Dear Ventus,
How are you? These last three months have been really tough for me, but I'm getting better.
To be honest with you, I had been feeling incredibly down, my mind clouded with dark thoughts. For three weeks, I stayed in the same room, sitting on a bed, waiting for my end to come. But it never came. The monsters have lost all of their interest in me, if they don't see me, they won't attack. So after three weeks of waiting, I finally decided to move again. And my path finally led me to one of this huge creatures, to the end I was waiting.
As you can guess if you are reading that, I did not die. I suppose my mind saved me. It had been a while since the last hallucination, but I must say this one appeared right on time. I would love to say that it was you, or Terra, or even the Master, but it wasn't. I was on my knees, eyes closed, waiting for the monster to attack, when I heard a voice. "So this is it, then. Giving up already? Who knows, you could have found the way out just tomorrow, but I guess you'll never know, now. Such a pitiful loser." I wouldn't have expected my mind to create an hallucination of Vanitas, but it did and it was probably the most clever move. Had it been you, or Terra, I probably wouldn't have listened, because hearing your voices would have just doubled my guilt. I didn't expect Vanitas, I listened to him, and his words actually gave me strength. I found that in the end, I just couldn't let myself die that easily.
It isn't the first time I am this close to giving up, and I know it probably won't be the last either. But that fake Vanitas was right. I can never know what tomorrow will bring. The best way to live down here is to live from day to day. If you can't find the way out today, then tomorrow might be the day.
I want you to know that I will do all I can not to give up. I still have to find you and give you a bear hug, right? That would be quite terrible if I didn't.
I'm getting a bit sick of all these crawling dark creatures and their yellow eyes. I'm getting really sick of yellow eyes, as a matter of fact. I'm even starting to miss the Unversed! They came in a much bigger variety than these. And with colours. Here it's only dark ants-like, dark balls-like, dark-everything. I'm starting to forget what colours look like. I think I haven't see anything red, or green, for ever! What does green even look like? I am not sure anymore. All I can think of are shades of dark blue, with an occasional tinge of purple. If you gave me crayons, I'm not sure I could draw a tree with the proper colours anymore.
And sounds. I'm starting to forget about a lot of sounds. I can remember your voices thanks to the hallucinations (and I am not even sure this is how you really sounded like, how could I know?), but what about other sounds? I can't tell how a bird chirping sounds like. What sounds a dog makes when it barks. I can't even remember what the fox says! How does it sounds when the wind whistles in the trees? Was the sound of a fork against a plate that annoying? WHAT DOES A SHOWER SOUND LIKE? (no actually this is the one I'd really want to remember while standing under the said shower).
At least I haven't forgotten how to write, and I feel blessed for that. I don't write often to save paper, but it makes me feel better every time.
Hoping to hear all these sounds I'm missing really soon, especially your voice,
Aqua.
PS : the Realm of Light will sound so noisy to me now!
Hey! Sorry for posting this with a delay. I moved in last weekend, and I won't get internet at my place until tomorrow evening~ (Using the internet connection at work to post this) See you next week for the next letter! (or sooner for another fic)
