I do not own Les Misérables.
Éponine felt her eyes widening in astonishment. Marius had his hands on her shoulders, holding her in place; his lips motionless on hers and his eyes were closed. She stared at his eyelids, her head reeling. 'What is happening?' she thought, trying to establish her wild thoughts. When she was about to move her hands in order to withdraw herself from Marius, he himself took a step behind, opening his eyes.
"What the bloody hell?" Was all she could manage to speak as her eyes locked with his. Marius looked just as scared as she did, which only made her confusion grow.
"I… what?" He muffled, hearing his heartbeat on his own ears. He wasn't certain if he was about to explode or to faint. Perhaps both.
"Did you just…" Éponine shook her head, her eyes still wide open. "Did you just kiss me? What was that, Marius?"
"I don't know."
"How can you not know?! You were the one who did it!" She tried to sound angry at his astonishment. He shouldn't be like that. She should. He had no right to. He was supposed to know what he was doing. But all she could feel was confused. Frantic. Flabbergasted. Marius seemed as disturbed as she did, though.
"I don't know… it was an impulse, I guess."
"I'm hoping you don't have this kind of impulse with all of your friends." Éponine murmured, making Marius titter nervously.
"I have never had such impulse before." She shifted, uncomfortable with the meaning of this statement, but her eyes still diving into his.
"Not even with Cosette?"
"I am actually hiding from Cosette. Why would I want to kiss her?"
"Why would you want to kiss me?" Both fell silent at her question. Marius finally looked past her eyes, feeling his face warm with embarrassment.
"I don't know. I just did." He whispered after a while. Éponine nodded, acknowledging his answer.
"Fair enough. I might just ask you to think carefully before doing such thing again. I am not a prostitute, nor am I exempted of feelings, Marius." She warned, her voice quivering. It was the first time she ever admitted she could feel at all, and Marius knew that, for he looked astonished again.
"I don't see you as a prostitute, Éponine." He slowly lifted his hand so it would rest on her shoulder again. "And I don't think you are exempted of feelings, either."
"Then I ask you to not do these things as if you are the only one that feels something when you do them." Marius knew this was her limit and he couldn't push her to truly explain what she meant with it all.
"I'm deeply sorry, Éponine. I didn't mean for you to feel like this."
"I didn't. And I'm not sorry." She smiled mischievously as her eyes lit up. Marius could count on his fingers the times he saw a smile that reached her eyes, and once again he was pleased to know he was there to witness it. "But I'd rather expect it not to happen again. You may not know the reasons why you did… this… but the last thing I need right now is to spend my days wondering why."
"What do you mean?" He couldn't help but feel confused at this. They were sounding like two demented people with all the subliminal inferences. Éponine tugged at her skirt, uneasy. She herself wasn't certain of what she meant by that.
Evidently she had come to the conclusion that she sort of fell in love with Marius, but she wasn't sure of how much in love she was, and if it was love after all. She had long ago accepted the fact that she couldn't either receive or give love in any way. She was not made for it. She did not deserve it. How could a person who did so wrong in life be worth receiving love, or feeling it, for that matter? Éponine had done so wrong in the past years she knew she had no right to feel such a pure thing as love. Life had tricked her again, because somehow, she did. She felt love – or what she thought was love. She had found a piece of her that was still immaculate enough to feel such thing. And she felt bad for it, because she shouldn't have those things inside of her. But again, there was ever a time where love was fair?
The girl was helpless. She felt things she didn't want to. Éponine didn't want to smile when Marius smiled at her. She didn't want to have the urge of hugging him every time he pretended to be offended when she mocked him. She didn't want to feel the need to soothe the frown on his forehead when he looked confused. And for sure she didn't want to feel the burning desire that consumed her sometimes, when she wanted to kiss his lips fiercely and know what they tasted like. But deep inside, Éponine knew it was wrong to feel all those things. It was wrong because she was not allowed to feel that way. Her life did not allow her. Her beliefs did not allow her. Her reflection on the looking glass all those days behind, did not allow her. Because Éponine was poor. Éponine was ugly. Éponine was a robber. Éponine was a sinner. She was dirty. She was illiterate. She was brutish. She was a street urchin that deserved nothing but pity and revulsion.
"I don't know." She murmured, after all. Marius sighed. He knew he couldn't push her to admit whatever she was feeling. But he wasn't so blind to not realize she felt something. And if that something of hers matched with this something of his, maybe he wouldn't feel so confused around her anymore. Maybe he wouldn't feel as if he was feeling something alone.
"Éponine?" He called, and she looked up. When he didn't react to her response, she raised an eyebrow.
"Yes?"
"I am going to kiss you now."
"What?!" She hissed; her eyes wide open. Marius began to lean forward, his eyes never leaving hers.
"I am going to kiss you now." He repeated and Éponine flinched lightly as she felt his breath near her face.
"Again?"
"Again." He confirmed, and then he was kissing her. Again. And this time, Éponine let him.
I am truly sorry about the wait, but things have been a little frantic around here and I didn't have the time to sit down and actually write. This is a short chapter, the shorter so far, and I apologize for that, but I'm couting that the cuteness held in here will stop you to hate me for being so short hahaha
Thank you a lot for reading, following, reviewing and stuff. It means the world to me :)
