Edward
"A Pretty Memory Tainted With Ugliness"
I had no recollection of moving, no recall of how I made it home. I was still in shock as I opened the door and the concerned look on esme face was the thing to bring me back. Everything came rushing back and I hurtled to the bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach. I could hear esme calling for Carlisle as she followed me. She rubbed my back comfortingly as she watched me, I'm sure I looked like hell. Crying and dry heaving is not an easy feat.
She constantly asked what was wrong while Carlisle used his doctor card with me, I didn't want to relive tonight at all. I didn't know what to do; I pushed Carlisle away and sit up on the floor with my head in my hands.
I wanted to erase these images from my eyes and mind; I wanted to erase the look on Bella's face. Just remembering that night has me dry heaving again. Thinking of all the times I've slept with Bella is making me feel dirty.
She's on my mind and her scent is surrounding me so much, it's suffocating. I want to scratch any traces of her off of me.
"Edward son what happened?" Carlisle asks.
I want to talk about it but I can't, it's still too fresh on my mind.
"Is he sick?" I hear rose questioning them.
I look up to see Rosalie standing the doorway clutching a stuffed bear; her small face is etched in concern. I try to smile but it's come off as a grimace.
"Carlisle you take rose back to bed, I'll talk to Edward" esme takes charge.
He wants to disagree but the look on her face stops him; he scoops up rose and leaves the room. Esme closes the door and sits next to me.
"Baby boy I hate to see you hurting, tell me what's bothering you" she says touching my shoulder.
I shake my head, afraid if I speak I'll start crying again.
She nods "does this concern Bella?" she asks softly.
That was all it took for the dam to burst, everything is about Bella. Her name causes me to break and remembering her smile but then I remember Tanya's smile and its over from there.
"Tell me what happened" she pushes.
I'm gasping between sobs, everything coming out in a jumbled mess. She tells me to slow down.
"She… killed… her!" I cry out.
"Who killed who?" she says calmly.
"Bella….. Killed…..Tanya"
She stares at me for a few seconds "sweetie you have to explain"
"She was… she was the one driving the car"
Tears sprang to her eyes and she dug her nails into my shoulder "tell me" she begs.
I recount the whole conversation making myself numb to feel, everything she told me. The parts about her parents covering it up and the fact that the police went along with it.
She calms down faster staring at me sadly " Edward accidents happen and the fact that it involved two people you care about it just makes it worse but do not blame Bella"
I look at her confused and angry .
"She already blame herself too much, what happened overshadowed her life and you saw that but don't be angry. Don't condemn her for something that was beyond her control, you want to be angry at someone be angry at the police of forks and Charlie and Renee swan"
"She was behind the wheel"
"Anyone could have been behind that wheel that night, anyone it just happened to be Bella and she doesn't need you of all people turning your back on her"
"It's too late, she left me"
Esme stands up angry now "Edward I raised you better than that, you let her walk away with more guilt on her shoulders!"
"You don't treat someone you love that way, I don't care what she did love goes beyond that!"
I opened my mouth to utter a lie, to deny what I felt. I know why she was angry but I was confused, Tanya was my best friend my only friend and to find out she was taken away by the women I love is a hard blow to come by.
"Mom, what do I do? I don't know how I should feel, I feel angry I feel hurt but should I feel this way?" I begged for her help.
"Baby boy I can't tell you how you should feel but think if the situation was reversed, how would you feel then? Bella has already suffered enough but she doesn't deserve this from you, Tanya is gone and there is nothing you can do to bring her back"
I nod crying silent tears "I feel like I would be insulting her memory being with Bella"
She sighs "I know, I know but don't you think Tanya would want you to be happy?"
I don't know want she want's anymore; I'm seeing her broken body on the gurney. The life gone from her hazel eyes, they don't sparkle anymore. I don't hear her high laugh and I don't hear her heartbeat.
"Don't think about it tonight, get some sleep and tomorrow we can fix this"
"Can we?"
"Edward Tanya's death can't stop you from loving Bella, only you it's your choice to forgive. Just remember people go but love never dies"
She leaves me to shower and think about the coming day, I can admit I reacted the wrong way but what was I supposed to do? Though it was wrong for me to blame her for something beyond control. Her face still haunts me; it sends cracks in my heart.
Tanya Denali was my best friend, my family and my life back then but Isabella swan is my life now. Isabella swan is the woman I love, Tanya may be gone but Bella is living and that's what matters.
I get ready for bed dreading reliving the past in my dreams, I see the painting of Bella on my wall and it creates the first smile since. I'm going to fix this somehow; I have to it not a choice. It's a law of love. I get in bed when I hear the soft shuffle of feet in my room, I smile when I see Rosalie standing by the bed. My smile fades when I notice the tears in her crystal blue eyes, I beckon her forward and she climbs on the bed clinging to me tightly.
"Why are you crying?" I ask gently.
She sniffs "I don't like seeing you hurt" she says in a small voice.
My heart expands with love for this small child I just met but call sister, in a few short minutes she captured my heart. Just like Bella.
"I'm better now" I say.
"Promise?" she says.
I kiss her forehead "I promise"
She settles in the bed clutching her stuffed bear, its quiet except for the few occasional sniffles.
"Will Bella be here tomorrow?" she asks.
Will she? I think will she still want me? I vow to do whatever it takes to bring her back.
"Yes" I say at last.
"Good, I think I love her already"
I smile "I think I love her too"
There is no nightmare waiting for me in my dream, all I see is Bella and the dimples in her cheek. The twinkling of her honey brown eyes, and her red flaming hair. Her soft pink lips and I could hear her musical laugh.
Tanya is gone but Bella is still here and with that thought I'm off to sleep.
Yes Two Updates!
I Love You Ladies
Poor Edward
I Adore Rosalie
What do you think? what was your favorite line?
