What Was and What Is

Disclaimer: Characters taken from JKR's Harry Potter © and used in this fanfiction do not belong to me.


RECAP: From Last chapter

Draco moved to touch Hermione but Hermione moved away. She looked at him and took a step back.

"Draco, I called you here to tell you I want to separate. I can't be married to someone who will do this to me. Its not a divorce , I just want time to think about what I want to do next. I called you so you can get you're things and tell the kids why were separating." Draco held back the tears he wanted to cry as he looked upon his beautiful wife and the cold look she was giving him. He knew she didn't love him anymore.

"Mione couldn't we…"Draco was interrupted by Hermione lifting her hand to stop him.

"No there isn't Draco. And I'd like it if you called me Hermione only please." Hermione led him to the den and told him to get ready to tell the kids and then he would leave.

Hermione called down the kids as Draco readied himself as his children came downstairs. He was about to tell them him and Hermione would be separating. He took a deep breath and began to tell his children the horrible news.


Chapter 9: Separated

"Valerie, Damian, your mother and I have decided to separate. We've talked about it and at this time I think it's the best thing for us. Don't worry, I'll always be able to see you whenever you like." Draco looked at Hermione and she nodded at this. He wouldn't be able to be with her but Valerie and Damian were his kids too and she couldn't punish them no matter what Draco did.

Valerie looked shocked. Everything had been going so well and her parents had seemed like they were so in love. They were always sneaking kisses and hiding all over the house together. It just didn't make sense.

"But Daddy, why?" Valerie looked at her parents and saw her father look down in shame.

"Tell them, Draco." Hermione said. Draco sighed and looked up at Hermione begging for sympathy,k but her hazel eyes were hard as she stared him down. Draco sighed again.

"The reason we're separating is because….I….cheated on your mother. I am so sorry, but now... your mother and I just need some time apart to heal." Draco kept looking down because he couldn't meet the eyes of his children. Damian sat there, listening, while his anger grew

"Who was it?" Damian whispered as anger flowed through his body. Draco could tell his son was angry as he looked at him.

"It was my partner on my last assignment. It didn't mean anything and I felt nothing for her…." Draco stopped as Damian stood up, his anger showing on his face.

"Then why would you do it? You're supposed to love your wife for your entire life and never stop! How could you do that to Mom? She gave up everything for you and you do this. You make me ashamed to call you my father and I hope Mom doesn't take you back so you learn your lesson. Because in my heart and mind, you're dead to me." Damian stormed out of the room.

Draco was stunned. He didn't know that Damian would react that way to the news. Draco turned back to his daughter, who looked at her father sadly.

"Dad, I'll always love you, but it hurts me to know you would do something like that to Mom when you say you love her. You can't teach us values that you don't believe yourself. Its not fair to anyone. I understand how Damian's feeling but you're my Daddy and I'm still going to miss you." Valerie wiped her eyes and walked over and hugged her father. Draco's eyes filled with tears as he held his little girl in his arms.

He kissed her hair as she stood up and looked down at him. Valerie moved to her mother's side as Draco moved to the front door. There, his suitcase had been packed and was waiting for him. Draco stared at it for a long time, trying to wake up from this nightmare. But inside Draco's head he knew it was reality.

Draco picked up his suitcase and turned to his family before he left. Valerie held onto her mother and Draco looked at Hermione as if to see if she would reconsider, but he saw the hard look she gave and knew she was not changing her mind. Draco turned to the door and heard a whispered, "Goodbye daddy" from behind him as the door closed and he was left standing outside in the darkness once again.

Draco's heart was pounding as he numbly walked to his car and began to drive. He didn't even realize where he was going but eventually he reached the Malfoy manor. It was rundown and not as beautiful as it once was, but for now, it was home.

Draco got out and went inside. The place was filled with dust as his mother and father had long since abandoned it and Draco walked into the living room. He sat down on the couch and began to think. I've lost everything. My wife, my home, my kids. The way that Damian had looked at him, still burned in Draco's mind.

He had been able to control himself at the house, but now Draco let his emotions show. Hot tears ran down his face as he realized even if Hermione and himself did get back together, she would never love him as completely and fully as she did before. She would not be his Mione anymore. She would be hardened and every time she would show that hardness, Draco would blame himself.

Draco began to sob as his body was wracked with pain beyond pain for all that he had lost. He knew Hermione would not take him back but he needed her. She was his air, his light, his sight. He couldn't live without her, but now he would have to.

Draco collapsed fully onto the couch and his howls of anguish echoed through the manor. He cried until there were no tears left and lay there, not moving, numb and dead inside.

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As Hermione let out her pent up breath she turned to face her daughter. Valerie had tears shining in her eyes as she looked at her mother.

"Mom, whatever you do I'll support you, but if you stop loving Dad, please don't expect me to as well." Valerie turned and went up to her room. Hermione had not believed how many emotions she had felt as Draco had left. She had wanted to call him back and tell him she forgave him but she knew that could never be. Not now anyway.

Hermione had been shocked by Damian's reaction as well, so Hermione went upstairs and knocked on his bedroom door.

"If its Dad, go away!" He yelled at the door. Hermione opened it and looked at her son sitting on his bed. Hermione walked in and closed the door behind her. She sat down on the end of his bed and waited. She didn't have to wait long before Damian spoke.

"Mom how could he do this to you? To us? He knew what he was doing and for what? A quick romp with some slut who works in the ministry? Merlin, once upon a time, I felt proud to call him my father and say he was my Dad but now, I have to live with this and hear all the rumors about how I'll probably be just like him, just like at Hogwarts. I never want to be like him Mom. I won't be like him and it just….MERLIN!!!" Damian put his head onto his pillow to hide his tears from his Mom.

Hermione moved over and began to stroke his back and he cried silently. Finally he sat up and sniffed. His nose kept running as he began to speak.

"Mom there's something I have to tell you." He wiped his nose with his sleeve and Hermione transfigured a Kleenex and wiped his nose.

"What is it?" She asked as the Kleenex floated to the wastebasket on the corner.

"I know this is a strange time to tell you but I can't keep it in anymore. And this happening to you and Dad made me realize that I need my family right now. Because they're not always as strong as they could be…but anyway. Mom….Sasha got pregnant... but a few days ago she fell down the stairs and lost the baby. It was all my fault Mom. I'd yelled at her and she was talking to me on the phone and she wasn't watching where she was going and…" Damian couldn't continue as more tears fell down his face.

He tried to wipe them away, but they continued to fall. Hermione pulled her son into her arms and stroked his hair as her own tears began to fall. It was a horrible thing to lose a baby and she knew from personal experience.

Damian sobbed into Hermione's chest. He hadn't really said it out loud before that he had thought it was his fault and the realization and pain of his father had brought on all those emotions so strongly all at once. Hermione held him to her tightly and held her son like she had done when he was five and had fallen off the swing at the park. She stroked his hair and his back as she held him.

"Honey, its going to be alright. Those types of wounds heal and when you're married and have more children, it won't hurt anymore, trust me I know from experience." Damian pulled out of his mother's arms at this and looked into her tear stained face.

"What do you mean 'you know from experience'?" Damian looked at his mother and stared at her as she sighed.

"Damian I never told you kids but unexpectedly, when you and Valerie were eight, I got pregnant. Me and Draco were ecstatic because we'd been thinking about having another baby…..but after two months, I hurt myself at work and I lost the baby." Damian looked at his mother and squeezed her arms in sympathy. Hermione smiled.

"Its alright. It hurt like nothing I had ever felt before, but eventually the pain went away. And I grew from the experience. And you will too. I know its hard now honey, but you'll survive, that's one thing you and your father have in common that you shouldn't be ashamed of. And that's your strength. If he really is dead to you, don't forget that." Hermione wiped her son's tears, kissed his forehead and left his room.

As Damian sat on his bed, he realized that his mother was much stronger than she gave herself credit for. Damian knew that he would always love his father but he had just hurt him, his sister and especially his mom in a way he couldn't forgive.

And as Damian lay his head down on his pillow and thought about his Dad, he began to regret not saying goodbye to him.

Downstairs, Hermione sighed as she held herself together. She had cried herself out this entire day and as she magicked dinner onto the table, she began to remember the first time she and Draco and had eaten there. The memory was clear and vivid in her mind as if it had happened yesterday.

There Draco was cooking (with magic) pancakes. Hermione snuck up behind him and put her arms around him. He turned and smiled into her face.

"Good morning darling." Draco said while kissing her lightly on the lips.

"Good morning. Draco, I've been looking around. Where did you get all these pictures from? I don't even remember taking some of them." Hermione said. Draco chuckled at her question.

"Well after you said you'd marry me, I got our friends to take pictures of us secretly and all your younger pictures I got from your parents and your friends." Hermione smiled.

"Oh that was so sweet of you. Anyway, you know that today we are not allowed to see each other until the wedding. So you are going over to Harry's to get dressed and I'll see you later at the wedding." Hermione said as she led Draco, with her hand in his, to the table and sat down with him.

"Aww, I'm going to miss you but I know you're going to look beautiful." He kissed her and they began to eat, feeding eachother and just being silly together. They continued to steal kisses throughout the meal and when they had finished, Draco pulled her into a passionate kiss before he left for Harry's.

Hermione's eye's went blurry. She quickly blinked her tears away as she noticed she'd spilled the plate of salad in her daze. She quickly magicked a new one and jumped as she heard the doorbell ring. Hermione composed herself and opened the front door.

There, standing at the door was Harry, Ron and Ginny. As soon as Hermione had opened the door, Harry had pulled her into one of his heart-warming hugs. Hermione was rigid for one second before she melted into her best friend's arms. It felt good to have a man's arms around her. As soon as Harry let go, Ron pulled Hermione into his arms as well. Hermione welcomed them and he kissed her cheek as he let go.

"We'll kill him for you if you want Hermione." Ron said as Ginny put her arm around Hermione and they moved into the kitchen where the food was set on the table. They all sat down while Hermione smiled and shook her head at Ron as he began to take some food and put it on his plate.

"No I don't want you guys to kill him. I think he beat himself up enough." Hermione said as she magicked food into everyone's plates. Harry turned his eyes on Hermione and shook his head.

"I'd really thought Draco had changed. At Hogwarts he had been so sincere, I guess it was all an act. Merlin, I guess I was right from the beginning, once a ferret always a ferret." Harry's eyes darkened dangerously. Hermione knew this was a sign that Harry was getting angry. She took his hand and he looked up at her.

"Harry, I know everything in you wants to hurt Draco but I don't want him hurting. No matter how much I am. We did go through things that a weak marriage would of crumbled under and…..I still love him." Hermione's tears that she'd kept at bay before, fell down her cheeks now. She laughed as she wiped them away.

"I don't even know why I'm crying. I guess even though he hurt me, I still miss him. I don't even know where he went." Hermione smiled at Harry as he squeezed her hand.

"Well we'll be here for you whenever you need us." Ginny said with conviction. Hermione smiled as she looked at her friends around her, helping her through her hard time.

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It had been three weeks since Draco had moved out and every morning that Hermione woke up, it was strange to her to be in the bed alone. For the past seventeen years, Hermione had rolled over to fall into Draco's arms, but each time she did it now, she realized the bed was empty and that she and Draco were separated.

As Hermione got up, she realized she had to interview the new nurse for St. Mungo's. So she got up and took a shower and, put her hair in loose bun that had wisps of her hair floating about her face. Hermione put on enough makeup to make her face glow and put on some pink lip gloss.

Hermione dressed in a light pink medium short skirt suit with a black tank top. She put on some shiny peep toe wedges. Hermione looked great as she grabbed her black clutch and ran downstairs. She grabbed her keys off the table, kissed Valerie and Damian on the heads as she ran out the door and drove to London Café to meet the new nurse.

Hermione made it just on time. She parked, got out and went into the café. Hermione walked up to front desk and gave her name. She was led to a table where a handsome dark haired man was sitting. He stood up as Hermione approached and took her hand in his and kissed it.

He looked up at her from her hand with dark blue eyes. Hermione's breath caught as he held her hand and he still held it as they sat down. Hermione tried to find her breath and finally pulled her hand away. It was at that moment that she was aware of her left hand ring finger being empty. She had taken off her wedding ring the night before when she was washing her hair. And she had forgotten it this morning.

Hermione finally found her voice and cleared her throat. She looked down at her clutch and magically pulled out his resume.

"I wasn't expecting a man considering your name is Leslie Hunt. I thought you were a woman." Hermione said in a slightly squeaky voice. She cleared her throat again as Leslie gave her a dazzling smile.

"Yeah I get that a lot, but everyone calls me Les. But I wasn't aware that I would be interviewed by a beautiful nurse." He said as he smiled at her again. Hermione felt herself blush. She hadn't been with another man since Draco in a long time and she had forgotten how it felt to be flattered.

The interview continued in this manner until Hermione was sure she had asked him all she needed to know. After it was over Les led her to her car and kissed her hand once again.

"Until we meet again Ms. Granger. I hope I made a lasting impression." He pulled away and began to walk down the street. Hermione grabbed onto her car door to steady herself. She took three deep breaths and then finally climbed into her car. Not aware that she had been seen being wooed by the one person who it would hurt the most….Draco.