A/N: Hi guys! Your Auntie Lou thanks you for all the love for the last chapter. I was beginning to worry I was boring you and seeing as I've written at least another ten chapters to this story already, that was making me a little bit worried. .
I'm very happy to know you're on board with the Olicity date and the Thea/Oliver interactions because there is more of both in this chapter. So, that was lucky. I found Felicity adorable in this chapter, in part because she is so totally different from Oliver in every way. They come from different worlds, they react to situations differently, Oliver internalizes, Felicity externalizes… often, with a lot of run on sentences. They shouldn't work but the whole 'opposites attract' thing just kicks in and it does. Excuse me while I fangirl quietly over in the corner. Just kidding… fangirls are never quiet, it's all that squealing, we just can't help ourselves.
Hank and I saw the latest TV promo for season 3 of Arrow and saw the Olicity kiss tease. There was so much excitement in the house, faeces were being flung about with gay abandon. Me, that is, not Hank. On a related note, that's also why I'm not allowed to go to any more weddings – I get caught up in romantic moments and then it's anything goes.
Hank was horrified, which is pretty rich considering what I just walked in on him doing. I don't want to scar anyone's delicate psyche forever but let's just say I'm probably never going to eat Easy Cheese again… or look at a Ken doll the same way again. I really don't think Barbie knows what Ken gets up to on his 'boy's nights' out and that's probably a good thing. Couples can know too much about each other in my opinion. Don't let Ken's perfect hair and smile and molded plastic crotch fool you – that guy is into some nasty shit, just take my word for it.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there is a chapter to be read, so, I guess we should crack on eh?
Tally ho, chaps….!
CHAPTER NINE
Over by Felicity there was now a man standing beside her. He was grabbing some napkins from the table to soak up the champagne he'd obviously just spilt down the front of Felicity's dress. Something snapped inside of Oliver to see this man wiping away at Felicity's dress, touching her all over. He stalked over to the two of them, pushing people out of his way and leaving a confused Thea in his wake.
"I'm so sorry," apologized the man hastily, trying his best to soak up the alcohol from Felicity's dress. "I just didn't see you standing there."
"It's okay," said Felicity, having grabbed a couple of napkins as well and trying to get the worst out herself. "It was just an acciden—"
Oliver had just reached them and he immediately grabbed the man's wrist, violently jerking him away from Felicity. "Don't touch her!" he practically yelled.
Both Felicity and the man were looking at him in shock. She quickly put a hand to Oliver's arm. "It's okay," said Felicity sharply. "Nothing is wrong, Oliver."
Oliver was glaring death at the other man, his emotions a riot of angry outrage. "He was pawing at you," he snarled. All Oliver could think about was beating this man to a pulp for having the audacity to lay his hands on Felicity. His right hand curled into a fist on instinct.
"No, he really wasn't," said Felicity urgently. "Oliver, look at me." She grabbed his face and made him tear his attention from the taken aback man. "I'm fine. It was just an accident. There isn't anything to get upset about here."
Oliver stared at her in disbelief. "He was touching you," he ground out. Why didn't Felicity understand how bad that was? Why the man didn't deserve to live. It seemed so obvious to Oliver, he didn't even question it. His heart monitor began to beep with frantic insistence.
"Aardvark, Oliver," said Felicity in low undertones, holding his gaze intently. "Aardvark."
Oliver swallowed hard, trying to clear the red haze which had settled in his brain the instant he'd seen the other man touching Felicity. She was right, he was overreacting in a major way and Oliver couldn't help but feel shaken by the intensity of his emotions.
Felicity's other hand moved to his fist and she wrapped her hand around his. "Just breathe," she instructed him, still holding his gaze. "You're fine, just breathe."
"Oliver?" asked Thea a little uncertainly, having followed him over and witnessed the whole scene.
Felicity's touch was causing the tension to ebb from Oliver's body. He uncurled his fist and did what she told him to, he breathed. The heart monitor stopped beeping as his blood pressure came back under control. Oliver looked over at Thea, noticing the man who'd spilt the drink on Felicity had already disappeared into the crowd. Smart move on the man's behalf.
"Low blood sugar," blurted out Felicity. "No need to worry, Thea." She picked up her half-eaten plate of food and shoved it at Oliver. "Here, eat something, you'll feel better."
"Since when do you have low blood sugar?" Thea quizzed him.
Oliver dutifully put a chocolate-covered strawberry in his mouth, going along with Felicity's cover story. "It's kind of a recent thing," he said around the mouthful of sweet treat.
"And it makes him cranky," said Felicity quickly. "But you're fine now, aren't you, Oliver?"
Now that the man was gone from anywhere near Felicity and she was only standing a couple of feet away, Oliver did feel the tension ebbing from his body. "I'm fine," he agreed readily.
Felicity looked down at dress. "I need to wash this out before it stains." She looked at Thea. "Do you know which way the lady's room is?"
Thea pointed behind her. "Over there."
"Thanks, I'll be right back."
Without thinking about it, Oliver started to follow her.
Felicity stopped and held up a hand. "Actually, Oliver, I think I've got this. I'm going to the lady's room, you know, where women all come together and do lady things together." She paused and screwed up her face. "Okay, that came out more overtly sexual then I intended. Although I guess there are lady's bathrooms out there where that kind of things happen. I know at the Fallen Angel I once walked in on—" Felicity stopped abruptly and shook her head. "But that probably isn't the point. What was my point? Oh right, Oliver, you can't come with me. Stay here. I won't be gone long."
Oliver fought against arguing the point with her because he really didn't want Felicity out of his eyeshot for even a second after what he'd just witnessed. He felt his chest tightened but he kept a valiant smile plastered on his face. "Sure, no problem." He could control this, he had to.
"Just eat something," she instructed him. Felicity went to hurry off but then she stopped abruptly and turned back around, coming up to him. "Just not the crab cakes. I've been saving them for last because they're the best."
Oliver looked down at the plate of food he was holding and then over at the buffet. "There are plenty more crab cakes on the table."
"Yes but I've picked out all the crunchiest ones," said Felicity in agitation. "So, don't eat them, okay?" She turned around and walked back up to him. "Or the green saucy stuff. I don't know what it is but I'm seriously thinking of amending my will to be buried in a tub of the stuff."
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Thea turn her head away but not before giving a little snort of laughter. "Is there anything on this plate I can eat?" asked Oliver in wry amusement.
"Sure, anything else." Felicity paused and seemed to be rethinking that as she studied the plate carefully. "Except for maybe, no, okay, yes, you can have anything else." She gave him a hard look. "But I'm serious about the crab cakes. Like sneak into your room, smother you with a pillow and dissolve your body in a vat of acid kinda serious."
Oliver's lips were twitching again. "That does sound serious," he agreed readily.
"Just so long as we're both on the same page." Felicity turned around and this time she actually did leave.
Thea folded her arms in front of herself and cocked her head, looking up at him as he started to pick away at the plate. "Wow, she is so the boss of you." Thea grinned. "I like it."
"Felicity is not the boss of me," grumbled Oliver, trying to distract himself from the fact he could feel his anxiety levels rising now that she was no longer in sight.
"I guess I know what you were going to tell me about you and Felicity, that little meltdown pretty much said it all," said Thea easily.
Oliver scowled at her. "Low blood sugars, remember?" He tried to cover his tracks. "That had nothing to do with Felicity."
Thea gave an inelegant snort. "You do realize this is my twentieth birthday and not my second, right? I no longer fall for 'got your nose' or the tooth fairy gambit. What just happened was nothing about low blood sugar and everything about some guy getting handsie with your girl."
Oliver's hand tightened on the plate of food at just remembering his emotions at seeing the party goer with his hands all over Felicity. A muscle ticked in his jaw as he fought to bring himself under control about even the memory of the incident.
"So, this is serious then?" said Thea, watching the play and emotions across his face.
Oliver blew out a worried breath, not sure he could handle any more serious complications from his gas exposure. "I sure hope not." He paused. "Wait, what are you talking about?"
"You and Felicity."
"Again, there is no me and Felicity."
Thea continued on as though he hadn't spoken. "I mean, I kind of assumed you'd slept with her when you first made her your assistant."
Oliver gave her a sharp look. "Why would you say that?"
Thea made a tutting noise. "Oliver, I say this with a lot of love—"
"I'm getting a real aversion to people saying that to me," he said flatly.
"But you're kind of a slut," continued on Thea blithely. "Any attractive girl with a pulse is pretty much fair game for you."
Oliver wanted to say that wasn't true but it was hard with his kind of history.
"And then you discard them but you've kept Felicity around and now I can see why."
Oliver looked at her intently, suddenly curious. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that I can see why you're attracted to her in more than just a physical way." Thea half-smiled. "Face it, Oliver, Felicity is funny, sincere, has no filters and is completely candid with everyone she meets. You know, the complete opposite of the good old Queen family legacy where we bury all of our emotions until we're a festering pool of cold-hearted nothingness with no kind of moral fiber whatsoever." She pulled a face. "Really looking forward to that endgame," she said sarcastically. "We need people like Felicity in our lives to save us from our family curse." Thea laid a hand on his arm. "And I've glad you found her." Her expression became teasing. "And it can't hurt that she also appears to know her way around a strip club."
"Felicity didn't work at a strip club," said Oliver hastily, his hopes that Thea would let Felicity's Fallen Angel reference slide now dashed. "She worked above one."
"Hey, no judgment here," said Thea easily. "Compared to our family's history, she's still got a better chance of sainthood than any of us ever will, even if she was running the joint and burying dead hookers in the basement."
"Our family isn't that bad," protested Oliver.
Thea arched an eyebrow at him.
"Okay, maybe it is," said Oliver ruefully.
"I'm just saying I get the Felicity thing and I'm happy for you."
Oliver took a mouthful of food from the plate and chewed, really wishing he understood the Felicity thing as well as Thea seemed to think she did.
"You just ate one of Felicity's crab cakes," noted Thea in amusement.
"Oh crap!" said Oliver, realizing she was right. He hadn't been paying attention.
"Don't worry, what are the chances she has an actual vat of acid laying around her home?" said Thea teasingly. "Although, I'm kind of getting the feeling that if anyone could source something like that, it'd be Felicity." She took in his concerned face. "Relax, maybe she won't notice."
Oliver grimaced. "She'll notice. Felicity is kind of detailed orientated that way," he said morosely. This wasn't about a crab cake, this was about him unable to keep his head in the game and concentrate. Oliver looked over at the bathroom door with some agitation. How much longer was Felicity going to be? He felt the sweat beginning to gather on his back.
"Hey Thea!"
Thea turned her head and acknowledged the young woman calling out to her. She looked back at Oliver. "My devoted fans await," she said with a half-smile. "I'd better go." Thea cocked her head. "Are you going to be okay?"
Such a good question. "Of course I am," said Oliver instantly. "Why wouldn't I be?" Damn, that question after a lie thing again. He really did need to work on that.
"Just try not to punch out any of my guests if they happen to look sideways at Felicity at some point tonight," she said teasingly.
Oliver knew she was only joking but he couldn't help the scowl which came to his face at the thought of other men looking at Felicity.
Thea shook her head and laughed as his expression darkened. She picked up a mini-quiche from his plate and held it up to his lips. "Here, eat something and try and rein in the green-eyed monster."
Oliver accepted the quiche, chewing on it begrudgingly. "I'm not jealous," he muttered.
Thea rolled her eyes. "Of course not." She smiled up at him. "Thank you for my present. I love it." Thea squeezed his arm. "Don't go without saying goodbye, okay?"
Oliver nodded and then Thea was disappearing into the crowd. Oliver chewed on his food moodily, the throbbing in his head starting up again. He wiped at his brow, feeling the sweat collecting there. The feeling of being out of control of his body bothered him. He'd spent years honing his mind and body to work as a weapon at any moment. Having both breakdown on him like this was disconcerting as hell. Oliver relied on his mental and physical strength to be who he needed to be. Without either the feelings of being back adrift at sea in that life boat assailed him. Oliver had never wanted to feel like that again. Through all the crowd of people, Oliver caught the whiff of a familiar scent and it immediately made him relax a little from his dark thoughts. He caught the top of Felicity's blonde head as she weaved her way through the people back to him. Oliver felt his anxiety levels all but dissipate when she was back standing beside him.
"Crisis averted," she announced. Felicity smoothed down her dress. "I really didn't want the dress to be ruined. I love this dress. It reminds me of a velvet dress when I had when I was a little girl. I thought I was a princess in it." She grinned up at Oliver. "Plus, when you stroke it, you feel like you're patting a cow. I had a cow thing growing up." Felicity stopped abruptly. "That sounded weird saying that aloud. I just mean I really liked cows… platonically… I'm not saying I found them sexually attractive because why would I, I was only like, six. Not that I find them sexually attractive now that I'm older," she finished off hastily. "And besides, cows are females and I'm not gay… although is that what it would be if I did find cows sexually attractive? Does the term lesbian work with cross species romances?" Felicity pursed her lips. "I wonder if I'm the first person to ask that question? Probably because I feel like what I'm describing is illegal. Not the lesbian thing, the having sex with cows things. I'm guessing that's illegal… or at least, for the cow's sake, I hope it is." She nodded. "I think it definitely is… and I'll probably stop talking now… because that seems like a good idea."
Oliver gave her a warm look as he was treated to the rambling thought process of Felicity Smoak. "Have I ever told you how much I like hearing what you're thinking?"
Felicity wrinkled her nose. "Well, that makes one of us."
"Can I ask – why cows?"
"Because they've got big brown eyes and wet noses and are just generally adorable," said Felicity. "I wanted a pet cow so badly when I was six but Mom said no."
"I think your Mom was probably thinking the Princess might not be able to accommodate a full grown cow on your travels," said Oliver wryly.
Felicity pouted. "And I'll tell you what I told her, we could have gotten a trailer to put Penelope in."
"Penelope?"
"I named the cow."
Oliver smiled. "Of course you did."
Felicity looked down at the plate. "You ate one of my crab cakes. There used to be five."
"No, there didn't," said Oliver quickly, having forgotten his crime.
Felicity arched a disbelieving eye at him. "Why are you even attempting to lie about it?"
Oliver grimaced. "I don't know, basic survival instinct."
She rolled her eyes. "Oliver, I said keep your hands off my crab cakes."
Ever since Felicity had made the comment about what touching her velvet dress had felt like Oliver's hand had actually been itching to touch her and find out for himself. He was trying not to think about it which, of course, meant it was the only thing he could think about. It seemed Felicity's crab cakes weren't the only thing he was going to struggle to keep his hands off tonight.
"You realize there are going to be consequences, right?"
Oliver blinked, knowing full well what those consequences might be if he didn't manage to keep his hands to himself.
"Don't make me smother you with a pillow again," she threatened him.
"Again?" asked Oliver intently, knowing Felicity was only talking about crab cakes even as his mind took him other places.
Felicity looked at little stricken. "No, not again, I've never smothered you with a pillow for any other reason, ever," she blurted out. "Why would I do something like that while you were sleeping?"
Oliver gave her an odd look for that hasty denial and the question afterwards which flagged it as a lie. "Okay," he said slowly. When and why would have Felicity tried to smother him with a pillow? Oliver didn't know if there was an answer to those questions he'd like to hear.
Felicity glanced at her watch, seeming to want to change the subject. "I wonder how Diggle is going?"
"He'll be on top of it," said Oliver confidently. "He always is."
"I know, Digg is the best."
Oliver tried to ignore the flash of jealousy he felt at Felicity singing the other man's praises. He knew he was being ridiculous but that didn't stop the way he was feeling. Oliver tried to distract himself from his wayward emotions and took another mouthful of food from the plate.
"Oliver!" said Felicity in disbelief. "Did you just eat another one of my crab cakes?"
"No," mumbled Oliver around his mouthful of crab-filled cake.
Felicity folded her arms and looked up at him defiantly.
"Okay, yes, maybe a little bit."
She shook her head at him. "Unbelievable."
He gave a sheepish smile. "You're right though, the crunchy ones are the best."
"I'm always right about crustacean-based appetizers," said Felicity as she took back her plate of food from him. "It's like my super power. Granted, it's got limited use as far as super powers go but if you're at an all you can eat seafood buffet with too much food to choose from, I'm so you're go to girl."
Oliver half-smiled. "You're my go to girl, period."
For once Felicity didn't seem to know what to say to something like that. She bit her bottom lip and flushed a little and now she was the one distracting herself with food as she picked up one of the remaining crab cakes and popped it in her mouth. Oliver tried not to watch her chew and the way she licked her lips after downing the tasty morsel only he couldn't stop himself. If he leant down and kissed her now Oliver knew she'd taste of seafood mixed with that intoxicating scent of hers which had been driving him crazy all day. And the chances of Oliver finding a way to stop just there felt pretty low right then. He shoved his hand into his pocket and fumbled for his phone. "I think I'll ring Diggle, see how he's going," said Oliver abruptly, taking a couple of steps away from Felicity and the temptation she was currently posing.
"Okay," said Felicity easily, unaware of the effect she was having on him as she swallowed her mouthful of food.
Oliver tore his gaze away from Felicity's lips as she once again licked them and dialed Diggle's number as though his life depended on it. Which it did… in more ways than one.
A/N: Okay, so now we know Felicity has a crustacean-based super power… will it help in the unfolding drama… it's so hard to know without reading on!
