Ok, I kind of fibbed in the last A/N. This chapter will not move us too much further along in time. I promise, the next one will move us along about a month or so. I realized that although Kate was willing, her fears and hesitations would rear their ugly heads at some point. So, this chapter is another sappy one to help get her final internal tug of war out of the way. From here on out it will mostly be external obstacles that trip them up a bit. Also, I feel I channel Kate's inner thoughts more than Castle's. Can't help it, being female causes me to be able to relate to her better. Anyway, the bulk of this one is from his viewpoint.

Enjoy

Don't own them, but they sure do take up my time as if I did...

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Kate sat in silence, lost in thought. The knock at the door didn't even register and she barely noticed Castle trying to climb his way from behind her and off the soda. She was distracted by the thought of how he never ceased to amaze her. How could he make her feel so loved, so accepted with just a few strokes of his pen. She wasn't sure how she was going to respond, anything she came up with in her head just seemed so inadequate. She almost jumped out of her skin when Castle placed his hand on her shoulder and gently removed the notebook that she was now hugging to her chest. He placed it on the table and led her to the dining area. She was surprised to see the table set with two full plates of food and glasses full of wine. Finally clearing the haze from her mind a bit, she spoke.

"I didn't even realize dinner had arrived."

"I noticed" was all Castle said but his expression held more. He could tell she wasn't quite ready to open up as she said, "I'm starving, this looks delicious."

They sat down and enjoyed the meal together. They talked about the food and about the day in general. Castle sensed the quiet mood that had taken her over, but decided not to poke at it just yet. He wasn't sure what was eating at her, but he knew, in her own time she would open up. Suddenly fear rushed over him, fear that the notebook had been too much too soon. But, she had asked to read it and and if he'd denied her, she may have thought he was keeping a secret. Castle had decided a long time ago that this relationship would hold no secrets, he would play no games. Kate Beckett was not to be toyed with. He watched as she ate every morsel on her plate. He could tell she was full about ten bites ago, she was now using the food as a device to stall. After gulping down the last of her wine, Kate leaned back in her chair with a sigh. She spoke without lifting her eyes from the napkin she was kneading over and over in her hands.

"Castle, quit staring at me, it's creepy." Her tone held a hint of levity, but her voice cracked with raw emotion as she delivered the familiar line.

Castle just continued to wait her out, and boy, could she be stubborn. Despite her request, he refused to lift his gaze from her face. He could almost see the metaphorical walls being chiseled away chunk by chunk. She was putting up a good fight. After another couple of minutes the internal battle finally ceased. Thankfully the only victim lost to it was the napkin that now lay shredded in her lap. She let out another long sigh and finally looked to his face. In that quick glance Castle knew the winner of the battle and he waited for her to speak.

"It's weird" she hesitated for a second.

Knowing she needed encouragement Castle brushed a strand of hair from her face then slid his hand down her cheek, then to her neck down, then down her arm to finally rest on her hand in her lap. He hoped the loving gesture was enough to encourage her to continue.

"Looking at yourself through someone else's eyes." She stated flatly.

Castle needed clarification on this one, "Good weird or bad weird?"

"Eye-opening, exhilarating, excruciating... Give me an adjective and it would probably fit."

Her smile eased his earlier concern that letting her read his notes was a mistake. But he could tell by the barely visible squint in her eyes that this wasn't done. He knew the next step would require a little more prodding.

"Now that we have the adjectives covered, why don't you string some nouns and verbs together and tell me why you are chewing your bottom lip like you haven't eaten in a week when we both know that isn't the case?" To help further his point and to help lighten the air that had settled heavy around them, Castle released her hand and lovingly patted the cute little bump that had developed in the few minutes since they had finished their meal.

"Hey Dr. Spock, hands off the food baby!" She and Castle both laughed as she slapped his hand and then wove her fingers back into his.

They both recognize the flash in the other's eyes. The flash of the future they both new would most likely come to pass. A future that held something much more promising than a food baby. Knowing they had both gone to the same place in their minds, Castle decided to address it without actually addressing it. He turned his chair to face her. Their knees were touching, he leaned forward and took her free hand in his free one.

"Kate, we will never make it there if we can't talk to each other, so whatever it is we will walk through it together."

His words held a promise of the future she so desperately wanted. Never before had she dreamed of a family of her own, but now the desire to create a family with Richard Castle actually caused a tug and ache to form in the most intimate parts of her female anatomy. But Castle was right. Simply wanting something would not make it come to fruition. Desire alone could not sustain a relationship much less a family. No matter how hard it was for her to open up, even to him, she knew she had to.

"Why?" she asked. Clearly expecting Castle to fill in the blanks of that question.

Over the last two years, Castle had heard that simple word cross her lips many times. In her vocation, asking questions was a paramount task, but the Why wasn't always important to most cops. To Detective Beckett, though, it always mattered. He mostly heard it in the interrogation room, sitting across from a suspected murderer, Kate was the epitome of confidence. She questioned the most vial of criminals with pure steel in her voice. But always, the word Why came out sounding like a question from a small child. Castle had noticed this fairly early on in their partnership. The way her voice softened, the way the word lingered on her tongue and the almost nasally undercurrent it held as she asked it, Why. He knew she hated the question. Asking a murderer why was as futile as trying to pour raindrops back into a cloud. The day Kate Beckett actually understood the answer to that question was they day she would turn in her shield. But when asking him, though the word sounded the same, the answer needed to make sense. He knew what she was asking, but couldn't believe she was actually asking it. Kate Beckett was asking him why he loved her. For a few seconds words failed him. Words were his his comfort, his safe place. Thankfully, they only failed him briefly before his head was flooded with more words than he could string together intelligently. And as he began to give voice to the torrent, he could only pray that they came out right.

"Kate, you have got to be the most exasperating woman I have ever met." He was surprised he had led with that, and by the look on Kate's face, so was she. "AND the most compassionate, amazing, beautiful, intelligent, strong..."

"Seriously with the adjectives?" She jabbed him in the chest playfully, but her eyes still held the seriousness of the earlier asked question.

"You're right, I am better with metaphors, so here goes. You're the sun that warms that my face. You're the comeback to every joke I crack. You're the missing piece in the jumbled up jigsaw puzzle that has been my life." Kate groaned at his cheesiness and Castle smiled and tugged at her hands to make sure she was still with him. He continued, but the comparisons became more earnest. "You're the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thought that takes me into dreamland every night. You're the destination I have been traveling towards my whole life. You're the Etymology to every word I write, you're it for me Kate."

Kate held back tears, but the quiver in her voice was evident. "How can I be all those things? I bring nothing to the table, Castle. You are The Richard Castle. Your words reach millions and your humor fills rooms with laughter. I'm just a cop with a tragic story and a keen ability to keep everyone at arms length." Kate knew she sounded a little dramatic, but he had asked for honest and this was as honest as it got.

Castle knew how to answer this one and there was no hesitation. "My words may reach millions, but they were only ever written to reach one. My books hold one purpose and one purpose only. They were the bookmark saving my place until I could find my way into your life and eventually into your heart. Years before we ever met, they were fulfilling that purpose. Your story is not tragic, to me it is epic and being a cop is what you do, it is not who you are. There is a difference you know. And as for my humor, there is no one's laughter I care to hear in my ears but yours. All my jokes are for you."

Castle could tell she was trying hard to absorb his words and was taking them in as the truth they were. Still, there was something, "Say it Kate, whatever it is, just say it."

She chewed doubly hard on her lip and she squinted her eyes as she stared into his. She was not looking into his blue orbs anymore. She was looking past them into his soul. He had laid it bare. His entire being was splayed out for her examination. In a way he felt like one of the bodies that so irreverently dropped into her path. But he wasn't worried, he knew she would treat him with the same respect he did them. Kate finally gave voice to the concern that had been buried beneath the pile of baggage they had been wading through for the last twenty minutes.

"But you do all the work in this." She gestured between the two of them with her hands even as they remained clasped to his.

Castle was shocked and actually laughed a bit. Did Kate actually believe she was an inactive participant in this relationship? He had never seen her insecure and he laughed harder as he thought about it. But she wasn't laughing, she was deadly serious. "Kate, do you think bringing you doughnuts and coffee and buying you gifts makes me the only one bringing anything to the table? To us? Seriously?"

"Well at least you do something. I just work and put obstacles in your way." Kate knew she was sounding more and more like a petulant child, but all her fears and insecurities had come to the surface tonight and she was fighting the urge to shut him out. And after the promises they had made the previous night, she knew she couldn't do that. "What do I do for you? What makes me worthy of your heart?"

With a huge grin on his face, looking a bit like a kid in a candy store Castle said, "Simple, you're you." He new very good and well that answer simple would not suffice, but he wanted to let it sink in before he continued. "The you that has made me a better Father, a better Son, a better Writer, a better Friend and a better Partner, and I'm not talking professionally with that last one. You have grounded me. I am no longer a fool wandering aimlessly like I was before. I hate to plagiarize someone else's work, but I don't know any other way to say it. You complete me. Without pretense or patronization you have molded me into the man I was meant to be but had so long avoided." With that, Castle had no more words, he had to hope his honestly would be enough and he waited for her to respond.

Kate had listened to every beautiful and wonderful word that Castle said and the more he spoke the more her heart softened. She knew he loved her, of that she had no doubt. She could feel it in eveything he did, but her head had tried to play its old tricks on her. And Castle was up for the challenge. His patience and honesty had busted through another wall in her heart. She still wasn't convinced she was deserving of it, but she sure was going to be accepting. As he ended his soliloquy, Kate could no longer hold back the emotion that threatened to break her. She moved herself into his lap and wrapped her arms tightly around him as she cried.

Castle could only hold her and caress her back and hip as she emptied herself into his neck. He was not surprised by the depth and volume of her emotion and he calmed any fears she may have about expressing them to him. "You know, you could only hold back the floodgates for so long. Even with walls as well constructed as yours, it was only a matter of time before the pressure became to great and it had to come spilling out. Let me help you wash it all away, Kate. Twelve years is just way too long to bear it alone." He was content to comfort her as long as she needed. Forever if she asked. As he felt the tension drain from her body he couldn't help but wonder how many more walls she had in her. He knew there were more, but he also knew that he was in deeper than anyone the had ever been before and he was willing to continue the voyage. He knew she wasn't completely unguarded yet, but they had come along way in the last few days. He was happy that were now on this voyage together and when the next obstacle arose, they would weather it as one.

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I know, pure sap, and Kate cries alot, but hey, she has alot of baggage.

Also, the thing about the way she says why. Check out some old eps. She really does say that word differently than others and she does it every time.

Oh, and the reviews for the last chapter were great. It was the one I was most hesitant about, and you guys encouraged me so much. A few of you have said that some of his notes were hard to match to their ep. So, if you have any specific questions as to which one or why, I can try to answer...