Captain's revenge

One day in the transporter room…

"Hurry up, Gentlemen! The High Council of Hybra V is already arrived at the meeting point. It would not be polite to be late, you know!" Captain Kirk said with a small smile on his face.

"Captain, I would like to make an official protest. I doubt that Doctor McCoy and I are your most qualified officers for that mission!" The Vulcan announced. His cheeks were greener than usual while taking off his blue tunic.

"For once, I agree with him, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a diplomat!" McCoy moaned. One black sock was in his right hand.

"Bones, it is not a diplomatic mission, although in some ways…Gentlemen, let me remind you, as a booster shot, that people of Hybra V are particularly hostile to the presence of foreigners on their planet, especially on the site of their religious services. To be exact, occasionally, they are not against some cultural or trade exchanges with members of the Federation …These people are very concerned about the environment, they fear that you damage their sacred place. That's why you can't take any extraction tool with you, not even a pocket knife! You need to be careful to the nature that surrounds you and don't forget that you only have the authorization to pick up rocks that are already on the surface. Got it? And to help you in your research, you will have one tricorder, which is also a medical scanner, Doctor."

"…a pocket knife…very funny! But, Jim, I still don't know what I'm doing here!" McCoy said, while putting his trousers neatly folded on the transporter console.

"Let me finish, Bones. In addition to prohibiting the teleportation of extraction machines or tools, the High Council has only accepted two aliens on their ground. Moreover, it's a request from the scientific Department to collect some rock samples from the Mount Hogire in order to study its proprieties, am I correct Mr. Spock?"

"You're right, Captain...As you know, Mount Hogire is now an extinct volcano. The composition of its soil is, I must say, fascinating enough to ask for its study even if the conditions required in return are very embarrassing."

"So, you admit that this landing party must be composed of at least one member of the Scientific Department, and given the small number of people who form this team, I have to choose the best…Spock, don't take that shade of green, YOU are the best choice for this mission!" Jim said, trying to keep his serious face.

"Okay. The green Hobgoblin should be sent to these cracked people. I understand. But, why ME?" McCoy asked again.

"Starfleet Regulations. A landing party, even a small one, must be composed of at least one member of the medical staff. The physiology of Spock being so special, YOU are the one able to treat him in case he gets injured!" Jim Kirk said, this time with a huge smile!

"Damn it, Jim! How can he be injured if he touches nothing? And, assume that he gets hurt, how could I treat him if I have only a tricorder with me?"

"I agree with Dr McCoy. A tricorder is inadequate!"

"I'm sorry but you will have a tricorder and a communicator for two!" Jim replied, voicing some chuckles.

"And obviously, besides being protectionist, these people are also naturist…Jim! Stop laughing!" McCoy screamed.

"Captain, I suspect that you take your revenge on us, given our previous missions…"

"Spock! That's obvious, even for you! You sent him swimming in manure and I had to give him no less than eight booster shots to prevent any skin diseases!" McCoy said. Like his dear Vulcan colleague, he was now stark naked in order to follow the custom of the inhabitants of Hybra V, according to the report they had received from Lieutenant Uhura.

"Gentlemen, you're going to be late to complain endlessly…However, I have to ask you a few questions. As a doctor, you told me once that nudity does not bother you…So, tell me Bones, what's wrong with the fact to be naked in front of all these people?"

"Jim…I swear that one day …" McCoy said, menacingly, his hands crossed in front of his crotch.

Then Captain Kirk, behind the console of the transporter, asked to his First Officer: "Spock, why you carry the tricorder around the waist rather than on your shoulder? And why is it you who carry it?"

"Captain, don't play with my self-control…" He responded in a strange tone.

"The chance decided who would carry the tricorder and he won…" McCoy said, pouting. "I only carry the medical scanner which has the same size than a salt shaker!"

oOOOo

Five minutes after the departure of the two officers, Lieutenant Uhura accompanied by a young woman entered the transporter room.

"Captain Kirk! Where are Mr. Spock and Doctor McCoy? Oh please, don't tell me they have already been beamed down!" She said, the young woman hidden behind her. Her face was so red that Kirk thought she could explode!

"Uh …They left five minutes ago! Why? What is the problem?" Jim asked, innocently.

"Please, Captain, don't yell at me…I …I made an error while translating the customs of these people. They …They are protectionist but they aren't naturist…In fact, they protect their environment…the nature…I…I confounded the two words and …and I gave you a false translation of their habits…" The young woman explained. She was a cadet in training, recently arrived on the Enterprise.

"Captain Kirk, I don't understand what happened. I received her translation and made the right corrections myself! I sent you the second text in your quarters two days ago…But…It seems that it is the first report which was sent to Mister Spock and to the Doctor McCoy…Of course, as her superior officer, I take full responsibility for this mess…"

"Lieutenant Uhura…Uh…Don't be sorry…If Mr. Spock and Dr McCoy are now stark naked in front of the leader of Hybra V and his ministers …It is not due to an error of translation…"

At the same time, the communicator of Captain Kirk beeped. He opened his device and recognized who was on the other side!

"Spock to Captain Kirk …Spock to Captain Kirk…It seems that there is a misunderstanding …Captain, please, send us our uniform immediately!...Spock, give me that blasted thing…Jim, teleport us right now!" shouted McCoy.

"Bones, Spock, calm down…It was just a joke …" Jim explained, under the stunned gaze of Uhura and Cadet Lima.

"Captain…" Uhura intervened, "Did you really send the wrong report knowingly?"

"WHAT? Jimboy…#*^#&…You're DEAD!" McCoy shouted as a volcano now in eruption!

The end