Wow wasn't I fast this time? (Don't get used to it though^^) Thanks for R&R! Yes, powerblamchel, Blamchel is very real... and also on! ;-)
As always thanks to Amy-Violet for correcting my mistakes! :-)
Chapter 9: Now We're Talking
Living with someone after having broken up with them wasn't really convenient. Rachel saw Sam in the morning, in the afternoon and evening… If she wanted to avoid him she'd have to stay in her room and even then she could still hear him.
Kurt wasn't really helping. He had sworn neutrality and tried to stay friends with everyone. He had even invited Blaine to their Christmas loft party. But the biggest surprise was that when the day came Blaine showed up.
"Oh, now that Sam's free again…" Rachel started to bitterly blurt out (because lately she couldn't grasp one sensible thought).
Kurt interrupted her.
"No. I haven't told him yet, he doesn't know."
"Sam told him, of course."
"Nu-uh again. He tried to reach him but couldn't. Remember it's only been one week."
"Oh, like… nice that you know it all", Rachel said.
"It's called talking to people, Rachel."
She pulled a face. One week that had felt like one year. She missed Sam but had blocked every attempt of his to talk to her. And ignored the roses someone left in front of her 'door'.
Now colourful lights were glittering in the whole loft, a tree had been set up in a corner and mulled claret and eggnog were ready for everyone to drink. Rachel didn't know half of the people who were here tonight. Kurt was the one with the biggest circle of friends and she happily hosted for them. When she saw Adam she made her way to him and asked straight out:
"So, Kurt invited you? Isn't it great if you get along that good with your ex?"
"Oh, yes! No hard feelings there. Kurt actually said he wanted to introduce me to someone who he thought I could like."
Rachel frowned.
"Did he mention his name?"
"Yeah, it was… Blaine or Blair?"
Rachel sighed. And then decided not to interfere. Let Kurt do whatever he thought would be good. Maybe it would even work out and Blaine and Adam would become a thing, Sam would emotionally come back to Rachel and everything would be good.
Two hours later nothing was good. Rachel drank her third glass of mulled claret and didn't run away from Sam anymore. Of course she also didn't let him come too close. Not that he made any attempt. He stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and glared at the sofas where Blaine and Adam were chatting. Kurt stood right beside him and Rachel had to grin about her two boys. They didn't even notice her getting nearer until she stood in front of them.
"So. That's how you spend Christmas. Leering at boys although you are in other relationships."
Sam frowned.
"Are you saying we're back together?"
"No."
"Then I can leer at whoever I want to."
"Me too", Kurt said without taking his eyes away while he put his glass to his mouth. "Phil and I are over."
Rachel lifted her eyebrows and now even Sam cared to look at him.
"You didn't say anything."
"You two were too busy with your wars of the roses, you wouldn't have listened anyway."
"That's not true! We would've listened! I mean, I would have", Rachel said, not wanting to make a couply impression.
"Why did you tell Adam to go after Blaine, then?" Sam asked.
Kurt sighed. "Oh, he wouldn't want me back, it's senseless. That way he would at least come to the party."
"Oh. That sucks, dude."
"Wait a minute." Rachel narrowed her eyes, looking from one to the other. "Have you two… talked?"
Sam's eyes drifted to the sofas again while Kurt looked at her as if he expected her to say more. When she didn't he said:
"We live together, Rachel. Of course we talk."
"I mean… about… private things. I mean… you never talked to me about the Adam-thing. First Blaine and now Sam but never to me! I thought we could trust each other with anything?!"
"You were busy, Rachel."
"No, no, you can't use that excuse! A few weeks ago I asked you and you ran away!" She pointed at him reproachfully.
"Oh. Yeah", he said. Then he looked into the same direction as Sam and mumbled: "Must've slipped my mind after you forgot to tell me about the threesome going on in the loft."
First she glared at Kurt but quickly moved to Sam. He didn't react so she hit his arm.
"You told him?"
"Oh, please, Rachel, no one had to tell me. You could cut the tension between you three with a knife", Kurt said.
Sam complained and rubbed over his arm.
"Could?" he said.
"Alright, can. Not that it's any help you and Rachel are on a break."
"Excuse me? I broke up with him, we're through!"
Kurt chuckled. "Yeah, and Santa Claus is real."
Sam leaned toward Kurt and actually held up his hand as he said something into his ear and that was it for Rachel. She stormed away, right to Bladam that would certainly not become a thing.
"So, Adam, did you know Kurt only invited you here so that he could goggle at you? He's still in love with you!"
Rachel sat down on the sofa and looked back to the kitchen as did Adam and Blaine. Sam and Kurt were caught and quickly looked away. Not without blushing though.
"Oh my", Adam sighed as they turned around again. "I was assuming something like that."
Rachel grinned to herself, drank from her mulled claret and looked around. People were chatting, some standing, some sitting on the ground.
"Oh? Any chance you'll get back together?" Blaine asked.
"No!" Rachel said. Then she realised he had been talking to Adam about Kurt and zoned out of the conversation. Things were kind of blurry and it was hard to concentrate on anything for longer than a few minutes. Why had she broken up with Sam anyhow? Okay, yeah, maybe he liked Blaine but he also liked her. Wasn't that better than nothing? She needed him now. Couldn't he hold her just one more time?
"Are you okay?"
Rachel looked up. "Huh? Oh, me, I'm fine! Where's Adam, snogging with Kurt?"
She looked around the room but didn't see them. Sam was still standing in the kitchen, though, and held her eyes for a few moments.
"You look kind of pale. Maybe you should… stop drinking?" Blaine said. He carefully took the glass out of her hand. Rachel let it happen and just stared at him, memories flushing her brain as well as a strong impulse. In the next second she gave in to it, threw her arms around him and kissed him on the mouth.
Blaine didn't react, so Rachel pulled back.
"I'm sorry", she mumbled.
"No", Blaine said. "Don't be…"
His eyes flickered back and forth but he didn't turn his head to the kitchen as Rachel would've expected. She could feel Sam's gaze on her though but didn't keep her eyes off of Blaine, who now put his hand on her jaw. It was a big, warm hand and Rachel relaxed against it, certainly not asking questions right now.
When their lips touched she leaned strongly against him, slipping her hands around his waist. For a few moments they lightly prodded against each other, then it became wetter and everything in Rachel got hot. She silently moaned and pressed herself against Blaine. How familiar it felt although they only had had one night together.
When it faded she immediately turned her head to the kitchen. Sam was gone.
"This is not what I normally do", Blaine panted.
"Yeah. You're gay. How did you put it back in high school…"
"Perfect gold star gay?"
"Yes!" She giggled and soon he did, too. It was exhausting, though. She rested her head on his shoulder and enjoyed his arm around her. Nice. Time to sleep…
"It's just… when I drank a bit… it's kind of fun to screw around." Blaine's voice kept her from falling asleep. She hummed and wondered where Sam was gone to.
"Not with every girl, though. Just with some. When I'm drunk."
"You already said that", Rachel chuckled.
"Oh! Shit!"
He took his arm away but Rachel didn't have the time to mourn the loss, she was too surprised by having heard a word like that from Blaine.
"Sam. I don't want him to… why did you come to me, won't he be jealous?"
"Oh, he is jealous, alright", she mumbled.
Blaine craned his neck watching the room, so Rachel leaned forward and took her glass from the table.
"Where is he?"
Rachel ignored Blaine. She pulled her legs up and nuzzled her glass. It was almost empty. She should get a refill, find Sam and take him and Blaine to her bed and… yeah.
Wait, what, no. This was over. She didn't even want it anymore.
"Don't worry, Sam will be fine", she said when Blaine wouldn't calm down. Sam had probably gone to his room to think about things and then would emerge with a decision on his mind. Who would he chose, him or her?
"But it's not right! You cheated on him!"
"I didn't, we broke up."
"You – what? Why?"
"I think he's in love with someone else."
"Are you sure? When I came here he looked at you like… well… that way. You know."
"Yeah, he's trying to win me back but…" Rachel frowned. "I don't know. Maybe he loves the both of us. Do you think something like that is possible?"
"Hard to say. Being in love with two people at the same time… Yeah, I guess it can happen."
"Huh." Rachel took a sip from her mulled claret. She emptied her glass, put it on the table and leaned against Blaine. Soon she saw Kurt hurrying through the mass and was glad she didn't have to be the hostess anymore. She had told Kurt she was done with that, right?
How long had Sam been gone now? He should hurry up a bit with his decision, Rachel wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer.
"Who's the other person?" Blaine asked. Through all the chattering in the background it took Rachel a few seconds to realise this had been addressed to her. She lifted her head and looked at him. It wasn't her place to reveal it to him but… couldn't he tell already? It had been going for some time now and Blaine wasn't blind. He really wasn't. Still, he held her eyes without any hints of insight.
"You really don't know?" she whispered.
Two, three seconds, then Blaine folded up and put his hands to his face, sighing deeply.
"Oh gosh. So I didn't… make it up?"
Rachel stroked over his back.
"He hasn't come to terms with his sexuality yet", she said, staring into space.
"We need to find him. Talk to him." Blaine got up before Rachel could protest. He dragged her up and didn't let go of her hand probably because he knew she would've stayed behind simply because her legs felt so heavy.
"Have you seen Sam?"
"Do you know where Sam is?"
After having checked his room they asked at least fifty people in the next ten minutes and most of them didn't even know who they were looking for.
"Blaine, I'm starting to think… that he's not in the loft anymore" Rachel said.
So they went outside. Rachel had no clue where to look and it turned out she didn't have to. As soon as they entered the hallway she saw a blond head on the stairs. Getting nearer she realised it was Sam, sitting there, his elbows on his knees and his head hanging down.
"Sam!" Blaine exclaimed and rushed a few steps to him.
When Sam looked up Rachel saw his eyes were red and all the guilt she hadn't felt before hit her with all its power. She stopped in her tracks and tried to catch her breath. He had been hurt by their break up and he had been under a lot of stress because of his feelings for Blaine. How could she have thought her making out with Blaine wouldn't have any effect on him?
"Sam, I'm so sorry, so, so, so sorry", she started, walking towards him.
"Just go away. Both of you", he said, quietly but very clearly. And worst of all so seriously.
"Sam, I…" Blaine interrupted himself and just stood there while Rachel dared to take another step.
Sam got up and embraced himself.
"I don't need that. I don't need people who treat me like that, who trample all over my feelings. It's… Just leave me alone."
"I didn't mean it like that! You have to believe me, Sam, I didn't mean to hurt you", Rachel said.
"No, I got it. It's over between us, you made that pretty clear. And… between us, too", Sam said, the latter addressed to Blaine.
"No", Blaine uttered. Sam's eyes looked so lifeless it simply wasn't bearable. And Rachel didn't know what to do. All she could do was watch Sam turn around and walk downstairs.
Luckily Blaine sprang into action then. He sprinted to the stairs and took a few steps down.
"How can it be over when it hasn't even begun?" he said.
Sam slowed down but didn't turn around. Rachel stood beside Blaine, one food hovering over the next step down.
"I lied, Sam. It's not over, it's so not over. I still think about you, I miss you, I – I need you. Please, don't go away, please." She was whining and she knew it but she didn't care.
Sam turned around, face still emotionless.
"We both need you", Rachel said, exchanging a quick glance with Blaine. "Why can't we just… why isn't it possible…"
"What?" Sam frowned.
"Like… a polygamous relationship."
Oh my God, had she really just said that out aloud? How insane was she, seriously? Not having to decide wasn't the solution to any conflict! And the boys would think how disgusting and misguided and crazy she was and…
"Yeah", Blaine said into her thoughts. Rachel looked at him in surprise and he nodded to her, eyes as kind as ever. Then he spoke to Sam again.
"I mean… it's not something I've ever thought about but… Sam, uhm, if you… would think this… uuhm…" Blaine drove his hand over his neck, clearly at a loss for words.
Rachel thought it sure Sam wouldn't run away screaming since he hadn't moved and just looked from one to another. She went down to him and carefully took his hand.
"Tell him", she whispered as quiet as she could.
Sam looked at her and then up to Blaine. And finally he gave in, his shoulders sank and some tears ran down his neck.
"Not here. Not in the hallway", he said.
Rachel wiped away his tears and nodded. She turned to Blaine who just stood there, maybe unsure about how it would go on.
Sam cleared his throat.
"Blaine, can we… go to your apartment or…?"
"Sure, yeah, of course."
It was the weirdest situation Rachel had ever participated in. They were in Blaine's living room that had been Sam's living room until not long ago and held some memories for Rachel. She actually felt sober again though she didn't know whether this was good or bad. While she and Blaine were sitting on the couch Sam remained on his feet and walked around nervously.
"Is this actually happening? You aren't making a fool out of me?"
Blaine simply shook his head while Rachel closely examined her fingernails without actually seeing them.
"Well, I guess… I guess…"
Rachel looked at Sam. He hadn't even admitted it to her yet and now he had two listeners. Then he focused on her.
"You were right, Rachel. I mean, how could you not know? I was stupid and stubborn to deny it and… afraid. So afraid. To lose you. To lose the both of you."
His eyes flickered to Blaine for a few seconds, back to her, back to him.
"Blaine, I…" Sam gulped, closed his eyes and said: "I love you."
Rachel inhaled in after having held her breath for some time now. Blaine was silently crying. He got up and hugged Sam and the Blonde buried his face in Blaine's hair. Rachel discreetly looked away in an attempt to give them some privacy. She could feel the relief lying in the air, finally no secrets anymore, finally the tension was gone.
"But I also love Rachel, so…"
Rachel looked at them. Blaine had buried his nose in Sam's neck, eyes closed, looking like he never wanted to leave the arm that lay around his waist. She got up and joined them, cuddled up to Sam and was glad when Blaine took her free hand. She smiled at him.
"How… how can this be?" Sam asked quietly.
"I don't know and honestly right now I don't care", Rachel mumbled.
"Are we really gonna do this?" Blaine whispered.
"What even is 'this'?", Sam asked. "It's not possible to be in a relationship with three. Triangle and stuff…"
"It's not unheard of", Rachel said. "You'll have two partners."
"We can google it. I bet there is much info out there", Blaine said. "But the most important thing is that we are honest with each other. Rachel, are you absolutely sure you want this?"
Was she? If it hadn't been for Sam she would've never considered it. But she didn't doubt he was sincere about the both of them. He didn't want to lose Rachel and he had strong feelings for Blaine, too. So before she'd lose him she'd rather share him with Blaine.
"Yes, I'm sure", she said.
"Oh… my God. Wow, this is really happening? Am I dreaming?" Sam asked, and then quieter: "Do you love each other?"
"No, Sam, this is about you", Rachel said. "It's not like Blaine and I want to be together."
Blaine nodded with his eyes on Sam.
"Oh – I thought… but that would be unfair! I can't possibly…" Sam closed his eyes and shook his head. "I thought you two love each other, too! I mean who am I to ask…"
"Calm down, honey." Rachel freed her hand from Blaine and laid it on Sam's chest. "You don't ask anything of us. We offer it, right, Blaine?"
Blaine nodded again, this time looking at her. "I never hoped for that much so it's surely not a sacrifice for me. That's why I wanted to know if you are really okay with it."
"Oh." Sam sighed and looked from one to the other. "It's still so… strange. And what would the rules be I mean… regarding intimacy?"
He blushed which was especially cute knowing how far they had gone already.
"I'd say the most important rule of them all is being honest just as Blaine said", Rachel affirmed. "Other than that I don't think there should be 'rules'. Just let things happen, you know, like in any other relationship."
"But, I mean, will there only be threesomes from now on? Or what?" Sam bit his lip and stared at the ground. Rachel looked at Blaine, who didn't look like he wanted to articulate anything at the moment. He leaned his head against Sam's chest and closed his eyes, sighing happily like a puppy from the streets that had finally found a home.
A surge of sadness flooded through Rachel despite the pleasure she felt about both being with Sam again and including Blaine. While she wouldn't say she loved the black haired man she had never stopped feeling like he somehow belonged to them. But he and Sam would be together without her just like she and Sam would be without him. It was inevitable and Rachel even wanted it like that. Having threesomes all the time was not only unrealistic but also not satisfying, at least in her eyes. Real intimacy and a feeling of deep connection could only occur when two people were alone with each other. The two men would share it and she'd have to step back without being allowed to feel jealous. That's what polygamous relationships were about.
Rachel gulped and shook her head in answer to Sam's questioning look.
"No, just normal… just let it flow", she said.
"But what does it mean?"
"Oh, Sam, what do you think? It means that when you and Blaine are without me somewhere and feel like doing it you just go for it."
"Same goes for you two!" Blaine quickly said.
"And you two", Sam said. "Seriously, man."
Blaine met Rachel's eyes for like one millisecond and then looked at the floor.
"I don't think I…"
"No obligation", Sam said. "But you know, when you are drunk and feel like it…" He nudged Blaine's shoulder and the smaller man snorted.
"It's not like I dig girls every time I drink!"
"Yeah, you kind of do", Sam laughed.
Blaine blushed but didn't respond. Instead he buried his face in Sam's shoulder.
"This will take a lot of getting used to", Rachel said. She took a deep breath and forced herself to speak on.
"So I guess you two have a lot to talk about and make up for… dry times…" She puckered her lips. How weird was that? She actually pushed her boyfriend into another man's arms!
"Oh, but you'll stay, right?" Sam asked.
Rachel smiled at his frightened eyes. He really hadn't lied, he cared for her just as much as for Blaine. That confirmation was just what she needed to get a grip on herself. She stepped back from them and shook her head.
"Normally I would but you two have months of unresolved tension behind you and that's something you need to clear out on your own. Maybe we can meet up later again or… or not, we'll just see, okay?"
She briefly stepped forward again to kiss Sam on the mouth. Then she nodded at Blaine, who smiled gratefully at her, and got her purse and coat and left.
