Hey, You should all know you can mentally hit and kick me for not update more often! i've just been so busy that i forget.. So this chapter.. is A little jump in time.. i supose i keep jumping when thing don't really work as i want them.. so It's a BIG surpise fro all my Leyton fans..
Chapter 9. I Have No Answers, but I Shall Have Question
I'm not sure what happened. Brooke would have told me it was a good thing. I was mostly worried and hurt, confused and rather … Disappointed.
"Luke…. You're getting married in like two hours" I mumbled, breathlessly. I could feel the tears swell in my eyes that very moment. He was getting married in two hours. With Susan, why was I feeling this way. She gave birth to their child two months ago.
My breathing got heavier and heavier. I'm not sure if it was hyperventilation, but it wasn't good.
"Olivia is waiting for me." I mouthed, not able to stop breathing long enough to get an actual sound out of my mouth.
"Peyton.. I know it shouldn't have come to this, but… Before I do this I need to know it." Lucas said, his voice trembling. He was clearly nervous. Was he actually asking me, whether he should marry her?
While he'd acted to gentlemanly, and as a good friend, to a single mom. He was asking me this as if he wouldn't marry her if I didn't want him to. Did he still love me? Would I actually be always his everything? Was I…..
Teardrops, rolled over my cheek. "Tell me Peyton. You know I've-" My head snapped up. "Don't you say it." I was out of breath. "Don't you dare. I let you go, so you could be happy. I married misery, for you. So you would be save. Don't you dare telling me. You love me. You Love Susan. You're the father of her child for god sakes!" I had raised my hand, and my hand smashed to the surface of his face. "Peyton. I know I've been … I know I've acted like your friend, acted to be happy. But the truth is ever since you returned to Tree Hill, my heart has ached for you. All I wanted was you. I feel like ever since I saw you at the airport for Brookes wedding. Something had just been keeping you a little out of my reach. Close enough so smell, close enough to hear, but never within reach of touching."
He reached out. "Are you within reach Peyton?" I bit my lip. I was resisting the urge to step forward. To let him wipe the tears from my eyes. To let him stroke my lips. To let him take my breath away. To throw my arms around his neck and let him hold me. All those urges I suppressed, for the 10 months I'd been in Tree Hill. The words to explain, weren't there because I didn't understand. Tears streaming down my cheeks, burned on my skin, I was aching for Lucas to wipe them from my eyes.
"Peyton" He whispered. "Lucas" I whispered back. "How did we get here? How come, we got so screwed up that you have to ask me if I love you, the day before you're marrying someone else." Finally he reached out like he found some sort of answer in my words. His fingers smoothing the skin underneath my eyes. His piercing blue eyes locked on mine. Both his hand positioned on both sides of my head. My heart pouding faster and faster as his face came closer. I closed my eyes.
I felt the sudden warmth and smoothness of his lips on mine. I replied eagerly to his kiss, deepening the kiss, with that part of my strength I had still control over. My hands reached up to his hair, twirling and twisting around. I broke the kiss with my last bit of strength.
"this is wrong, I want you to marry Susan." My heart broke, seeing nothing but pain in his face. "you want me, I want you" He mumbled. "You kissed me back" New tears troubled my sight. "I did, but it's not right for me to love you. You were never mine. I have no claim on you. Susan does, and she loves you and I know you love her." I rambled on until, I heard a "ahum" at the door. I chuckled. Olivia, my sweet adorable five year old daughter, as making fun of me.
She was turning into such a happy girl since we left Mark.
"Hey, Liv, you get bigger every day don't you?" Lucas remarked. His distraction was too obvious to my smart little girl. "No I don't, and don't change the subject, you were making my momma cry" She stated and sighed deep.
"You get way to smart."He told her and she smiled proudly. Oh right, Lucas and Olivia get along very well. I wiped the last tears from my eyes.
"What's wrong?" Susan asked as she walked in. "Hey, Susan aren't you suppose to be –" she shot me a look. She didn't trust me. "Out of your way, and Away from my fiancé?" She asked.
I rolled my eyes like she was over doing it. "Babe, you know what she means" Lucas replied. Susan reached out to him. Shoving Olivia out of the way. Lucas saw and stepped away. "Susan could you stop being to rude?" She looked up. "What with you suddenly? Is she Ice blowing your feet?" Like Lucas would actually leave her, because he got cold feet.
I sighed. "No, I'm not Susan, He's asking you not to hurt my daughter. You wouldn't appreciate it if I shoved Keith with buggy and all, down the street either." I snapped at her. That she acted like that to me, okay, but to my daughter not way.
She shrugged. "Stay out if it, it's none of your business." I felt such anger boiling. Suddenly I wanted to say yes to every single one of Lucas' questions. Just to show her she had nothing.
But as much as I hated her. I didn't want Olivia to grow up without a father, a didn't want that for Keith either.
"Back off, Suz. The thing Luke and I were discussing was none of your business. So get lost." Her head shot right up. If looks could kill, I'd be dead as a doornail.
Then she turned around and stormed out. Unusual for her.
"Honey go back to Brooke" I told Liv, and she went.
"Peyton you shouldn't mess with Susan like that. I know she's somewhat unreasonable but, she's just insecure, it's still two hour till the wedding.
"Should she but insecure, two hour before the wedding?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"I don't know, you tell me" He replied, taking a step forward. "I'll ask Liv, to keep her mouth shut. You should get ready" I said and the strode past him as fast as I could, before the new tears would fall, but outside I found out, I was fresh out of new tears.
I had to do something, right?
=0=
I walked into a room somewhere in the chapel. "Brooke" My voice sounded pained. I was pained. She looked up from the dress, she was putting the last stitches in. "Peyton" she breathed seeing the horror in my eyes. "What happened?" I closed my eyes, embracing the peace I felt. For the first time I was glad Liv hadn't listen when I told her to go to Brooke.
"Lucas told me he wanted me." I blurted out. Brookes face went blank, it was almost funny. That was if I hadn't felt my own terror. "and ?" Brooke asked suddenly eager.
"and what?" I yelled, and was shocked by my own voice. Like I was answering such question! Of course I didn't want him. He had been pleasing me for the last 10 months. He had been messing with my head. Telling me he was happy, but wanting to do everything for me. Taking Olivia away for me so I could work. But telling me stories about his to be born son. He was… He is happy with Susan and Keith…. It seemed so surreal. So unreal that he actually told me he wanted me.
I told myself that Lucas had to be happy. I was a train wreck, I couldn't make him happy. I had the choice, I chose to let him go. I chose misery over him. I told myself in didn't love him. I didn't love him anymore. He was just my friend. Did he really have to tear open old wounds? Two hour before his wedding! Was he out of his mind!
"and what did you say?" Brooke shouted. "You told him you wanted him too right?" I sighed. "No Brooke, I told him I …. No" I felt my heart sinking, I told him no. I took a deep breath. "No, He's getting married in two hours. He has a son. I didn't want to take Olivia away from her father, that's why I married Mark. Keith can't be taken away from his father, that's why he has to marry Susan. I don't love Lucas anymore. If we were meant to be, we would be together. We're not." Why couldn't Brooke understand this? I'd told her over and over again that I didn't want him.
"Peyton do you remember what happened when you married for the wrong reasons? Or did you already forgot the years of being beat up, and crying your eyes out at night?" Brooke snapped at me. Ouch that hurt. Of course I hadn't forgotten. It was ridiculous, Susan wasn't abusive and Lucas actually loved her. 'Of course, but Lucas is in love. And Susan is a good person."
I didn't want to talk to Brooke about it.
=0=
"I love Weddings, especially when my friends get married." I said smiling. Nathan tightened his arms around me. "Me too" He kissed my neck. I moaned in delight. "Just weddings of friends?" Nathan asked.
I chucked. Nathan was such a suck up from time to time. I love his arms around me. Since our incident 10 months ago, we had been the happiness itself. I started working less. So I could be with Nathan more often. "Yeah, strangers.. that's less fun" I joked, grinning and cocking my head to the side. "Mmh" he replied. He led me in to the garden of the chapel.
It was beautiful, all the flowers. The sun cracking through the big bright white clouds. "It's so beautiful here." I spoke my thought out loud. "I love you" Nathan whispered. "I know" I smiled. His grip never loosened as he led me through the garden. Leaving kisses in my neck, whenever I turned my head to look at something. "Nathan" I whined. He smiled and pulled away from my neck.
I unwrapped myself from his arms. "Okay little vamp" I giggled. "Stop being so sticky." He rolled his eyes and grinned. You know, I want to make the best out of the little time we have." I sighed. "Nathan I practically already live with you!" I laughed, at his pout. I kissed his nose, and he started kissing me, immediately again. When I pulled away, he smiled and pulled me along further into the garden. It was so beautiful.
Nathan went to stand under a blossomed canopy. He looked handsome, with the sunlight peeking through the chinks. "Haley come here" He said beckoning me. I came to stand by his side. He grinned even wider than last time. "I love you, you know that" He said smoothing my hair. "I love you too." I smiled back. I had no idea what got into him, but whatever in was it was good. Then something in his expression changed. His face grew serious. I frightened me a little.
"Hales… For the past 2 year we've been dating and since 10 months there hasn't been a week we haven't seen each other." He began. My mind was racing. Really? He was taking me to a beautiful place, talking about how long we've been together. So either he's proposing to me or he's breaking up with me. "And I thought" He said taking a step back, his hand disappearing in his pocket. Proposal.
"Why not make it official." He pulled the little box from his pocket, and opened it. "Haley James, Will you marry me." He opened the box. A pretty, but petty ring appeared, nestled in a bed of velvet.
I moved my focus from the ring to his face. I realized I had been silent a long time and that he was getting nervous. I smiled shyly. "Marriage" I mumbled. I never thought about it. Did I want to marry him. I had been so happy. I just felt weird.
Nathan was the guy, that ignored me during high school. The guy I was nothing to. That all changed. Now he was the guy that wanted to spend the rest of his life with me! Was he the same to me. Did I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I looked up at his nervous eyes. Beautiful and velvet.
"Yes" Of course I did. Looking into those eyes I knew that was the only thing I wanted. "Yes, I want to marry you. I want to be Mrs. Scott" I told him. A relived smile appeared on his face and it lit up. "I love you" He told. Like I didn't know that yet!
He placed the ring, the beautiful but petty ring on my finger and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I love you too." I said, happy tears in my voice. I reached up to kiss him, but instead he lifted me of my feet. He warm smooth lips touched mine. Losing all control I threw myself at Nathan.
A sudden 'ahem' brought me back to earth. "Hales? Nate?" A pained voice called. It was Peyton standing at the end of the path. "Hey, what got into you two?" she asked. As I predicted today was hard on Peyton. Harder than she'd admit.
I smiled at her. "Nathan asked me to marry him." I hoped a hadn't hurt her. Her face lit up. "You said Yes?" Peyton smiled. "Of course she did" Nathan replied with a smug grin on his face. I rolled my eyes and for a second I had to remind myself why I agreed to marry him. "I'm happy for you guys, go to Brooke and Lucas they'll be thrilled, especially Lucas" She eyed me. Of course Lucas he had been pushing my relationship with Nathan in the first place. "I'm sure he is" I smirked.
Nathan wrapped his arms around me. "We're getting married." I stated and kissed y cheek. Peyton's face fell. "Yeah, Lucas too." She mumbled and turned around and walked away. I felt bad for her it was already a hard day. Now Brooke was married and Nathan, Lucas and I were all getting married she was the only one alone. She squeezed her eyes together and turned around and ran away.
"What did I say?" Nathan asked, tightening his grip on me. "She's alone and Lucas is getting married.
=0=
Haley just yelled at me for the past hour. So there was really just an hour before the wedding. I was all dressed, but my feet were ice cold. Peyton's words had made me think about my life. And weather this was the life I wanted. Peyton thought it was, and she made a mistake. Wasn't I making the same mistake. I was pacing through the room, when Lilly bounced into the room. "Hey Lucas" I said. She was followed by my mom and Keith. My mom bounced Keith on her hip. I smiled at my son, and reached out to take him from her. "Hey Boy" He was suddenly the only reason I would marry Susan. My mom looked at me with a knowing smile. "Not a very smart move Lucas" She smiled sympathetically. I chuckled bitterly. "I'm a real screw up" I mumbled. Karen raised her eyebrow. "Oh, my son. I wish I could help you choose, but right now I'm just as lost." I admitted. Great the one person with good advise hadn't any. "But I think you should marry her today." I nodded in understanding.
"Since I met Susan I told myself I was over Peyton. That we both moved on and here I am, an hour for wedding, still stuck with Peyton in my head. Worse wishing I was marrying Peyton." I sighed. I was unbelievably pathetic!
I looked my son in his eyes. "I'm sorry little man." And then looked up at my mom. "Could you go find Peyton for me?" I had finally decided what to do. Finally I knew what to do. I and was going to stick to it. "Of course." She replied. "come on, Lil" she took Keith over from me and left the room.
I hung the jacket I was wearing over a chair.
=0=
Haley had been yelling at the bathroom door, ever since Lucas told her what he had told me, and she had yelled at him. I was sure she'd be a bridezilla!
"Haley leave me alone! It's not my fault, go yell at Lucas some more!" I rolled my eyes and chuckled at the complete confused look on Liv's face. I forgot why I had even taken her with me in here. "I know honey, momma's gone crazy" I winked at her. "and so is aunt Haley" She grinned.
"Auntie Haley?"she called out. The muffled yelling stopped. "Olivia?" She asked surprised. "Yes, would you mind not yelling at momma, so she can go home?" It was silent. Then suddenly "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer you did not take your daughter in there and you're not going home!" She yelled. Olivia and I giggled. "Aunt Haley has gone more than crazy mommy" Liv stated. I chuckled. "I heard that stop making fun of me!" Haley yelled.
"Haley?"another muffled voice called. "have you seen Peyton?" I sighed, and guess what she was about to say. "Seen No, but I know where she is." Exaggerating the last part of the sentence, toward the door. "I'm in here Karen, could you please free me from Haley?" I whined Haley growled, Olivia giggled. I would recognize Karen's voice anywhere, she meant so much to me. "Of course, Haley Nathan is in the garden waiting for you to be done yelling at Lucas and Peyton." She said with a gentle voice. Haley sighed deeply. "Fine" she said and I heard her strode away.
"You can come out." Karen called. I putted Olivia to her feet and opened the door. "Hi" I sort of apologized. She just smiled. "Luca wants to see you." She stated. I sighed and raised my eyebrow. "you saved me from the wolf, to bring me to the lion's den?" I asked skeptically. She just nodded. "Great" I muttered. "I'll watch Olivia for you." I rolled my eyes. "gee thanks!" and I considered running the other way when I was around the corner. But that seemed just childish. So no other option than to go to the lion's den.
"Luke?" I sighed deeply, when I entered without knocking, hoping to find something to give me a reason to run out. Be instead I found Lucas I a chair, waiting for me. "Great" I mutter under my breath. I chuckled at the disappointment in y face. Okay that's just scary! I thought to myself.
He stood up. "I'm sorry Peyton, for everything, the last time we were at this point…, the ball was in your court, and I wished everyday you did something else than you did. But now I understand why you did. Being in your shoes makes me see why you decided to do what you did…" He faded to silence. "Great" I said, not sure what else to say.
"but that doesn't mean that I would do the same you did. Because what you did, didn't end well." He said… "I didn't end, I'm still alive I'm surviving." He took a few steps forward. "exactly, you're surviving your marriage, it should be like that…. " He trailed off. He kept doing that.
"Your point??" I tried to get this over with. "oh right My point. Uuh, I'm not marrying Susan today, I'm not. I've fooled myself telling everyone otherwise. But I truth, my heart never stopped aching for you Peyton." I took a deep breath and so did he.
"if you can't live with it now, then I'll wait till you can. I love you. Now we're so close, almost within reach I'm not stepping back." His word kept, echoing in my head. They were giving me a headache. "Okay I need…f-fre—fresh air." I was shaking. I was sure that if I didn't get out now I would be fainting within seconds. I turned around. "I'll wait." He said and placed his hand on my shoulder. That was it, my legs melted and I dropped to the ground while my sight disappeared, my eyes closed and voice became blurs. Thank god! I was out.
Ta da!! yeay! I know! it's so so so... Well typical! Yep okay just review and i"ll be happy.. I hope you're too Yelling at me for not updating i deserve.
