Author's Note: Hey, everybody! I know it's been a while since I've updated...again. Sorry for making you guys wait. I've been putting off writing this chapter because I didn't think I would be able to write it very well. I muddled through it though :) So, here you have it! Enjoy!
The next day, I headed to my locker to discover that I had company: Owen, Katie, and Drew. Katie came up to me and gave me a kiss, letting me know that whatever scuffle we were in was now over. She then pulled me in for a hug and whispered, "I'm sorry," into my ear. Not sure whether I actually meant it or not, I responded with, "I'm sorry too." She seemed satisfied with this answer as she then put one arm around my waist and faced the guys.
"So, are you coming to the party on Friday, man?" Drew asked me.
"What party?"
"Only the biggest party of the year! You have to come!"
"Yeah, man, it's the beer pong championships! You have to defend your title," Owen chimed in, punching me lightly in the arm.
"I don't know if I can this time, guys," I responded, hoping they wouldn't ask me why. I mean, what would I tell them? 'Sorry, guys, I have to ask Jesus first'? Because that would go well.
Fortunately, no one asked. "Whatever, dude. We'll see you there," Owen replied.
"Think he's gonna show?" Drew asked as they were walking away.
"Of course he'll be there. Mike Dallas never skips a party."
Apparently, they were right: I don't skip a party. I still didn't really want to go, but I figured one night wouldn't kill me. As soon as I got in the door, the party-thrower himself, Owen, acknowledged my presence. "Dallas! We knew you'd show up. C'mon downstairs; we've been waiting for you."
"Why?"
"Why? Hello! Beer pong championships, remember? Let's go!" he exclaimed as he all but dragged me downstairs. When I followed him, I discovered that there were already lots of people waiting. I saw Drew grab a megaphone off the counter and figured he was probably about to make an announcement.
"Ladies and gentleman, the beer pong champion, Mr. Mike Dallas, is in the house!" Drew declared, followed by people cheering and booing from all around the room. "Let's get this game goin', guys! It's time for…BEER PONG!" More shouting, some trash-talking from both sides, and the game was on.
I had the first move. Owen tossed me a ball and I tossed it into my opponent's cup. The crowd erupted with chants of "Drink it! Drink it!" as Luke downed his beer. Once again, as he set the cup down with a forceful thud, there was more cheering. Now it was Luke's turn. His first shot easily made it into one of my cups, forcing me to drink what was inside. Was there anything about drinking in the Bible? Like I said, one party wouldn't kill me, right?
Without too much thought after that, I took the ping pong ball out of the cup and drank the beer. After I matched Luke's thud of the cup, it was my turn to throw the ball again. I made the shot with ease. The next shot belonged to Luke. Unfortunately for him, the ball landed in my hands instead of one of my remaining cups. I flashed a victorious smile as I gently glided the ping pong ball into one of Luke's cups. The game continued to go one like this: one of us would either hit or miss, causing an eruption of boos or cheers from the crowd.
As everyone was cheering for me after I had just knocked Luke down to two cups of beer, I got this really weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Having experienced this feeling quite a bit the last week, I recognized it as guilt. The lurch in my stomach was about the equivalent of a slap in the face. 'What am I doing?' I thought. Everyone in the room was cheering me on, and for what? Making a guy I barely know so drunk he can't even see straight? Who gives praise for something like that? More importantly, who embraces and revels in that praise? Oh, that's right…I do.
Not anymore. I took one last look at my opponent across the table, hovered the ball over, and dropped it into one of my own cups.
"Why'd you do that? C'mon! You've gotta win this!" my girlfriend exclaimed.
"Win what?" She looked at me with a quizzical expression, and I took that as my cue to leave.
Before I could make it to the door, I felt a hand grip my arm. I turned around to see the last person I wanted to talk to at the moment. "Dallas!" Owen boomed over the music, "Where are you going? You had that in the bag!"
"This isn't me, Owen!"
He looked at me like I just told him I was a ninja from outer space. "What do you mean? Of course this is you! You're the beer pong champion of Degrassi!"
"Maybe that's the problem," I replied as I pulled my arm out of his grasp and walked out the door.
I wasn't outside five minutes before another person I was dreading having a conversation with decided to join me. "Dallas, what is going on with you?" Katie asked me, flabbergasted as she sat next to me on the bench.
"I just want to be alone right now, Katie," I explained.
"Well you don't get to be alone! You've been alone! You've been in your own little world for weeks! It's time for you to start talking to me, or else you'll be finding yourself with a little extra alone time," she explained, fuming.
I sighed deeply before saying, "Katie, I've been in my own little world for a lot longer than a few weeks."
Still baffled, she replied, "What? What are you talking about? You're not making any sense right now!"
"You wanted me to talk? This is me talking!"
"Well you're not doing a very good job," she defended.
I let out another sigh, shut my eyes in an attempt to calm myself down, re-opened them, and began to speak once again. "Okay, so do you remember that guy I introduced you to the other day? Andrew?"
"Yeah."
"Well…he's a youth pastor," I explained reluctantly.
As realization dawned on her, Katie's expression began to change from confusion to – was that hurt? "Oh, I get it. You're going to church and now you think you're better than all of us because you're a Christian now?"
"No! No, of course not. I'm not even Christian yet."
"Yet?"
"I'm just looking into some things. I don't really know what I'm doing right now. I just know that I need to do it. I can't explain it."
"Is all of this really necessary? Can't you come back to the party and ask for forgiveness later?" she questioned, attempting to pull me back toward the party.
"No, Katie!" I exclaimed, jerking my hand back to avoid being dragged forward. "I can't have a foot in both worlds. Either I do this, or I don't. And if we're being honest, I'm leaning more toward the first option."
"I don't understand why you're doing this now. This isn't you, Dallas!"
"As everyone keeps telling me. But maybe I don't want to be me anymore. Maybe I want to leave a bigger impression on the world that star Ice Hound slash beer pong champion. What is that anyway? I don't know if I want to be that guy anymore."
"I want you to be that guy! That's the guy I fell for four years ago. That's the guy I've given everything to. The guy I want to share my life with." She pauses for a moment, causing an awkward silence, before realization struck her features once more. "You're doing this because of that kid who killed himself, aren't you?" She took my silence as a yes and continued. "We've been over this time and time again. You did not make that choice for him. There is nothing you could have done."
"Oh, yes there was," I snapped, more at myself than at her. "I could've said something."
"You tried talking to him, remember? He didn't listen to you. That's his problem."
"I mean before all that. When everyone was making fun of him, which I caused by the way, and I just stood around and watched. I could have stood up for him. I could have forgiven him and we could be making plans to play video games at my house right now instead of me planning on visiting his grave; but I was too self-righteous and too prideful for that."
After another painful silence, Katie began to speak again. "What did you mean when you said Cam's ridicule was your fault?"
I was kind of hoping she wouldn't hear that. Time to let some skeletons out of the closet. "I tripped him."
"What?"
"The gun never would have fired if I hadn't tripped him. I tripped him, and because of the shock of the fall, Cam accidentally shot and killed his brother. Everyone loved Charlie. That's why everyone hated Cam so much after that; and I hated him more than anyone. I was so angry at myself for causing that accident that I had to project the blame onto the next closest culprit in order to keep myself sane…and that was Cam. I could have avoided all of it if I would have just realized it was just an accident and moved on. I knew Charlie wouldn't want Cam to be treated like that, but for some reason that gave me more fire to keep doing what I was doing. I guess because he wasn't there to tell me himself. I should have just listened to Charlie."
"Dallas, you had a right to be mad at him. Yeah, you probably could have made some different choices, but what's done is done. You can't let these feelings control your life." Another awkward silence later, she spoke again. "Any why am I just now hearing all of this? You've kept so much from me all these years. It's almost like I'm talking to a stranger right now," she said with a frown before she got off the bench and walked back into the party.
Okay, so that's chapter nine! There was a little bit of drama going on between Dallas and Katie this time. Don't you guys just want to punch her? I scream at the television every time I watch this movie because of her scenes. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. If you did, or even if you didn't, PLEASE REVIEW! And as always, if anyone needs to talk about anything, religious or non-religious, please don't hesitate to PM me. Thanks for reading! :)
~You'veGotMeAndJesus
