I bathed in the security of knowing he was there. Hearing his voice, I needed him so much closer. I had only spent a few hours away from him, but already I missed him so much. I never knew it would be possible to miss someone this much. "Peeta!" I squeaked in a tone that did not belong to me. I could hear him breathing on the other end of the phone and he sounded so desperate. "How are you even calling?" I asked, trying to stall him with unimportant details. "I found your note and went straight to Haymitch, who called Effie who gave me the number for the train you're on." He explained quickly, wanting to get it out of the way so he could talk to me about the real reason he was calling. "What are you doing?" He asked, a hint of anger in his voice. I could just imagine his face right now. His bright blue eyes aflame with passion, his blond hair flowing gently; I wished he was here with me.
"The Capitol needs me," I began to explain but he interrupted me, "I need you!" I had never had Peeta shout at me like this, except when he was under the influence of hijacked memories. "I'm coming to the Capitol," he began, but it was my turn to interrupt him, "No, you can't! You're not in a healthy enough condition and your leg-"
"I don't care about my stupid leg, I'm coming!" Peeta shouted down the phone. I looked at Gale who was stood beside me. He could hear what I was saying and I assume he could hear Peeta's shouts through the receiver, but he didn't know what we were saying because when I turned to him for advice he merely shrugged. "This is the only train scheduled for District 12 in weeks, Peeta." I explained to him quietly, trying to calm him down. The last thing I wanted was Peeta angry at me, although it was inevitable, considering what I had done to him. "I'll walk." Peeta said, his voice determined. "It's miles," I explained incredulously, "Even with a fully working leg-"
"Can you stop talking about my leg? Can you stop reminding me how weak I am?" Peeta said, a hint of hurt in his voice. His outburst took me by surprise and we were both silent for a moment, but I could hear his heavy breathing down the other end of the phone and I knew how frustrated he was. I tried to imagine how I would feel if the roles were reversed. I imagined I would feel hurt, betrayed and abandoned. No wonder Peeta was getting so angry with me. I was such a terrible person. I took a deep breath before starting again.
"I'm sorry." We both said simultaneously and despite everything, this small thing made us both laugh. I could hear his laughter, which sounded like wind-chimes in a gentle breeze. Beautiful and relaxing. We were both silent for a moment, before I spoke again through the quiet, "The Capitol want to see me, to make sure I'm okay. So does my mother. Gale's mission was to get me to The Capitol and it was high priority, so there was a train waiting for us. I'm sorry." Peeta was silent for a few moments, taking in the information I had just divulged.
"Call me when you get there?" Was all he asked and I was blown away by his understanding. I exhaled sharply and smiled. "Of course." I whispered down the phone. "I love you." He told me. "I love you too." I replied, the panic setting in again from my own confusing emotions. I had to keep it together, especially in front of Gale. I listened to one last beautiful breath of Peeta's before I heard the receiver click and go dead. I held the phone, listening to the dead buzzing noise, trying to drown everything out, but it didn't work. Gale came over and took the phone away from my ear before placing it back down on the receiver.
"Everything okay?" He asked, but I wasn't sure if he was genuinely concerned or just making conversation. I just nodded and turned away to sit back down in my seat. He followed me like a puppy and this irritated me somewhat. I wasn't sure if Gale was trying to be helpful or wean me off of Peeta. Gale carried on drinking his wine, draining his glass before he went and poured himself another. "Want one?" he asked, as he stood before the cart, pouring himself a second. I genuinely contemplated it for a moment, thinking back to the last time I got drunk, with Haymitch. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It had certainly drowned out the pain for a while, which is something that would be very useful right now. Before I really knew what I was doing I was agreeing and Gale was pouring me a glass of wine. I drank it immediately, the sharp berry taste burning the back of my throat for a moment, making me wince. I went to get a second glass immediately and drank it just as quickly, which made Gale look at me shocked. I just laughed and poured myself a third glass, drinking this one much slower, at a more acceptable rate.
Gale and I spent hours sitting in the lounge as the train silently sped its way towards the Capitol. By nightfall, I was incredibly drunk. Everything was blurry and spinning. I was seeing two Gales, which could only be a bad sign. I felt nauseous and giddy at the same time, but I no longer felt my earlier overwhelming and confusion emotions of love and my fear of it. I smiled, happy knowing that I was finally allowed some relief from literally being lovesick. Gale looked at me a vacant yet surprising stare in his eyes and he said, "I think it's best if I put you to bed." I merely lolled my head to the side in response, to which he stumbled to his feet and lifted me off of mine into his arms. For some reason I found this hilarious and Gale carried me through the train to the bed compartment. He threw me down on the bed jokingly and I cried out, begging him not to push me around because of the alcohol swishing around in my stomach. This was the most fun I had had with Gale in years.
Suddenly I took in my surroundings and I remembered. This was the same bedroom I had spent in Peeta's arms on the Victory Tour. The memories washed over me, but they weren't as powerful as I knew they would've been normally. A drunken haze protected me from my own emotions and I curled up in the blankets, fully clothed, wishing for Peeta to be beside me but thankful that he wasn't. He was safe back home, where my confusion and constant pushing and pulling couldn't hurt him. Some time apart would be good for us. It would help me clear my head and learn to understand just exactly what I felt for him. I felt Gale collapse on the other side of the bed and scramble under the covers. This just felt wrong. This was my bed with Peeta, didn't he know that? Of course he didn't. Because nobody understood. Nobody except Peeta. "I need the toilet," I mumbled, clambering out of the bed and out into the corridor. I stumbled through the still moving train compartments until I found the phone from earlier. Taking it off the receiver I searched the buttons groggily for a moment before finding the redial button. I pressed it and listened to the phone ring three times, before Peeta picked up. "Hello?" Peeta asked, his voice deep and croaky from just having woken up. It sounded so... sexy. "Hello darling." I whispered bursting into laughter at the end. "Katniss, is that you?" He asked, sounding concerned. "The one and only!" I laughed down the phone and I heard him chuckle. "You're drunk." He said. It was not an accusation, merely an observation. "I know," I admitted and my previously giddy mood dwindled away. Tears began to leak form in my eyes. I tried to hold them back but the spilt over regardless, falling down my cheeks and dropping off of my chin and onto the floor. As I wept, my breathing got ragged and Peeta heard me. "Katniss, are you crying?" He asked me. "No," I lied, but my voice betrayed me, portraying my sadniss.
"Oh Katniss." Peeta sighed and I wanted nothing more than for his warm muscular arms to wrap around me. To lay my head on his chest and fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. I missed him so much and I'd only been away from him for a day. I knew this kind of love wasn't healthy. It was consuming me from the inside out. I didn't understand how I could look so wholesome on the outside when evidently I was so broken on the inside. He just listened to me cry, not saying a word, his mere presence keeping me calm. After a while, he asked, "Where's Gale?"
"Asleep." I told him, thinking about Gale lying in Peeta's spot in the bed we shared. I knew I wouldn't return back there. I would find somewhere else to sleep. I didn't care if that upset Gale. He'd understand, once I explained things to him. I hoped. If not, I didn't really care at this current moment in time, I was acting on instinct, because I was highly intoxicated. Peeta did not rush me or tell me to go to bed. I sat down, my back against the wall and I could feel the vibrations of the train moving against the bottom of my legs. "I wish you were here." I admitted, giving into my weakness. I was supposed to be strong. After all, I was the one doing this to the both of us. "So do I. So much." Peeta told me. I laid my head down, the phone against my ear and I just stayed still. I found myself praying that something would pick me up and lay me down in Peeta's warm arms.
At some point in the night, I fell asleep. I had a dreamless sleep and when I woke up in the morning, I felt like hell. The receiver was on the floor beside me. Gale must either still be asleep or not have found me yet. I picked it up and could hear Peeta snoring on the other end. I thought about waking up, but instead I hung up and put the phone back. He needed his rest. I went to the bathroom and splashed water over my face in an attempt to wake me up. Instead, I got into the shower and let the hot water wash away the haze that was still fogging around me. I stayed in the shower for over an hour, before forcing myself to get out and dry off. I put my clothes back on and went to find Gale. I found him still asleep on the bed and decided to leave him to rest. The more rest he got the better he would feel when he woke up. I sat by the window and watched the scenery rush by. I could see the Capitol over the horizon and knew it was only a matter of hours before we would be there. That thought both excited and scared me. I couldn't wait to see my mother but I wondered what the Capitol wanted with me. Only time could tell...
