Disclaimer: Soul Eater is not in the possession of this author, because if it was she would be extremely rich, and also a genius. Alas, she is none of those things.
Woooaaah guys, one chapter away from double digits! This is a bit insane for me, not gonna lie. I would like to thank Danny and Anonymous for your review/comment on the last chapter, and to Alex for the very helpful constructive criticism! I hope this chapter shows some improvement.
On that note, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. Huuuu -.-" I said I wanted to improve and yet here I am not sure about this chapter XD hahaha. I mean, I do like it, but I don't know if I am portraying the intention and emotions correctly here. I know how I want the scene to be, but I can't tell if I'm articulating it convincingly. What do you guys think? It's hard for me to tell, because I already know what it's supposed to be. I need an outside source! Perhaps I'll end up scrapping this later and rewriting the chapter, but I thought I'd post it first to let you guys see, so please give feedback on this one!
Thank you all to my readers, subscribers, and reviewers! Keep being amazing! 3
And now what you have all been waiting for~
-Birthday Bash Indeed
Maka
In the following days, Maka stayed in the infirmary, barely eating or sleeping. Soul rarely left her side, though he might as well not have been there. The meister did everything in her power to ignore him-pretending to be asleep, reading, disappearing while he was in the bathroom-you name it. The only interaction between the partners was arguing; there had been no substantial conversation since the fight. Today was just like the past few days, Maka was screaming at Soul for something or another.
"Soul, go home! Have you ever thought maybe I want to be alone?" the blonde nearly screamed at the clingy boy for the millionth time.
"For the umpteenth time, Maka, I told you, I'm not just going to leave you here alone. You haven't been eating much, not unless I force you to. You always wake up screaming at night; I know what that's like and I know that it sucks waking up alone, so deal with it, stop being uncool. I'm trying to help!" the weapon's patience was growing thin.
The tension in the room was more taut than Death the Kid in an asymmetrical room, trying to maintain his sanity. Neither of the two were letting up.
"LEAVE ME ALONE," Maka finally shouted in the albino's face. She then bolted from the bed, smacking the door open, leaving a hole in the wall where the doorknob was. She didn't care if she was still in a hospital gown, she didn't care that her underwear was showing. She didn't care that her ribs softly ached in resistance. She needed to get away from Soul, now.
"Every time I'm around him, I feel like my chest is becoming heavier and heavier, sinking me into the soles of my feet. I want to cry, maybe that'll let me stand tall again, but I can't cry in front of him. I can't shed a single tear, not for him, tears shouldn't be wasted on men," yet despite her words, she could feel tears whelm up. "Rationally, I know it's so stupid for me to feel this way-it's just one idiotic boy. I know that I should act like everything is fine, that I should be happy that he's found someone he likes, even if it isn't me...even if it is some slut who works at that club. I should have expected that he'd be like every pig of a man. I shouldn't care. But I do,and it hurts so much. When did I become this weak? When did breathing become this difficult? When did living become this hard?"
The meister didn't know where she was going, but anywhere was better than staying in that room with her weapon any longer. She ended up in one of her favorite comfort zones-the library. It supplied her with shelves of endless artillery, just in case she had to break some skulls to make a fast getaway again. She holed herself up in a secluded corner, just hugging her knees. It was so quiet; the room was empty. Maka sighed, it felt comfortable to be surrounded by literature, of tales with happy endings and books on courage, bravery.
"I'll cry. Here and now, just this once. I'll let everything out, then I'll leave this room and leave everything behind me. I won't care anymore, I won't bother Soul anymore. I'll act like everything is normal, and then everything will go back to the way it was, right? I won't feel this much pain anymore, right? I don't think I can handle this much longer... This will be my resolve."
Maka sat alone in the shadows of the vast library, sobbing to herself. She cried for her weakness, her seemingly childish love, for Soul-the man she thought she knew, but most of all she cried because her entire body felt like lead had been poured into her veins, seething into the cracks of her shattered heart and soul. Even when the blonde thought she was done crying, more tears came and replaced the ones that had just fallen.
"Since when have I had these many tears? Will it ever stop? I need to stop," Maka scolded herself.
Finally, Maka had wept a river that soaked her cheap polyester gown. She was emotionally exhausted, resting her head on the shelf next to her. The meister drifted off into a disturbed sleep, plagued by the same nightmare that she had every night. She knew she would hear the criticizing song again and cry a thousand more tears. Her sobbing would be awakened by a shrill scream that would escape her pale lips.
Maka was unsurprisingly woken up by the sounds of her own screams echoing off of the walls. The girl was almost becoming accustomed to the nightmare, since it happened every time she tried to sleep. Even though she knew what was to come when she closed her eyes, that didn't stop her from feeling exhausted and depressed when she woke up.
"It's getting a bit old, I already know everything the dream is telling me..." Maka gloomily thought.
Emerald eyes awakened and became aware of the library again; she felt something rough, and warm in her left hand. Maka turned to notice Soul, leaning against a bookshelf, his eyes closed and his hand enclosed around hers. The meister's scream seemed to stir him from his slumber.
Looking at her weapon, Maka remembered her resolve she had made earlier that day. "I will not let this carry on any further; I must throw away my feelings, even if it kills me. I'll act like everything is fine, remember..."
Soul locked eyes with Maka. "Hey, you ran off again, baka. How are you feeling?" Soul smiled small, trying to cheer her up a bit.
"Yeah...sorry about that, I'm okay now. I feel a bit better," Maka began her thread of lies that would wrap around her life, because she was never going to tell Soul the truth, not anymore and not ever. She finished off her deceit with a fake, stiff smile.
The partners walked back to Maka's room, where she stopped fighting with Soul for the remaining days in the infirmary. The meister forced herself to act cheery and her normal old self, but inside the petite girl was slowly dying. Every time Soul left her side, even if it was for something small such as the bathroom or food, Maka would imagine him meeting up with some girl to make out or do other things. When she saw the albino, Maka thought about his strong arms holding her protectively, or even worse, those arms holding another girl the same way. She thought about Soul leaving her. Even when she lied to her weapon, it hurt Maka that Soul didn't realize she was lying. The insecure girl fell deeper and deeper into the black oblivion of depression. It was consuming her.
Despite becoming more mentally unstable, the blonde physically recuperated enough for her to go back home. Maka insisted that she was fine, so Professor Stein released her, where she had the weekend to finish up resting, and then school started on Monday. Thus, she was sent back home to live with the man she tried not to love.
"Everything is fine, Maka, everything is fine. You don't feel the pain, you don't feel the pain, you're fine..." Maka chanted this to herself everyday, trying to convince herself that she was okay, though her heart never failed to give an uncomfortable pulse anytime she said this, or anytime Soul was near the meister.
