turn nine: yuki

turn nine: yuki


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And the thing that gets to me
is you'll never really see.
And the thing that freaks me out
is I'll always be in doubt.

- "Animal Instinct" by The Cranberries

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Several voices flitted in and out of his head before he came to.

"Yuki?"

Yuki opened his eyes, blinking several times. He was in bed, with Shuichi standing over him. He tried to speak, but his mouth was dry and tasted strange. He suddenly felt a nasty taste bubble up in the back of his throat and he bolted out of bed, shoving Shuichi aside.

"Yuki, are you ok?" Shuichi asked. The next thing he knew, Yuki was in the bathroom, puking his guts out. After ten minutes, Yuki coughed several times, then leaned against the back of the bathtub, his chest heaving. Shuichi came in and grabbed a towel, wiping saliva off of Yuki's chin.

"I'm fine," Yuki murmured, trying to bat away Shuichi's hand. Shuichi evaded his touch, cleaning his face without any reaction.

Yuki had a feeling that he wasn't finished vomiting for the day, but he couldn't sit here forever waiting for the next round -- he had work to do. Looking at the clock, he noticed that it was about ten-thirty in the morning.

So he let me sleep, Yuki thought.

"What the hell happened to you last night, Yuki?

"I -- went out," Yuki responded, standing up. "I got a little sloshed. Sorry. Now get away."

Shuichi lost it.

"So you get drunk and don't even bother to call me beforehand to tell me you're going out?!" he screeched. "What the fuck, Yuki? I'm waiting here for hours and I'm worried sick about you, then oh, you just come home unannounced, absolutely piss drunk and swearing at me while I'm trying to help your ass up from when you collapsed in the doorway? I care about you, goddamn it, and you're acting like I don't even matter! You could have called, you asshole! You really could have!"

Yuki couldn't take this. He jerked away from Shuichi and walked out of the bathroom, his eyes burning with anger.

"Where are you going now?" Shuichi snapped.

"Just be quiet and let me be," Yuki said, flopping down on the bed and closing his eyes.

Shuichi instantly felt bad. He walked over to the bed and sat down next to his lover, his hands folded in his lap.

"Yuki…I…I'm sorry I yelled. I…I just want to know why you got drunk and why you didn't call me."

The only thing he got in response was a snore.

You...ASSHOLE.

Shuichi made up his mind. He got up and got dressed and went to see Hiro.

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"Hey Shu-chan!" Hiro said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Something happened," Shuichi muttered, walking inside. Hiro closed the door, looking slightly worried.

"Hiro…I snapped at Yuki and I don't know why…" Shuichi said,. sitting on the couch as Hiro brought them something to drink.

"What do you mean, you snapped at Yuki?"

"He -- he got home last night and he was so drunk, and -- this morning, he wouldn't let me help him when he went to throw up, and then I yelled at him when he tried to push me away, and -- I just -- I needed to leave. He fell asleep when I was trying to talk to him and it just pissed me off so much." He held the soda can that Hiro had given him without opening it, too nervous and on edge to drink anything. Besides, he was so jittery he might spill something.

"So...basically, you're running away from your problems again."

Shuichi stared at Hiro, who was gazing at him nonchalantly.

"I don't run away from my problems," Shuichi said, looking annoyed.

"Hiro, I thought you were going to go to the bathroom and -- Oh, hey there, Shindou-san."

In came Suguru Fujisaki, grinning, sitting in a wheelchair. Shuichi was too stunned by this sight to say hello back. Suguru nodded and wheeled around, going back the way he came and giving the two men their privacy.

"This soda's out-of-date," Hiro remarked, putting the can down. "No wonder it tastes like shit."

'Hiro...why is Suguru in a wheelchair?"

"Hm? Oh," Hiro said. "Well, in the accident, something kind of tore at Suguru's spine tissue and it cracked a bit of the bone as well. He can still walk, but he's going to need some time in the wheelchair before he can go into physical therapy and get his strength back. Until then, it's having races down supermarket aisles as usual, but without the cart," Hiro chuckled.

Shuichi, however, wasn't the least bit amused. His lower lip trembled and he looked down at his lap, his face burning with embarrassment.

"...This is all my fault," he whispered.

Hiro said nothing.

"If I hadn't run away -- if I hadn't --"

"Shuichi, please," Hiro said quietly. "It isn't your fault. It's no one's fault. Just...don't blame yourself for something that wasn't in your control. This could have happened anytime, anyplace. So...don't."

Shuichi nodded, sniffing.

"And you know -- you should go back home," Hiro said. "Try and work things out with Yuki. Who knows -- you may get somewhere."

Shuichi nodded, and hugged Hiro, who embraced him as well.

"Thanks. I'll do that, then."

Shuichi got up and left, feeling a little more hopeful than he had before.

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"Where have you been?" Yuki asked coldly once Shuichi walked in the front door.

"I went to Hiro's," Shuichi said, hanging his coat up and hugging Yuki around his waist. Surprised, Yuki held his lover, inhaling the sweet scent of strawberry shampoo wafting from the young man's hair.

"What time is it?" Shuichi asked quietly.

"Five thirty."

"Close to dinner time...but I'm not hungry," Shuichi muttered, kissing Yuki's neck.

Then he dared to ask the question that had been nagging at him this whole time.

"Yuki…If I -- if I were to -- leave -- would that make life a lot easier for you?"

Yuki peered down at him.

"Why the hell are you asking me that?"

"Is that a yes?"

"Did you hear me say yes? I asked you why you'd say such a stupid thing."

"I just -- I don't know," Shuichi said, feeling very confused. "I've been feeling like such a burden lately...I've been thinking if it might be best if I weren't...I don't know -- here."

"Shuichi, we're not going through this again," Yuki said. "Burden or not, I want you here with me. Period."

"Do you…Do you really mean that Yuki?" Shuichi asked as he snuggled to Yuki's chest.

"No. That's why I said it."

"Jerk," Shuichi sniffed, hugging Yuki tighter.

"Wanna take a nap?" Yuki asked, noting how limp Shuichi's body felt. The young man nodded and kissed Yuki on the cheek, walking to the bedroom. Yuki followed suit, not feeling very tired, but feeling the urge to be as close to Shuichi as possible.

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Shuichi woke up hours later. Actually, he woke up the next morning.

Must have been a lot more tired than I realised, Shuichi thought to himself. He got up, stretching.

A strange scent wafted into his nostrils.

...Either that's pepperoni or I'm hallucinating.

Shuichi wandered out into the hall, and saw Yuki sitting on the couch, munching on a slice of pizza and watching the news.

"Pizza for breakfast?" Shuichi asked as he sat down next to Yuki, helping himself to a

slice.

"All I kept hearing while you were sleeping was 'pizza.' I felt inclined to order some."

"...I was talking in my sleep?"

"You always do."

Shuichi blinked, then shrugged. He hadn't even finished his first piece before Yuki grabbed another slice. Looking down, Shuichi saw that three pieces had already been devoured.

"Why have you been eating so much lately?" Shuichi asked suddenly.

Yuki froze, his pizza inches away from his open mouth. Stubbornly, he bit into his slice and said in a muffled voice, "I haven't been."

"That's your fourth piece."

"What?"

"You didn't realise?"

Yuki looked down, and saw that, indeed, he had taken three pieces of pizza. He put

the fourth slice down, looking confused.

"...I don't ever eat that much," he said in a small voice. He wondered to himself how he had been eating beforehand, and now he understood why Shuichi always looked at him quizzically over meals.

"Yuki…"

Shuichi huddled closer to his lover, sitting so that they were shoulder-to-shoulder.

"…Why don't you tell me what's bothering you."

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(If Yuki gets fat, I'ma smack a hoe.)