Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me.

UPDATED: 6/29/11


"!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.

"!"

Sakura seriously contemplated whether there was a rock big enough in the world to hurl at the idiot.

"!"

Kakashi kept on reading his porn.

"!"

"Gaah!" Sasuke broke first. "For the last time, you cannot perform chidori! Stop making that constipated expression, you're going to burst a blood vessel."

"!" Naruto ignored him. He instead focused intently on his right palm, hoping to see crackling energy come into being.

Sakura finally lost it and grabbed the closest thing she could reach and threw it at the blonde's head. Unfortunately, as Sakura happened to be perched on top of a rather big boulder, with Kakashi leaning against it, what she had grabbed was Kakashi's hair.

When Naruto and Kakashi collided, Naruto shot a glare at Sakura. "Do you mind? I'm on my way to mastering the greatest jutsu that our teacher has to teach, the one and only, the original work of Hatake Kakashi, CHIDORI!"

"Yeah, the only problem is that you can't even produce lightning chakra, let alone master a high level technique like the chidori," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Could you please stop wasting our time? We've only got a two weeks left you know."

Kakashi stood up and brushed off his clothes. He was used to their abuse by now. Right after he had taught Sasuke the chidori, said boy had wanted to find out if the bits of electrical charge coming off the sides could shock someone, so had "accidentally" zapped Kakashi out cold for a few hours.

Actually, Kakashi could have avoided that one, being an elite Jounin and all (cough cough), but then Naruto had to come around and grab onto his arms and legs begging to learn the technique too, even though he'd told all of them you need lightning element to ever learn the jutsu. Because Naruto was clinging onto him, Naruto was zapped as well, but the freakin kid had the Kyuubi, so recovered in an hour.

But then Sakura came around with the lunchboxes she picked up, saw Naruto unconscious on the ground, immediately thought Kakashi beat Naruto up, and so beat up poor Kakashi's limp and unconscious body until it was black and blue. When Kakashi woke up, he had wondered why he was feeling so sore.

But as a teacher, he couldn't just let them go off insubordinate. Hem hem. "Now, my dear students, the chidori isn't the only technique I can teach you. I have mastered over a thousand tech-"

Naruto screamed as evil Sasuke zapped him again, just with a weaker charge. "I hate you Sasuke!"

Sasuke grinned then looked over at Sakura. She shook a fist at him. "If you come closer-" She started screaming as Sasuke ran after her with his arms outstretched, lightning energy surrounding his skin.

Naruto turned back to his teacher. "So I really can't learn this thing?"

Kakashi flipped open his book. "Nope."

Naruto flapped his arms. "But my awesome melodramatic superhero Hokage senses are telling me this is a must-know tech!"

"Too bad."

Naruto cursed as Kakashi rummaged around his pockets and brought out a bookmark. "Now, Naruto, don't be so upset. You're already extremely advanced. I don't think you need any real training to get through the final exam."

"That's weak sauce!" Naruto exclaimed. "I don't just want to show how good I am, I want to show how supremely and ginormously and amazingly and fantastically outclassed everyone else is compared to me! That's how you make good impressions, you know. It's to let everyone know that I expect to be on the top ten list of potential future Hokages after this exam."

Kakashi clapped his book shut and rubbed his chin. "Well, I think all you need to do is polish a few areas you're pretty weak in, like what Sakura did. Sasuke only learned the chidori because he was a bit lacking in his Jutsu arsenal. You, on the other hand, make up your lack of Jutsu with a whole bunch of different seals and whatnot."

"So what do you think I need more help in? Come on, I'm waiting. It's been almost two weeks and I only have another two weeks left!" Naruto complained.

"Well, if you listened to me first instead of trying to learn the chidori for the last couple of days, we'd already be somewhere," Kakashi muttered under his breath. "Okay, so you definitely need more speed and chakra control."

"Ehhh? Chakra control?" Naruto whined. "But I did so much of that to graduate from the academy! I don't wanna do it again. I've gotten tons better at it too, you know."

"Even so, you can do even better. Compared to Sakura and Sasuke, you're like a rock trying to float on water the way a leaf does."

"Then what about my speed?" Naruto pouted. "I have pretty good speed."

Kakashi coughed and put his hand on his hip, wagging his other finger at the blonde boy. He said in a deep, grave voice, "Naruto, complaining won't get you anywhere."

Naruto looked grouchy but nodded.

Kakashi looked up into the sky. "Speed is an aspect of ninja life you should always try to improve on. One ninja I respect the most in the world had incredible speed. He was so fast. Even very strong ninja fell before him, because he took them out before they could even do anything. If you want to be as powerful like that ninja someday, you should definitely focus on speed."

Totally inspired, Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "Okay, okay! Tell me what to do, sensei!"

Happy his student was listening, Kakashi happily ruffled Naruto's hair. "Great! First things first, go fetch your teammates, will you? I think Sakura's about to kill Sasuke." Far away in the distance was a scream and a grinding sound.

Naruto ran after his friends and tackled them from afar. Kakashi watched as more screams ensued and sighed a deep breath.

...

...

"Alright everyone, welcome to speed training." Kakashi clapped his hands.

"What are we going to do, Kakashi sensei?" Sakura asked.
"I am going to introduce you to a dear friend of mine." Kakashi's eye shaped up to an upside down U.

...

...

"My youthful friend! What advice do you seek from me today?" Gai struck a pose as his very dear youthful friend Kakashi walked up to him. "And who are those lovely youthful young ones you have with you?"

"These are some academy students who want some help in training. I thought I'd point them in your direction, because you are an amazing teacher, Gai," Kakashi gave his long time rival a wink and a thumbs up. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, who had taken off their headbands and put on a simple henge as per request of Kakashi, mentally slapped themselves in annoyance.

Who'd fall for a stupid lie like that? It's so obvious we're not academy students! Sasuke thought irritatedly.

Much to his, as well as his teammates' surprise, Gai burst into joyful tears and began to weep. "Oh, Kakashi, what a youthful day! I can't believe you see so much youthfulness in me that you'd youthfully ask my youthful self in this most youthful favor! To so youthfully entrust these youthful youths in my youthful care! Though I have youthful students of my own, I will most definitely take in these youthful little ones and heed your most youthful request! Come here, sweet little babies! Run into my youthful bosom and weep for our beginning of a greatly youthful adventure together!"

Though Gai was kneeling with his arms outstretched, none of the "sweet little babies" ran into his "youthful bosom".

"Ah, one more thing, Gai," Kakashi paused in midst of congratulating himself for his flawlessly executed plan. "I think it would be best if your own students didn't know of our little babies. It would make them most unyouthfully jealous that they'd have to share their youthful teacher!"

"Ah, yes, my sweet students do love me much," Gai nodded sagely, then smiled a blinding smile with a thumbs up. "Alright, all of you! Put these on! And follow me into the sunset! Hahahahahahahaha!" Gai ran off, dropping articles of clothes and weights onto the grass.

Team 7 looked at the clothing in horror. It was the stuff Gai and Lee wore! No way in hell were they wearing that. The Genin looked to Kakashi pleadingly. Kakashi thought about torturing them a bit by forcing them to wear the spandex, but unfortunately, he didn't have the heart. He loathed the green cloth as much as anyone.

With their teacher's consent, Naruto Sasuke and Sakura ignored the spandex and pulled on the weights. Staggering, they ran after Gai's faraway form. Kakashi giggled as his students ran by. They were in for hell.


The three friends initially thought they got off wearing the spandex, but alas, they were wrong. The next seven days were more accurately described as 604600 seconds of sweaty, humiliating, decrepit, downright ego-binding, mind raping hell the team had ever experienced.

"Y-O-U-T-H! Y-O-U-T-H! What's that?" Hollered Gai.

"YOUTH! YOUTH! IT'S YOUTH!" The formerly "badass" group of Genin trodded after the enthusiastic man in green spandex, tired and forlorn, their spirits crushed, utterly deprived of happy thoughts. Having been forced into the spandex after Kakashi left (Gai insisted on 'proper' instruction of his students and they must have 'proper' training attire), they had lost all sense of personal connection, and was utterly alienated, unable to call their bodies their own. All they could do was trot after Gai and shout back, brainwashed by his youthfulness.

"That's right! YOUTH! What is it?" Gai screamed in happiness. His new students were picking up so quickly!

"Y-O-U-T-H! That's what youth is!"

"Oh yeah! Y-O-U-T-H! Scream your youthfulness, my youthfuller than most youthful students!"

"Yeah! Yeah! Y-O-U-T-H is the way to go! YOUTH! YOUTH!"

"Follow me into the sunset!" Screamed Gai.

"Yes! Yes! For YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"!"

"!"

...

...

"So how was it?" Kakashi eye smiled at his exhausted kids. "Gai's a great teacher, isn't he?"

After a week under Gai's tutelage, Team Badass had almost turned into Team Youth. If they had stayed another minute longer under the crazy Jounin, they'd have surely turned into miniature Lee's.

Naruto sank onto the ground, desolate. "I can't believe our foundations were shaken so easily. All our promises, our oaths to become cool and great and awesome...all those were broken within two hours of the man called Gai!"

"He took our world and turned it upside down. Shook our beliefs! I can't believe we were so weak willed!" Sasuke clutched his head in despair.
"We were obviously overestimating ourselves. If our resolve is crumbled just because of one funky Jounin, how are we to make legends of ourselves? I am ashamed!" Sakura cried in self-hate.

Naruto stood up, his eyes steely and determined. "I swear on this wretched piece of spandex covering my body, by the sweat that soaks my back, by the very name of Y-O-U-T-H, I will never, ever, be shaken again!"

"We will train even harder!" cried Sakura.

"Now that we've realized just how difficult it is to become truly legendary, we will fight! Fight! FIGHT!" Sasuke punched his arms into the air. "We can't let ourselves be defeated if we run into another formidable man like Gai! We must train!"

"Train!"

Kakashi wiped a stray tear away. Oh, his students learned their lesson! "My students, if you truly want to become legendary, you must heed the words of your legendary teacher, Hatake Kaka-"

"Ok, let's go train!" Sakura yelled and the kids ran off.

Maybe not.


Far away in the distance, Hayate lay bleeding and dying. Baki smirked in satisfaction before he jumped away.

Feeling the last of his breath slipping out from him, Hayate croaked a few words into the night. "H-hokage.-sama..Orochimaru..S-suna...Yugao.

"..Y-yugao..."

In another part of the village, Gaara of the desert discreetly slipped down from his rooftop atop the Kikyo Tower and made his way to his temporary apartments, his sand wiping away the remains of Dosu as it trailed past.


By the time it was for finals, Team 7 was definitely ready for combat. Their speed picked up by ten seconds every time they pictured a Gai behind them. Due to all the weights Gai had put on them, they were in tip top shape and ready to go.

"Hey, I don't see that sound dude." Naruto looked around.

"Hmph, probably dropped out or something." Sasuke huffed. "Is this changing our order?"

"It is." Genma answered him. "Check your matches everyone." He held up a piece of paper.

1. Uzumaki Naruto vs. Hyuuga Neji

2. Aburame Shino vs. Haruno Sakura

3. Kankuro vs. Nara Shikamaru

4. Temari vs. Winner of 3

5. Gaara vs. Uchiha Sasuke

"Alright! Time to kick some ass!" Naruto cracked his knuckles.

"How troublesome. I have to fight again." Shikamaru yawned. Up in the stands, Ino and Chouji cheered for their friend.

"Shikamaru! You can do it!"

Said person just yawned again. "Dorks."

Atop the Hokage box, the Kazekage arrived and sat down. "Ah, my good Kazekage-dono! It's good to see you," the Hokage greeted amiably.

The Kazekage, or Orochimaru in disguise, grinned darkly under his veil. "Yes, Hokage. I hear there are many good candidates amongst this year's Genin."

The Hokage laughed, appearing modest. "Oh no. I hear the fiercest team was from Sunagakure."

"I hear there was another team evenly matched with our Gaara." Orochimaru licked his lips underneath his veil. "I hear it has the last Uchiha..?"

Sarutobi heard the hint. Another idiot who sees the Uchiha name and not Sasuke himself. If people knew half of what Sasuke and his team is really like they'll all run away. "Ah, yes, Sasuke's team has made it all to the finals."

"No need to be so modest, Hokage-dono. We're friends, aren't we?" Pseudo Kazekage's gleeful mood was dampening at the sight of the old geezer. Why couldn't that old man roll over and die? It was all so very annoying...

"Okay everyone, the matches are starting now. Hyuuga Neji and Uzumaki Naruto, you guys are first." Genma motioned everyone up the stairs. "The rules are the same as before."

"Hey you! I remember you, you're that pretty boy who beat up Hinata!" Naruto pointed. "I also remember promising to give you a knuckle sandwich."

Neji scoffed. "Hmph. Those who are born failures, will remain failures. The chances of you giving me a knuckle sandwich is in single digits."

"So you don't deny the pretty boy part?" Naruto asked curiously.

Neji pointed his chin into the air. "It is the truth that those of the Hyuuga clan, branch or main, are blessed with near divine beauty, almost ethereal, to match our skill. See, unlike failures, I was born as a genius, and I will remain superior to you in every way possible. Including looks."

"Hey I resent that! I think I'm pretty good looking myself!" Naruto huffed. "I have three secret admirers who follow me around."

"I have five."

"Actually, I have ten."

"Fifteen."

"I bet your teacher's part of the group too, isn't he?" Naruto cackled. "He must be so happy about his student's 'youthful' pride in his 'beauty'."

Neji grimaced. "Silence! I will not have you dirty my-"

"Um, can we please start?" Genma interrupted. "I think the audience is getting restless."

True enough, people began throwing things at the blonde. "Hey! Why just me?"

"Failures, will always, be failures." Neji rushed towards the blonde in a Jyuuken stance. Seeing things coming, Naruto plucked the incoming trash out of the air and charged them with chakra. Thanks to the intense Y-O-U-T-H training he had gone through the last week, he was faster than ever.

"Come on, lover boy!" Naruto dodged the first strike, aimed at his sternum, turned, twisted, jumped and threw the chakra powered soda cans down at the Hyuuga. Neji dodged and parried them all, but the superpowered aluminum left dents in the ground on impact.

Not waiting for a backlash, Naruto pulled out a few kunai, and hurled them as Neji was preoccupied with the soda cans. Using the momentary time advantage that gave him, he leaped back several meters. Neji, finished with dodging the kunai, looked up with a smirk. "Is that all?"

"Not yet!" Naruto ran a wide half circle around Neji and pulled out more kunai and shuriken, and threw them. Neji moved gracefully, every step matching Naruto's. He parried everything with a kaiten, drawing surprised gasps from the entire crowd. Naruto continued, running around Neji, until weapons dotted the other half of the field Neji was standing.

"What the hell is that idiot doing?" Kiba wondered, annoyed. "He's just randomly throwing weapons at the Hyuuga. It's not gonna hit anyway."

Shikamaru, standing by the rails, was thinking the same question, until one possibility came to mind. Could it be? Naw, Naruto's not that smart...

"That idiot better not use everything." Sasuke said irritably. "I helped too!"

"I wonder if it's against the rules," Sakura mused. "Because technically, the match didn't start yet."

"What are you guys talking about?" Shino asked.

"Your aim is terrible." Neji taunted. "But what can I expect from a failure."

Naruto grinned. He shifted back up to a normal standing position. "It's over."

Neji frowned. "I fail to see your point."

Naruto made a handseal, and bright lights lit up all around Neji. "This is what I mean."

There was a huge crash, and a battered Neji stumbled out of the exploding zone, only to step onto a shuriken. He shrieked, and on instinct stepped away to a clearer area, only to be encircled by another white array of seals and blown up. This time, he was ready for it, and tried to escape by jumping to the side.

"Not so fast!" Naruto made more handseals. More seals lit up in a circle around the Hyuuga. This time, the kunai surrounding the boy lifted into the air, and flashed around, approaching at a deadly rate. However, Neji wasn't called a genius for nothing. Bending down, he outstretched his arms to his sides. "You won't defeat me. Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!" Instead of fingers thrusting into tenketsu, he used the technique to beat down the relentless amount of weapons charging towards him.

"Ho, that boy can use that technique? And to improvise in its usage.." Sarutobi made a note in his book as he watched the battle. He was infinitely impressed. Mostly because of Naruto's deceptiveness and trapping skills. And partly because of the Hyuuga's ability to lesson the damage, despite the circumstances.

"Thank you for doing that" Naruto made another hand seal, and this time, a box surrounding the previous seal circle appeared. Neji, still in the midst of his technique, couldn't do anything, let alone dodge this last attack. "Blast." The square seal array glowed bright, and all metal weapons, including the metal in Neji's own holster, exploded into tiny shrapnel.

The entire stadium was quiet. The only sound was the shifting sound of the smoke coming from Neji's half of the field. Naruto stood still, waiting.

To everyone's immense surprise, Neji staggered out of the smoke, covered in wounds and abrasions, with a piece of metal stuck in one leg. "You..you haven't beaten me yet..I can't lose..not when I still have to prove..."

"Prove what?" Naruto's apathetic tone rang throughout. "Prove that the branch family is better than the main family? Doesn't that go against your belief that people are born the way they are, and can never change? You are a hypocrite."

"No. That's not what I...the main family...they killed my father. They made me into a caged bird. Look!" Neji lifted a trembling hand and pulled off his hitai-ate. "I am nothing but a slave to the main family. This is the destiny I was born into, and it will not change."

"But you're fighting against it now. I can tell. All your blows, all your anger, is not directed at me, but at the segregation of your family! If you really feel like you've been done wrong, stand up for your beliefs and stick it out like a true hero!" Naruto's apathetic tone rose to a heated one. "There's already plenty of people who are too pansy to not do anything about their pitiful selves, you know. You're saying one thing but you're behavior says another. Stop this madness and be true to your heart!"

In the stands, Sasuke and Sakura picked up on the cue and began singing "True To Your Heart."

Naruto paused mid speech, and waved a frustrated hand over at his teammates. "Not the beginning parts! Just the chorus! None of that 'I'm your destiny'! I don't wanna be this guy's destiny!"

Neji was flabbergasted, but he was nonetheless very inspired. "Naruto, you are a great man."

Naruto turned back to his opponent and flashed a wide smile. "This is Uzumaki Naruto, member of Team Badass, future Hokage! Great match, Neji."

Neji gave one last weak smile, more like a grimace due to his pain, then fell unconscious.

Genma cleared his throat, then announced, "Winner, Uzumaki Naruto."

The stadium burst into an explosion of cheers. Naruto, shocked out of his stupor, looked around in wonder. He'd never had anyone other than Iruka, Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura, and the old man cheering for him. It was a novel experience. Somewhere deep in his gut he wanted to start crying, but that would be going beyond even the laws of melodrama, and so Naruto refrained.

All he did was blow thousands of kisses at the audience and scream "FUTURE Hokage! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!" until Genma dragged off the field.

"Hey, how did you do that? I didn't see you making any markings on the ground during the match." Shikamaru asked Naruto the moment the blonde walked up the stairs.

"Oh that," Naruto grinned. "Sakura, Sasuke and I drew seals around here the day before, at 3 am. And today, we were drawing more seals with our feet. But shhh, don't tell anyone, okay? It might be against the rules to set things up before hand."

Shikamaru grinned. "Gotcha. Is there any way I can use those seals too?"

"Sorry mate," Naruto apologized. "We didn't incorporate your chakra into the seal. And to be frank, you're not the one who woke up at the crack of dawn to make those things..."

Shikamaru sighed. It seemed every easy way to end a match quickly involved more work beforehand. And that was just too troublesome to do. Even if it meant it got easier later on. "Never mind then. Thanks."

Genma spoke from the bottom of the field. "Okay. The next contestants, Aburame Shino and Haruno Sakura, please come down."

"My turn," Sakura cracked her knuckles with a evil grin while Shino merely shuffled his way downstairs. "Watch me shine, boys."

"We'll be cheering for you, always." Naruto and Sasuke cheered. "And remember, our objective isn't to win, it's to be promoted so we won't have to do any more D-ranks. Impress the old man as much as you can with strategy. Why do you think Naruto refrained from using his other skills and opted for cornering Neji instead?" Sasuke lectured.

"I got it, I got it," Sakura jumped down from the railing, landing softly at the bottom. "Hello, Shino. Looks like I'm your opponent."

Shino regarded her coolly. "Hello Sakura. Let this be a good match."

To this Sakura just grinned maniacally.


In another part of the stadium, Hinata clutched her fluttering heart. Oh no, Naruto has 9 other admirers? What should I do?


Omake:

Tenten spoke. "You know, if it weren't for Lee, Neji and I would have both turned out like this," She wove an image of herself and Neji in green spandex, screaming for youthful energy.

Sakura Sasuke and Naruto looked at her in a deadpan expression. "Unfortunately...we didn't have a 'Lee' in our team..."

Tenten's mouth went in a 'o'. She understood what happened. No one to soak up Gai's youthfulness for them.