I can't believe him. I can't believe her. I can't believe either of them, I can't believe he did this to me. I fucking trusted him and he did this to me.

I guess I should explain what I can't believe.

I was walking around and I heard yelling coming from the restroom so I went in to see what was going on and I saw Russel standing there with Murdoc pinned against the wall and Murdoc's face was all bloody and he was half naked then I saw Paula standing off to the side yelling and she barely had anything on. She was busy trying to pull her shirt back on and Russ was yelling that he couldn't believe Murdoc would do something this stupid and he told Paula to get out. It took a few seconds before they noticed that I was standing there, Russel couldn't think of anything much to say so he just told me he's sorry. I asked what was going on, I mean I know what was going on I'm not THAT stupid that I can't figure out that my best mate shagged my fucking girlfriend. Murdoc told me it wasn't his fault and that it was her idea and he didn't even wanna do it, I could hardly get myself to look at him but I made myself look him in the eye long enough to yell at him to just shut the fuck up. I didn't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it; I don't wanna hear anything that he has to say to me, I just kept telling him to shut his mouth and I don't want to hear anything from him because I don't believe him and…..

Paula didn't seem to care, she just seemed kind of awkward I guess. I told her to get out of my house, that she's out of the band, and I never want to see her again. She got really angry at me before running off.

I kind of remember Murdoc started talking again except his voice was really quiet like he was too scared to actually say anything to me. I don't know what he was saying, I don't care; I left the room. I've been locked up in my bedroom for a long time now, Murdoc followed me at first he was knocking on the door and trying to talk to me and then he finally gave up but I don't think that he ever left. A couple of minutes ago he was knocking and talking through the door again, saying he's sorry and he always told me that she's no good for me, and that he really wishes he hadn't done it. I didn't say anything, he finally stopped but I'm pretty sure that he's still out there. He looked scared when I did look at him, a very very small part of me kind of felt bad for yelling at him and just the way he was looking at me….I don't know what it is or what it meant or why I even feel bad for being mad at him. I shouldn't feel bad; he should never have done that. She was my girlfriend; if he could ever get a girlfriend I never would do this to him.

The funny thing about it is I don't care as much about her cheating on me and using me, I'm more upset that he could do this to me.