Chaos

Heaven's Not Enough

-LokixSif Post-Thor Movie-

I'd fly away
to a higher plane
to say words I resist
to float away
to sigh
to breathe… forget

Sif was going mad.

In the short time of only a few weeks, it seemed as if all of Asgard had forgotten about their younger, darker prince. Yes, Thor and Frigga still mourned. Yes, Odin's eye clouded with regret with every glance he spared the bifröst. However, to all the other Æsir it seemed as if the mischief maker had never existed.

The Warriors Three were the worst. They merely avoided the topic entirely, although each had their own coping mechanisms. Volstagg, as always, immersed himself in food whenever the actions of the weeks past came up in conversation; likewise, Fandral drowned himself in mead and beautiful Æsir women. Hogun just looked at her blankly before reverting to explaining the archery techniques of the citizens of Álfheimr.

Others of Odin's court passed over the subject with more grace, somehow managing to praise Thor's abilities without acknowledging the involvement or existence of the second son.

So Sif shunned their company, instead only interacting with the royal family. She spared with Thor, and ate her meals at Odin's table. Afternoons were spent with the queen in her gardens, listening to and recounting stories of the scholarly son.

It was one such afternoon - forty-three days since she had last laid eyes upon his face – that Frigga had been mostly silent during their stroll. Sif, not wishing to intrude upon her thoughts, respected the quiet until they sat on a bench overlooking Idunna's golden orchard.

"My Queen," she began softly, "is all well?"

A sad smile stretched Frigga's lips, and, in that moment, Sif realized that she had never seen the woman look so old.

"Nothing is well. Not whilst my son remains scorned and ridiculed from his actions in a position that I unfairly thrust upon him," Frigga murmured. Sif tried to meet her eyes, tried to discern the emotions flickering across their clear depths, but the queen refused to meet her gaze.

"What do you mean?" The question hung in the air for a moment, and the warrior realized how harshly her words had left her mouth.

"As my son and I watched over his father, I knew not how long the throne of Asgard would remain empty, should we have waited for him to awaken from the Odinsleep," she paused to compose herself after her voice cracked. Sif remain quiet, patiently waiting for her companion to finish speaking. "I bestowed upon him the throne and Gügnir. With Thor gone, he was the rightful heir to the crown… he was no usurper as the other Æsir claim. I thought… I thought he could handle the responsibility, but," she wiped a tear from her cheek, "his actions were too hasty for one so recently crowned. With all that was happening, Asgard was not properly prepared for war against the Frost Giants… not emotionally, in any case. But I believe," the queen drew a shaky breath, "that given just a little time, he would have made a fine king."

This time, her tears flowed unchecked. Sif clasped her hands around the queen's, almost to comfort herself as much as the grieving mother beside her.

"As do I, my Queen. As do I," she murmured gently.

Frigga recomposed herself, finally meeting the maiden's eyes for the first time since they had begun their walk. "I also believe that you would have made a fine queen to stand beside him," she spoke as her eyes filled with warmth. Sif blushed and bolted upright.

"My Q-queen-"

Frigga held up her hand against her protest. "I knew of your love for him before you did, my dear, as I knew of his love for you."

The brunette sat in quiet embarrassment, uncertain of how much the queen knew about her relationship with the prince.

"I know you mourn him as I do, Lady Sif, but I must ask you one thing." Sif looked up with inquisitive eyes. "Why have you yet to speak his name in his absence?"

She was about to protest the claim when she stopped herself. Was that true? She realized that it was – even in her private thoughts she had not dared to refer to her love by name. Why? Sif was not sure she knew, not sure if she wanted to know, because –

"I miss him so much it feels as if my chest is filled with a stone instead of a heart. I fear that if I speak his name, that heaviness would become too much for me to bear," she admitted, a little too watery for her own liking. She cleared her throat. "I fear that by speaking his name, I would have to recognize that the love that we shared is now fractured, and that he is now beyond my reach," Sif felt water on her cheeks, and she recognized them as the first tears she had allowed herself since his departure, "but it is pointless, my Queen, because even without speaking his name I know that I will never again touch his face and that this weight in my breast will only continue to increase until it crushes me!"

A hand fell upon her shoulder, but when Sif looked up, it belonged not to Frigga but to the older prince. Thor pulled the stunned woman to her feet before wrapping her in a tight embrace.

"We'll find him, Sif," he murmured. "We'll bring him home. To Asgard. To you."

Completely drained, Sif buried her face in his broad chest. She felt Frigga lay a soft hand on her back. She steeled herself with their support. "I'm coming with you."

"Of course."

"I'll bring him back," she murmured, closing her eyes. "I'll bring Loki back."