Title: Absurd Insecurities – Pt. 2
Date: 16 December, 2008
Words: 1294
Characters: Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Renji, Zabimaru, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Hisagi, Kira
Pairings: Matsumoto & Hitsugaya, implied Renji & Tatsuki
Inspiration: kingleby suggested I write this scene out. I'm not one hundred per cent happy with it, but I hope you find it amusing. *crosses fingers and hopes it lives up to what you wanted*
Rating: T – for innuendos and language. Because, honestly, the 'f-word' is my favorite swear word. I know I'm crazy, but it's for the same sort of reasons as Yumi has for being fifth seat, it's pretty. 8-)
A/N: I really don't think Kira or Yumi are gay. Actually, I think Kira 'has the hots' for Hinamori. But, if they are gay, I won't complain. This is the closest you'll get to Yaoi from me. I don't think this is as good as it could be, so, I am open to suggestions for improvement.
After the initial shock of seeing Hitsugaya taicho walk into their usual bar alongside Matsumoto, willingly, Renji was able to return to his buddies and their game.
"Oi," Ikkaku called causing Renji to look up, "Renji, it's your turn."
"Oh, okay…" Renji paused, trying to come up with something that had not been used, or at least overused. His gaze turned to Matsumoto, who forced Hitsugaya into a seat beside her at their usual table. "I, uh, I never… looked at Ran-chan and thought she was hot."
Wow, that was wonderful, Zabimaru told him, sarcasm dripping from the words. Wonderful Renji, really. Do you write your own work?
'Oh, shut up. She likes to be complimented. Besides, Hitsu-taicho is here, wonder if he'll drink with us… Wait, I don' think he's too happy with me… Eep!' Renji replied.
The only two people at the table who didn't take a drink, since all of them had obviously looked at Matsumoto at least once and determined her to be hot, were Kira and Hitsugaya. Ikkaku gave Matsumoto a funny look and she countered with, "Hey, I think I look damn hot, too!"
"Hitsu-taicho, why didn't ya drink?" Hisagi asked, teasing him. It had little of the desired effect, and instead put an angry scowl on his face.
Hitsugaya's features relaxed after a moment, though, and he smirked, "I don't drink. Besides, as much trouble as it is sober, I can't imagine the time I'd have trying to untie that damnable obi drunk." All the men, minus Hitsugaya, at the table gaped when Matsumoto blushed bright red.
"Taicho?" Matsumoto's blush deepened and her eyes grew large in surprise.
"The color becomes you, Rangiku," Yumichika was the first to recover.
"You know, Hitsu-taicho has a point," Renji stated. "Those things are hard ta figure out. Thank god my girl don' wear one too often."
There was a general consensus of eye rolling just as Ikkaku burst Renji's bubble. "Ya know that ain't never gonna work out, doncha? Ya can't be datin' a human girl forever." Renji went straight to sulking and pouting.
"Well, what am I s'posed ta do 'bout it? I can't exactly bring her here, can I?" Renji pouted.
"Ya could always kill her, right? And then ya do the konso, and there ya go," Ikkaku chimed in, looking proud of himself.
Renji brightened for a moment. "I could, couldn't I?"
"Um, Ikkaku, Renji, isn't that like, I dunno, illegal?" Yumichika piped up.
"Well, yeah, but, if she loves ya, and she agrees, then I don' count, right?" Ikkaku tried to reason.
Seeing very few options for talking sense into the idiots, Hitsugaya simply said, "If she agrees, then I won't say anything." He cradled his head in his hands and sighed, praying the fool wouldn't go through with such and idiotic plan.
'You know, Renji, that's not a half bad idea. You'd quit moping to me all the time that way,' Zabimaru confirmed.
A few moments of teasing Renji passed, when Hisagi decided to resume their drinking game, forcing Hitsugaya to play with some non-alcoholic juice. "Okay, okay. I got one. I never tried to get lucky with someone of the same sex, drunk or sober."
"I was drunk, dammit!" Ikkaku yelled when Yumi looked to him in bewilderment.
"Ah, fuck, that means I gotta drink, too. I forgot about that," Renji bemoaned his misfortune and embarrassment.
Shyly, Kira spoke up, "Well… I wasn't…" Ikkaku and Renji, who'd been sitting on either side of Kira, scooted their chairs a good six inches away from the blond.
"You know, Hitsu-taicho," Renji tried to turn the tables and succeeded, "You ain't never been with no one 'sides Ran-chan, right?" Hitsugaya nodded, looking wary of the red-head's intentions. Renji leaned close to Hitsugaya to whisper loudly in his ear, "Ya know Kira's got a thing fer white hair, don't ya? And he's been real down since Gi- I mean, Ichimaru left. I'd watch out for 'im."
Renji vacated his seat, followed by all but Kira and Hitsugaya to hassle the bartender for more sake. Hitsugaya just had to make the mistake of letting Renji and his buddies know what he was trying to do. When the others were gone, but still within earshot, Kira scooted closer to Hitsugaya.
Hitsugaya immediately tensed, afraid he knew exactly what was going to happen. "Have you ever wanted to try it?" Kira asked, feigning innocence.
"Uh-oh," Renji mouthed to his buddies, "Kira's goin' for it."
"Try what?" Hitsugaya asked, knowing the resulting answer would be hazardous to his health, and his ego.
"You know, being with… someone else," Kira replied, confirming Hitsugaya's fears. Kira laid a hand softly on Hitsugaya's shoulder, "Someone who can show you how to have real fun."
"I'm quite happy being with Rangiku, thanks," Hitsugaya tried to politely but firmly make Kira leave him be. Damn Matsumoto and her stupid insecurities.
"Ah, Ran-chan, I can't believe you let him go through with this," Renji laughed, feeling horrible for the young taicho. He remembered the first time Kira hit on him.
"Are you sure? Cause I know someone who'd be more than happy to show you a few things," Kira bit his lower lip, trying to be subtle. He trailed his fingers along Hitsugaya's neck, up to run them lightly through his hair. Hitsugaya shuddered, unable to stop himself. Kira mistook it for a pleasurable shiver instead of repulsion.
"Kira fukutaicho, please remove your hand from my person, immediately," Hitsugaya stated, feeling more uncomfortable by the second.
Kira withdrew his hand some, letting his fingers linger on the younger man's arm. "You know, Hitsugaya taicho, I just love a man in uniform. Especially a man of your standing. You taichos really know how to… work," Kira tried again. Hitsugaya thought he might faint.
Matsumoto looked outright offended. How dare Kira use her line?! Renji caught the look on her face and teased her, "Ya didn' think Kira wouldn' try ta pick up ya boyfriend, did ya?"
"I'm not interested, I'm sorry. I am quite happy with Matsumoto, and wish to remain so," defended Hitsugaya, still trying to shake Kira without being overly rude. To no avail.
You know, it'll only take one night. I'm fully confident that you will… realize my point in just a matter of minutes. I can show you a better time than Matsumoto ever could," Kira wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, causing Hitsugaya to feel nauseated.
It was then that the only thing worse than being told no by Matsumoto happened. Kira leaned forward, in a last desperate attempt to woo the young taicho, and whispered softly in his ear. "I promise, that I will give you the world, if you'll stay with me tonight. It's been so lonely since he left, and I've been looking for someone to make me forget all about him," with that, Kira pressed his lips to Hitsugaya's face, just below Hitsugaya's ear.
There was a collective gasp from everyone in the bar. The drink the bartender happened to be pouring spilled over. Renji's jaw dropped, and he stuttered out, "Oh… my… god…"
It took about .0057 milliseconds for Hitsugaya's fist to connect with Kira's face. Kira fell to the floor from the force of the blow.
Hitsugaya stood up, grabbed Matsumoto by the hand, and as good as dragged her down the street to his rooms.
"Wow," Renji admired Kira's determination, and let out a low whistle when he got a good look at Kira's shiner. The rest of the group erupted into a chorus of laughter, and Renji declared his victory. "Alright guys, pay up!"
The night when down in history as the night Hitsugaya almost killed another shinigami and the first and only time Renji won a bet.
