Author's Note:
Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been busy rehearsing my part in my dance studio's production of the Nutcracker, and this story turned out to be a bit longer than expected. I had to cut it into two parts xD. Anyway, I wrote this about the Night Terrors quest (shocking, right, cuz the chapter name doesn't give it away at all... :p). Again, I took some of Fenris's perspective for it, but a lot of this first part is Hawke's POV as well. I tried to step into Fenris's head more for this one, to try to make sense out of what he did. I suggest avoiding this one if you haven't done this quest yet :) As always, thanks for reading and please enjoy!
So, I'm back again. Bethany's been getting concerned with the amount of time we've been putting into this "short" story here, but Fenris and I are both determined to fit in as many details as we can. Varric tends to sugarcoat this one a bit, and I have admit that entering the Fade and saving Feynriel was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. None of us really likes to think about it, but it's sort of a relief to write about this particular adventure.
Anyway, we paired up again to write about the second time we helped the human-elf mage Feynriel. It was a very interesting experience, journeying through the Fade, and not one any of us is really willing to repeat. And, yet again, Fenris refuses to include his own introduction. Ah, well. Maybe next time!
-Hawke
Night Terriors (part I)
Hawke watched her friends with amusement. They were all crowded into her mansion, seated around her dinner table, diamondback cards in hand. She sat at one end of the table, Fenris to her left and Varric to her right. Merrill sat opposite her at the other end of the table. Aveline sat on Varric's other side, with Isabela in between her and Merrill. Next to Fenris sat Sebastian, with Anders on his left. All together, they made up her merry little band of misfits.
Her gaze flickered over to the only empty seat, in between Sebastian and Anders. By unspoken consent, they always left that seat open. She imagined that was where Bethany would have been sitting.
"Something wrong, Hawke?" Fenris asked her quietly. She raised a confused eyebrow. "You don't sigh like that very often," he answered her unspoken question. Oh. She hadn't realized she'd sighed aloud.
"I was just thinking about Bethany," she explained, her gaze sliding back over to the empty seat.
"Your sister sounds like a good woman. I wish I could have spoken with her more," Sebastian commented, evidently overhearing their words.
"I think she would have liked you," Hawke agreed heavily.
"Sunshine still sends you letters, doesn't she?" Varric asked. He'd always had a soft spot for Bethany. Then again, who hadn't? She was such an innocent, sweet little girl.
"Of course," Hawke answered. "She seems... well, not happy, but content."
"Maybe you should visit her," Varric remarked with an innocent expression. Hawke lifted her eyebrows, a smirk playing on her lips.
"Does the Circle even allow visitations?"
"Err..."
"Ah, maybe that can be our next adventure! A midnight break-in at the Circle of Magi!... Yeah, that'll go over well with the Knight-Commander, seeing as how she loves me so much already." The others laughed. Now just about everybody was paying attention, watching with shrewd eyes. There was a thoughtful silence for a moment before Anders broke it.
"I trust you didn't just gather us all here for a friendly visit, Hawke?" He looked sly, as if he already knew what she was planning. She firmly resisted squirming under his disturbingly intense gaze. Fenris always had an intensity about him, she reflected, but it was sweeter than the way Anders looked at her. With the mage... she wasn't sure. It made her uncomfortable. He seemed almost... possessive.
"Why would you think that?" she asked innocently. She set her cards down on the table, and the others followed her cue, if somewhat reluctantly. "Maybe I just wanted everyone over here to reconnect."
"If that was all, we would've met at the Hanged Man," Isabela pointed out, rolling her eyes. "Come on, Hawke. Out with it."
"Well... you guys all remember Feynriel, right? The kid we saved and sent to the Dalish a couple years ago..." Hawke began.
"How could we not? We were tracking him for days." Varric smirked as the others agreed somewhat wearily.
"Well, he needs our help again." They groaned theatrically, except for Sebastian, who looked a little confused, as he hadn't yet joined Hawke's band of misfits when they'd been tracking the mage. Merrill quickly explained the whole deal to him.
"You didn't send him to the Circle?" Sebastian asked once she was finished, turning to Hawke with a raised eyebrow.
"It's not his fault he has magic," Hawke pointed out, her icy gaze flashing protectively. Anders looked a little smug, she noticed with annoyance, and repressed the urge to smack the smirk off his face. She only really kept him along for the healing, and the occasional insight when they were dealing with mages, such as now. Which, unfortunately, happened all too often. "And anyway, the Dalish can teach him just as well as the Circle."
"Yes, especially considering that their First was a blood mage." Hawke decidedly ignored Fenris, but the others couldn't control themselves as well. Anders opened his mouth to retort hotly. Merrill looked stunned. Small arguments blossomed around the table over what they should have done with the poor lad.
"Enough," growled Hawke after a few moments of this, her electric blue eyes narrowing to flints. Anders' mouth snapped shut and he glowered at her mutinously, but he didn't speak any more. The others immediately quieted. Hawke was a ferocious sight when her temper was sparked, especially considering her tendency to throw daggers at things when she got pissed off, which they had all learned by then. "I didn't ask for opinions on what we should have done," she went on more calmly. "What's done is done, and I can't change that now."
"What's wrong with him, then?" Fenris asked. She turned to him and searched his mossy eyes. He gazed back steadily, but she thought she caught a flash of regret. Her expression softened marginally when she turned back to look at the others.
"His mother wrote me a letter. Apparently he's been having these dreams-"
"That's not unusual for a mage," Anders interrupted, rolling his eyes. "She's probably overreacting." She frowned at him, and he subsided, again looking annoyed.
"I swear, I'm going to let my Mabari attack the next person who interrupts me," she complained, only half-teasing. Off to her left, Fenris made a strange coughing/choking sound, and she lifted an eyebrow at him. He blinked innocently at her. She struggled to hide a smile and the wave of pain that accompanied it as she went on. "So, anyway, apparently demons have been bothering him a lot in his dreams. He's gone into a nightmare and can't wake up, so Keeper Marethari is going to perform a ritual to allow a few people he trusts to enter the Fade and save him... Arianni wants me to enter the Fade, and I'll need help," she finished quietly. Her words were met by dead silence. She thought she could hear crickets chirping from somewhere outside.
She waited a heartbeat or two before she continued. "Now we can't all go- I only need about three other people- and I won't ask all of you." Her gaze swept over to Sebastian, whose gaze was narrowed warily. "I won't make you come," she told him, and he relaxed, relief and gratitude flashing through his own sky blue eyes.
"Thank you, Hawke," he murmured. "The Fade is no place for a man of faith."
"And I respect that," she answered with a small smile.
"I'm busy tomorrow, Hawke," Aveline informed her, sounding only slightly apologetic. "Training new recruits, I'm sure you understand." Hawke guessed that she didn't want to come into the Fade anyway. Personally, she was looking forward to it with a mixture of dread and excitement. Excitement because this was going to be a totally new experience for her and definitely out of the ordinary killing bandits and blood mages, but dread because she'd heard about the persuasive powers of the demons. She hoped that she would be able to withstand their tests, though with the Keeper's help it probably wouldn't be too big of a deal.
"Alright," Hawke agreed. "Take Fang with you, if you want, he's been wanting to get out and I can't take him in the Fade anyway."
"Thanks," Aveline answered with a grin.
"So, that leaves..." Hawke turned to look at the others who hadn't spoken up yet. Merrill was looking uncertain, and Isabela had a thoughtful expression. Varric looked doubtful- she could tell, just by his face, that he wasn't going. And Fenris looked passive, as always.
"I'm going," Anders declared. Hawke suppressed a sigh as she turned to look at him. "Justice can guide us through the Fade," he explained.
"That... could actually be very useful," she admitted. "Well, as long as he doesn't turn and attack us all." She eyed him warily.
"He won't," Anders told her confidently. She saw Fenris roll his eyes from her periphery.
"I'll go," Isabela volunteered, her gaze shimmering with excitement. "Sounds like fun!"
"Are you sure-" Anders began, but Hawke cut him off with another irritated scowl. Maker, how annoying he could be when it came to mages...
"Thanks, Isabela," Hawke said pointedly.
"You know I'm always happy to be at your service, Hawke," Isabela responded good-naturedly. Hawke rolled her eyes. Before she could retort, though, Fenris spoke up.
"I'm coming, too." His voice was firm, with no trace of uncertainty in it. Hawke blinked in surprise and turned to look at him curiously. He gazed back, his eyes, as before, steady and nearly unreadable. Anders opened his mouth to protest. Yet again, his protest was cut off- she guessed Isabela had stomped on his foot or something, judging by the withering glare he now shot at her.
And just like that, she had three companions to enter the Fade with her.
They spent the next few hours discussing what they were going to do as the sun set outside. Anders briefed them on what to expect in the Fade, which Hawke grudgingly found very helpful. Sebastian and Aveline left soon after Fenris decided he was coming, as they really had no reason to stay, and as Aveline insisted, "I need my wits about me with these recruits!" Merrill and Varric stayed a little longer, because Merrill also had some pointers about entering the Fade as well as speaking with Keeper Marethari, and Varric was adamant that Lowtown was too dangerous for her to wander around it at night, so he would walk her home. Eventually, even they left and it was just the four who were to enter the Fade left in Hawke's darkening dining room. The embers flickered sadly in the dying fire.
"Remember that the demons are all very dangerous," Anders cautioned yet again. Hawke hoped he was almost finished with his lecture- she felt like a schoolchild again. She had all but quit paying attention when he said something new and depressing. "They will try to suck you in and make you waver by exploiting your weaknesses against you. I suggest you know what those are and be prepared beforehand, so the demons don't trick you into betraying us." They were all silent as they contemplated his foreboding words. Hawke wondered what her own weaknesses were. Bethany, she thought- she would do anything to rescue her sister from the Circle. And her mother- she was determined to protect her. And Fenris.
"Well, on that happy note," she said at last, "you guys should go home and get some rest. I think we all need to have our wits about us tomorrow."
"Good point," Anders agreed, rising to his feet and stretching his cramped muscles.
"Meet me in the alienage tomorrow, around mid-morning," Hawke decided. "We'll meet the boy's mother and the Keeper there." She stood as well and led them to the door. She noticed Fenris hanging back a little and guessed that he wanted to talk to her.
"See you in the morning," Anders said, brushing past her and out into the dark night.
"Bright and early!" Hawke chirped with a chuckle. Isabela waltzed over to the doorway and paused, glancing back with a mischievous glint in her eye.
"Good night, Hawke," she said pointedly, her gaze flickering over to the lanky elf. "You too, Fenris." She smirked and sauntered out, shutting the door discreetly behind her. Hawke flushed at her parting words and turned to Fenris.
"Why do you want to go with us tomorrow?" she asked without preamble. The question had been burning inside her all night, but she knew he didn't want the others to hear the answer. "You don't like mages, and you didn't agree with my decision to send Feynriel to the Dalish. Why do you want to help him now?"
"I don't." He hesitated. His gaze flickered to the ground before it rose up to meet hers again. She was stunned by the intensity she saw burning there. Her heart beat faster as he took a step closer to her.
"Why?" she breathed, unable to trust herself to say anything more.
"I..." He paused again- searching for the best, safest answer, she was sure. He lifted his gaze again to meet hers, and she saw resolve flicker through his gaze before he spoke again. "The Fade is a dangerous place, Hawke, and I'm not about to lose you to it... I want to protect you."
Her breath caught and she gazed up at him mutely. She couldn't have spoken even if she knew what to say. Icy blue met mossy green as their gazes locked again.
"I... should go," he murmured finally, turning away and running a hand through his shock of white hair. She felt a pang, but she knew she couldn't stop him now. Next time, Rathina. You can wait. Don't push it. She reminded herself fiercely of her resolution.
"Hey... Fenris?" He paused at the door and turned to look at her, arching a dark eyebrow. She always wondered at his eyebrows- they were brown, but his hair was white as snow. It added to his mysterious aura. Maybe his hair was brown before... "I can... swing by your mansion in the morning, and we can walk down to the alienage together, if you like. We'll have to stop at the barracks to drop Fang off for Aveline, but it should be quick."
"Alright," he agreed almost immediately. She hid a small smile when she realized how quickly he'd agreed to her suggestion, without really considering it. He trusted her, she reflected, but not as much as she wished he did.
"I'll see you in the morning, then," she answered with faint amusement. "Sleep well!" She could picture him rolling his eyes as he stepped outside and shut the door. She locked it and returned to the main hall. She crossed her arms. As he'd left, she felt as if a part of her was tearing away, and it would only come back when he was nearby. She considered their conversation and the ghost of her heart throbbed painfully. He left her- why did he still want to protect her?
"Dammit, Fenris!" she snapped at the empty room. She wasn't sure where their relationship stood, but she was positive that they weren't "just" friends anymore, and it bothered her. Yet again, she found herself seeing a dagger hurtling through the air, cast from her own arm, to bury itself in the door to her room. All emotion seemed to drain out of her at the sight of that quivering dagger, and her shoulders sagged wearily. She trudged up the stairs, feeling dragged down from the weight of her thoughts, and yanked the dagger out of her door before she slid into bed.
Fenris hardly slept at all that night.
Despite Hawke's demand that he "sleep well," he seemed unable to force himself to close his eyes and sink into the blissful realm of dreams. He lay on the bed that didn't really belong to him for an hour or two before finally deciding it was too much, and lurched to his feet and paced around the house. Maker, why did he say that to her? He was probably just going to get her hopes up again, and he didn't want to see that look of intense pain that occasionally flickered across her features directed at him- again.
He turned to the wall and kicked it furiously, pulling his toes back to avoid breaking them against it. The impact jarred his foot, and he felt some savage pleasure, as if kicking the wall would somehow redeem himself.
What a foolish notion.
He turned and dropped into his favorite armchair, staring at the dark fireplace. He loved Hawke, yes- warmth spread through him at the thought, and the smallest smile crossed his features as he imagined the way her eyes danced when they landed on him, the crooked grin she reserved only for him, the way she ducked and weaved around him when they fought together as a team...
She deserved better.
Bitterness surged through him when he realized that he could never be there for her like a normal man. He could not escape the (now mental) chains of slavery until Danarius was dead. Until that day, a part of him would always be off to the side, seething with bloodlust and revenge, held in check only by sheer willpower, like a dam, and he feared the dam breaking. Even from hundreds of miles away, the damned magister had a hold over him that neither he himself nor Hawke could truly understand, but which Danarius always exploited. Danarius was a danger, he decided, sitting there in his chair, that he could not expose Hawke to. If- when- the magister found him, he would realize the extent of the relationship between his former slave and Hawke, and use it to bend Fenris to his will.
Better to break the relationship off, in its early stages, before it could come to that; he could never survive with himself if Hawke was injured or killed because of him. Better, then, to live through the pain they both felt because of his rejection and with the knowledge that she was still alive, than to live as either a free man or a slave and know she was dead.
So why didn't he leave Kirkwall? Trick Danarius into following him elsewhere.
It made the most sense. To avoid Danarius getting to her, leave her behind and go off on his own again. She'd have a better chance of survival.
But then, Danarius would find her and torture her either to get information or just to bait Fenris into coming back..
No, Fenris decided, it was best to stay in Kirkwall and protect her, even with the threat of Danarius. He would kill the magister if he returned. But he knew his decision was based off more selfish reasoning than anything- he didn't want to be away from her. He couldn't stay away from her.
That was his greatest weakness.
So decided, he slipped back into his bed and fell asleep. He slept better for those few hours than he had in a long time. To his immense relief, he didn't dream that night.
An impatient rapping sound intruded on his sleep. He growled to himself and was tempted to roll over and fall back asleep, but he knew Danarius would strike him if he arrived late. Just a few more minutes... his rebellious nature insisted.
Just then, the rapping ceased and a voice sang out, yet again invading his sluggish thoughts. But this sound was more pleasant than the knocking.
"Fenris! Come on, sleepyhead, we have the Fade to traverse and a little elf lad to save!" The voice seemed to ring out more closely with every word, as if the owner of it was moving closer.
With a start, Fenris rolled to his feet and instinctively grasped for his sword. He blinked and saw Hawke standing in the doorway, an eyebrow raised. Her blue eyes pierced his sleepy green ones with amusement- unafraid, despite the sword in his hands.
"Sleeping in?" she teased. "Come on, get dressed. I'll wait over there." She turned and walked away. Chagrined, Fenris quickly strapped on his armor and grabbed his sword. He slipped it into its sheath on his back and stepped out of the bedroom, glancing around for Hawke.
She stood gazing at his wall, her back to him. She had lit the embers in the fire from the previous night, and a small fire flickered there. Her shoulder-length black hair gleamed. She must have heard his armor rustling, for she turned to face him. There was a sad smile on her features that didn't quite reach her eyes, which sparkled somewhat more than usual with the same depression; she gazed past him, off into some place that he couldn't see. Her overall expression was troubling. It disappeared almost as soon as her gaze focused on him, though, to be replaced by another of her sarcastic smirks.
"Did you... ah..." She paused, turning again to the wall, and the smile slipped into a frown. "Got upset at the wall again, eh? Those poor wine bottles don't deserve such treatment, you know."
"Don't we have somewhere to go?" Fenris asked, some acid tinging his voice.
"Yep," Hawke answered, seeming unfazed by his harsh tone. She spun away from the wall and darted to the door. Her Mabari appeared, seemingly out of nowhere- damn, how does that thing do that?- to bounce around eagerly at her side. She tossed another smirk over her shoulder at the elf as she swung the door open and restrained the dog from bounding off with a sharp word. Fenris didn't move, rooted in place, momentarily stunned by the force of the effect her grin had on him.
"Coming?" she called cheerfully over her shoulder, and he realized with a start that she was already halfway across the square outside his house. Cursing himself- and Hawke- for his momentary lapse of attention, he strode after her.
