Dimension Travelers X: The Pony Gambit
Happy 4th of July for all of you who are Stateside! For the rest of you, happy 4th of July just because!
David's POV
Princess Celestia was coming to Ponyville. As you might expect, I was planning on having as little possible contact with her I could. However, that didn't stop me from getting roped into helping prepare. It was supposed to be an 'unofficial casual visit', but Twilight Sparkle, queen of the OCD, was having none of that casual stuff. Unfortunately, most other ponies were right on her coattails.
Originally, I had been helping Twilight and Spike clean up the library, but when Spike suggested splitting up to prevent 'too many cooks in the kitchen' syndrome, Twilight got me to carry her 8-foot-long checklist while she made sure everything was nearing readiness. I still don't understand why she put Carrot Top and Berry Punch on making the welcoming sign.
Eventually, we made our way to Sugar Cube Corner and found Mr. and Mrs. Cake baking up a storm. Everything was going well, except Pinkie kept 'taste testing' the food. How she managed to fit so much food into her stomach, which must be a bottomless pit to rival my own, was a mystery I would have to contemplate later; because that's when our crisis showed up.
"Twilight! Pinkie! David! You won't believe-" Fluttershy then cut herself off, "-Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting?"
"Not at all, come on in and make yourself at home!" Pinkie greeted before swallowing a cake whole. Fluttershy then presented three sickeningly adorable fuzz balls with wings. However, Fluttershy didn't know what they were. Twilight was all over adopting one…for Spike, of course.
"Pinkie, David, do either of you want one?" Fluttershy asked, "I only have one, but I can probably find more."
"Bleg, a parasprite? Are you kidding?" Pinkie asked, "Now I've gotta go find a trombone!" Pinkie then left Sugar Cube Corner. Parasprite sounded a little too much like parasite for my tastes and Pinkie seemed to think they were trouble, so I decided to follow her to find out more.
"So, why do you have to find a trombone?" I asked
"Well, not necessarily a trombone, but that works best. Might have to use a tuba though," Pinkie replied
"For what?" I inquired
"For getting rid of the parasprites, because they'll eat and multiply and eat more and multiply until they eat all of Ponyville out of house and home! So to get rid of them, we have to lure them into the Everfree forest using music. That's why I need a trombone or something!" Pinkie explained, "Do you have anything in the way of instruments?"
"I have a violin," I answered and we went and got it. While we were there, I took the precaution of putting up an extra shield around my house.
Our next stop was almost on the other side of town. When Pinkie rang the door bell, I was surprised to hear some kind of electronic music, dubstep if I wasn't mistaken. Given what I had seen of Equestria, I didn't think they had anything in the way of technology comparable to the 21st century. It was quickly silenced and the door opened to reveal a crème colored unicorn mare whose mane was two different shades of blue and very wild. She was also wearing sunglasses. Her Cutie Mark was a beamed eight note.
"Hey Vinyl!" Pinkie greeted
"Yo, Pinkie! It's been awhile!" The now named Vinyl returned and the two hugged. "So, who's your friend?"
"Vinyl, this is David Thomas, David, this is Vinyl Scratch," Pinkie introduced and we exchanged pleasantries. "Sorry Vinyl, we can't stay and talk, we've got a parasprite problem!"
"Parasprites? What are…oh…oh! Those things that eat everything?! What'd ya need?" Vinyl asked
"What instruments do you have?" Pinkie responded
"I have a few drums lying around and cymbals. I've also got an electric keyboard back at the shop," Vinyl replied and showed us the drums and cymbals, which Pinkie quickly evaluated.
"Dang it! These cymbals are too big!" Pinkie complained
"I can shrink them down," I offered
"That'd be super-duper, and can you grab that bass drum?" I did as Pinkie instructed and we thanked Vinyl for her contribution to the cause.
"It's no big deal, I don't want Ponyville to become a ghost town anymore than the next pony," Vinyl said, "It's just a shame Octavia moved away a month ago, she'd probably have most of what you need."
"Can't be helped," Pinkie remarked, "Now we're off to see Lyra!" With that, we departed.
It didn't take us long to get to Lyra's place and Pinkie knocked on the door. Lyra turned out to be a mint green unicorn with an equally green mane with a white stripe with a lyre Cutie Mark. She was about to greet Pinkie Pie, but then spotted me. Her eyes got really big, she gasped, and then she grabbed me and pulled me inside.
"I've been meaning to get hold of you! I have so many questions!" She squee'd
"Lyra," Pinkie tried to interrupt, but Lyra didn't even notice.
"Do all humans walk on two legs? Do they always wear clothes? How many toes do they have?" Lyra fired off her questions so rapidly I barely had a chance to register them, never mind actually answering.
"Lyra!" Pinkie tried again, but to the same results.
"What about magic? Do humans have magic or not? If not, how do they get along without it?" Lyra continued
"LYRA!" Pinkie shouted
"Yes Pinkie?" Lyra replied
"You can pick David's brain later; right now we have a major problem. I know you have your lyre, but do you have any other instruments?" Pinkie asked
"Uh, I think I still have a banjo my great uncle gave to me. Hang on a sec. And I think Bon-Bon might still have her old harmonica…HEY BON-BON!"
"What's all this yelling? I can hardly think straight, let alone…cook…oh my," An Earth pony mare with an off-white coat and alternating blue/pink mane and three candies for a Cutie Mark said when she entered the room while wearing an apron.
"Isn't it great Bon-Bon? Solid proof of Human existence and he's standing right here!" Lyra squealed, "Oh, and do you still have your harmonica?"
"My harmonica…? Oh yes, it should be under my bed," Bon-Bon answered
"How about my banjo?" Lyra questioned
"One of these days I'm going to make you organize your things so you aren't constantly asking me where things are. In any event, it's in the attic, right beside that old chest. Now if you'll excuse me…I think I'm going to lie down for a bit," Bon-Bon said and then left, with Lyra close behind
[Those two certainly make an interesting pair,] I remarked
[Lyra's always been very excitable when it came to anything human, but somehow Bon-Bon's always managed to keep her out of too much trouble. I've never known a more interesting pair of roommates though,] Pinkie responded
[You're lucky you don't know what sitcoms are,] I commented
[Sitcom? Why am I lucky I don't know what those are?] Pinkie asked
[Just trust me on this one,] I answered and then Lyra came back with the instruments. We thanked her and left before she could try and dissect me. I've seen that glimmer in more than one scientist's eyes!
"Let's see, where can we get an accordion?" Pinkie Pie wondered to herself as we went by the Carousel Boutique. Since we didn't have anything to lose, we decided to ask Rarity if she might know where one was. Inside, we found Twilight, Trixie, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash in the most ridiculous outfit I've seen in a long time. It had a fancy old-timey French wig to boot!
"Does anypony know where we can find and accordion?" She asked, but they were all wrapped up in how cute the parasprites were. They completely ignored us.
We spent the rest of the day looking for an accordion. Eventually, we managed to find one at the dump and a quick 'repairo' followed up by a 'scourgify' and it was ready to go.
"Now to find that trombone or tuba," Pinkie yawned and wobbled off a few paces before falling asleep. Maybe all those sweets she ate finally caught up with her? Whatever the case, I gently picked her up and carried her to Sugar Cube Corner.
"Pinkie? Is that you?" Came the voice of Mrs. Cake and then she walked out of the kitchen. "Oh my, the poor dear, we were getting worried about her. I guess the day finally caught up with her."
"I'll take her to her room, if you could show me?" I asked and Mrs. Cake pointed me in the right direction. I put her in bed and tucked her in and was about to leave, but then Pinkie started talking in her sleep.
"No…please, don't go," She pleaded into her pillow, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry…didn't mean it. Please don't hate me…don't go, don't leave me…no, if I'm alone, they'll get me…no…no…NO!" Suddenly Pinkie bolted upright, her mane flat and I could see some cold sweat on her forehead and she was breathing heavily. "Not again…" I heard her mutter
"Pinkie?" I ventured and her head snapped in my direction. Her mane suddenly poofed out again, but it seemed…halfhearted somehow. "Pinkie, what's wrong?"
"Wrong? Nothing's wrong. Just a nightmare. Everypony gets them now and again, right?" The way she said it made me wonder whom she was trying to convince. The words 'Those who laugh the most are in the most pain' floated into my conscious. If that was true, then how much pain was Pinkie in? And more importantly, how did she come by that pain? For some reason, my empathy had decided to shut down and I couldn't tell a thing.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? Even when I have nightmares, I like to talk about it. Unless it concerns me dying…then I tend to keep it to myself…anyway, it's always a good idea to talk," I remarked
"I'm fine, I'm a big girl. I don't want to bother anypony with a silly little nightmare," Pinkie responded with a note of finality that told me I wouldn't be getting anything else. I said good-night and left.
I was about halfway home when suddenly my handheld alerted me to having a text. I looked at it and it said
"I'm gonna get you back for your last prank!" –The Doctor
That didn't make sense to me, so I texted back
"Didn't we call a truce after we simultaneously pranked ourselves after that train wreck with Hitler and River?" –David Thomas
"Turn around." –The Doctor
"Turn around? Why does he want me to-" *Splat* I was turning around and suddenly found myself with a face full of lemon custard pie.
"HA! Revenge is a dish best served flakey!" A distinctly British accented voice crowed
"Doctor?!" I shouted and then quickly wiped the pie off my face, only to come face to face with Doctor Whooves in all his brown coated, dark brown maned, hourglass Cutie Marked glory. It took me a moment to process what exactly was going on. "You regenerated?! INTO A PONY?! How in the name of all that is good and pure are you even in this dimension?!"
"Oh come on David, it's been awhile since we last saw each other, but you can't tell me you've gotten any stupider. I'll give you a few moments to try and figure it out," The Doctor teased, "But I'll give you a hint: Trenzalore"
"You arrogant, egotistical, selfish, sneaky, clever, little troll! I'm so stupid! No body my derriere! I can't believe I fell for that!" I exclaimed
"I know, especially after how many times you've told me 'if there's no body, you can't be sure he's dead'," The Doctor remarked smugly, "Well, there I was, dying on Trenzalore in my 13th regeneration, but the next thing I knew, I was regenerating."
"River?" I guessed
"That's what I'm thinking as well. When she saved me from the Judas poison, I think she transferred all of her remaining regenerations into me," The Doctor answered, "Whether it was on purpose or not is anyone's guess. Once I realized I wasn't going to die, I set the stage for where you, Clara, the others, and past me would face off against the Great Consciousness. Then I took off in the TARDIS and regenerated. Somehow, I hopped dimensions, regenerated as a pony, and ended up here. I tried to retire, take up beekeeping, but you know how that usually ends up. And I'm still not ginger!"
"Nice to see you're still obsessed with that," I quipped, "And Doctor Whooves? Seriously?"
"Oh shut up. It's better than John Smith," The Doctor snarked back, "And besides, I also go by Time Turner from time to time."
"Sure it is, and that was a really bad bit of wordplay. Anyway, I need to get home. Pinkie and I have a swarm of self-multiplying gluttons to lure away in the morning al la Pied Piper. Goodnight Doctor!" I said, "And don't think I won't get you back for the pie!"
"I'm counting on it! And what do you mean 'self-multiplying gluttons'?!" The Doctor shouted
"You'll find out in the morning! Talk to you later!" I called out and bounced away.
The next morning, the Swarm of the Century was in full swing. In our hunt for a tuba, we found the others trying to herd a ball of parasprites into the Everfree Forest. When we asked for help, they thought we were just being random. If it were just Pinkie Pie, I might have understood the sentiment, but I fancy myself as a decently level-headed person! Unfortunately for them, there were more parasprites than what the ball contained.
"Why can't you ever find a tuba or trombone when you need one?!" Pinkie shouted
"Usually tubas and trombones aren't things associated with saving the day. That's probably why they aren't kept handy," I remarked and that's when a whole bunch of parasprites flew by and descended on Ponyville.
"NOT MY PIE! WHY?!" I could hear Lyra crying and the rest of the town was in a similar state.
"You weren't joking when you said they were gluttons," I turned to see the Doctor trotting up…that line amused me. Anyway, he trotted up and I gave him a look.
"Have I ever joked about gluttons before?" I asked
"Not since that time you nearly cleared out the TARDIS' kitchen," The Doctor quipped and then an idea came to me.
"The TARDIS! Doctor, don't you have a room full of instruments somewhere in the TARDIS?" I inquired
"Yes, why?" The Doctor replied
"Because we need a tuba!" Pinkie answered, "It's the only way to stop this swarm of parasprites!"
"Well then, Allons-y!" The Doctor exclaimed and we all rushed to the TARDIS. Once inside, the Doctor got that childish look of glee as he waited for Pinkie's first words.
"Hey, it's just like David's house!" She declared
"I loathe you," The Doctor said through gritted teeth while glaring fiery shurikens at me at which I just grinned. After that, we found the tuba and raced back out. By the time we left the TARDIS, a good chunk of Ponyville had been eaten by the parasprites.
"Everyone, we need to build an exact copy of Ponyville right over there in less than a minute," Is what we found a slightly insane Twilight Sparkle gibbering, but we didn't have the time to comfort her. We needed to gear up and get the parasprites out of town.
Once we had everything ready, we marched through town as a one pony one man band while playing polka. For whatever reason, the parasprites loved it and followed us. Don't look gift plot conveniences in the mouth, I guess.
Our little parade even took us past the newly arrived Celestia, who showed up only to leave again because something or other was infesting 'Fillydelphia'. That's punny. Anyway, to sum it all up, Celestia showed up, trolled us, and left; but only after getting a friendship report from Twilight. Celestia was just luck I couldn't talk and play my violin at the same time!
Once she left, everyone apologized to Pinkie Pie for ignoring her input into the situation. One thing I did notice though was that Pinkie never told us how she knew about the parasprites, when even Fluttershy knew nothing of them. Just another mystery piled onto the one known as Pinkie Pie that I intend to solve.
"Now all we have to do is fix Ponyville, and I know just the guy for the job!" I declared and was about to summon Genie before my brain caught up with me. Genie plus Pinkie Pie equals…I don't even want to think about it. There's only so much manic energy one dimension can take, after all. So instead, I summoned Stitch. It took us the better part of a week, but Ponyville was soon back to its former glory. I just hope to never see another parasprite as long as I live.
Not bad, if I do say so myself. I don't know how much we'll actually see of these back ground characters, but they're there if the need ever pops up. Aside from the Doctor, because he's going to be popping up regardless of whether or not I want him to.
