A/N: Disclaimer isn't here. It's in the first chapter. This is the 'second half' of 'chapter' eight (It ran long and I needed to split it into two sections). I suppose this should be the last SPOILER for this piece as I am slowly moving away from the confines of the television show into that (gasp) alternate universe (Somewhat). Therefore, the SPOILER for this piece is that this is Elle's 'final scene on Criminal Minds' (I really hope I did it justice). There's more, so it isn't over yet.


Pull Me Through: Part IX

Elle stopped just short of walking into Hotchner's office and waited for him to acknowledge her. He lifted his head.

"I got your message."

"Close the door." He watched as she mechanically closed the door. "This is William Lee's case file. Sit down." She lowered herself into the seat across from him and waited for him to continue. "The bureau has concluded its internal investigation— and they accept your claim that you went to Lee's house to confront him and that you defended yourself when he attacked. As your supervising agent, I've ordered a psychological status report."

"After the bureau has cleared me?" she snapped. "I don't need a shrink Hotch."

"It's up to me to make that assessment."

"You think I'm lying. You know you're not a prosecutor anymore."

"You're the only one who knows what really happened that night. And I think that you really need to be honest with yourself since you've got to live with it for the rest of your life."

"I appreciate your concern, I'm fine." She said unconvincingly.

"Are you?"

"Yeah." Elle nodded for emphasis.

"You're anxious. You're on edge. I've noticed."

"More than Reid or Morgan?"

"Neither of them confronted a suspect and then shot and killed them." he managed to keep his tone even.

"Yeah, because they didn't find themselves in the position that they needed to do so." She pointed out, yet regretted it in an instant when she recalled Reid had shot an un-sub. He got over it; she kept the thought to herself.

"I've been doing this long enough. I know hyper-vigilance when I see it. Your first evaluation is in an hour." He instructed and heard her sigh.

"Not everyone is an un-sub." She quipped.

"Don't be late." He watched her stiffly push herself out of the chair and turned to leave.

"You're the boss." He heard her say under her breath.

One evaluation down, however many more they have planned for me to go, she thought as she climbed into bed. Even though she and Gideon had spoken after she had given and signed her statements, Elle couldn't sleep— the harshness and disappointment in his tone when he had pulled her aside back at the precinct kept her wide awake and staring up at the ceiling. I want you to think about this job, what you've been through, and what you're capable of. You understand me? Of course I understand Gideon, she almost yelled at the empty room as she sat up in bed, drew her knees up towards her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs in a protective manner. Why exactly did I want to become an FBI agent? She tucked her chin in the crevice between her knees. Oh right, I wanted to be a part of something more. I wanted to do something that would actually make a difference— how naïve for me to think that I, merely one individual, could ever accomplish such a goal. In one quick movement, she whisked the blanket away from her body and got out of bed, which inevitably resulted in pacing around her flat.

How simple things had been before I'd been shot, she frowned, her eyebrows furrowed and she drew back the drape— allowing the gentle moonbeam to bask the room in a warm yellow glow. Releasing the drape, she moved through the comfort of darkness to the living room. He's absolutely right, she thought. If I can't trust my team to have my back, then what the hell am I doing? She sighed and picked up her holster, she ran her fingers over the gun wrapped within the leather holder then placed it back on the table. Next, she plucked her bureau identification card off the table and stared at it before tossing it haphazardly back on the table with the firearm. I know what I have to do, she paused in thought and her eyes rested on the telephone she longed to pick up. He needs to know; she reasoned with herself and tried to ignore the tightness of emotion that neatly tangled itself within her chest. She willed herself to pick up the phone, and even brought the receiver to her ear— hearing the dial tone, her finger rested just above the first digit of his telephone number. However, she stopped just short of committing. I can't, she shook her head and held back the tears, for after the previous night, as far as she was concerned, she would shed no more tears.

The next morning, she awoke stretched across the sofa shivering. She rose and quickly headed back to her bedroom and climbed back into bed. I'm not going in today; she brought the blankets up to her chin and stared up at the ceiling. It seemed as though hours passed and still Elle lay within the comfort of her cocoon of blankets even though she was well aware of the fact that she should have readied herself for her evaluation an hour and a half ago. There's little doubt that Hotchner and Gideon are unaware of the situation, she only closed her eyes against the bright sunlight that seeped through the light curtains. Meanwhile, Hotchner had indeed been informed of her not keeping the appointment. He then attempted to contact her— each time the call was transferred to her voice mail. He wondered if Gideon had been made aware of the situation and quickly dashed to his colleague's office. Gideon gestured for him to close the door, which he did and sat himself in the vacant seat. He explained the current situation to the best of his knowledge and ability— all Gideon could do was sit back and listen.

"Doesn't look good." He finally said softly, breaking the long drawn out silence between them, and ran a hand through his cropped hair. Hotchner shook his head and furrowed his thick eyebrows.

"To be honest with you, I know exactly what this looks like." He had to look down and then slowly returned his gaze to Gideon.

"Elle let her emotion get in her way." It seemed simple enough.

"It goes against everything that we stand for."

"So don't you make the same mistake." He paused and leaned towards the other agent, his colleague and friend. "She's innocent until proven guilty." The words no sooner leave Gideon's lips that he hoped they were indeed true.

"I know."

"All right?" Gideon inquired.

"All right."

"I'll go to Texas, you find Elle." Gideon watched as Hotchner made his way out the door. Elle, what have you done? He wondered as he picked up his phone and dialled her number. It rang quite a few times before the answering machine finally picked up the call.

"Elle, it's me. Please call me on my cell, its very important." He cradled the receiver and then headed to a conference room where he met the rest of the team to be briefed on their current case. Hotchner drove to Elle's flat and parked across the street, perfectly positioning himself for an impending pursuit. Elle's heart broke when she heard Gideon's voice. She fought every fibre within her being not to pick up the phone and speak to him— tell him everything that she knew she should have told him the night before last, and yet something within prevented her from doing so, instead she stared at the telephone. With a shake of her head, she picked up her keys, her overnight bag, and her cell phone and closed the door behind her.

Hotchner waited for her to make her move, not knowing if or when she would. He dialled her number as he saw her emerge from her new condo— watched as she tossed the phone into a nearby trash can, got into her deep blue BMW and drove off. He pulled out of his hiding place and followed. His thoughts; however, were interrupted by his cell ringing.

"Hotchner." He sounded calm; he kept the proper space between his car and Elle's.

"Hey Hotch, what's up?" he was surprised by how calm Gideon sounded, even though Hotchner was well aware of the fact that what Gideon was really feeling was a different matter all together.

"I went to her apartment to talk to her, but she was leaving with an overnight bag."

"So she's running?" the surprise and worry was evident in Gideon's voice.

"I don't know. I hope not. I'm following her." He replied and tuned down another street.

"Alright, keep me posted." Gideon snapped his cell closed before rejoining the team. While he followed her, a quote he read somewhere entered his mind and something within it caused him to pause, perhaps in understanding, he was unsure.

We could easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy in life is when men are afraid of the light. Plato

Elle walked though the fallen leaves that rustled and crunched underfoot, walked around and in between row upon row of headstones until she arrived at Robert Greenaway's. She looked down at the cold, stone representation of the memories of a nine-year-old girl. Daddy, she thought and let her mind wander back to the conversation she had with him while her life hung in the balance. Then again in her many dreams that followed. She recalled his warmth, his strength, his guidance, and thankfully his understanding— yet knowing what she had just experienced, just been through, accused of, would he still be as proud or understanding of her? She would never truly know and it made her wish she had been more honest with her team. Perhaps they would have understood if she had revealed the plan, revealed that she had been working with Callahan. Now, it would appear to them to be a convenient ploy. Especially with Hotchner, the high and mighty, moral, ethical, member of the team. Casting thoughts aside, she sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry dad." Her words sounded like admission in his ears, Hotchner finally let his presence be known. "You've been following me."

"What's going on Elle? I'm listening." She slowly turned to face him.

"Okay, I really wanted to be part of the team." Her tone flat and sounded lifeless in his ears.

"You were."

"But when I needed the team, I was all alone. I was alone in the one place I have the right to feel safe, and that's my home." Her eyes spoke far more than her words ever could and it touched him, but he had to keep perspective. "Just like those women in Ohio who were attacked had the right to feel safe in their home. I'm sorry."

"So that justifies taking the law into your own hands?" he said, she looked away.

"What makes you think that I have?" she inquired returning his hard gaze.

"Because you are here confessing your sins. You know I don't have any evidence and you know how quickly I'd arrest you if I did. So what are we going to do about it?" on one hand, she knew she couldn't answer that question— if she had, it wasn't only her badge on the line; it was whether or not he would believe her.

"I don't know." She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. The fall wind gusted around them and Hotchner removed his jacket and hooked it on her shoulders. "Thanks."

"We can still reschedule your evaluation." He said and put a comforting arm around her. She thought for a moment.

"I think I need a bit more time." She replied calmly.

"That isn't a luxury we have much of."

"I understand." She sighed with a curt nod and they walked back to their respective cars. "How's the case going?" she inquired.

"Gideon's kept me in the loop. As far as I know the un-sub is a young boy."

"Really?" she cocked an eyebrow and slipped his jacket off her shoulders. "Thanks again." She added and got into her car.

"Quantico, when you're ready. I'll be in my office." He said and she nodded, closed the door and started the engine. I hope she shows, he mused and got into his car.

Glad to have another case behind them; Gideon, J.J., Morgan, and Reid board the plane for the flight home. Mentally and emotionally drained, J.J. quickly fell asleep on the sofa—not something that she usually did, but for some reason this case was very different. Gideon tucked himself away from the rest of the team— they all knew where his mind was. Reid and Morgan sat in the four group across from J.J., Reid not wanting to be too far away from her. Morgan had his iPod in his ears as per the norm, but never too loud, only enough to drown out the constant rumble of the jets engines.

"I should have said something." Reid said out of the blue, yet Morgan knew that this stemmed from earlier that day.

"What?" Morgan replied and removed the ear buds, placed the iPod on the table between them and waited. He knew Reid needed to talk.

"To Gideon, to Hotch, any of you guys. I talked to Elle that night and I knew she wasn't right, but." He paused. "Should have told someone." His features dark, reminding Morgan of Hotch.

"Reid, listen to me. Do not do that to yourself. You were just trying to help a friend. You hear me?" Reid silently nodded his ascent. "Don't go there kid, Elle made her own choice. It's on her." again Reid nodded his understanding and swivelled his chair slightly, closed his eyes and hoped that everything would return to normal.

"She hasn't admitted anything?" Gideon inquired quietly, not wanting to upset team further as he had already noticed Reid's reaction.

"No." Hotchner replied as he sat back in his seat behind his desk still covered with paperwork.

"Well you're doing the right thing." Gideon's sigh sounded like defeat and Hotchner knew exactly what he meant.

"Yeah, I know that." He sensed someone at his door and lifted his head. Elle entered quietly, seeing that he was on the telephone and assumed it to be Gideon.

"See you in a few hours."

"Okay." Hotchner hung up and turned his attention towards Elle.

"Gideon?" she knew she didn't have to ask.

"Yeah."

"Tell him I said goodbye." She walked further into his office, for the last time as a member of the BAU and placed her gun, badge, and pass card on his desk. "This is not an admission of guilt." She stated matter-of-factly.

"Well." He pursed his lips.

"You know when I first started this job. The sound of my phone ringing, a call from the bureau I used to get so excited. The blood would just race in my veins—and now that same sound paralyses me. I'm not the same person anymore. That night at Lee's, if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing." She sounded confident in her decision. Hotchner thought back to his own experience, not just those of injured or fallen colleagues and friends and waited for her answer. She merely sighed.

"I guess that's it. You know, when I first joined the team, I couldn't figure out why you never ever smile. Now I think I'm actually going to miss that." He watched as she turned on her heel and headed to her desk to pack up whatever personal items had been left. He watched her through the open blind as she slung her overnight bag over her shoulder and left the BAU for the last time.

"I miss you too." He whispered to himself and his empty office.

To Be Continued…