Thank you guys for your reviews and comments. Now this is the second draft of this chapter. The first draft, I had envisioned the conversation between John and Teyla to be much more heated maybe in tune to the television show. But as I was revising that draft, I felt that I should give these two characters a conversation that I would have like to have seen them have in some form.

See I always saw John and Teyla as close friends too besides possible love interest. We have seen them have major talks. It has been implied that they talk by the writers. So when I saw how this particular issue was addressed in the show. I was like WTH! No, I wasn't too happy. I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating the writing efforts and the character development by the writers in general and especially for the last season for Teyla, Ronon, and even John was unbelievable lacking IMHO. Gosh, I love Rodney, but I didn't want to watch a show all about Rodney and only Rodney's love interest and love life. I couldn't believe the direction the ptb took the show. They stole my joy.

Anyway, this chapter is about exploring and believing in that friendship that existed between John and Teyla.

Chapter 9

"No, it is fine John. Are you sure everything fine?"

"Ah…"

John looked up at Teyla for a moment. Teyla had gotten off of the bed and now was standing in front of him, looking down at him as he sat in the chair. The air around them filled with anticipated tension.

"Ah, Woolsey mentioned that you haven't given him your papers to return to the team yet."

Teyla looked at John hesitantly. The decisions that her mind was telling her that she needed to make, her heart wasn't willing to give in yet.

"I know."

Turning away from the prying eyes of John, Teyla tried to gather her thoughts. Already knowing, the words she was going to say will be upsetting to John. Teyla's eyes focused on John once more.

"Why? Is everything okay?"

"John, this has not been the easiest time for me," Teyla began.

"I know that."

"I, I have much to consider. I have my son. Then... there are my people. And right now, I am needed by both of them. "

"Teyla, I get that. I know how important your son and your people are to you. And that they need you now."

"John, I know you would understand. So I am hoping you would understand what I am about to say to you. What I'm trying to tell you is that that I can't return to the team now."

"Yeah I figure as much. You need more time. So how much time do you think you need before you think you are able to come back?"

"I, I don't know. And it is not that simple John."

John's brows furrowed. He was starting to get that sinking feeling in his gut.

"Ah okay..., what do you mean it is not that simple?"

"What I am trying to tell you is that I don't know when or if I will ever be able to return to the team."

John jumped up and out of his seat, shortening the distance between himself and Teyla, now looking down frustratingly at her.

"What! Teyla, are you saying there is a possibility that you might not be returning to the team ever?"

Teyla sighed. She could feel the tension rising from John. She knew they need to talk, but she wasn't planning on doing it tonight. She knew John wouldn't be too happy with her decision. But, she had hoped he would understand it. Her face now was expressing the turmoil of her emotions.

"Yes. John, I, I'm sorry."

"I knew it. Something told me you would... I just knew. Damn it Teyla."

John looked away from Teyla, running his hand through hair. It was not like he hadn't thought of that possibility. Especially since Teyla had hinted of her concerns about returning to work after the birth of her son before. Although at the time, her people were still missing. And he had tried to reassure her, the best he could. From that moment, that possibility never left him. It was that possibility that made him dread having this conversation with her tonight to begin with. And now the possibility of him losing Teyla as a teammate had become real, more real that he ever wanted it to be. It was a possibility he didn't want to live with.

"John, it is complicated. And right now there are only a few things that I am certain of. And that is that I have to put the needs of my son and my people above everything else. "

"The needs of your son and people" John repeated, as he felt his grip on his guarded emotions slipping. Which emotions, he wasn't too sure, his pulse was racing, his heart was beating rapidly, he wanted to scream, and then there was that sudden need to hit something, anything.

"I have been giving this some thought for some time now. And this is not a really easy decision for me especially since I truly believe your people is this galaxy only real hope of living in a world , without fear from the Wraith. But, I am a mother now. And my people need their leader."

"So, take the time. It's not like nobody wouldn't understand."

John saw the half smile and half frown his words brought to Teyla's face. And he saw in her eyes, her doubts and uncertainty that his words weren't able to assail.

"It is not just that. You don't think that I don't want to be out there fighting along side with you, Rodney and Ronon? I want to protect my son, I want to protect my people and the people of this galaxy. I want to be able to protect my son from Michael. I know he is still out there. And that thought frightens me more than you know."

"And you can do that here, on the team."

"But it is not that simple. How can I be effective, if I am guided by fear rather than my instinct? To wonder if and when we have to go on a mission, will this be the day I leave my son without a mother. John, there are no guarantees that anyone of us will return from any mission. To be burden with concerns like... how can I leave my son without a mother? How can I go on a mission not secure in the knowledge whether I would be willing to die for any one of my team mates if the need calls? I knew that answer before. Before, I would have without hesitation. Now, I am not certain."

John stared momentarily at Teyla. To him, he has never met a woman or that many men, including most of the men who were under his command more fearless than the woman who face was just inches from his own now. But Teyla was struggling right now with the changes in her life. Teyla was being Teyla. Her compassion, her sense of right and wrong were always miles above his. She had long become his moral compass since their time together as friends and teammates. She had never shied away from telling him if she felt his judgment was morally questioned. That is one of thing, he had most liked and respected about her. Teyla would do what she thinks is right for everyone. Well, he had to tell her and make her believe that staying on the team was where she could do the most good.

"I remembered you had those same concerns before while you were pregnant. I told you then that your son had a family here on Atlantis. He is one of us! The things you say you believe in and want to do can be accomplished here on Atlantis and on the team. I say we can take the fight to Michael. And, as for you watching my back on a mission, I trust you with my life Teyla and I will always trust you with my life and I can only say that about a couple of people and you are one of them. And I have told you before I would rather die before I let anything happen to you, ah… to any one of you."

"John, I..."

"No, Teyla. You do believe me right?"

"John of course I do. But..."

"Then it's settled. I don't want to hear any more of you leaving the team. We can work this out…"

TBC