Merlin doesn't come back to the flat for three days. Arthur is miserable.

The first day, he sulks. He doesn't shower or eat. He lies on his mattress, staring at the ceiling and wondering what the fuck had happened and how he had gotten here.

He keeps replaying the kiss in his head, as if thinking about it more will make it easier to understand, will unlock some sort of secret he was missing before. He just keeps seeing that inscrutable look in Merlin's eyes, feeling the weight of Merlin's mouth on his, the pressure of Merlin's skinny torso pressed against his.

And he wants, more than anything, to fight with Merlin about this. He wants to yell at him.

Why the fuck did you do that? Arthur would shout. And Merlin would stammer an apology, about how he didn't really mean it, and Arthur would forgive him and they could go back to doing what they did before. He wants to scream at Merlin but Merlin isn't there to hear him, and as it is, Arthur keeps rolling over in his bed, waiting for Merlin to come back to the flat.

He doesn't.

The second day, Arthur visits Morgana and Gwen.

Morgana knows something is wrong from the look on his face, but she doesn't say anything at first. Arthur wishes she would, because she keeps looking at him over her tea with concern. Gwen is even worse, looking at Arthur like he has a tumor. She's even stroking his hand, and Arthur realizes dully that he doesn't care at all. There was a time, not even that long ago, that Gwen would have driven Arthur mad with jealousy and regret, but now he's just sort of sad, shiftless, wishing he could have been nicer to her when they were together.

After an hour, Morgana can't take it anymore.

"What's wrong?" she blurts out suddenly, touching Arthur's hand uncharacteristically. "What's happened? You look like you've suffered a loss."

Arthur looks up at her bewilderedly. "I – Merlin and I had a fight."

Morgana doesn't say anything, waits for him to continue.

"I said some unpleasant things," says Arthur carefully, voice strained. He gives a little laugh, but the sound is unhappy. "Of course I did. That's what I do."

Morgana bites her lip. "What happened?"

"It occurred to me that I wasn't being a very nice person," says Arthur. "And so I tried to apologize to Merlin the next morning, and he blew me off. And I sort of—I sort of exploded at him." He makes another humorless laugh. "'Fuck you,' I told him. Fuck you for this and that, and while I'm shouting at him—going completely mental, mind you, he—he kisses me."

Arthur looks up at Morgana, and his face is so helpless that she wants to hug him.

"And then he – he just left, and he hasn't been back in more than a day."

Morgana looks overcome with emotion for him, as if she's absorbed all his feelings because he's feeling so fucking flat right now.

"So," she says. "Do you think—Do you think you might have feelings for Merlin, Arthur?"

"It doesn't matter," says Arthur after a long silence. "Because I don't know when he's coming back, and he's straight, anyway."

At this, Morgana outright laughs. "What?"

"Merlin's straight, so it doesn't matter," repeats Arthur. Morgana is laughing, nearing hysterics.

"Arthur, sweetheart," she says gently, "Merlin Emrys is anything but straight."

Arthur blinks rapidly. "What?"

"Merlin's gay," says Morgana, smiling at Arthur like he's a small child. "Didn't you know?"

Obviously not, thinks Arthur, but Morgana's still smiling at him. "Remember when I told you his girl friends weren't friends? Didn't you wonder why?"

Arthur thinks back to that night at magic club and shakes his head. He was so sure Merlin was flirting – wait. Merlin's gay? So – Jennifer and all the rest, they had no chance, Arthur was never competing with anyone at all –

"Fuck," breathes Arthur. "Fuck. So –"

"He fancies you, Arthur," says Morgana, voice still gentle. "He's mad about you. Anyone can see that."

"What do you mean," says Arthur flatly. "What do you mean, 'anyone can see that?'"

"I mean," says Morgana, "ever since that time you came to magic club and the two of you have become friends, everyone's just been waiting to see how long it would take before something like this happened."

"But I'm not gay," says Arthur, still feeling as if he's just suffered from some sort of shock.

Morgana shrugs. "Doesn't matter."

"I think it matters," says Arthur, but he's not so sure when he thinks about Merlin kissing him in their kitchenette.

"Arthur," says Gwen quietly, close to his ear, "just do what makes you happy, okay?"

And it's as soon as she says it that Arthur realizes he's been doing the opposite of that for so long – clubbing never made him happy, staying distant from people never made him happy, lying to divorcees, staying distant from Merlin, fucking Sophie, doing drugs, being jealous of everyone loving Merlin – none of those things ever made him happy. So why did he keep doing them? Why did he keep fucking his life up for himself? Why couldn't he just be happy?

"I have to go," says Arthur abruptly, mind reeling.

Arthur walks into the store, finds his supervisor and tells her flatly, "I quit."

When he leaves, he feels like he's new and raw, and it feels both terrifying and gratifying at once.