A/N: So this is my first Scars chapter in a while. Tell me if it's up to par! I really hope you guys like it. I'm really fucking glad to be back.
Jacin watched his little sisters play, fascinated by their laughs.
He couldn't do that. Laugh so freely. In fact, mostly, he had trouble even smiling. This didn't mean he was sad, either. He just didn't outwardly show any of his feelings.
It was like his facial expressions had been replaced with a black hole.
More likely, he thought, he had learned not to show his emotions early on in his life. It caused less trouble.
Jacin liked thinking of things in this objective format. It made everything easier to understand.
He wanted to become a doctor when he grew up, but currently the crazy drunk lady down the street was paying him fifteen bucks an hour to take care of her garden.
He also had a job at the local CVS, along with a girl named Peony. She was happy all the time. He tried to smile at her sometimes, but according to her, it always ended up looking sad and fake.
She was the only one outside of Jacin's family who knew about his feelings problem, and she tried to help him. She always wore the best earrings. They were all different shapes and colors, sometimes made of old mechanical bits.
She always let Jacin hold them and look at them and try to figure out how they were made. The most interesting pair was the ones made up of little bits of bicycle chain and tiny pink gems.
"Jacin! Jacin! Come play with us!"
He shook his head at his sisters. The smiles dropped off their faces and they went back to playing, but without the giggles and happy squeals of earlier.
Jacin put his earbuds in and selected Three Days Grace on his iPod.
Misery Loves My Company screamed out of the tiny electrical device and into his ears. He listened to the singer's voice as it rose and fell, and he tried to show on his face the emotions the singer was feeling. He eventually gave up and went into his room.
He picked up a book and started to read.
He got bored with the book, having read it multiple times before. He liked Sherlock Holmes books, and he liked the objective analysis that Sherlock did for every mystery. He tried to do the same and figure out the mystery before the book told him. There always seemed to be some twist at the end that would confuse him and disprove all his theories.
He did try to figure them out, though.
Jacin's most recent haul of books wouldn't be there for another few days, so he had nothing new to distract him.
Except Peony. He talked to her the whole time their shifts overlapped. He usually took the night shift, which went from two o'clock p.m. to two o'clock a.m. Peony's shift (the morning one) went from eight a.m. to eight p.m. They both worked twelve-hour shifts to support their families.
Jacin's mother had died in childbirth, and Jacin's dad had a low-income security guard position at a local museum. Jacin had three younger sisters who weren't old enough to work yet. So he worked a twelve-hour, $7.75 an hour shift at the only place he could get a job—they didn't need him to have social skills, they just needed him to be good with a cash register.
Peony's dad was either absent or dead (Jacin didn't know), Peony's mother and sister refused to work, and Peony's adoptive sister had gone missing some time ago. The missing sister, Selene, was the only other one who had worked in the family. Now Peony had to work twice as hard for twice as long to satisfy her mother.
"Jacin!"
"Peony."
He nodded in her general direction and picked up the clipboard of things they needed to do. Peony had already crossed off ten of the thirty items on the list.
"Hey, not bad. Ten out of thirty."
"What are you talking about? Ten things in four hours? I'm losing my touch, and you know it. You're just trying to spare my feelings."
"No, seriously. Ten things in four hours is great. Now we just have to finish the next twenty things."
"Oh, Jacin. Always looking on the bright side."
"Yup, that's me. Jacin the optimist."
Jacin waved goodbye to Peony as she walked out the door. Time for the truly difficult part of the night shift: the actual 'night' part. As soon as Peony went out the door, the entire shop went quiet and Jacin was left alone with his thoughts. Until, of course, a customer came in. Then he'd just stand stoically at the register until he had to check the customer out. He would give the required "Have a nice night," and the silence would creep back in.
This cycle would repeat until Jacin was safely back home with his dad and sisters.
Jacin stuffed his hands in his pockets and found his iPod. He didn't usually bring it, and he didn't remember putting it in his pocket, but he shrugged and stuck the perpetually attached earbuds in his ears.
He turned the iPod on and a Linkin Park song started from the middle. He mouthed along with Numb, and then a few minutes after midnight, a customer came in.
Walking through the door was the most beautiful girl Jacin had ever seen. Even with the pained look on her face, she was too beautiful for words. Jacin tried to smile at her, even though he knew it would look bad.
The girl smiled weakly back. She was breathing heavily. Jacin's smile disappeared.
"Can I help you?"
The girl laughed. At least it looked like she did. It was more like breathing out more loudly than she was already.
"Yes. You can help me. But I think we should introduce ourselves first."
"Okay…."
"My name's Winter."
"Jacin."
"Great. We're friends now."
"Okay, sure."
"Now that we've known each other for a good long time, can you check my back for me?"
Jacin was confused.
"Check your back? What do you mean?"
Winter lifted the back of her shirt and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Oh. Uhh, sure."
Jacin walked out from behind the counter so he could see Winter's back. It was a mess of scars and scabs. There were ten or eleven fresh cuts on her shoulder blades and lower back. Jacin inwardly grimaced.
"How did this happen?"
"I'd rather not have to go through that long story."
"Why'd you come here about it?"
"I'm out of butterfly closures."
"I think you need more than butterfly closures for that."
"Probably. But I don't have enough money for anything else. I'll manage."
"Would you let me buy some things for you?"
"I guess…. Hey, do you give vaccinations here?"
"Yeah, but I don't know if I'm qualified."
"I'm qualified. I handle syringes all the time."
"Are you a heroin addict or something?"
Winter laughed, a real laugh this time.
"No, silly. I'm training to be a nurse."
"Oh, good."
"You guys do tetanus and flu vaccines, right?"
"Yeah."
"I'm gonna need the tetanus one."
"Why?"
"I'll tell you the full story after I'm done fixing myself up. I should probably clean my face, too."
"It looks pretty clean to me."
"I'm wearing makeup. I usually have to when I go outside."
"Why?"
Winter's face went from friendly to grim.
"So people don't ask questions. When people ask questions, my life goes even further to hell than it usually does."
Jacin searched her face, nodded silently, and led her to the back where they kept the vaccines. Winter prepared one, grabbed a small bottle of isopropyl alcohol, and headed to the bathroom. With one foot through the door, she turned around and looked at Jacin pleadingly.
"Will you stay with me? I really hate needles."
Jacin nodded again and walked into the ladies' room with her.
He wiped her arm with the alcohol, and held her hand as she eased the needle into her arm.
She grimaced as she pushed the plunger down and pulled the needle out. Jacin opened a band-aid to put over the little spot of blood that had beaded up, but she pushed his hand away and wiped the spot with alcohol.
"She can't know I've been here."
"What?"
"If she even suspects that I got outside help, things will be bad."
"But what about the butterfly closures?"
"She buys me some. But not enough, usually. So I sneak out and buy more with her money."
"You steal?"
"Serves her right; she's an alcoholic bitch."
Winter left the bathroom and came back within two minutes. She had a pack of makeup wipes in her hand. She leaned over the sink, close to the mirror, and started scrubbing at her left cheek.
When she turned back to Jacin, he was shocked to see three long, jagged scars running down her face.
"What happened?"
"She wasn't careful. So she got my face. I'm lucky I still have this eye."
"I'm assuming you're not going to tell me who this person is."
"Nope. Will you help me with my back?"
"Sure. Do you want me to stitch the cuts?"
"No evidence of outside help, remember? She already has a hard time believing that I put the butterfly stitches on myself."
"Okay, let me just go check that no one's waiting for help. I'll be right back."
Jacin walked out of the bathroom and back to the counter, where a second girl was waiting. She put a Sprite and a package of Oreos on the counter, then dug in her pocket and pulled out a crumpled twenty-dollar bill. Then she tried to start a conversation.
"Hi. I'm Emilie."
"Hi, Emilie. I'm Jacin."
"Nice to meet you."
Jacin counted her change and handed it to her.
"Enjoy your Oreos."
Emilie smiled at him and swished out the door, the bell jingling behind her.
Jacin waited till she was in her car, then walked back to the bathroom and saw that Winter had pulled her shirt back up and sat down on the closed toilet, facing the wall. He sat down on an overturned bucket and pulled a butterfly closure out of the box, but she stopped him.
"We gotta clean them first. Usually I'd use something around the house because Ms. Bitch always leaves her vodka out, but I'm thinking we use the isopropyl this time, huh?
Winter smiled darkly at what Jacin thought was meant to be a joke.
Jacin nodded. "Uh, yeah, we'd better…"
He didn't know why he suddenly couldn't form proper thoughts. He couldn't even remember what he had just been talking about. He just quietly opened the bottle of alcohol and poured some on a cotton ball.
The second he touched her back with the cotton ball, Winter yelled and her knuckles whitened.
"Agh! Christ! It doesn't usually hurt this much."
She made eye contact with Jacin and sighed. "I'm gonna need your help to take my shirt all the way off."
Jacin just nodded.
She grimaced and slowly raised her arms above her head, obviously waiting for Jacin to pull the shirt up. He hesitated for a second, then did exactly that. He handed it to Winter over her shoulder. Her shoulders tightened slightly, but she took the shirt.
Her voice was small as she whispered, "Give me a warning before, okay?"
Jacin nodded, then realized she couldn't see him. "Okay."
Winter stuffed the shirt in her mouth and waited for Jacin to start.
He murmured, "Okay, Winter. I'm gonna do your left shoulder."
Jacin gently brushed over her shoulder with the soaked cotton ball, and almost immediately the whole thing was bloody. He got another cotton ball and repeated the process, narrating what he was doing the whole time. Then he did it again. And again. An hour later, Winter's back was completely clean. Then he started with the butterfly closures, using probably more of them than was strictly necessary, but he wanted to help Winter as much as possible.
"You done?" Winter asked.
Jacin hummed. "Yeah, I'd say so."
Winter smiled. "Good, your hands are fuckin' cold."
Jacin nodded, expressionless as always. Winter searched his face.
"Hey…Jacin?" Winter said the unfamiliar name like it was something fragile that she wasn't sure how to handle yet.
"Yeah?"
"I've been here for almost two hours and you haven't smiled or showed any emotion at all, actually, for this whole time. What's…I mean, why?"
Jacin shrugged. "I can't."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't show emotion. My body shuts it down because it's just easier that way. I'm not trying to be like this, but it makes sense that I would be after the mess my life has been."
"What does that mean?" Winter was surprised by Jacin's bluntness.
"My mom died in childbirth when she had my sisters. People…came after me when I was younger. They said I was gay and locked me in a supply closet, then forgot about me for two days. My family never has enough money to quite make ends meet. My sisters are 7 year old triplets, and they're going into Luna Elementary, which is not famous for its caring teachers or great academics. I have to teach my seven year old sisters self-defense. I mean, for fuck's sake! They're seven!"
Winter looked at Jacin for a long moment. Then she stepped forward and hugged him as hard as she could. Jacin stood there and then hesitantly put his arms around Winter. She started crying. Jacin was shocked when all of a sudden, he realized he was feeling something. He felt sad for Winter and sad for himself. The feeling wasn't too strong, but he figured it was a step in the right direction.
A/N: R&R?
Love,
Baz
