Haunted

Chapter 9 – Truths

It had been two days and Jess still hadn't told Becker about the baby. She simply hadn't had the time to. Every time she thought she'd found the right moment, something else would come up; an anomaly calling them back to work, the girls needing them. It was beginning to seem like the universe didn't want Becker knowing about the baby.

Though maybe it wasn't entirely the universe's fault. There was a part of Jess that was afraid to tell Becker the truth. She was scared of how he would react. Would he be happy, like Maddie seemed to think he'd be? Or would he not want another child? After all he already had two and he'd never spoken about wanting more.

Then to make everything worse, Jess couldn't get the conversation she'd overheard between Becker and Bianca out of her head. How could he miss being with that conniving woman? Jess had thought he loved her as much as she did him. She thought they were happy together. But it seemed like the last five years hadn't meant as much as she'd thought they did.

With all this on her mind, plus the added hormones brought on by pregnancy, it was hard for Jess to really focus on anything else. Even now, as she sat in the break room with her friends, her husband's arm wrapped around her shoulders, she couldn't really enjoy herself. As they all laughed at a joke, Jess had trouble forcing a small smile onto her face.

'Seriously though, deciding not to have kids was the best decision you could have made.' Connor's words drew Jess's focus back to the conversation.

'Connor,' Abby chided.

'What? I love Nick and Dan, but my God they're more exhausting than chasing dinosaurs.'

Abby rolled her eyes. 'They're two-year-old twin boys Con, of course they're exhausting.'

'You guys decided not to have kids?' Jess asked, looking at Matt and Emily, the only childless couple among them.

'We feel it is for the best,' Emily said. 'Neither of us believe we would be able to adequately raise a child. After all, we know nothing of childhood in this time period.'

'That's so sad though,' Jess said, her hormones acting up again.

'We're fine Jess. This is what we both want,' Matt said, Emily nodding along beside him.

'What about you two,' Connor said turning to Jess and Becker. 'You're both still young, you could still pop a few kids out.'

Feeling her face heating up, Jess looked away from her friends. She felt like all her secrets had been exposed. Like Connor knew what she was hiding and was trying to force it out of her.

Get a grip. Connor doesn't know anything, Jess told herself.

'We've already got two kids,' Becker answered for both of them.

'Yeah, but don't you want more?' Connor pushed.

'We've just got to the point where they're able to start caring for themselves, why would we go backwards?'

The implications of Becker's words rang in Jess's head. He was happy they were almost done raising the girls. And why wouldn't he be? Unlike Jess, he had been a parent since he was seventeen. He'd been responsible for caring for a child, teaching them right from wrong and providing a stable environment for the last fourteen years of his life. And he still had another nine years before he was truly done.

Of course he didn't want more kids. He had missed out on what was meant to be the fun and adventurous part of his life. It made sense that he would be waiting for the girls to be grown up, then he'd be able to reclaim that time.

Oh God, he doesn't want kids. He's gonna leave me. I'm going to be a single mother. Jess's mind began whirling.

Feeling like she was starting to panic, Jess rose from her seat. 'I better get back to work,' she told the others, surprised at how calm she sounded.

Jess was careful to keep her composure as she left her friends and headed straight for the locker room that was usually empty during the day. She didn't want anyone to know how affected she had been by Becker's words. She had been genuinely surprised that Becker was so against having any more children. Sure they already had two daughters that they loved dearly, but Jess had always thought they'd have at least another two. Growing up in a small family—her and her brother were the only children—she had always been obsessed with the idea of a large family. She had decided as a child that she wanted no less than four kids. Something she had thought she would get when she adopted Lily and Maddie. After all, it meant she'd only have to go through pregnancy twice.

Jess had lost track of how long she had been sitting in the locker room, lost in thoughts of raising this baby alone, when the door opened and she was joined on the bench she had claimed.

'I was wondering where you had disappeared to,' Matt said.

'I just… came to fix my makeup,' Jess told him.

'And that always takes half an hour?'

'Sometimes. Has it really been that long?' Jess asked, looking at Matt.

He nodded his response.

'Huh. I hadn't realised.'

Matt could hear in Jess's voice that something was bothering her. You didn't get to know someone as well as he knew her and not learn to recognise their moods.

'Are you okay?' he asked.

Jess sighed. There was no point trying to lie to Matt, he'd get it out of her eventually. 'Not really.'

'What's wrong? You seemed okay at lunch.'

'I was surprised by what Becker said.'

'About what?'

'Not wanting to have any more kids.'

Matt nodded. 'I'm guessing that you do want more.'

'Yeah. You know me, I've always wanted a big family, and when we got married I was sure I was going to get one. I figured Becker and I would have a couple kids together, after all I've never done the baby stuff and you know Lily would love being a big sister.'

Matt laughed at the idea of Lily with younger siblings. The nine-year-old had voiced her opinion, on more than one occasion, on how unfair it was that she didn't have anyone younger than her to boss around.

'I figured when I adopted Maddie and Lily,' Jess continued, 'that the big family I'd always wanted was practically guaranteed.'

'I wouldn't worry about it Jess,' Matt said, nudging her shoulder. 'You and Becker are the youngest out of the lot of us, you have plenty of time to talk and work out what you want. It's not like you're expecting a baby now.'

Jess's hand unconsciously fell to her stomach.

'Unless you are, and that's why you're so upset,' Matt said noticing her hand move. 'Are you?'

Jess nodded. 'And he doesn't want kids. Matt, what am I going to do?'

Matt pulled her into an embrace. 'You're going to tell him, and everything's going to be fine, because under all those oafish qualities, Becker is actually a good man.'

'But what if he freaks out?'

'Then I'll just have to shoot him again,' Matt said, trying to lighten the mood.

Jess appreciated the effort, but she was too worried to do much more than muster a small smile.


By the time Jess got home that evening, she felt drained. Ever since Bianca had turned up in their lives she had felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster. And now with the baby, and the uncertainty surrounding how Becker would react, she could barely bring herself to walk up the few steps leading to their house.

She flopped down onto the couch as soon as she was inside, needing a moment of peace to centre herself.

She had been seated less than five minutes when the sound of the front door slamming shut jolted her back to reality.

'Mummy! Daddy! We're home,' Lily called.

Ignoring the disappointment she felt at her alone time being over before it begun, Jess called; 'I'm in the living room Hun.'

Coming into the room, Lily curled up on the couch next to her mother and begun regaling Jess with everything she had done that day at school. Lily was half way through the story of what happened in her science class when Bianca walked into the room.

'Hope you don't mind Jess,' she said, fake cheeriness dripping in her voice. 'But I bumped into Hil earlier today and he invited me to join you for dinner again.'

Forcing the same amount of fake cheer into her voice, Jess replied; 'of course not. I'm sure the girls would love you to join us.'

'Yeah, Hilary said you wouldn't mind.'

Anger surged through Jess at the smugness clearly displayed on Bianca's face.

'Lily, why don't you go change out of your school clothes, dinner won't be long,' Jess said, not wanting her daughter to see how upset she was. 'Tell Maddie to do the same.'

'Okay,' Lily said, hopping up and leaving the room.

Jess stood and strode over to the other woman. 'I told you already that I can see what you're doing. And it's not working. No matter what you think, I'm not going anywhere. This in MY family, and NOTHING will change that.'

'Are you sure about that?' Bianca asked, smirking. 'Because the way I see it, someone so sure about their place wouldn't feel the need to keep reaffirming it.'

'Think what you want, but Hil loves me,' Jess said her voice emotionless. There was no way she was going to let on to the fact that lately she had been feeling anything but sure about her standing in this family.

'Oh I don't doubt that,' Bianca said, crossing her arms. 'But the question is how much longer is that going to last? We both know he's being thinking about how good life was when the two of us were together. We also both know that Hil and I would still be together today if it weren't for that unfortunate incident.'

Jess crossed her arms, mimicking Bianca's stance. 'You mean you abandoning him to raise your kids alone?' Jess asked, eyebrows raising.

Bianca waved her hand, as though to wave Jess's accusation away. 'Water under the bridge babe. He'll be crawling back to me the moment he realises we want the same things in life. To finish raising our kids and then making up for lost time. Something he can't have with you. You're young, probably want kids of your own, and I'll let you in on a little secret. No matter how much Hil loves those girls, no matter how much he says he wouldn't change having them in his life, it doesn't change the fact that before I got pregnant, he was always adamant about the fact that he never wanted children.'

Jess felt Bianca's words like a slap across the face. On any other day, she would assume it was just Bianca trying to get under her skin. But after what had happened at lunch, she wasn't so sure. Becker had eluded to the fact that he didn't want any more children, and Bianca's words just reinforced the idea. If he hadn't wanted kids then, why would he want more now?

'Get out,' Jess said, her voice low so the girls wouldn't over hear.

Taking a seat on the couch, Bianca crossed one leg over the other. 'Honey, I'm not going anywhere.'

And for the second time in a matter of weeks, Jess found herself storming out of her house. It went against every ounce of her better judgment—storming out basically told Bianca she'd won—but she couldn't take being around that woman for another second.

She was so angry she wasn't even aware of the fact that she took off down the street at a speed well above the legal limit. And she didn't become aware until it was too late to avoid colliding with an oncoming car.