A/N: To all those who celebrate it, happy Thanksgiving! Fresh off of a wonderful dinner, I received inspiration for a story! Have an excellent day, and read and review, if you please.
The Joker And Harley Quinn: The Married Life
Chapter 9: "Celebration Preparation"
At the best of times, Gotham could never be called a happy place. Hopeful, yes. Pleased? Maybe, but only temporarily. Content? Absolutely not. You can feel happiness in Gotham City, but the general air of gloom and the constant attacks by crazed criminals, superpowered or otherwise, really tends to bring down the mood.
Despite this, holidays still managed to arouse a feeble sense of joy. Decorations made the crumbling buildings slightly more colorful and the smell of delicious food managed to cheer a lucky few up. Thanksgiving, while not as colorful as Christmas, Chanukah, or Kwanzaa, or as flashy as Halloween, still managed to improve the general ambience. After all, what better way to ruin the winter holidays by holding a few trick-or-treaters hostage or slaughtering a family just as they're beginning to eat a festive meal?
It's just not as amusing for some of the more twisted residents to wreak havoc on Thanksgiving. Oh, sure, some have tried. Calendar Man tried to secretly poison every frozen turkey in the market, but he waited until the last minute, and all the turkeys were sold by the time he ran over. He failed not from a lack of effort, but from a lack of brains. Back when the Penguin wasn't running a 'legitimate businessman's social club', he was experimenting with obsessively committing capers based on any and every kind of bird. He wanted to round up some people and dress them up as Benjamin Franklin, then crush them with a giant stone turkey. It's an irony thing. Just look up Benjamin Franklin's history with the turkey.
So, for the most part, the criminals stopped committing crimes on Thanksgiving. Sure, you could find a few outliers, but things were mostly quiet. The main super-powered villains had formed an exclusive club long ago, planning meetings and various crimes together, all held at alternating locations. On Thanksgiving, however, things were different. Every mob-related criminal joined up with the main crew and had dinner at a required meeting place. This year would be the first meeting since the Joker married Harley Quinn and, coincidentally, they were scheduled to host it.
The Joker and Harley were happy to host it! Over the course of the month of November, they planned out a meal, slowly cooked it, and froze it. The good thing about Gotham was that the disproportionately large number of abandoned buildings gave them an ample amount of storage space. As soon as everything was done, they decided who to exclude. You see, although some mob-based criminals were allowed, so many dime-a-dozen mobsters would draw too much attention to their new house. Having your happy meal interrupted by the police would be very disruptive. (And, yes, they realize the irony of comparing that to breaking into people's houses as they eat dinner in order to rob and/or murder them.) It was November 27th, and Joker and Harley were deciding who made the cut.
The Joker sat down in a fluffy armchair in the living room, unfurling a large list of names. Meanwhile, Harley sat down on the couch, creating the necessary form letter invitations for the guests on her laptop. "So, Harley, do we want the Riddler?"
Harley considered it, chewing on a strand of her hair. "He's been slightly twitchy lately. I don't want him firing off a smoke bomb and scaring Smiley or Slashy." Smiley, one of the hyenas, started panting upon hearing his name. Harley tossed a strip of meat to him, much to his delight.
The Joker nodded. "Yes, I suppose that would be a good idea. Besides, I get sick of his riddles. Does he really have to do that with every situation? 'Smooth or lumpy, white, yellow or red. I am eatable, but I was never alive or dead. What am I?' Just say that you want some mashed potatoes, you twit! I know he can't help it, but it just gets grating."
Harley deleted him from the list. "Fair enough, puddin'. Maybe we can send him some kind of fruit basket as a consolation, or try to get some medicine to help him."
"Yeah, that might work." Joker scratched Smiley's back, making him growl happily. "What about Selina Kyle? She mentioned a collaboration on some jewels the last time we met."
"I don't know, she's been sighted near Batman recently. It's so hard to tell if she's on our side or on his side. Whenever I ask her, she clams up. I'll try, but I doubt it. What about Ivy?"
"Sure!" Joker said. "Should we invite Arnold and Scarface?"
Harley nodded. "Absolutely! I love hearing them talk about the goings-on in the mob. You know, I still can't tell if Arnold's crazy or Scarface is alive."
Joker shrugged. "Eh, it doesn't really matter. We're crazy, he might be crazy, everyone's a little crazy. Cobblepot?"
Harley jotted something down. "Sure, just make sure to pick up some fish. I heard a rumor that he might temporarily go back to bird crimes, just to screw with Bats."
The Joker rubbed his hands together. "That would be great! I love it when we mess with his mind. Oh, that reminds me! I'm almost out of explosive shower caps. Do we have time to pick some up before the party?"
Harley checked the clock. "If we can get the fish along with it. We're slowly running out of time. We need to get everything done quickly, so Timmy can be prepared."
Joker chuckled. "Ah, I love comparing henches with everyone else. It's so much fun to rub it in that our small, one-legged child can be more efficient than their corrupt police officers or mooks."
As the clock inched closer to 6:30, the guest list was finalized, the food was bought, and Timmy was dressed in his finest rags. The party was a unanimous success!
THE END
Post-Script: I'm sorry that not a lot happened. My idea mostly focused on the party preparations. Bye!
