Title: Coming Full Circle (Last Chance Part 9)
Pairing: Greg/Nick
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~5000
Summary: What will it take for Greg to reach his limit - or for Nick to free himself from the chains of his fear? (AU) Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Just for fun.
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"Where is he?" Greg nearly screamed as he barged through the doors of the emergency room. He had been afraid before - it's not like this was the first time Nick had been hurt on the job - but this time felt a billion times worse.
And it felt like it was all his fault because he broke a promise he had made to himself a long time ago.
Never start a shift angry with Nick.
And now he was fucking terrified that he would never see him again and the last thing he had said to Nick wasn't even close to loving. "Where the fuck is he?" He was beyond screaming now.
"Calm down, Greg." Catherine tried to get him to focus, but the only thing that would calm Greg down was seeing Nick. "You need to get checked out yourself."
"Where - Is - NICK!" He was covered in dirt and scrapes and cuts and bruises. His eyes were wide with the kind of crazy usually reserved for mamma bears or psycho-killers and he was literally panting.
Catherine wasn't going to argue with the man. "Follow me. He's okay Greg. He's right through there in the emergency room. Come on."
Greg didn't need a fucking tour guide. He'd been in this place more times than most and he knew exactly where to go. He pushed past Catherine and barged through the wide double doors clearly marked 'staff only' - no one stopped him. Not even the staff.
"NICK!" He didn't care who he disturbed. He had tunnel vision for Nick. He needed to see Nick. "NICKY!"
"Greg!" Nick's voice rang out from behind one of the curtained treatment bays. "I'm in three, G."
Greg lunged for bay three and gushed Nick's name as the curtain swooshed open. "Ohmygod."
"Greg." Nick's voice shook and he immediately started sobbing. He held his arms out and Greg threw himself onto the gurney and right into them. "Oh god, Greg. I didn't know if..no one would tell me what happened to you."
"I'm okay, Baby." Greg soothed and held onto his lover with ferocity. "Hardly a scratch. They just had a hard time digging me out, that's all."
"I was so scared. No one would tell me anything." Nick couldn't stop shaking. He slipped his hands underneath Greg's tattered shirt so he could feel warm skin and old scars. "I was so fucking scared."
"I know. Me too." Greg held Nick in a too-tight embrace but he couldn't make himself stop. "All I knew is that after the smoke cleared I couldn't see you and then Brass said they took you to the hospital but he didn't know the extent of your injuries."
"Fuck." Nick buried his face into Greg's neck. "We gotta stop doing this shit, man."
"Are you okay?" Greg's hands searched whatever part of Nick's body he could reach without moving away from him.
"Yeah. Nothing's broken. Got a bump on the head. That's it." Nick tried to be as reassuring as his shaky voice would allow. "I'm fine. Just got really fucking scared. I'm okay now that you're here. Don't you dare move from this spot." Nick demanded while he tightened his arms around Greg. "I never want to let you go."
"Oh god, Nicky." Greg finally let himself cry too. "That was too damn close."
Nick couldn't help mixing a bit of bitter laughter with his tears. "Again."
It had all happened so fast.
They were just finishing up the last of the processing when everything went to hell. There was a flash of light and a boom that sounded like thunder and then Greg was buried in a pocket of rubble and Nick was unconscious on the outside of a giant pile of what used to be a two-story house.
Nick woke up in the ambulance and began screaming for Greg immediately.
Greg found himself buried beneath tons of debris. He had been processing the downstairs bathroom when all hell broke loose and the plumbing and reinforced framework of the small room created a protective pocket of space. He tried to see through tiny crevices in the wreckage, looking for Nick. "NICKY!"
The voice that responded wasn't Nick. "Greg?"
Where the fuck is Nicky? "Brass?"
Brass sounded relieved. "Yeah, Greg. Are you okay?"
"Where's Nick?"
"Greg!" Brass tried to focus him. "Are you injured. I need to know what we're dealing with in there."
"I don't think...I'm okay...where's Nick?" Greg was starting to panic.
He could hear Brass barking orders to someone before he directed his voice toward Greg again. "It's going to take some time to get to you. Where was the last place you were standing? We're getting copies of the floor plan so we can pinpoint your location."
"Is Nicky okay?" Greg just needed to know. "Jim!"
"I need an answer Greg. Come on, Buddy. Focus." Brass sounded like he was negotiating with a perp. "Where were you right before the explosion?"
"EXPLOSION?" What. The. Fuck. "Where's Nick?"
"Answer me and I'll answer you, Greg." Brass was negotiating after all.
"Downstairs bathroom." Greg could feel his heart beating out of his chest. "Where's Nick."
"They just took him to the hospital."
Ohgodohgodohgodohgod...
"He's okay, Greg. He's alive and he'll be okay." Brass tried to sound reassuring.
Greg knew him well enough to detect the uncertainty in his voice. Greg started pulling at the debris around him, looking for a way out. His desperate struggle created a shifting of the toppled structure which resulted in his little pocket of safety shrinking a good bit.
"Greg! Damn it, Greg - stop fucking MOVING or the whole house is coming down on your head!" Brass tried to get Greg's attention. "If you want to see Nick, you need to keep your ass alive!"
That worked. "Get me out of here, Jim!"
"We're working on it, Greg. Just stay calm and let us work our way toward you." Brass instructed.
FUCK!
Nick was having his own major freak out in the ambulance. "Where's Greg?" He asked the familiar looking paramedic over and over again.
"Calm down, Stokes." She held her hand on his chest to keep him from moving around too much.
"Calm down?" Nick screamed. "Answer me. Where's Greg Sanders?"
"I can't answer you." She tried to soothe the man struggling to get off of the gurney. She was worried that he would jump out of the moving ambulance if she didn't get him under control. "I don't know. But there's been no report of other casualties, so he's probably fine."
"He was in there. He was inside of that house when it...what the hell happened?" Nick was sure he was losing his mind from fear. This can not be happening again. Not again.
"Explosion. Unknown origin." She knew she needed to answer his questions to keep him from fighting her even more.
"EXPLOSION?" He screamed and pulled himself up from the gurney.
"EXPLOSION? He was in there! Greg was in the house? Oh my god - I need to get back there."
Nick had gotten past the smaller woman easily and was about to open the back double-doors of the ambulance when the vehicle came to a sudden stop. The doors swung open and he was immediately surrounded by doctors and nurses and a couple of very large cops. They wrestled him onto another gurney and the last thing he heard other than the sound of his own screaming was, "Get him sedated STAT!"
It took hours to dig Greg out. Brass quickly looked him over and decided everything look superficial enough to give in to Greg's most immediate need - to see Nick Stokes. He pushed aside the paramedic who was determined to get Greg on a stretcher and pulled Greg toward his cruiser. "Get in before they figure out that I'm kidnapping you."
Brass drove Greg with all the noise and lights and ignored the squawk box ordering them to return to the scene. Not only were Greg's injuries undetermined, but he was also covered in evidence. Brass didn't give a fuck - he just wanted to get his two friends in the same room so they could calm down enough to think clearly.
And when he peeked around the curtain of bay 3, he knew he had made the right call. Nick and Greg were clinging to each other, their words muffled into each other's necks as they cried together. He couldn't understand what they were saying, but he knew it was a hell of a lot more important than any trace evidence that may be attached to what was left of Greg's clothes. He sighed with relief before backing away from the curtain to give the men some space.
"Just given 'em a minute." He said to Catherine as he exited the emergency room.
She gave them ten.
When she reached the curtain she tried to listen to what was going on behind it but she couldn't hear anything. She hated the thought of bothering them, but it had to be done. She cleared her throat to announce herself before she peered around the curtain. "Hey guys."
They were holding each other. Neither man acknowledged her presence.
"Greg. I need to collect your clothes." She handed Greg a hospital gown. "And you need to let the doctor check you out."
"I'm fine." Greg said without budging.
"Greg." Nick soothed his lover. "Honey, let's make sure. You're pumping pure adrenaline right now and might not feel it. Please, G. For me."
"Only if they do it in here." Greg still wasn't letting go. "I'm not leaving your side."
"Leave the evidence bag, Cath." Nick said in his most reassuring southern twang. "I'll get his clothes bagged up for you."
"Sure, Nicky." Catherine had never heard Nick sound so...nurturing. "Do either one of you remember anything before the house exploded?"
They both answered at the same time. "No."
"Okay. We'll talk more tomorrow - maybe something will come up after the shock wears off." Catherine looked at Greg pointedly with that mothering glare. "I'll send the doctor in here."
"Thanks, Cath." Nick was already helping Greg with his shirt.
Catherine backed out and made sure the curtain was closed to give the two men their privacy.
Once Nick had Greg's shirt in the large paper bag, he maneuvered off of the gurney to help Greg with his pants and shoes. It was tricky to get around Greg because he wasn't letting go. "I'm not going anywhere, G."
Greg reluctantly let Nick go, but kept at least one hand on him the entire time.
Once he had Greg's clothes bagged, he helped him into the hospital gown and climbed back on the gurney before tying it loosely in the back for him. He scooted over to make room for Greg to recline next to him, but Greg chose to sit next to Nick instead so he could scan every inch of Nick's body with his hands.
"I promise. I'm okay, Greggo. I'll just have a whoppin' headache in the morning." Nick soothed his frightened boyfriend. He wasn't sure where his strength was coming from because he was scared out of his mind, too. He grabbed Greg's hands and brought them to his lips. They smelled like smoke and wood and metal. Which reminded Nick of why he was scared out of his mind. "God, G. I almost lost you."
"Neither one of us should be sitting here right now." Greg's voice was shaking. "We really gotta stop...god, Nicky"
Nick felt Greg trembling. "We're okay."
"I can't keep doing this, Nick." Greg's hands were still gripping tightly to Nicks. Tears were beginning to pool around the bottom lashes of his eyes. Each tear that escaped the web of tiny hairs created a wet trail on Greg's gritty face. "It's too...it's just..."
The privacy curtain whooshed along its track in the ceiling as the doctor interrupted their moment. "Mr. Sanders?"
"This is Greg Sanders." Nick spoke for his lover. He was relieved for the interruption in what felt like Greg's 'we need to talk' moment.
The doctor looked from one man to the other. Nick was relieved to see understanding in his eyes. "I'm Doctor Heage, but you can just call me Matt." He placed a hand on Greg's shoulder and made no indication that he expected Greg to move from the gurney he was currently sharing with another man. "Let's get a good look at you, shall we?"
"I'm fine." Greg shrugged off Matt's hand. "We just need to go home." He said as he looked into Nick's eyes.
"G, just let the doctor look you over real quick." Nick brushed fingers through Greg's dusty hair. "Then we'll go home."
"Mr. Stokes has already been released." Matt seemed to know what would work on the emotional man. "So he's just waiting for you. As soon as I'm satisfied that you have no serious injuries I'll sign off on you, too. Then you guys can get home."
"I'm staying right here." Greg turned just enough to dangle his feet off of the side of the bed, leaning his back against Nick's hip. "You'll have to do your looking-over from here."
"I can work with that." Matt placed his hand back on Greg's shoulder. "Would it be okay if we took the gown off for a minute?"
Nick reached to untie the back of Greg's gown. Greg let him. Once Greg had pulled the flimsy cotton off of his arms, he let it drape across his lap in a show of modesty.
Nick noticed the shocked expression as it flit across the doctor's eyes when he saw the extensive scarring that covered Greg's body. Over the years Greg had experienced unfathomable horror over and over again. He wore the memories on his skin from head to toe and for anyone - even a medical professional - who wasn't used to seeing Greg's body, it was quite startling. The doctor quickly reigned it in and addressed Greg with a calm, reassuring voice. "Are you in any pain?"
"Um..." Greg closed his eyes and thought about the question as if he hadn't yet allowed himself to feel his own physical condition. "...I've got a little pain on my left shoulder and back and my right foot is kind of throbbing a little...but other than that..."
"On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst, how bad is the pain?" Matt asked as he moved his hands gently along Greg's arms, wriggling wrists and fingers before moving on to Greg's legs, ankles, and feel.
"Um...I guess...maybe a four...five?" Greg leaned into Nick when the doctor lifted his right leg to rotate his ankle.
"So far so good, Greg." The doctor gently lowered Greg's leg. "Can you scoot a little closer to the edge so I can take a quick look at your back?"
Matt made the tactile exam as quick as possible. Greg kept his eyes closed as gloved hands roamed his flesh. Nick watched the doctor closely as he listened to his lover's heart and lungs. He could see the sympathy in Dr. Matt's eyes as he realized the extent of Greg's previous injuries. "You've got yourself some fairly deep bruises, but nothing appears broken. None of these scrapes and cuts are deep enough to require stitches, but one or two are going to leave a mark."
Greg made a sound that Nick knew well. It was a mix between a grunt and a sigh and it was all about bitter sarcasm.
"Not like it matters. What's one more mark? I crossed the line of hideous years ago." Greg said while covering himself with the gown.
Nick let it slide. For now. "Thanks doctor."
Matt nodded. "You're both going to be sore and swollen here and there for a few days. Rest. No work for a week. Tomorrow you're both going to be feeling it. I'll send you home with something for pain in case you need it."
"I think we can handle that." Nick rubbed Greg's bare back through the opening in the back of Greg's now-untied gown.
Greg nodded. "Yep. Can we go now?"
Dr. Matt chuckled. "I'll have the nurse bring you guys some scrubs - I'm sure you don't want to wear your matching dresses home."
After the doctor left the two men in privacy, Nick smoothed his palm over the bumpy terrane of Greg's bare back. Hearing Greg refer to himself as hideous felt like a punch in Nick's gut. "Greg..."
Greg cut him off. "Let's go home."
"As soon as we get those scrubs, G." Nick soothed. "Baby." How can he not know how beautiful he is? "Greg...what you said...about your scars...you know that I don't feel..."
Greg spun around and met Nicks eyes with intensity. "I know you love me, Nicky. You love me despite how...I've ended up." Greg pulled Nick into a kiss by the front of his gown. "I just want to go home now. Okay?"
The ride home was quiet. Warrick drove. Sara tagged along. They filled in a few of the details - like the fact that the explosion was deliberate and was assumed to be unrelated to the living people - specifically cops and CSI - in or near the house at the time. Preliminary findings from the scene indicated that the bomber had a faulty timer and apparently his or her mission was to cover up the gruesome murder of the homeowners.
Nick and Greg sat in the back seat of the state issued SUV holding hands and leaning against each other...neither of them was paying much attention to the unfolding story of what happened to them earlier in the night. Greg's eyes were closed and every once in a while Nick would look at him. There was so much he needed to say to Greg and he didn't even know where to start.
The events of the night scared Nick more then he had ever been scared before - which was saying a lot because Nick's been pretty fucking scared in the years he'd been a CSI.
They both got lucky. More lucky than they've ever been lucky before. There is no doubt in Nick's mind that they should both be dead and the fact that they walked out of an emergency room relatively unharmed was beyond miraculous.
Nick leaned his aching head onto Greg's. A fucking miracle.
Nick decided right then and there in the back of a Denali that smelled like the lab mixed with the kind of sweat the comes from fear, that if he didn't stop messing up with Greg he was going to get them killed. Surely every close call since the first time he had had a loaded gun pointed at his face was a kick in the ass from God. If he kept giving God more reasons to remind him to appreciate his life with Greg - eventually he would run out of chances. How patient could God possibly be, anyway?
And after Greg's comment about his own self-image, Nick also realized he may have a lot more to apologize for than just the latest bout of misdirected anger and his complete lack of communication.
He had also been completely disregarding his boyfriend's need for reassurances - for years apparently. They were guys in every sense of the word - both of them - so Greg was never one who needed a lot of romance or sweet talk. But Nick hadn't really paid much attention to the fact that Greg may actually need to hear a few kind words - maybe a compliment now and then...or just know that Nick thought he was still as hot as ever. No - that's not quite right. Greg was gorgeous and every single blemish or scar that marked his survival made him more so.
When they had first started having sex with each other, Nick was fairly expressive in bed. One of Nick's little quirks was the way a man's back looked while he was being fucked from behind. Some guys are ass people, some are hands people...for Nick it was watching the strong, masculine lines of spine and ribs and narrow hips writhing beneath him. So. Sexy. And Greg had an exceptionally sexy shape - especially his back. Nick would chatter away while he fucked Greg hard and deep as his hands roamed every inch of Greg from ass to neck. You're so hot - fuck, Greg, your perfect - love the way your back looks when I fuck you.
Then the lab exploded.
And after Nick had finally come around again - he was shocked by what remained of Greg's beautiful back. He didn't know what to say and feared he would make Greg feel worse by saying anything, so he just pretended like nothing was different and didn't mention Greg's back at all.
Eventually he got comfortable touching the mangled mess that used to be perfect skin, but any mention of Greg's back remained absent in Nick's sex talk. Nick just didn't want to draw attention to it because he didn't want Greg to think about it because he thought that Greg would just feel bad. So no more ramblings about Greg's sexy back while fucking his lover. Not one word. Nothing. Not because he no longer felt turned on beyond belief by Greg's body - because the roadmap of scars were actually really...beautiful - but because he didn't want Greg to think he pitied him or thought less of him. He didn't want to draw attention to something that was so obviously painful to his boyfriend.
What a stupid plan.
Nick rolled his head so he could kiss Greg's temple. "You okay?" He whispered.
"Tired." Greg said with his eyes still closed. "Grimy."
"Yeah. Me too." Nick nuzzled. "We'll take a quick shower and go right to bed."
Greg sighed and nodded.
He couldn't even remember the walk from the car to the shower, but there he was being gently shampooed by Nick.
Beautiful Nicky.
Beautiful, living, breathing Nick Stokes.
Nick Stokes who was rinsing shampoo from his hair while humming some random country tune quietly to himself.
God.
Greg leaned into Nick's warm, slick body, wrapped his arms around strong shoulders and sobbed into Nick's neck. Nick stopped humming and wrapped himself around Greg's body with gentle strength. "It's okay, G. We're okay."
"Why?" Greg asked between jagged sobs. "We both should be..."
"Don't say it." Nick felt his control over his own tears breaking. "Wrong place, wrong time. Let's just leave it at that."
"How many more times can we cheat death, Nick?" Greg still clung to Nick. "I can't do this again. I can't keep losing you."
"You've never lost me, Babe." Nick pulled them apart enough to look into Greg's eyes. He gently slicked back Greg's hair. "I'm right here."
"No. I mean yeah...yes. You are. I am. I just..." Greg said the words he had almost said a million times over the last eight years. "I'm always the last to know. Every fucking time. I hear that you've had a gun pointed at you or you flew through a fucking window. I watched you...for fucking hours...green glow and silence...and I couldn't get to you. I couldn't reach you, Nick. And I've always had to watch and wait for someone else to fucking tell me that you made it - that you're okay. And I shouldn't have to wait - I should have never had to wait. I'm...I thought you were gone. Every single time and it fucking killed me...every...single...God, Nicky." Greg's sobbing was making it hard to speak but he had to get it all out of his soul. He had to tell Nick because if he didn't he was sure he would just shut himself down and never be able to pull himself out of it. "I thought I lost you. No one could tell me and I couldn't get out of that fucking house. I couldn't get to you. Again. And no one would tell me anything and I thought you...I really thought that this time you..."
"Jesus, Greg. I'm sorry. Baby - I didn't know. I'm sorry." Nick felt himself falling apart now too. "No one would tell me anything either. They said there was an explosion but wouldn't tell me if you were okay. I didn't know if there was a fire or...god, Greg. I was terrified that there was a fire and you were trapped and scared and...I...I'm sorry you've had to feel like that so many times before. I didn't know..."
"I kept thinking that you were gone and the last thing I said to you was that you were an ass." Greg kissed Nick softly. "You're not an ass, Nick."
"No. You were right. I was acting like an ass. I was upset and I didn't tell you about how I was feeling until I blew up in your face from the pressure." Nick pulled them closer together. "I love the idea of a wedding. It just hurts knowing that..."
"I know." Greg had finally stopped crying and was now comforting Nick. "I was insensitive not to think about that before I started going on and on..."
Nick hushed Greg with another kiss. "You shouldn't have to police yourself. I love you and I love your enthusiasm for public declarations of your love for me."
"No more going to work mad..."
"Greg. I'm so sorry..." Nick's eyes welled with raw emotion.
"Shut up, Nicky."
"I'm serious, I'm sorry..."
"Nicky. You're going through some shit with your folks. You're going to struggle through it and sometimes we're going to get pissed at each other and that's okay. I'm going to try to be more understanding and you're going to try to communicate your feelings better and we'll fuck up and it doesn't matter because I love you and you love me and we're going to be fighting through life together no matter how many times you're a dick or I'm an asshole or whatever the fuck...because I swear Nick Stokes if we have one more close call I'm going to personally kick your ass..."
Nick swallowed Greg's ranting in a kiss which left his boyfriend melting into his lips. "Let's go to bed. We'll talk more later."
Greg readily agreed to that plan. He was so tired. "I'm holding you to it."
"I'm counting on it."
A few minutes later they were tangled together. Nick buried his face into Greg's chest and softly kissed one of his small, star shaped scars while he let the day's events catch up with him. He felt heavy and tired and so needy to feel every bit of Greg he could reach.
"Just because they gave up on you doesn't mean you have to give up on them." Greg's almost whispered into Nick's wet hair. Nick adjusted himself so he could look at Greg's face. He saw nothing but genuine affection in his lover's eyes. Nick was once again reminded of how incredibly lucky - and somewhat undeserving - he was to have Greg's love.
Nick's fingers stroked Greg's stubbled jaw on the side of his face that had been forever altered by a few well placed boots slamming into his skull and cheek years ago. It was subtle and most people probably didn't even notice - but there was a shadow there, a slight shifting of the boney structure that distracts a bit from Greg's boyish features and Nick thought it also made Greg so handsome. This was just one of the many things that Nick needed to tell him. But that could wait for a little while longer because more than anything he wanted to just drift away listening to Greg breathe. "Would it be an insult to your masculinity if I told you that you're beautiful?" That would have to be enough for now.
"A little. But I can live with it." Greg smiled - really smiled...
...and Nick felt a million pounds lighter.
TBC
