. Spending a crazy day at Disneyland and not seeing you for two days can be rough," he said.
"Awww…" came two voices from upstairs. Erik, looking puzzled, craned his neck. To stop him, Amy put a hand on his arm. Hmmm…bicep. Nice. Wait, don't get distracted!
"So, um, I broke up with Sheldon," she began.
"You did? That's great," Erik said, excitedly, then stopped himself. "I mean, I'm sorry. That could be hard. I mean, you know, after five years."
"Well, not as hard as one might think," Amy said, taking a deep breathe. "Will you go out with me?"
"God, yes," he said, his lips suddenly on hers, his arms wrapping around her body. Amy sunk into him, delighted at his eager affection. Several seconds passed before they both realized they were being watched. Amy and Erik broke their kiss and turned to see Penny and Bernadette standing behind them.
"We couldn't help ourselves," claimed Bernadette.
Amy slid from Erik's embrace. "Um, well, Erik, these are my friends Penny and Bernadette. Bernadette is Howard's wife."
Erik shook hands with both blondes, flashing his best smile. "Very nice to meet you. I feel like we've met already from the stories Amy told me."
Amy's friends stood staring happily at Erik, and Amy felt it was time to go before something embarrassing happened.
"Well, we should be returning to our girl's night," she began.
"The main topic of conversation will be you," Penny assured Erik.
Erik laughed. "How about next Friday, Amy? Our first date?"
Amy felt her stomach aflutter. "Okay," she said. "But I'll still see you Sunday for the park?"
"Of course," he said, kissing her again quickly and returning to his door. "Nice to meet you ladies. Good night."
The three women giggled all the way up the stairs, and spent the next couple of hours planning Amy's first date outfit, browsing websites of the wedding venues they would visit the next day, and counseling Bernadette of how to get rid of Stuart. By the time the girls left and Amy was cleaning up their mess (had they really had that much fun and didn't even finish one bottle of wine?), Amy felt relieved to have her friends back and incredibly excited about her future with Erik. But were things moving too fast? After being in a five-year, snail's pace relationship, she didn't know how to proceed with this new, openly affectionate man.
She glanced at her bookshelf to see her framed prom picture with Sheldon. She picked it up and slipped it into one of her desk drawers, wondering what Sheldon was thinking. A sudden feeling of sadness overwhelmed her; despite her issues with him, she did enjoy his company, especially their conversations. Could they be friends?
Amy crawled into bed that evening, her head swimming with a mix of sadness, excitement, and nervousness at what the next week would bring.
Author's Note: Next time on The New Beginning Experiment… Amy and Erik experience first date jitters, and an angry and jealous Sheldon lashes out at his friends but also finds pity and support in an unlikely place.
As always, comments welcome. Thanks for reading!
