A/N- Hi everyone! I'm really sorry I didn't update last week, things got busy. BUT I really hope this chapter makes up for it. As always, thank you so much for reading, but today I have a request. I'd like to know what your first opinion of Robert is?

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Cassandra Clare.


It was only lunchtime, but Alec was already exhausted. He hadn't slept much the night after his trip with Will and Jace; his dreams were constantly filled with golden-green eyes. He had hoped that he could catch up on sleep the following night, but his father had been home for dinner, and his dreams were filled with words he had always dreaded hearing. He let out a shaky sigh as he went outside. It was a cold day today so most people decided to eat indoors, leaving Alec free to sit wherever he wants. He knows Magnus and his sister will be waiting for him at what has become 'their table', but he isn't strong enough to sit there and act like his heart hasn't been trampled on twice in the past 48 hours. So he decided to hide.

Ordinarily he would choose the little alcove, but since he knew Magnus had found that, he knew it would be the first place the colourful teenager would to try to find him. So Alec chose plan B. On the other side of the gardens there is a huge willow tree, the branches forming a thick curtain which brushes against the leafy floor. It doesn't make one completely invisible, but unless you were deliberately looking (which, focused on their friends or their phones, most people aren't) you couldn't tell someone was in there. It was perfect for this occasion.

Ensuring that Magnus and his sister weren't already outside, Alec made a quick dash for the tree, settling himself against the trunk and pulling out his notebook and his sandwich. He wasn't really hungry, but knowing he would feel worse if he didn't eat he began to take large, tasteless bites out of his sandwich. He flicked to the last page in his notebook, intending to write something, anything, which could lessen the vice clamped around his heart, but as he put his pen to paper, the words just couldn't come. Instead, with a gentle, pain-filled sigh he slipped the notebook away, leaning his head against the tree, shutting his eyes as he let the peace and tranquillity soothe him.

That is until he was rudely interrupted.

"Are you okay, Alec?"

Alec internally groaned at the smooth voice. Brilliant. Fan-bloody-tastic. Overjoyed that the one person I was trying to avoid has managed to find me.

"Fine", he replied in a clipped tone, not opening his eyes or moving his head. His eyes remained defiantly closed as he heard the other boy move towards him, as he felt him settle down next to him, their shoulders brushing together as they sat side by side.

"Well, you don't look it".

Alec reluctantly opened his eyes when he realised that Magnus wasn't going away, turning his head a little until he met Magnus' green eyes. The other boy wasn't wearing much make up today, just a small hint of eyeliner and a clear lip-gloss, but Alec had to admit, he preferred the natural look.

Get a grip Lightwood, you can't think like that anymore. Remember?

Instead, he chose to ignore Magnus' comments. "Are you going to find all my secret sanctuaries?"

Magnus gave him a small smile. "Maybe".

There was a long pause, not uncomfortable as it was the first time they met, and not companionable as when they were eating the day Alec was showing him around. It was just sad, a blanket of heartbreak and pain which threatened to engulf them both.

"I'm not going to pry Alec, and I won't speak. I know you probably came to be alone, but I can tell there's something wrong and you shouldn't have to fight through it on your own. So I'm going to sit here and draw, and you can talk to me if you need to." Alec was stunned by the sincerity behind Magnus' gentle smile as he said this. He briefly wondered if Magnus was expecting him to reply, but true to his word, he simply took out his notebook and started to draw, eyes glued to his work.

Shutting his eyes and tilting his head back a little, Alec tried to organise his thoughts. Did he want to talk? No. But would it help him to? Probably.

Alec just didn't know what to talk about, or how to bring it up. He could picture it now, just blurting out; hey, I know we're just friends but I think you're really hot and I was starting to really like you but then I found out that you've already kissed my best friend and I don't want to hurt him so I'm just stuck here pretending I'm okay with just being your friend when really my heart is breaking into a million tiny pieces.

Alec internally snorted. Nothing would make the green eyed boy run away quicker and then he'd lose him as a friend, not just as a potential boyfriend. Alec thought it might be safe to bring up what happened with his dad, but then that would involve bringing up something else Alec deliberately refuses to discuss. And if Alec was being honest, he wasn't entirely sure if he was ready for that conversation either.

Why is this so complicated?

Alec opened his eyes slowly; tripping on the words he wanted to let out but didn't know how. Instead of speaking, he decided to take the opportunity to admire Magnus' outfit whilst the other boy was absorbed in his work. He started with the peppermint green jeans and sequined silver shoes. He couldn't really see his t-shirt from the side, but the glimpses he caught suggested a design in a multitude of colours. Alec always liked Magnus' clothes. He wouldn't wear them himself, but he thought it suited Magnus. They were bold and brave.

Brave.

I can be brave.

"I'm gay".

There was a pause. Magnus slowly closed his notebook on his lap, turning his gaze to the blue eyed boy sitting next to him.

Alec kept his eyes firmly on his lap; he could feel himself starting to panic. He had hoped that Magnus would say something, but he's just sat there quietly and Alec doesn't know why. He's too scared to look. His breath has become shallow and rapid, his pulse rising and his hands shaking. He can feel tears forming in his eyes, and he bites down harshly on his lip as he squeezes his eyes closed, willing the tears to go away.

Why won't he say something? Why hasn't he-

Alec jumps as warm, steady hands close around his, trying to stop him from shaking.

"It's okay Alec, calm down and try to breathe deeply for me okay?" He paused, waiting for Alec to nod in the affirmative and take several deep, steadying breaths which at least took the boy away from the brink of a panic attack.

Eventually Alec calmed down enough to open his eyes and look at the colourful boy next to him. Magnus simply returned his gaze, his green eyes gentle and supportive; a kind smile at the edges of his lips.

"I appreciate your trust Alec. I'm bisexual". Alec marvelled at how simply he said it, without a build up, without so much as a pause or blush.

Magnus gripped Alec's hands a little tighter at his next question. "Does anyone else know, Alec?"

The blue eyed boy dropped his gaze, a sad and withdrawn edge creeping into his voice. "Just my sister. What about you?"

Magnus chuckled a little at this, not cruelly, but he had thought that his clothes would have shown Alec that he wasn't going to hide away from anyone. "I've been open about it since I was 15, I told my mum a little bit before that though". As Magnus said those words so carelessly, as if they were insignificant, he could not have known the impact that they would have on his companion. Not until Alec's shoulders sagged, and his breath caught on the word "mum". Not until he had quickly turned his head away, but not before Magnus had a chance to see the tears that crawled down his perfect cheek. Not until Magnus was sat there, his arm wrapped around a boy who just needed someone to understand as he cried his pain away.

Magnus' eyes widened in concern as he took in the sobbing boy, panicking a little as he tried to calm him down. "Alec, I'm so sorry! Did I say something wrong?"

Noticing the panic and guilt in Magnus' voice, Alec turned to face him with a watery smile on his face. "No not at all". Alec had stopped crying now, and the two teenagers sat in silence as he tried to get his breathing under control, his breaths sometimes catching on small hiccups.

Magnus knew Alec had more to say, he could see it in his eyes. But he also knew that pushing him might make things worse, so he sat by his friend patiently, waiting for him to talk in his own time, and eventually he did.

"I've known I was gay since I was about twelve. I panicked at first, but after a couple of months I accepted that there was nothing that would change that. But I was terrified of people finding out. You have to understand Magnus, I've always been shy and quiet, my friends limited to three, including my sister. I never felt confident around people, and this just made things seem worse. That's how my sister found out. She was young, but not stupid. She saw as I drew away from people more, and started hiding myself behind my clothes or in a book. Eventually she cornered me in my room and demanded to know what was happening. I didn't want to tell her at first, but I was tired and I needed my sister back, so I told her everything. She just sat and hugged me, and that was that. She dragged me to go and play hide and seek with her. But I've never wanted to tell anyone else."

Magnus watched as Alec talked, letting the teenager say everything that he needed to. He watched as he smiled a little while recounting his sister's reaction. But there was a storm that had settled in Alec's eyes, and Magnus knew that Alec hadn't started on what upset him today.

Alec's eyes met Magnus', and when the boy spoke next it was as if he had read Magnus' mind. "I guess you're wondering what this has to do with why I'm upset. I've never told anyone else because I thought that the more people knew, the bigger the chance that word would get back to my parents". Alec paused here, dragging in a shaky breath, and Magnus finally understood why Alec had been so upset by his mum's acceptance.

"My dad's not a bad person", Alec started defensively, his eyes pleading with Magnus to understand. "He spends all the time he can with us, he's gone to every competition I was in, told us he loves us and helped us when we needed it, but he has very strong beliefs in what he thinks is 'right and wrong'. He's quite old fashioned that way. And he's always been quite vocal about his stance on homosexuality, a stance which he decided to remind us of last night."

Magnus watched as Alec's breath caught, his eyes filling with tears as he recalled his father's words. "And it hurts Magnus, to think that his opinion of me will change the second he finds out, and I'm too scared to see what'll happen. Now he tells me that I can be what I want, that he'll support me no matter what I choose to do with my life, but I'm scared that if he finds out he'll change his mind."

Alec balled his hands into fists, crossing his arms as if he could physically hold himself together. "I don't want to lose him Magnus. He's done so much for me. He built a target in our garden when I wanted to practice my archery skills. When he saw that I would rather read than go outside he built me a den in the basement so I could sit by myself unbothered by anyone else. When I was terrified of the dark he would come and sit with me so I wouldn't be alone. He's the one who taught me how to drive. And when I wondered what I should do in life he always said that the most important thing was how you act, about whether you treat others kindly. He's always said that he's proud of who I am. But he doesn't know who I am. What if all of this disappears when I tell him?"

Alec stopped talking then, breaking off on a choked voice as tears started to fall again. Magnus didn't know what to do to help him, so he did the only thing he could think of. He hugged him tightly and didn't let go until his tears had stopped once more.

"I can't tell you that your dad will be fine with you being gay Alec, I don't know the man to pass an opinion. But what I CAN promise is that you won't be alone. Your sister adores you; I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at you. And, well, now you have me too. If you want?" He added those last three words as if afraid that Alec wouldn't want his help, and Alec was touched by the sincerity of his words, offering the green-eyed boy a small, but genuine smile.

"Anyway, what about those other two friends you mentioned?"

"Oh you mean Jace and Will?" Alec's heart sank at the recognition he could see in Magnus' eyes, but he was overburdened with the fear of his dad's disapproval to dwell on it too long. "What about them?"

"Why don't you tell them?"

Alec's eyes widened in fear at the thought, his breath coming in shallow gasps and his heart beat accelerating once more. "No, I can't I'm not ready Magnus. I can't lose them. I won't lose them."

Magus put a gentle hand on his shoulder before standing up and brushing the leaves from his trousers. "It's okay Alec. You don't have to tell anyone if you're not ready. But I really don't think you'll have a problem with them. I mean, Will's openly bisexual, and it doesn't look like Jace has a problem with that. Just think on it", he added as Alec looked set to protest again.

Alec snapped his mouth shut, jerking his head in a quick nod before checking the time. 1:15. Alec didn't have any classes now, and the thought of going to the library where everyone could see his tear stricken eyes was out of the question. So Alec decided that he would remain in the refuge until his last class rolled around. As Alec was deciding this, Magnus was getting ready to leave, so the blue eyed boy stood up, grabbing the other's arm to stop him leaving.

"Thank you for listening", he spoke honestly and emotively. "And, um, I'll think about what you said", he added quickly, and not meeting Magnus' eyes, even when the green-eyed boy pulled him in for a fierce hug.

"It'll all be okay, Alec. You'll see".


A/N- Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!

Guest & kaciegayle- one of the things I love most about Alec is his loyalty. But I think one of the best things about him is how he learns to put himself first sometimes.

Kai: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm so sorry for taking so long to update.