Decisions
The exhaustion had left her passed out in his embrace, and he didn't know what to do, she was progressively just stressing herself out more, and more, and he knew that it wasn't good for the baby that was now as he looked down at the pregnancy test she had thrown to the floor blatantly clear was growing inside of her. She needed to rest, and that was all he could think to have her do. The shock was now running through his own body, and he wasn't entirely certain what to say to her. He knew this time that leaving was completely, and entirely out of the question, because it wasn't just her now, it was another life form, a tiny person growing inside of her, and were he not to be there he wouldn't be able to live with himself now.
He stood lifting Alex cautiously into his arms, and whispered calmly into her ear, "I love you Alex" and felt her shifting in his arms, as he walked her from the bathroom into her bedroom where Buster was already laying waiting for her, and he placed her under the covers knowing that she was going to have a tough time with the entire thing. She was already a broken hearted girl thanks to him, and now she was going to have to deal with this as well, and that nearly killed him. He didn't want to see her like this. He closed his eyes, and bit his bottom lip sliding into the bed beside her, and simply started to watch her as she slept.
Nightmares. That was all her mind seemed to be able to push her into. She couldn't think of anything happy, but always the same terrifying nightmares of him leaving. She couldn't even remember the dreams she used to love when Justin had actually been in love with her. Now he didn't seem to care about her, and she was stuck with his child for the rest of her life. She prayed that the baby would be alright. She didn't want anything to happen to it. She slept unmoving, but fitfully at the same time. Her mind didn't even get one minute of peace. Not that she had expected anything else, and a sigh emerged from her lips as she remained asleep feeling the air in her lungs, and the numbness that had set over her body subsiding at last.
It took till midnight for her to awaken again, and when she did she felt her loyal dog, on one side of her, and Justin on the other. "Great" she thought to herself. She could already feel another headache coming on, and she was certain that was the last thing she needed. Her eyes focused on Justin who was watching her in the moonlight, "Hey..." She whispered softly to him trying to think about more than just him, but she was failing. She didn't know why, but she felt out of place beside him, and a sigh escaped her small lips. She placed her hand calmly on her stomach, and knew that in a few shorts months a small baby bump would be appearing, and the heartbeat of her small baby would be known. It was going to be torment until that day.
Perhaps it would torment her even after that, "Hey..." He said back his words taken from his lips. He had waited all this time to speak with her, and now that she was awake again he couldn't think of a single word to say. Something told him this was going to be harder than he thought. Everything always was when it came straight down to it. His mind was completely clouded by his own thoughts, and looking at her was making him uneasy. He still harbored secrets from her, and he knew that if he didn't tell her that they were all going to be in trouble. He also knew that he couldn't put their child in harms way now that he knew it existed. It was all so much for him to handle, and he knew that he was going to be a father, and they had to figure out how to tell everyone.
Their parents were going to be livid with her for having a child out of wedlock, and also having a child with her brother. She was doomed no matter what she told them, but she would get into less trouble if she told them it was just a one night stand with another boy. If she told them it was her brother they both stood against getting thrown in jail, or worse. The government could never know about this. They would surely take away their beautiful child and she didn't think she could handle that. A sigh escaped her lips as she tried to think of a way to start this conversation. She just wanted to cry, but she knew that she had to be stronger than that. She couldn't just keep breaking down too much stress could abort the baby, and now that she knew it existed she wasn't about to loose it.
"What are we going to tell them?" She asked him, "Mom,Max and dad?" she asked looking down still not being able to meet his gaze. She could feel so much guilt rushing through her. She had allowed herself to get caught up in the moment something that she should have never down, because now she was pregnant, and with the worst possible person, and she could never put a father on the birth certificate. This was horrible, and she knew it far too well. Justin looked down at her, and smiled gently.
"We will tell them the truth..." He told her, and Alex's eyes shot up searching his as if he were insane. Did he not want to hide what they were anymore? What were they considered anyway? She hadn't considered him a boyfriend of sorts since high school, and she wondered if that was going to change now.
"That we slept together, and I am going to have your child!" She asked him shaking her head in absolute horror. He couldn't tell them...They couldn't tell their parents. Could they? She was trying to grasp the concept within her mind, but it didn't seem to be sticking. She hadn't even been able to get her mind around it, and she was having such a hard time now, "I can't tell them Justin, surely you know why!" She said, and shook her head at the absurd thought of speaking up in the first place. She wasn't barely able to think at all about this. She couldn't even believe that he would suggest the truth knowing the consequences, and she sighed, and looked around the room trying to think of a good lie to tell her parents that was believable.
He turned her too look into his eyes, and forced her against the backboard, and she gasped searching his eyes trying to see what he was doing, "Alex I love you, and I am sick of hiding it, I don't care if that means I have to tell them myself, because I will!" He told her, and kept her held against the backboard, and tears forced themselves into her hues again, and she tried to blink them back, and succeeded after several seconds of trying, and her anger got the better of her once again as she looked at him.
She slapped him hard across the face, and glared at him, "How dare you say that!" She shouted, "Do you have any idea how much I loved you!" She asked him, "You broke my heart every time I gave you it, and now you expect me to take you back just like that!" She was losing the battle with her tears again, "Well I say Fuck you! You had your chance, and you lost it!" She shouted, "You don't even deserve to be in the baby's life! You will only break it's heart!" She stood up storming from the room wiggling herself from his grip, and she felt Buster hot on her heels, and Justin sat on the bed watching her leave. He knew that he had said the wrong thing. Alex was beyond upset with him. All he ever succeeded in doing was hurting her feelings. It was true. She had given him her heart several times, and she had never stopped loving him, and he had broken her trust again, and again, and again, and now just because she was carrying his baby he expected to show up, and simply have her heart again? She didn't understand where he got the nerve to do what he was trying to do. She needed to tell their parents something, but she wasn't entirely certain what she was going to tell them. They deserved to know the truth, but they would never accept it, and she knew that the baby needed it's grandparents. Her parent's were so loving, she was sure they would accept it no matter what lie she had to tell them so now she sat on the couch trying to think, Buster was curled up on her feet. Right now she felt like he was the only one that understood what she was feeling.
She couldn't even imagine being with anyone except Justin, but at the same time she needed more time away from him, and he needed to give her some time not only so that she was going to be able to trust him, but also so that he could earn some of her trust back, by proving that this time he wasn't going to leave without warning. She didn't just have to think about her own heart getting broken now, but the child's too. She didn't want anything to hurt this baby especially not him.
She stood walking to the kitchen, and started digging through the frigde, and started to make an assortment of different odd foods, and put them on her plate walking back to the couch she started shoving food into her mouth, and she glanced up seeing Justin standing in the doorway watching her, and she completely ignored him as if he weren't even standing there, and she wasn't about to speak to him. She couldn't even look at him after what he had just said. He was willing to put them all in danger by telling their parents the truth. He was insane, and not only that he had the audasity to say that he wanted them to stop hiding their relationship. How many times had she suggested the same damn thing, and been blown off?
He had fucking left her when she had suggested the same thing, and now he turned around, and asked her to allow him to confess their love. Not on her life. She was starting to loathe Justin as much as she loved him, and she was feeling her heart pounding in two different directions in her chest. One was telling her that she needed to stay away from Justin, and raise the baby, and the other was telling her to take up Justin's offer, and tell their parents. It was what she had always wanted from him, and now she felt entirely torn like no matter what she did she was going to be screwed. A sigh emerged from her lips, as she finished the conglomaration of food that was on her plate, and put it down on the ground letting Buster finish it off like he always did.
She gazed over at Justin, but didn't say a word. He appeared rooted to the spot, and she in turned her head away from him. She didn't care to hear anymore of his 'brilliant' idea's, because she had a few of her own, and none of them involved him at all, and she knew that as much as she didn't want to she was going to end up raising this child much on her own, instead of with him, because he was so mean to her. She allowed a sigh to emerge from her lips, and looked over towards him gently.
"You have made it more than apparent that you don't care, nor want to be in my life, or the baby's so you won't be! I am giving you the chance right now to leave, walk away, and never come back!" She said, and looked into his eyes harshly, "Because both you, and I know that you are not capable of doing anything more than leaving, you will never stay" She said, and continued to gaze at him hating that she was allowing herself to give him another chance to leave, and disappoint her, but she had to. It wasn't just her heart at risk, but the baby's as well, and she gazed at him.
"I will never leave you again, as long as both, you, me, and the baby lives, and breaths, I won't ever hurt either of you!" He told her, "I don't care what you do to me, or how much you scream at me I could never do that to you again, please believe me Alex, I never really left you...I watched you sleep every night...your the only girl I have ever been with, and want to be with...Please don't do this..." He told her, and gazed into her eyes. She was tearing up already shaking her head not wanting to get sucked in by his lies. He was always lying to her always trying to confuse her into doing what he wanted, and it was working, dear god every part of her heart was opening back up to him, and wanting him letting him back in giving him another chance, "Please..." he repeated.
She closed her eyes, and bit her lips shaking her head, "Fine..." A small whisper emerged from her lips, "But if you ever leave like that again, I will be forced to cut you out. Forever next time" She whispered defeated at last. He always knew how to tug at her heartstrings until she let him in. She needed him, and that was the truth. She couldn't do this alone, and she felt his arms wrapping around her, and she opened her eyes in time to feel herself being spun around, and held within his embrace, and for just a glimpse of a second she saw him again. The Justin she had loved, and knew. The Justin she had fallen in love with was back.
AN: What do you think! :D Loved it? Hate it! Hours to write; Seconds to review ;)
