a/n- Hello dear ones! i hope you enjoyed the smut! This chapter gets a bit angsty so be prepared! I'm writing these chapters like crazy right now!
Anyway as always R&R and enjoy!
Much love!
Things became awkward to say the least after that. Missions continued, and Natsu still helped out at the orphanage. Lucy went out of her way to keep conversations light and constant they spoke about the weather and their missions, and which fruits were in season, but there was another conversation happening at the same time, a silent, painful one.
Natsu stole secret glances at her throughout the day and he was surprised at how often he caught her doing the same. There were subtle touches. The back of her hand would bump his when they ate, or their thighs would touch when they sat at the same table. She would rub his back when he got motion sick, and sometimes when he wasn't. He took to tucking her hair behind her ear when it fell into her face. Natsu was sure that the guild had noticed but they were afraid to say anything.
Natsu kept himself busy, he trained with Gray harder than ever and even plucked up the courage to spar with Erza one morning, which ended poorly, he was left with a bloody gash over his eyebrow and a very bruised body. He hoped that keeping his body exhausted and his mind overloaded he wouldn't think about her, yet it still wandered. To the sparkle in her eye when they came home from a mission, and they softness of her voice when she sang lullabies to the children. It also wandered to the other places, he thought about the way her skin glowed that night, and the burning of her fingers on his chest and stomach. He swore she had set him on fire, and the flame was never going to die. He wanted to take her hand every time he saw her, he wanted to lean in and press his lips against hers and steal her breath the same way she'd stolen his.
Despite his best efforts to distance himself from her to avoid making her uncomfortable there were still too many situations that they ended up alone. Moments at the orphanage, and they still walked to the guild together. He treasured the moments, but they became fewer and fewer, soon Levy joined them and Juvia came along sometimes as well. Not that it really bothered him, he enjoyed the company of the two blue haired women. Levy and Lucy were always talking about books and he discovered that Lucy was a writer. Juvia was calm and collected most of the time unless Gray was mentioned, he had to admit that watching her talk about Gray was inspirational she would do anything for him and was protective of him to an extreme. Juvia told him that she had once been a naval captain for the king but left the year before Natsu came to Dekar. She never said why. Soon Lucy and Natsu always had other people around them, until one day.
Two weeks after their night together they had both ended up in the library. Lucy was bent over a desk, her head tucked into a book, she seemed so wrapped up in it that she didn't notice Natsu walk in, much to his relief. He ducked into one of the aisles and skimmed quickly for the book he came to get. A book about faking one's death, that Erza had nonchalantly mentioned over lunch that day. He had, over the past few weeks, slowly come to terms with the fact that he did not want to go back to the castle. He knew he had responsibilities and a duty to DeKar, but he had found a family with Fairy Tail. A place where he was accepted and he knew he'd fight for these people, regardless of the cost. He'd never felt that way, not even for his own brothers. So Natsu decided that he was going to find a way to stay.
He was so concerned about finding the book, preemptive plans already hatching in his head that he didn't pay attention to pay attention to where he walking, and walked right into her. He let a low oof noise as her head collided softly with his chest, Her book hit the floor with a quiet slap. He took a step back,
"Hey, you okay, I didn't see you. I wasn't paying attention. " he rubbed the back of his head embarrassed.
Lucy rubbed the tip of her nose which had taken much of the force of the collision, "No, no it's okay, I'm fine. I should have been paying closer attention,"
He bent down to pick up the book she'd dropped, a thick heavy volume. He looked the cover over as he stood up.
The Escapist, by Makarov Dreyar
This was the book Erza had mentioned.
His mind reeled, why would Lucy have it? He stood staring at the leather cover, it looked aged and unused. Like it was put on the self and forgotten about. His mind leaped into action. Did she want to get away from him that badly? For the second time in two weeks Lucy snapped something in him, but instead of setting him free like she had the first time, this time hurt, like bones breaking one by one. His eyes met Lucy's, his gaze was hard, it was the same one he used with stubborn soldiers. He took a meaningful step toward her. In her surprise she stepped back, backing herself into one of bookcases. He took another step, effectively invading her space. He placed a forearm against the books above her head, trapping her. He was tired of being lead through a dance in which she was the only one who knew the steps. He was tired of being strung along by mixed feeling and convoluted signals. He was going to get answers out of her.
He leaned in closely, "That's an interesting choice of afternoon reading,"
"Yes, well. I was curious." Her eyes were cold.
He smiled at her menacingly, "Curiosity huh. You know what they say about curiosity, it killed the cat." He looked at the book.
"Well, good for me I'm a rabbit," she leaned closer to him, a bold move, but that was Lucy for you.
"So you are." He growled
"Besides I wasn't look to fake my own-" she bit her lip realizing she'd said too much.
He felt a knot uncoil in his chest, his bones mending themselves. She wasn't trying to get away from him. In fact they were trying to do the same thing.
A way for him to stay.
He leaned in closer still, so that their lips brushed when he spoke, "If you want me to stay all you have to do is ask,"
Her eyes closed against his breath. When she opened them again for a moment he saw a longing that matched his own, then it was gone, replaced again with the same coldness.
"Well it's a good thing for you I'm not asking,"
He dropped his arm away from her, and handed her his book. His intimidation game coming to end.
"I suppose it is," then he turned on his heel and walked away.
He stormed though the guild hall, the noise hardly registered with him anymore. He absent mindeldy dodged a foreign object when it flew towards him. Or perhaps it was the dark cloud surrounding him that caused it to miss him. He burst out the doors breathing deeply of the forest air, it cooled him inside and out. His pace slowed as he trampled the earth beneath him, the whispering crunch of pine needles and dried leaves comforting him, lulling the anger and hurt away.
He followed the lightly forged path his boots had been making over the past six weeks, one he doubted many others had noticed. It led to a small decrepit cabin. Some of the wood was rotting away and a good portion of the shingles and long since been carried away by strong winds. It sat on top of a cliff overlooking Magnolia, he could see the whole town and the forest beyond, but the cabin itself was obscured by trees he was sure no one in town could see it. It offered privacy and beauty, and Natsu thought it was perfect.
The day he found it was the day he knew he wanted to stay, the day after he danced with Lucy in the square. He could see the square from the edge of the cliff, small colored dots moving about in the afternoon. He could see the orphanage and Lucy's house as well. As he watched the town his mind wandered.
Lucy was so irritating, how could she dance with him, fuck him, and then be completely indifferent. She reminded him of the ocean, he could stand on his balcony at the castle in the morning to be greeted by calm glistening water, and by lunch see tall black waves crashing against the shore, and he was the lost sailor in the row boat, floundering for a control of his small vessel, for his own feelings,victim to the will of the sea.
He thought about Alexandria, weather or not she would pay the ransom, or if there was a part of her that hoped to never see him again. It would grant her true freedom again, but duty drove them both. They would live out their sham, act their parts until time took one of them first. There would come a time they would have to produce an heir, the thought made him cringe, she was beautiful but he felt no attraction to her. Alexandria could never set fire to his skin, or melt him just by smiling at him.A stone settled in his gut at the idea of leaving Lucy behind. He would rather be her partner and deal with her changing moods and hundred times a day rather than never see her smile again. Any day now would be the last time he would see it.
Natsu sat on the edge of the cliff, solemnly watching the sun set over Magnolia.
