Ok, everybody, here we go! Now we get to see Severus' reaction to Hermione calling him a good man, and we get to see what happens when she tells him no! Be warned, there might be what some of you consider...unusual sex...in this chapter, so don't be shocked! Hope you all love it!

9 - Closer, NIN and Creep, Radiohead (I've used both these before but this chapter is so charged that they just belonged here!)

Severus laid awake for hours thinking about what she'd said. She was cradled in the circle of his arms, warm and soft and safe. When her nightmares came he couldn't help kissing her forehead and smoothing away the lines of fear that etched into her face. He healed the slices when they came. He stared down at her, unsure what the hell he was doing.

He felt like he was living a lie. She thought he was something he wasn't. Just because he wasn't a monster didn't mean he was a good man. He would never be good. It wasn't in his nature, and he was too damn old to change. Had he been going easy on her, letting her think he was less than a bastard? It was a dangerous slope.

When the war ended he'd sworn to himself that he would never again hide who he was. He'd spent almost twenty years living a lie. Was letting Hermione think he was a good man lying to her? Was it lying to himself? Tonight he'd gotten wrapped up in the persona she'd thrust upon him. For a little while he'd thought maybe, just maybe he really was the way she saw him.

But no. He wasn't. She was seeing what she wanted to see. Maybe it soothed her sensibilities if she thought the man she was giving her body to was a decent man. Maybe she was entertaining silly romantic notions to make it easier to face the reality of her situation. But he wasn't the man she thought him to be. He'd coerced a young woman into being his sex slave. He'd taken her with little regard to her feelings. And he planned to introduce her into a dark world of deviant pleasures. Romantic heroes didn't do such things. No, he was a bastard through and through.

Bitter disappointment rushed through him. Who was he kidding? Had he actually for a single moment entertained the possibility that he could be a good, decent man? It wasn't Hermione's fault that he was who he was. But the anger that coursed through him would be directed at her, because she'd taken the possibility and dangled it in front of him. She'd let him think for a moment that...

He stopped tracing the letters forming on her arm and forced himself to go to sleep. He should have pushed her away from him, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Even angry at himself, at her, at the world, he could not give up having her sleep so peacefully, so trustingly, so sweetly in his arms. So he tightened his arms around her and vowed to himself that tomorrow he would show her who he really was. By the time he was finished there could be no mistaking him for what he wasn't. She would probably never turn to him like this again, even if it took ten years to find her cure. A wave of loss crashed over him at the thought. He pushed it down. He would have to live with it.

Even one night of this was more than a man like him deserved. He would store up the memory and take it out to examine on dark days.

Finally, sleep took him.

In the morning, Severus woke up before Hermione. He quickly healed the marks on her arm that had come during his sleep. Then he disentangled himself from her and sat up. As he sat on the edge of the bed he reminded himself that he wouldn't be doing her any favors by letting her keep her fantasies about him as a hero. And he had more self respect than to pretend. So a hard dose of reality would be best for both of them. He gritted his teeth as an image of her face etched with hatred and disgust flashed in his mind. He would deal with that when it came. He could handle it. He had to.

Suddenly a soft, warm hand stroked his back. He twisted around and saw Hermione blinking sleepily up at him, a sweet smile on her face. Her fingers brushed down his spine. Then they ran along the ridge of a scar that curled around his hip and ended over his pelvis. Memories rushed back to him at her touch. The lash coming down hard against him and licking up around his back. The next blow had landed true to its aim. The scar ran from his right hip, across his cock and down to his left thigh.

"Turn around," he snarled at her. She jumped at the venom in his voice and only stared at him for a moment. "Turn the fuck around!" He snatched her hand and threw it back at her. Shocked, she rolled over and sat up. Severus dressed quickly.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, concern lacing her words. "Where did they-" she stopped when she saw him leave the room and close the door behind him.

Severus fought the urge to make her tea when he made his own. It had become habit now. He had actually grabbed the teacup and then forced himself to put it back. They weren't an old married couple. They were sharing a roof and had a mutually beneficial arrangement. That was it.

By the time he heard her come down the stairs he was already in his study. When she came in with lunch at noon he studiously ignored her. When she came in to tell him dinner was ready he curtly told her he wouldn't be joining her. He stayed away from her all day, reverting to his old schedule and habits. It was late when he finally emerged. Hermione was reading a book in the living room. She sat comfortably in her chair, turning pages carefully in the old book. When had it become her chair? When had the sight of her there in the evenings become expected and comforting?

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and cleared his throat to get her attention. She looked up, and then gave him a tentative smile. He did not return one.

"Come," he held out his hand and waited for her to put down the book and walk over to him. He grabbed her arm tightly and led her up the stairs.

"Severus? Have I done something wrong?"

"No," he said roughly.

"You just seem..." She took a deep breath and her brows drew together. "Different. Angry."

"This is who I am, Hermione." He spoke the words angrily. He wasn't different. This was who he'd always been. Maybe she'd brought out long buried parts of himself, but they weren't really who he was. She was about to find out who he really was.

At the top of the stairs he pushed her towards the bedroom and waited outside. He braced his arms on the door frame and took a deep breath. After this, she would never look at him the same again. She would probably despise him. Even if she enjoyed it in the end- and he intended to make damn sure she did- she would still resent him. He looked up at her, standing in the room uncertainly, flashing him that tentative smile again. He forced his face to remain expressionless and went into the room. He closed the door behind him with solid finality. She jumped a little at the loud sound and tried to laugh to cover it.

"Strip," he ordered. She complied willingly. Without being told she got onto the bed and lay there, waiting. It was enough to make his cock strain hungrily for her. The thought of what he was about to do to her excited him beyond measure even while it chafed his conscience. Would she fight him? He doubted it. Would she loathe him for it? Probably.

He turned her onto her hands and knees. When he was certain she wouldn't turn around, he took off his clothes and climbed up behind her. His fingers stroked over her quickly and satisfied she was wet enough, he thrust into her without preamble. Hermione stilled with shock for a moment. Usually he teased her, teased both of them, before he entered her. But she caught on to his rough rhythm quickly and was soon pushing back to meet his thrusts. He put his right hand between her legs to drive her higher while his other hand slid across her hip and down between their bodies.

Hermione felt a cool, slippery liquid coat her ass and then she felt Severus' hand. He pushed his fingers firmly, insistently, only just not painfully against her ass. She gasped and squirmed away. Severus pulled her back to him roughly and touched her again. Her body tensed and she started to turn and look at him.

"Don't," he snapped tightly. She stopped and stared down at the blanket. "We are going to do something a little different tonight, pet. I think when we first discussed this venture I promised to take your ass. And I'm a man of my word."

"Severus, I'm not-"

"Unless you're physically hurt, don't say another fucking word." He thrust forward hard so he was buried deeper inside her. She gasped and was surprised at the streak of pleasure that shot up through her. "This is what I want to do tonight, pet. And so its what we are doing. So either shut up...or get out." His tone was cold and final. A shudder ran through her body as she considered his words. He'd made it clear that everything was her choice, in the end. She could walk away right now. But then she had almost no chance of ever being cured.

Severus waited as she quickly and silently came to a decision. Some part of him expected her to slap him and leave. But her body relaxed against him as she let out a long, accepting breath.

"You won't hurt me," she whispered quietly to herself, as if she needed the reassurance. Severus fought the urge to soothe her. He wanted to hold her and tell her he would make sure she felt nothing but pleasure. He wanted her to want him to do it. What rubbish. He was Severus Snape, not some sniveling idiot. He didn't owe her any explanations. He didn't owe her anything at all.

His hand pressed against her again. She still tensed, though he could tell she was trying to fight her body's natural reaction.

"Relax," he snapped.

"I'm trying," she snapped back. Severus couldn't help the small smile of respect that tugged at his lips. She had pluck, he'd give her that. As she took a deep breath he managed to slide one finger into her. She gasped again, body confused and uncertain. He knew that she wasn't in pain, but it was certainly an uncomfortable sensation. Unfamiliar and taboo. He worked it slowly in and out of her while his hips moved, thrusting his cock inside her pussy in a matching rhythm. He continued to stroke between her legs until she'd relaxed almost completely again.

Then he started stroking her in earnest, pushing her to the brink of orgasm. He thrust harder and quicker. Right as tremors started to wrack her body he pulled out. She cried out in dismay, her orgasm still sitting on a razors edge. Though it was awkward, he manipulated his hand so that he could stroke her and thrust two fingers into her at the same time. She moaned low, caught up in the pleasure. He repositioned his cock, spreading the slick liquid over both of them. She naturally tensed again when the tip of him pressed against her, but she was so caught up in the pleasure of what his hand was doing that she simply wasn't capable of being tense for long.

After a few moments she was nearly frantic with the need to come. She found herself pressing back against him, wanting to be filled by him so she could find her release, so desperate that she didn't care where he filled her. Her rational mind was screaming at her that this wasn't what she wanted but it was a scream caught in a crowd of lust that was all screaming too. And her lust was screaming yes yes anything! He pushed slowly, only moving when her body was completely relaxed and ready for him.

The sensation was confusing, frightening in its intensity. It was so foreign to her but she was such a slave to her passion that she found intense pleasure in it. He sank into her painstakingly slowly. When he finally stopped, his hips flush against her, they both groaned out loud. She was tighter than he'd ever imagined. That, combined with the...the wickedness of what he was doing brought him right to the brink faster than he'd thought possible. He'd done this before, but never with someone like Hermione. She made it all the more forbidden, all the more tempting, all the more alluring. She was so sweet and innocent that taking her like this was the ultimate dirty act. He took sharp breaths and fought the need to come immediately.

Slowly he pulled out, not all the way, but enough that they both moaned again when he pushed back into her. Hermione was nearly shredding the sheets with her nails, her body frozen as she was forced to simply accept the erotic, extrinsic, unimaginable pleasure. She was so wild with the need to come that the next time he pulled out, she rocked back sharply and impaled herself onto him. At her desperate sign of need, Severus lost all control. He stroked her faster and firmer, his hips thrusting into hers without mercy.

"Harder," she moaned. Driven with his own lust and his need to pleasure her, Severus moved faster. "Fuck me harder!" She screamed the plea, feeling the orgasm start to consume her. Severus slammed into her savagely, giving her everything he had. Hermione screamed as flames of pleasure licked her skin, hitting her like a flash fire and then burning her from the inside out. She screamed as her body constricted until it was almost painful for Severus, she screamed as she shook from the intensity of it all. She screamed as Severus gave into the tidal wave of his own orgasm and swelled inside of her, pouring himself into her and yelling out hoarsely. Finally, all her breath gone, her scream died out. She took deep, gasping breaths, gulping in air like a man drowning. Her arms shook so badly she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold herself up.

Severus pulled himself out of her gently and they both groaned in unison. As soon as he was out, she collapsed into a boneless heap on the bed. Her arms were splayed awkwardly under her but she couldn't move to adjust them. Her sweat slicked skin was kissed by the breeze floating through the room. She closed her eyes and let her thundering heart slow.

Severus collapsed next to her, spent and still reeling from pleasure. He'd never, ever had an orgasm like that. Everything was more intense with Hermione. But that...that had been more than intense. It had been...earth shattering. If one could die from pleasure, that would be the type of pleasure that killed. He didn't think he'd ever been so turned on in his life as when he was buried deep in her ass and she'd screamed for him to fuck her harder. His spent cock twitched just at the memory of it.

He took a fierce pride in the fact that he'd not only made her come, but made her beg him for it. In the end she'd been more than willing. If the pleasure she'd received had been even a fraction of what he had, then she had been thoroughly satisfied.

But she hadn't spoken to him yet.

She hadn't looked at him yet.

Now that the mindless need for release had passed, was she letting her anger build? Was she hating herself, and hating him for making her feel that way? Was she disgusted with him?

It had been his intention. It had been what he expected. He'd known he would enjoy it, and he'd known she would hate him for it. So why did he suddenly hope that she wouldn't hate him for it? Why was a small part of him hoping that she hadn't spoken simply because the pleasure had stolen her voice?

He looked down at their bodies with a twinge of guilt. They were both perfectly clean, but he knew that some women felt dirty after that particular act. He wasn't sure if he could support his own weight, let alone hers as well, but he pulled her into his arms and stood. He did not look at her as he took them to the bathroom and into the shower. He let her slide slowly down his body until her feet met the floor. She was still leaning heavily on him when he turned on the faucet and hot water sprayed down on them.

She let her forehead drop forward until it was resting against his chest. Unsure what to do, Severus grabbed the shampoo off the hanging rack and started to work a lather into her hair. He was struck by the intimacy of the act. It seemed so personal, so affectionate. His fingers massaged her scalp and a low moan escaped her. When he finished and was letting the water rinse her hair, he felt her arms come up and slide around his waist.

He froze, shocked. She was...holding him. Unable to bear the uncertainty any more, he put one knuckle under her chin and tipped her face up to him. He braced himself for derision, for loathing, for fear even. Instead she seemed dreamily content. A soft smile curved her lips as she blinked up at him, eyelashes spiky with water. He simply stared at her, at a total loss for what to say. Her hands stroked down his back and traced the lines of his scars.

"How do you feel?" he finally said roughly. She furrowed her brow as she took stock of her body. After a moment she smiled that dreamy, satisfied smile again.

"Loose," she said softly, her voice slightly hoarse.

"Loose," he repeated, unsure what the fuck that meant.

"Boneless," she added. "Tired. Sated. Shocked."

"Shocked?"

"I didn't know it could be like that," she admitted. "I had absolutely no idea. Now I feel foolish for putting up any fight at all. I should have known. You were right, Sev. I need to trust you." She hugged him then. His arms came around her without conscience thought. His mind whirled as he tried to digest what she'd just said.

"You...enjoyed that, then?"

"Enjoyed?" She looked back up at him, surprised. "That was more than just enjoyment. That was beyond anything I've ever felt. It was like I'd only felt the tip of the iceberg with all my past experience with pleasure and then all of a sudden I got all the rest of it at once!"

"Oh." He didn't know what else to say. He was truly at a loss for words. His brain was whirling, trying to figure her reaction into the complex equation that was them.

"Oh? That's it? Oh? You didn't enjoy it too?" She sounded surprised and slightly miffed. Severus gave her a look that clearly said his next words before he even spoke them.

"Don't be stupid," he scoffed. "Of course I did. I just assumed that you-" he paused and then started again. "I thought-" He stopped again and ran a hand through his wet hair. What the hell was he stammering on for like a confused kid? "God fucking damn it! I thought you would hate me for doing that to you!"

"Hate you? Why would I hate you?"

"Don't be obtuse, Hermione. I know you got pleasure from it but-" She quirked a brow and laughed.

"Got pleasure from it? Gee, what gave me away? Was it the five minute long screaming orgasm?" She batted her wet lashes up at him innocently. Severus grabbed her chin in his hand.

"Careful with that smart mouth of yours, pet." He spoke menacingly but there was amusement in his tone.

"I don't know...if this is what happens every time I piss you off, I might just have to do it more often."

"Once again, Hermione. You did not piss me off."

"Say what you will, but something I did got your knickers in a twist."

Severus stared at her. Got his knickers in a twist? Had she really just said that to him? He realized his mouth was open and conscientiously closed it.

"I was merely attempting to show you," he said slowly, choosing his words carefully, "That I am not a good man. You seem to be under a serious misimpression about me."

"Is that what all this was about? The whole day, you being cranky as a bear with a sore tooth was all because I told you that you were a good man last night?" She splayed her hand on his chest over his heart. Severus quirked a brow at her euphemism, but nodded.

"I suppose you could put it that way."

"And tonight...that has been your way of opening my eyes or something?"

"Showing you the type of man I really am, yes."

"And now I'm supposed to hate you, or think less of you?"

"Its what I had assumed."

"Severus Snape, when did you become an idiot?"

"I beg your pardon," there was a bite to his voice but she didn't back down.

"Thats right, you're being an idiot! A dolt! A nitwit! You're dominant and forceful and rough and you take what you want and don't put up with any bullshit. You're kinky as hell. But you've always made sure I was satisfied, you've promised never to hurt me and you've kept that promise. You made damn sure I knew that I could walk away- even though you knew that I wouldn't. Tonight you did something that I didn't want to do and I was afraid of. But you told me to take it or leave and I made my decision. And then you made it the most pleasurable thing I've ever experienced." She looked up at him as if she couldn't understand him at all. "How is that supposed to show me you aren't a good man?"

"I forced you to do something you didn't want to do," he bit out, unable or unwilling to believe what she was saying.

"Yeah, Sev, you did. You're forcing me to be open to new things. Things that if I wasn't in this position I would never try. But things that I love. You didn't frighten me or convince me that you're a bastard. You reinforced my trust in you more than anything else could have. I won't argue with you about sex stuff again. Ever. You want a pliant and willing sex toy, you've got it. If a day ever comes that you break your promise to me or we do something I can't like, then I'll reconsider. But for now, maybe truly for the first time, I'm yours. Wholly and completely."

Severus let out a slow breath. The splash of the water, the heat soaking into his skin, the ever so slight bite of her nails against him all told him that he wasn't dreaming. She'd really just said those things to him. He'd done something to her that she admittedly didn't want, and she trusted him more because of it. She was still his. Willingly.

He wrapped one arm around her waist and drew her against him sharply. His other hand cradled the back of her head and drew her close as he lowered his head. Their lips met in an urgent, sensual tangle. It wasn't a kiss to shock her or punish her or even to arouse her. It was a kiss that conveyed all the emotion that he didn't know how to voice. When finally they both parted, drawing deep breaths, Severus let his forehead rest against hers. Their noses brushed together in an achingly tender gesture.

"Severus?" Hermione whispered his name softly.

"Yes?"

"Just don't expect me to be a mindless submissive puppet outside the bedroom, okay?"

Severus chuckled.

"With that smart mouth of yours, pet, how could I expect anything less?"

Well...what did you think, everyone?! Review and let me know! Bribe me for the next chapter! The next one is when we get a good look at his scars...and his past ; )