Okay I know that I haven't updated in a long time but I had an EXTREME case of writer's block and I've literally been trying to write this for almost a month! Thanks to Emmett Cullen's Best Friend and pheobep3 for reviewing the last chapter and I hope you continue to enjoy my story!

Enough of the ass-kissing! On to chapter 9!

Chapter 9- Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?

I am so excited!

Since I'm not working at Wal-Mart anymore, I've decided to use these last few months to focus on my baby and just be happy. I want my child to be healthy and happy and that can't happen if I don't start focusing on the positive instead of the negative.

Today I'm going to start painting the nursery. I've decided to paint the room in a deep blue, and have designs in purple, light blue, green, silver and white. I guess what I have in mind is something like the aurora borealis. I know it's not what a typical nursery would look like, but I need something to focus on. And seeing as I'm 6 moths now, I'll need something to work on for the last three months.

Going to the store, is a chore all in its own. Everyone stares at me because I'm so huge. I don't know when it happened, but I guess one day I woke up and I was a blimp. When I look down I can't even see my toes!

It's unnerving having people watch every move I make. I hate having those eyes on me. They see everything that I'm trying to ignore.

Those eyes see that I'm pregnant.

That I don't have a ring on my finger.

And that I'm by my self.

But I can't let them get to me. They don't know my story and even if I were to tell them, they would never truly understand what it feels like to be rejected and left alone. So I put on my best face and went into the baby section.

I love looking at all the baby clothes. I don't know what I'm having so I've been mostly getting generic colors like blue, green, white, yellow, grey, and black. Since my old baby stuff was blue with stars on it, I figure that it would work for a girl or a boy. I was never more thankful that my mom was a packrat until now. She had stored a lot of my childhood things and I hope that I am able to recycle at least some of it for the baby. Not only that but it would save me a nice chunk of change.

That's been something else that's been on my mind lately. I've decided that once the baby is born that I am defiantly using breast milk. First of all formula is way too expensive, and given who the baby's father is, I don't want to give them anything that I know for sure won't hurt them. Another way to save money would be to use cloth diapers. I know it will save money, but it's gonna suck to have to clean those all the time.

After browsing the isles for a while, I pick up an irresistible looking teddy bear. It's white with brown eyes and nose. The bear is about waist height and is extremely fluffy. It's perfect. Well…mostly. It costs $40 but every child should have a large teddy bear to hug and cuddle. I headed for the check out line satisfied with my purchases.

/Break/

The colors all swirled together to create a breathtaking image. I never knew that I could make something like this. The nursery was absolutely beautiful. The ceiling and parts of the walls portrayed the aurora borealis, and seemed to perfectly fade into the dark Brownwood crib that held little sheets with blue and silver stars. It took me a whole month and a half to finish it, but it was worth it.

I looked around the room and felt tears on the edges of my eyes. It seems so real now. For the first time, I'm looking around this room and I don't see my old room. It's finally a nursery. And in about two months, my baby was going to live in this room.

I began to carry down all of the supplies to the basement, and on the way down I looked outside. April was just around the corner and the colors outside were beginning to change. Once, the browns and greens of Washington made me miss home, but strangely enough, now it makes me feel like I am at home. Maybe this year I should plant something? Maybe start a garden or something? It would give me something else to do since I'm done with the nursery.

As much work as it takes to get ready for the baby, I still find myself bored with nothing to do at times. I don't go out much, and there is only so much cleaning one can do. I've never been a big fan of tv, so lately the radio has been keeping me company in the house. It's strange, I never understood why Charlie always had the radio on but never listened to what was being said; now I understand, and in a way I feel a little bit closer to my dad because of it. In these past few months, I realized how much our stories actually overlap. Like my father, I fell in love with someone who I believed to be too good for me, and in the end we were both left with nothing but an empty house and memories.

I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts for right now, and continued to take things to the basement. And while I was moving things, I began to think of something that I have been putting off for a while now.

Giving birth.

I'm not too concerned with the pain, because I know that it's going to happen no matter what I do, but the issue is how and where. I don't want to give birth alone. I mean, I've read all of the books, and looked online for information, and the fact of the matter is that I don't want to do it by myself. I'm scared that something will go wrong and I could hurt, or possibly kill, the baby. But I don't know where to go.

A hospital is almost out of the question. I don't know what vampire traits the baby will have, if any at all. I can't take the risk of someone finding out, and I can't take the risk of the baby harming someone after being born.

My next option was a mid-wife. As bad as it sounds, I can cover up the death of one person if things go horribly wrong. And as much as I don't want to admit that, I have come to the conclusion that I am running out of options.

Even though I know I don't want to give birth alone, I still set up a sterile room in the den. I made the old futon up and covered it with plastic and sterile blankets, and have a small tub propped up on a table next to it to clean the baby afterwards. I had all the supplies the books said I needed, but this room was for a last resort. I don't want to use it but I'm realistic enough to know that I have to be prepared. At times like these I wish that Carlisle was here, because then he could deliver the baby.

But I shook my head again to rid my mind of the thought. I can't keep living like they will eventually come back and things will magically work out. Sure I would be so happy to have them all back into my life. Of course I want my child to have a large family full of love that would spoil them endlessly. Sure life would be easier if they were here to help, but reality is reality. In two months time, I need to be ready to be a mother, father, and everything else to this child and no wishful thinking could change that.

I sighed again and headed up the stairs to rest in the living room. I decided to be productive with my time and work on the baby names. I already know that the last name is going to be Cullen; and not just for the obvious reasons. The first reason is because; even though he is not here, he is still the father of this child. The second reason is that if anything should happen to me, the baby's last name could help clue them in to who the child is. I know it's a long shot, but at this point every decision matters.

I've actually spent quite a bit of time imagining what names would work best. If I have a little girl, then her name will be Elizabeth Nicole. I don't know what it is about that name but it feels like it has a ring of royalty to it. I can almost imagine the name spelled out in old-English-script. And because she will be Edward's daughter, it's almost undeniable that she will be gorgeous, so I think that her name should fit her.

Now I have to admit that I have always wanted a little boy. The idea of a little Edward running around with an adorable crooked smile just brings butterflies to my stomach. I know that I want the middle name to be Anthony after his father, but I can't decide between Evan and Shaun for the first names. As I continued to think about the pros and cons, the phone rang.

Between this big belly and this comfy chair, it always takes me a minute to be able to get up. I reached the phone when it hit the fourth ring and was slightly out of breath when I answered it.

"Hello?"

"…"

"Um, hello? HELLO?"

"…..[click]"

I just stared at the phone. I thought that stupid stuff like that only happened in crappy movies and tv shows. But I have to admit that it did freak me out a bit. On top of everything else going on, I do not need just plain weird shit to start happening too.

I hung up the phone and walked back into the living room. When I entered the room, I suddenly felt very queasy. It felt like something was churning in my stomach, and then I felt this burst of liquid coming down my leg. I looked down in shock and horror.

My water just burst.

Okay here is the chapter! This is the longest chapter to date and I hope that you all enjoy it!

I did get one review that said that I was too gritty in an email and I kind of want to address that. I feel that tv tries to paint a picture that isn't entirely realistic when it comes to pregnancy. The fact of the matter is that pregnancy while single is not the most glamorous thing. Recently a friend of mine gave birth and she is literally living off the generosity of friends. Yes there are joys to being a parent, but there is also the reality that in the real world there are no cameras and scripts, and sometimes no happy ending. I feel that in this story I don't want to just do Bella justice, but also to strong independent women who are out there doing what they need to do to raise their children.

Okay now that I am off my soapbox [lol] please review so that I know if I'm doing a good job or not and I will have the next chapter out as soon as possible.