The Rom-com of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 9: The Victory of Haruhi Suzumiya

Saturday... the would-be day of slumber for overworked students such as myself. As it turns out, that wasn't the case, and a familiar 'phantom of the opera' tune went off on my phone at eight o'clock sharp.

I answered the phone to hear screaming, "You'd better not be sleeping!" from the amiable Miss Suzumiya.

"Haruhi, it's eight, no-one should meeting up yet..."

"Well, everyone else has!" Haruhi shouted.

So, without warning, I threw some clothes on, said goodbye to my sister, and ran to the rendezvous point in town. To my surprise, Haruhi was right... everyone had got there an hour early. What's with these freaks anyway?

"Penalty!"

So, I bought us all coffees. And the groups were selected again... Haruhi held the sticks in her hand. I picked an unmarked one, and Nagato picked a red one. Koizumi picked a red one also, Tsuruya picked a green one. Kunikida picked a blue stick, and Taniguchi picked a green stick. Finally, Miss Asahina picked a blue stick. That means... that Haruhi has an unmarked one... oh crap.

Taniguchi and Miss Tsuruya looked quite worried, and Koizumi and Nagato didn't change facial expression.

So, once again, you'll be left all alone, without a narrator... because I don't see everything... not yet anyway.

Blue Pair: Mikuru Asahina and Kunikida.

Mikuru chirped, "I guess that means it's you and I again, Kunikida."

Kunikida was, of course, smiling away. "Yeah, I guess it is."

So the two walked out of the café. "So, do you want to go shopping again, Miss Asahina?"

"Actually... no. I have something to tell you... something important..."

"What is it?"

"Well... it's that... well, my superiors have let me tell you that... I..."

"Superiors? Miss Asahina, what are you talking about?"

"Well, you see, it's usually classified, but because you're who you are... I can tell you. I... I guess you could say I'm a time traveller..."

"A... time traveller? You mean, one of the mysteries of the world Miss Suzumiya's after?"

"Yes... are you mad that I didn't tell you?"

"No, I'm not. So, was that super-hot woman who visited me the future version of yourself?"

"I don't know what you're talking about... but I have something else to tell you... I've... kind of been spying on you..."

"What?" Kunikida asked in disbelief.

"You see, you are one of my superiors in the future... you are the inventor of the TPDD, that stands for..."

"Temporal Plane Destruction Device. I know, I came up with an original idea for a name only yesterday. So that's why you've been so interested in me! I thought..." Kunikida looked despondent at the fact he'd been conned.

"Kunikida, listen, just because I've been spying on you doesn't mean I don't like you! I do! I like you lot! You're one of the sweetest guys ever! I'm just surprised you're friends with someone like Taniguchi..."

"...He's funny to hang around with. So, we're still friends?"

"Oh, yeah... that reminds me. I need to tell you something about Miss Suzumiya. You know how I'm a time traveller... it's only because... because of her. She wished for us to exist three years ago, and it happened. The fact is... she has the ability to change reality according to her will... but no-one can tell her that's the case because she might end up changing the world so much that it will be destroyed..."

Kunikida was finding it all hard to take in... he thought she was simply a beautiful, kind, and well-endowed young woman... but she was much, much more than that.

"Anyway, Miss Suzumiya's wish at the moment is that you and I get romantically involved. If we don't, she could get angry... and that's when bad things happen... at least, that's what Itsuki Koizumi says..."

"How's Koizumi involved?"

"Oops! That was stupid of me... ignore me, that's classified. But anyway, you and I should get together... or at least pretend to... for the sake of the world... what do you say?"

There was only one answer Kunikida could say.

"I'd be honoured to help the world... especially if what I have to do is go out with such a beautiful girl as yourself... of course I'll say yes!"

Mikuru smiled, and hugged Kunikida. "Thank goodness." she said.

They discussed more and more things, like the role of Yuki Nagato and Kyon, both of which were 'classified information', but Mikuru gave some clues to Kunikida... and Kunikida made his own conclusions on top of that- some correct, some not.

In the end, the pair decided not to rendezvous with Haruhi and the others, and simply watch Dr Who together like a proper pair of time travellers.

Green and Red pairs: Tsuruya, Taniguchi, Yuki Nagato, and Itsuki Koizumi.

Koizumi and Nagato walked off towards a garden centre. Nagato could sense that something was following them, and shortly after Koizumi noticed the same.

That something was a pair of suspicious partners, Taniguchi and Tsuruya. Taniguchi whispered to Miss Tsuruya, "Now, I don't wanna sound like I don't trust her, but man, he's her ex! I ain't gonna leave her alone with him!"

"I like, totally agree, megas." Tsuruya whispered in her lowest possible voice. "Let's follow them."

So, like a pair of Leopards stalking their prey, Taniguchi and Miss Tsuruya hid behind various shrubs, trees, and garden ornaments.

Koizumi simply gazed at Yuki. "Yuki Nagato?" he asked.

"Yes?" Nagato monotonously replied.

"What do you think of my new girlfriend?"

"She's a wonderful complementary character to you; she is equally positive as you about life, yet has contrasting aspects to you in her personality, like her loudness... that is not an offence to her. I find it charming."

"I'm sure she wouldn't take to it badly... your new boyfriend is equally good to be around. And a good right hook, I may add." Koizumi replied with his stupid grin of his.

Taniguchi and Tsuruya were impressed... their partners were both incredibly 'trustworthy'... well, in their eyes anyway.

"I told him to punch you. It was to teach you a lesson... and it is clear you have learnt it."

"I will never date two girls at the same time again... I needed that punch to bring me to my senses..."

"I am glad you did."

Tsuruya whispered to Taniguchi, "We should, like, go out there and meet them... we can, like trust them now, so let's make it a double date!"

"Good idea, Miss Tsuruya." Taniguchi replied, and then leapt out from behind a Laylandii tree and 'shocked' Koizumi and Nagato.

"Like, hi, guys! Me and Taniguchi were just thinking about how, like totally cool it would be if we stuck with you! So, like, what have you found, Nyoron?" Tsuruya blurted, as if she wanted to blow their cover even more somehow.

"Well, we were actually thinking of buying you two flowers, to show that we love each other..." Koizumi fabricated on the spot.

"Oh, Koizumi, you adorable hottie! I wanna kiss you all day!"

Koizumi grimaced momentarily at the thought. "As do I... however the public would not be best impressed..." he replied, coupled with a quiet laugh.

"I have an idea." Yuki said. "Why not go to somewhere we enjoy?"

"Yeah, Nagato's right, let's go to the library like last Saturday!" Taniguchi added.

"It's a date..." Koizumi said.

"Like, let's go!" Tsuruya finished.

So they all read books in the library, Taniguchi finished Return of the King, and Yuki read the Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but couldn't comprehend how a trilogy could possibly be in four parts. Koizumi was reading an Agatha Christie book called 'Murder on the blue train', while Tsuruya read a fashion magazine.

After doing that, they went to the arcade. Koizumi beat Taniguchi at Space Invaders, while Yuki beat Tsuruya at Galaxia. Then they had a tournament on Sonic the Fighters, and Tsuruya won by playing as Bean the Dynamite.

Koizumi, who clearly still hadn't had enough fun, said, "How about we practise a little dance? I think we'll need to do it at some point..."

"Well, what is it?" Taniguchi asked.

"When we get to my house, I'll tell you."

Of course, Yuki already knew. "May I introduce to you..." Koizumi said while pressing a CD player's play button, "Hare Hare Yukai!"

The song somewhat meant something to all of them, but none of them could explain why.

"It's odd..." Koizumi said, "Whenever I hear this song, I just feel like dancing to it... and I have a dance routine pre-set in my head, for some reason... Miss Nagato also knows the same dance, but I'm not so sure if you do... alright... like this."

And with that Koizumi and Nagato circled their right hand, while pointing towards the confused onlookers, then putting their right hand at head level, doing a somewhat effeminate action with it, swiping that same hand across their chest, and then bringing the hand centre chest. Then they held both arms towards their chest and did a cycling motion. From there, they improvised, up until the end of the track, where they did a step to the left, then right, then did an incredibly complex load of hand movements before breaking into a 'that's all folks!' position, where they were kneeled and arms extended toward the viewer.

"Now, something tells me that we must teach you guys this dance... it is necessary..." Koizumi said as if was more than just an awesome dance routine.

"That's great, but, can we just chill for a while?" Taniguchi asked.

"Sure, chill for as long as you want... I think that we won't have to rendezvous with Miss Suzumiya tonight..."

So they chilled, ate, and danced the night away, not worrying about Miss Suzumiya.

Unmarked pair: Haruhi Suzumiya and Kyon

Hey, guys, I'm back. What did I miss?

Anyway, after the other guys left me and Haruhi all alone together, I couldn't help but think that tonight was going to be stressful and unnecessary.

Haruhi was trying not to smile, and then she said, "Come on, Kyon, there's somewhere I wanna show you."

So when she took me to her intended place, I wasn't so surprised to see that we were in Samisaki park. "So, is this where you went with Koizumi last week?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

To be honest I don't know how... I guess it's just a hunch.

"I don't know... anyway, what's so special about here, anyway?"

"Well, when I went here last week, I told Itsuki that I thought this place was filled with espers, and he just ignored me and started yakking on about some 'anthropic principle' or something. It's like he was trying to throw me off the scent... I think he's a head esper or something."

"A head esper, eh? Wouldn't surprise me at all... in fact I've always thought there was something suspicious about him."

"Yeah! That's totally what I thought!" Haruhi shouted while maniacally smiling. "Hey, come with me!"

And before I knew it, I was being dragged away from Samisaki park and towards some place Haruhi would love to call home... all I knew was it would be weird.

"Okay, Kyon! This is my house!"

Yep, it wasn't just a place Haruhi would love to call home, it was her home. When I entered it, I was surprised to see that it was... incredibly normal. There was a TV in the front room, and a microwave in the kitchen... it was just like anyone else's house. When Haruhi showed me to her room, I genuinely thought that that would be the one weird room of the house, but no, just your average, half-girlish room. It was a room that had a shelf filled with fictional books, cookery books, and video game cases. There was several animé style drawings on the walls, all drawn to perfection by Haruhi the artist. There was also a TV in Haruhi's room, as well as a games console of some kind.

"Hey, Kyon, you ever heard of Touhou?"

Only vaguely... some game series about vampires and stuff, right? I only know about UN Owen was Her, so the only character I'm actually anything close to familiar with is Flandre Scarlet.

"I know a tiny bit about Touhou 6."

"Oh, do you know how to beat Touhou 6's final boss?"

"Flandre Scarlet?"

"No, that's the extra boss, dummy. Her big sister, Remilia!"

"No, sorry. But I'll observe you playing it and see if I can help in any way."

"Okay."

So Haruhi played the game, and the game was a somewhat insane ikaruga-style shooter. Haruhi was pulling off escapes and evasions which could've only come from tons of practise, and was doing fantastically until... Remilia used some spell-card thing to finish her off.

"You seemed to be doing awesome then... just try one more time."

Once again, spell-card got her. Touhou seemed like a freaking hard game series, I wonder why Haruhi the Bad Loser would want to play such a game... probably because there's supernatural girls in it. The music for Remilia was a good contender for UN Owen was her, and I found myself humming it to myself.

Eventually Haruhi gave up, and said, "Kyon, look at this..."

Then she lifted the mattress of her bed up, and showed me a secret book collection... full of conspiracy theory books, stories of 'real-life' alien encounters, 'proof' of espers and their existence, and a book about time travel and the debate on whether or not it's possible.

So me and Haruhi talked and debated about Haruhi's favourite things in the world... aliens, time travellers, and, you guessed it, espers.

Eventually Haruhi fell asleep in one of my monologues, and I checked the time... 11 PM.

Wow. I didn't expect I'd be hanging around Haruhi's house for so long.

Suddenly seeing Haruhi's sleeping face made me admire her a little more... and I remembered what Koizumi said during that endless summer... "What if someone were to whisper into her ear 'I love you'..."

I thought after everything that's happened, it would be best that I did that now. So I whispered into her ear, and kissed her gently on the cheek. I also wrote her a note for when she woke up.

It said: Haruhi, when you wake up, I won't be here, so I'm going to tell you everything I want you to know on this letter. I want to say... Aliens, Time Travellers, Espers... they all exist, and they are all hiding from you. The reason why... I don't know. But they seem to be like happiness... they leave when wanted most. I also want to tell you that I know you love me, and always have done. But... I love you too. I love you! I love you! Haruhi, be happy and know that I love you!

Sincerely, Kyon.

I'm gonna regret writing this down, but at least Haruhi will be happy.

When I finished writing this down, I left Haruhi's house, and got to my house by midnight. My sister said she was worried sick, and had to make her own dinner, something which she hated doing. I have to admit, what I did was sly on my sister... but my sister isn't a Godess... appeasing her isn't forefront ultimately, as sad as that may be.

Author's note: Random references everywhere! Fourth wall breaking! Hare Hare Yukai!

Yesh! Yesh!