Chapter 9: It's You That Keeps Me Going

Alert: This is a long one, Charles begins to accept the loss of Elvis, then there are the letters from the Grave. R&R and enjoy! Special love and thanks to all the readers and writers out there who take the time to send personal messages of encouragement. I so appreciate all your comments.

Molly looked across to Charles who was sleeping soundly, noticing the time on the bedside clock as 7.15 she slipped out of bed to make the dreaded call to Rebecca. Best I make the call, she thought; at least they won't get into yet another heated discussion over Rebecca's never ending excuses as to why Sam can't visit his father. Saturday mornings were all about Rugby training for Sam and she knew they would be up getting ready for the day. Dialling her number, she heard it ring, just keep it light she thought, knowing that she would receive the usual frosty reception.

"Hi Rebecca it's Molly!" Rebecca was curt with her, feeling her usual irritation whenever she spoke to that girl, "Molly, Erm it's very early to call isn't it?" God thought Molly, that women had a way of making her feel like she shouldn't even breathe the same air as her, "Yeah, I know, sorry bout that but I wanted to catch you before Sam went to rugby!" Rebecca sighed, "Well, what can I do for you? We do have a very tight schedule to follow!" Here she goes again, time to bite the bullet "So as not to keep you, I'll get straight to the point! Can I ask if you've told Sam about Elvis? Rebecca sounded annoyed when she answered "Well No, I don't feel it's up to me to do it!" Through gritted teeth and trying to remain pleasant to the 'Ice Queen' as she called her, Molly continued "Well let Charles and I take that burden off you! Seeing as it's half term next week, why don't we have Sam for a long weekend? We can break it to him gently over the few days he's with us! You know how much he loved his Uncle Elvis, we'll deal with all the heartache for you!" Crossing her fingers that she'd said the right thing, she waited for Rebecca's reply, which was actually lighter than expected "Oh right, well if you're sure! It would take a load off my mind, of course I've been trying to find the right words to say to him." Lying hard nosed, callous bitch, Molly thought, one minute it's not up to her then she's been trying to find the right words, god she's a piece of work! "Right then, do you mind dropping him off at ours Thursday evening? Maybe collecting him Sunday afternoon in time for school on Monday?" So far, so good, no need to mention the planetarium, MacDonald's or her family for that matter, they'll just cross that bridge when they come to it. Ending the call, Molly made her apologies for disturbing her at such an early hour.

Feeling quite chuffed she'd pulled it off, she set about making Charles a coffee, creeping back up the stairs she peeked into their bedroom to see if he was still sleeping, as she looked in she noticed the bed was empty, frowning and pushing the door open she called out "Charles, you ok? Where are you?" Setting down his coffee, she knocked on the door to the en-suite "Charles, you in there?" Silence, she began to feel a little worried so pushed open the door, finding him sat on the edge of the bath with his head in his hands, Kneeling down in front of him she rested her hands on his knees, "Hey You, what's up? Bad dream?" Looking down at her concerned face, he nodded "Yup, saw him falling from the building again, I sat bolt upright covered in sweat, you weren't there and I felt myself panic!" Sitting higher on her knees she held him close "You're grieving Charles, one minute your ok, then the next you're not, it's gonna be like that for a while!" You worried about telling Sam?" He shrugged his shoulders "Maybe, last night I dreamt I saw Elvis, he reached out his hand and smiled at me, wonder what that meant? I even whispered what I'd seen in your ear. At that point everything felt ok, even ok about telling Sam but now I feel all over the shop as you call it!" Rubbing small circles on his back she just held him "It's ok, I've got you! Maybe Elvis was trying to tell you something! You feel chilly, come back to bed for a while" He stood from the edge of the bath pulling her up with him "I've made you some coffee, come on lets snuggle and get you warmed up!"

They settled under the covers, arms and legs wrapped round each other for what seemed like hours, Molly told him about her conversation with the 'Ice Queen' regaling how she had engaged her brain and was even sickly sweet to her; it was all arranged, she winked: Sam was now being dropped of on Thursday evening, giving them plenty of time to work out how to tell him about Elvis. Charles hugged her tightly and whispered, "You're brilliant, you know! I was dreading making that call!" Molly smiled up at him "I know that! just thought I'd get it over and done with, didn't want you stressing bout it, did I! Anyhow, You feeling a bit better now? you know talking it through an that?" He laughed at the cockney phrases she still used from time to time, scooting down the bed and wriggling his eyebrows suggestively, he rolled her onto her back and proceeded to show her just how much better he was feeling.

After working up an appetite from their morning's activities, Charles decided to make lunch "Pasta ok Mrs. James? Leaning down to kiss the tip of her nose, "Lovely, but shower first! We both smell ripe after that workout." She giggled. Heaving her from the bed and over his shoulder "right Mrs. Get your gorgeous arse in here, NOW!" Soon, round two was happening; all it took was for Charles to sensually kiss her, lather up the shower gel gently massaging it all over her body before they'd headed back to the bedroom, lunch now temporarily forgotten. They'd fallen asleep only waking to the sound of the phone ringing, groaning Charles sighed, "ugh! Leave it! Let the machine get it!" Now fully awake he kissed Molly's head "Don't know about you but I'm starving!" Swinging is legs from the bed, he pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt, he chucked her his hoodie and laughed when he saw how it drowned her tiny frame, making their way downstairs, they stopped as the phone in the hallway rang again.

Lifting the receiver Molly answered "Hello?' An excited Sam was on the other end, before she had a chance to say anymore he babbled on, not even pausing to take a breath. "Hi Molly, its Sam, Mummy told me I'm coming to stay next week, are we going out anywhere? Where do you think we might go? Are your brothers and sisters coming? Will Nana and Grand-pop be there?" Molly laughed at both the speed his almost 11 year old brain was working and that he called himself Sam, as if to reinforce he no longer wanted to be called Scamp, "Whoa, Scamp…sorry Sam, just hold you're horses. Glad to hear you're excited to stay over, an that! We probably will go out, yes; Daddy and I are still thinking about where to go. You may even get a chance to see my lot, but Nana and Grand-pop won't be around, they've gone away for the weekend, so as long as you're ok with just us?" Sam replied, "Yeah, it's still cool!" Charles popped his head out from the kitchen, raising an eyebrow and mouthing who's that? Molly mouthing back Sam! "Want to speak to Daddy Scamp….Err, sorry again, Sam? "Yes please Molls" Handing the receiver to Charles she whispered in his ear "Remember not to call him Scamp!" Winking at her he made a point of saying, "Sam my boy, how's tricks? Shrugging his shoulders at Molly and wrinkling his nose, Molly giggled before leaving them to it.

"Missed your old Dad then?" Hoping he had "Course! We going anywhere good?" Charles thought to himself, when did he stop using full sentences before carrying on the conversation"Have I ever let you down? It's a Surprise! So you'll just have to wait out! All will be revealed!" "Ok, love you see you next week, gotta go my friends just arrived, we're on my Play Station!" He hung up, leaving Charles feeling high and dry; he's growing up fast he thought, I'm Dad not Daddy, call him Sam not scamp and a game on the Play Station is more important than speaking to me. Where did the years go? At least he said 'love you'; we haven't reached the grunting stage yet or the not wanting to come out of his room, suppose I've got all that to look forward to. Returning to the kitchen, he leant against the doorframe, Molly looked over to his slightly puzzled expression "What's up?" Frowning; he moved towards a stool to sit down, "I dunno Molls, its like I've blinked and he's grown up, all this Sam not Scamp business, I'm lucky he said 'love you' as he rung off!" Looking to her for answers, she moved to sit on his lap "Well my darling, I wouldn't worry too much, cos when operation 'Bun in Oven' takes hold you'll have more little bleeders running around, adoring you and calling you Daddy!" Charles grinned and held her close "We may have already cracked it! You never know, especially after todays marathon!" Molly kissed his cheek before getting off his lap to serve up the pasta, "Well lets eat, you know, just to build up our strength an that! Before getting Jiggy all over again!" Laughing out loud, he simply replied, "I couldn't agree more!"

They spent the next few days fully focused on operation 'Bun in Oven', pausing only to eat. They'd been quite creative in their lovemaking, christening most of the areas in the house. The shower had become a favourite, as was the rug in front of the fire, the stairs, sofa and even the kitchen worktop. Charles had laughed out loud when she suggested the top of the washing machine "I could put it on a spin cycle if you fancy?" Suggesting the vibration might be quite nice! Fully focused on the mission and ever the optimist Charles had bought her not only an ovulation kit just to get the timing right, but several pregnancy tests, just to be prepared he'd said. Life seemed to be calming down again, he was completely in love with his wife, they were trying for a baby and the exhaustion from their strenuous favourite past time was even having a positive effect on their sleep patterns. Charles hadn't had any further nightmares for 3 nights in a row, there were still times in the day he felt sad but had begun to feel himself coming to terms with his best friends loss. Sam was due to arrive the day after tomorrow, although telling him about Elvis was going to be tough he finally felt strong enough to handle it. Molly had nipped into Bath to buy the photo albums for his and Sam's photo project, while she was out Charles had signed for a large envelope with an official Army seal on it. Placing it on the kitchen table, he simply looked at it; it was addressed to 'Captain. C. James, Lance Corporal. M. James-Dawes and master. S. James, he was puzzled to see Sam's name on it, why was the Army writing to Sam? Deciding to wait for Molly he busied himself making lunch.

A few moments later Molly had returned from her shopping trip, taking off her coat and boots she called out "I'm back!" Charles came into the hall drying his hands on a tea towel, "Get everything you needed?" He smiled, kissing her cheek and peering into the bag. "Yep! Thought I'd go the traditional route, so I got three albums, one red, one white and one blue; you know, to represent the Army an all that! Charles looked them over, "These are really nice Molls, good and sturdy! Oh and talking of the Army, we've had a delivery!" Molly looked puzzled "A delivery? What from the Army?" Charles nodded his head and rubbed his hand across his stubble, picking up the envelope he held it in front of her " Yup, and its addressed to you, me and Sam!" Molly took in the names in front of her before looking up wide eyed to Charles "Best open it then!" she said softly feeling slightly anxious. Charles opened the metal seal carefully and tipped the contents onto the table, a covering letter and 3 smaller envelopes dropped out, Charles already knowing the letters were in Elvis' neat handwriting.

Dear Captain James and Lance Corporal James-Dawes.

Please find enclosed the final letters written by Captain E Harte of Her Majesty's Special Forces, to be delivered in the sad event of his death.

We have been instructed to forward these letters onto you as named as recipients.

May we offer our sincere condolences for the loss of Captain Harte, and take the opportunity to advise you of the bereavement counselling services provided by The British Army, a leaflet detailing how to contact them if required has been enclosed.

Yours sincerely

British Army. Human Resources Division

Charles looked across at Molly who had her hand firmly clasped over her open mouth, "What the fuck! …Sorry… Oh God! I can't get my head around this, they're…you know…letters from the grave! Shit!" Charles had turned pale at the thought, looking at Molly he said "Spanner already gave me a letter while we were still out there, I thought that was it! These must be the official ones he left with Human Resources!" Molly moved behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, kissing his cheek she said, "Do you think we should read Sammy's letter? It could make things easier for you when you tell him!" Hitting her palm to her forehead she exclaimed! "Charles, that's it! Your dream, he was showing you he's helping from the grave!" Charles Looked over his shoulder and smiled softly "Maybe he was!" Reaching for Sam's letter first he nodded his head just once, as if to confirm he agreed with opening it "Here goes Molls, deep breaths!"

My dearest Sammy boy,

Its your Uncle Elvis here, your Dad has probably told you that when soldiers go away on tour, or on short missions in my case, they have to write a letter to the people they love in case they don't come home again.

You're such a smart kid Sammy, you'll have already guessed by now that reading this letter means that I was killed in action.

I wanted you to know how much I loved you little mate! You were so special to me, almost a mini me of your Dad. I know he's your hero but I hope I came a close second or third if you include Molly. Your Dad was my very best friend, I loved him like a brother; so I wanted to thank you for letting me share special times with the two of you and making me feel part of your family! I also want you to know the times we had together made up some of my happiest memories, remember the crazy rollercoasters and the Planetarium, they were great weren't they? I want you to do something for me mate, whenever you see your Dad looking sad, give him a hug and tell him Uncle Elvis says he should get his head back in the game, he'll know what I mean by that, he always said it to me! You're a lucky lad Sammy, you've got people around you that love you so much and although getting this news will make you sad, your Dad, Molly, your Mum, Grand pop and Nana will all help you to feel a little better. Knowing how much Molly loves your Dad and you, don't be afraid to tell her when you're feeling sad or ask for one of her special cuddles, she'll look after your Dad but don't you forget to give him massive hugs too, he's a special man and don't forget to tell him how much you love him. Work hard at school and continue to make everyone proud of you.

I'll always be in you heart Sammy, and when you feel the wind in your hair it'll be me ruffling the curls on the top of your head.

Love you little man, forever.

Uncle Elvis.

Reading over Charles' shoulder, Molly gulped back her sobs, holding Charles close she whispered, "That was beautiful! He did it, he's made it easier for you!" Charles leant back into her arms and let the tears flow freely, sniffing and wiping his eyes he stuttered, "Like I said at the funeral, they broke the mould when they made him! So it's our letters next then, you ready for this?" Molly nodded "Read mine first." Picking up the letter with one hand and squeezing hers with the other, he gently let go to open Molly's letter.

Dearest Molly, Special Lady,

Well, the bastards got me, I know you always said I lived life on the edge but I died doing something I loved, so no real surprises there then!

Yeah, you read the top bit right, 'special lady' because that's how I think of you! I know you've not always been my biggest fan, (especially since hurting your best friend Georgie over the non wedding, but I want you to know Molls that I'm doing everything in my power to get her back, she, like you for Charlie, is the love of my life. It just saddens me to think that if you are reading this I didn't manage to pull it off. All I ask is that if I did, please be there for her).

Anyhow, in the last few years we've gotten closer, you and I, and dare I say it? I think you even got to like me. This is where I get to say the things I feel, without one of your withering looks, or sharp comments, so here goes.

I totally get what Charlie sees in you, even though I would often joke with him that you must be delusional to love him, a joke was all it ever was, you are funny, warm, caring and very beautiful, I can say that now without the fear of getting my arm punched.

Charlie is right you are both beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside, he's a lucky guy Moll; you fit each other so well, it was always meant to be, chemistry Charlie calls it, I just think you're both a pair of lucky sods to have found each other. I confess to sometimes feeling a little jealous of the pair of you, it's all so natural for you two, that I wanted that feeling back with Georgie.

Carry on loving the 'James boys' Molls, they both deserve it! I've never seen Charlie boy so happy and Sam thinks the sun shines out of you're perfect little derriere! So whatever you're doing, don't ever change it. Be there for Charlie, he'll need you more than ever without his wingman, I'm so sorry I won't be there to see you have kids together, but if you do my middle name is Luca, maybe if you have a son you could use the name, I can't ever see you naming a kid of yours Elvis.

Thanks for loving Charlie as you do, thanks for loving my boy Sammy and thanks for being you. Know that I love you too Molly, for being the light in my best mates life.

Think of me fondly sometimes, your friend Elvis x

Charles folded the letter, stating, "That my darling was amazing!" Molly was overcome with emotion, her tears fell as Charles pulled her onto his lap, gently wiping them away with his thumbs he said, "You know, he was a massive fan of yours, yes he would joke about things, but he truly cared for you Molls!" Molly looked deeply into his brown eyes and said, "I had no idea, and there was me thinking he only ever tolerated me because of you!" Shaking his head, Charles stroked her cheek "Nope, you don't know how many times he told me what a lucky guy I am, I already knew it of course! It never hurts when someone else says it though." I did however, tell him to keep his hands off!" "You." Kiss. "Are." Kiss. "Mine!" Kiss. Cuddling into his neck, they spent a few moments just feeling the closeness of each other. Charles sat silently just holding onto Molly, "Listen, baby I know this won't be easy but maybe it will help clear your head!" Molly leant over to pick up his letter, waiving it under his nose she said, "Go on, read it; I'll be right here, promise!"

My best mate, My Charlie boy,

Well mate, its happened! You're getting this because I croaked. God this is so hard to write. I now get the chance to tell you all the things you'd have laughed at, telling me I'd gone all sentimental on you.

Here goes, I loved you Charlie, you were the brother I never had, always there for me, always picking up the pieces whenever my life went Pete Tong! We had a connection you and I, and I want you to know how important our relationship was to me.

I know I didn't always take your advice but I always listened and I also know it came from your heart. My very own Jiminy Cricket in fact!

You need to know that I would have done anything for you mate, even giving up my own life to save yours. You and Sammy were like a family to me, then Molly came into the mix and I can honestly say that whenever I spent time with you three I was genuinely happy, the only thing that would have improved it would have been to have Georgie there by my side.

Don't miss me too much Charlie, think of me often but not with sadness, instead remember the good times, and god there were loads of those.

I never told you how proud I was to stand beside you as your best man, I didn't expect to do it twice, but you got it right at last when you married Molly. Look after her Charlie, cherish every moment you've got with her, oh and a bit of advice from me, never let her go!

I got such a lump in my throat when you read out the vows you'd written for her, I knew then the depths of your feelings, It did my heart good to see you so happy. In our game you never know what's around the corner, so make sure you always stay safe. I'm so sad that I'll never get to see the gorgeous kids you and Molly will produce, I'm also sad I won't get to see my Sammy boy grow into a good man like his Dad, because you are a good man Charlie, the best in fact. It was a privilege to know you, share things with you and have you as my best friend.

If there is an afterlife, it's a sure bet I'll get a message to you somehow.

Be happy, live a long life and stay safe for your family. In other words, Stay Focused, Stay Alert and Stay alive!

Love you Man! Elvis x

Charles and Molly just hugged tightly saying a little prayer of thanks for their friend.