Author Note: In my last batch of review replies, I let readers know that TLoD wouldn't be updating weekly for at least part of the summer. My betas and I all have different summer vacation schedules, so we're going to need to go every other week for a while. In addition to those scheduling issues, I will be leaving town for a month and will have limited internet access, so review replies may be delayed.
Thank you so much to JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024 for all their hard work on this fic.
Previously:
Emmett started to look excited, like he was going to be the one to fit all of the puzzle pieces together. "Do you remember when Rosalie just said, 'I don't know what's in you,' when she was talking about your lack of natural instincts?"
"Yes?" Bella clearly had no more idea than I did. One glance at Esme and Rosalie showed they were still in the dark, but Carlisle's face bore a look of slight understanding. That gave me some hope that this wasn't all utter nonsense.
"The first sign of something different was when Jasper licked up your blood. There was no frenzy. He felt warm. His pace was slower on the way to your house. Your blood didn't call to him in your room . . ." he trailed off.
Impossible.
Impossible.
Was it, though?
"Really, Emmett?" Rosalie asked. "That's what you came up with?"
"Thank you," Bella said with a wave. "I'm leaving."
"No." I tried to stop her, stepping toward her.
"Um, yes, I am. Goodbye. I can't say it's been fun."
"Emmett may be right. What's to say that if venom turns someone into a vampire that your blood couldn't do the reverse?" I asked.
"It is an interesting theory," Carlisle added.
Bella shook her head but stomped her way back to the living room instead of toward the front door. We all trailed after her to see her sit down in a huff, hugging a pillow to her lap.
"Why would my blood be any different? We know this can't be true," she insisted.
"Do we? Enlighten us," I invited her.
"You aren't the first vampire to taste my blood, you're the third." She called me up short with that.
Her statement gave us all pause for a minute, and we resumed sitting in our previous seats. Rosalie was the first one to speak. "You're right," she admitted, "but not all of those instances were the same. Jasper killed James before any ill effects could make themselves known. Then with Edward, the blood he ingested was tainted with venom."
Carlisle looked thoughtful. "I'm not sure how much of a counter effect venom would have had for Edward, though he didn't drink enough of her blood to even alter his eye color. James only left the smallest amount of venom in her to withdraw."
"Jasper only had a few swallows as well," Esme pointed out.
"Maybe there's something unique about it being Jasper," Emmett suggested.
"So now there's something wrong with me and there's something wrong with Jasper. Doesn't that seem a little far-fetched?" Bella asked.
"Everything is far-fetched about this!" I yelled, no longer able to control my temper. This day had just been too much. "You find the sane answer."
"Enough!" Carlisle calmly stated, looking around the room. "If there's something unique about the effects of Bella's blood, there's an easy way to test this."
In response, it seemed like Bella and I both sucked in huge breaths in unison. Then the room seemed to erupt.
"You can't be serious!" I said at the same time Bella declared, "I'm not so sure about this."
"Whoa, Carlisle!" Emmett said, holding his hands out.
"Sweetheart, we should talk about this," Esme said softly.
Only Rosalie remained silent.
"We should talk about running a blood panel," Carlisle clarified.
At his words, there was a collective sigh of relief.
"I'm happy to know I'm off the menu for at least one day," Bella said, her body relaxing.
"Goodness, my apologies. I never meant to imply we would run an actual experiment," Carlisle said. He was as flustered as I had ever heard him. "I wouldn't want to attempt anything of that magnitude without having as much data as possible first."
"But we might eventually?" Rose asked quietly. Despite the softness of her words, we all felt the weight of them.
"I couldn't say," Carlisle said gently, "but we need much more information for everyone's peace of mind."
Regardless of how outrageous it seemed, the implausible idea of Bella's transformative blood and a potential attack by the Volturi were our best guesses. I supposed there were other enemies I had made along the way in my life, though Maria was really the only one to live long enough to tell about it. For the sake of my newfound nerves, I couldn't dwell on her, and I didn't even want to raise her name yet.
I'd promised myself I would never let her hold power over me again, and I meant to keep my word. The idea that she could have made me this weak was just unfathomable. I wouldn't allow it to be true.
Both my fear of the situation and the unknown weighed on me. It was as if there was a physical heaviness in my abdomen. I took a deep breath in and shifted to try to relieve some of my discomfort, but the weight was still there.
Briefly, I forgave Bella for some of her human awkwardness. Why must everything cause a physical response?
Moving on the couch actually seemed to exacerbate the pressure. I tried to think of something—anything else—to get my mind off my own situation. Unconsciously, my foot started to jiggle, and I glanced around the room looking for a distraction.
I frowned when I realized I could no longer see the tree where Alice had carved our initials when we first arrived in Forks. It was our ritual whenever we moved to a new property. I assumed I could actually see the tree, but it was now one of many. There was no differentiation at this distance. It seemed funny that instead of having a problem seeing the forest for the trees, I couldn't see a tree for the forest.
Perhaps it was for the best that I had one less reminder of what—who—was no longer in my life.
I started to drum my fingers on my leg, and though I felt calmer than I had, the pressure was still building in my body. I tried to focus on the conversation continuing around me, but my eyes kept shifting around the room. When I settled on Bella's undisguised smirk, my fidgeting temporarily stopped.
"What?" I asked under my breath, trying not to interrupt whatever Carlisle was explaining to Esme even though I knew they would hear every word.
"Perhaps you should excuse yourself," she said quietly with a grin.
I looked at her pointedly. "Perhaps I'm central to absolutely everything being discussed. Why would I leave? You're the one who was so keen to go earlier."
She shook her head minutely, but a slight blush rose in her cheeks. I waited for her scent to blossom around me, but of course, it didn't.
"You know the door is still in the same place," I whispered. Though I had tried not to steal focus, it seemed as if everyone was following our conversation.
"While we're pointing out the obvious, the bathroom is right over there," she said, indicating with her finger.
I was absolutely done with this. What was next, telling me what color the sofa was?
"I'm well aware of—" I stopped.
The bathroom.
How many times had I seen humans display signs like this in class? It seemed like not a period went by without some whelp wiggling around and raising their hand to be excused.
Before I could say another word, Emmett's booming laugh cut through the room. "Yes!" he cried.
I sent him a withering glare, not seeing where the excitement was to be had.
"It's Number Two time, Jazzy!" he said obnoxiously.
"I hate to burst your bubble, Emmett, but I'm pretty sure it's just Number One," Bella said with a chuckle. "That was a lot of water, Jasper."
"Yuck it up. I'm glad to see you're all so interested in my human developments," I said as I stood up and tried not to hurry across the room.
"I hope you don't have any performance anxiety with all of us sitting out here listening," Emmett called after me.
"I'm sure it will be fine," I said in response. Before Carlisle could ask for a sample, I glared at him as well. It could wait at least until the next round.
"Let us know if you need any help," Bella said, with what I was sure was a great deal of mirth and pleasure.
"I've got it. Thanks."
Just as I opened the door, Esme spoke up. "And Jasper, don't forget to put the seat down when you're done."
I slammed the door on the sound of her uncharacteristically crass snickering. I knew if I looked at myself in the mirror, I might be stuck in the bathroom for hours, so I avoided my reflection.
Emmett was right. It was disconcerting knowing there were four people outside the door who could hear every sound I made.
I tried to be a quiet as I could, but at the first bit of success, I couldn't help but sigh in relief.
Much better.
When I was done, I cleaned up my slight mess; my ability to aim had obviously decreased since my time as a human. I flushed and washed my hands while ignoring my new face in the mirror. I just wanted to get back in the living room and forget this moment of embarrassment. I didn't know how Bella ever managed this during her visits to the house.
I made my way back into the living room and was met with a proud look from Esme that made me roll my eyes, curiosity from Carlisle and Rosalie, and pure humor from Emmett and Bella.
"Well?" Emmett asked.
"Well what?"
"Was it as great as I imagined it would be?"
"You've imagined this?" I asked him. "We've obviously got to find you a new hobby."
"You're my new hobby, buddy." In a second, he was standing right next to me with his arm around my shoulder, making me incredibly uncomfortable. "This is going to be so much fun. You just wait and see." His grip tightened on my shoulder, and I winced. Every part of my body screamed to get away from him. Not noticing, he continued. "Carlisle, why did we wait so long to get humans? They're hilarious."
"I'm not a pet, Emmett," I said, trying to pull away from his grasp.
He immediately released me and put on a pout. "Hey, now, I know that! No one's a pet," he said, looking at Bella.
"Good to know," she said, slightly under her breath.
"Come on . . . let me have some fun, though," Emmett whined. "I can't wait to see what you'll figure out or not realize next."
"Well, I'm glad I can be a source of amusement for you. It isn't like there's an instruction manual for this." I brushed by him and resumed my seat on the couch. There were more important things to be discussed than the entertainment value of my humanity. "It isn't like I have a sire to guide me through this transition, you know."
I barely felt more than a gust of wind before Emmett was back in his seat, facing me. "Well, actually, you might," he said, looking excited again and then gesturing grandly at Bella. "Say hello to Mama."
"Please, Emmett," Rosalie said with a huff.
"Oh, no. I don't know anything about this. We don't even know if that's what happened." Bella looked incredibly awkward, and she was jutting her hands out as if she could push Emmett's words away.
"It doesn't matter, B, you're still the only human we really know," Emmett continued.
Though she'd just seemed fed up with him until now, Rosalie now joined Emmett's cause and turned to Bella. "If you had become like one of us, who do you think would have taken charge of you? Edward?"
Bella visibly flinched even though it wasn't the first time his name had come up. "Yes. I mean, I didn't think anyone would need to take charge of me. I'd no longer be the weak link."
I could see the anger flare up in her, but it was no match for mine. I snorted, and she glared in response. "At least for a little while you'd be even more trouble than you are now."
Rosalie shot up and started to pace rapidly before abruptly appearing before Bella. "He really told you nothing of this life."
It was a statement, not a question.
In response, the hurt nearly rolled off Bella in waves.
In a rare show of tenderness—if that was what it was—Rosalie crouched down slightly before deciding to sit directly in front of Bella on the coffee table. "It may not seem this way to you, but I mean this with every kindness. Edward was trying to protect you."
"He was trying to blind her," I insisted, leaning away from Rosalie's icy proximity.
"To the ugliness and the danger—"
"To everything!" I yelled, scooting as far down the couch as I could. "He opened her up to danger the moment he decided to come back from Alaska."
"Can we not talk about him anymore?" For the first time, Bella looked like she was on the verge of tears.
Rosalie nodded. "Good for you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Bella was trying hard to hold onto her anger instead of the hurt.
"You'll understand when you're wiser, and hopefully older. Anyway, the point is if you had become like one of us, the person most likely to babysit you would be Jasper."
She recoiled slightly, as if my name was the last one she expected to hear. "Jasper?"
It was obvious everything she saw in me was weakness. It wasn't just my new weakness as a human; to her, I'd been the most out-of-control Cullen, the one who wasn't trusted around humans, the one who always had a hard time. I'd been stuffed into role after because Alice had said they were for the best. Now, Alice was gone, and all I had was a stack of memories of me trying to do her bidding and failing—that, and a tree I couldn't even see anymore.
I was done being the weak link, and I sure as hell wouldn't have Bella Swan looking at me as if I were something beneath her. I was Jasper Whitlock. The Jasper Whitlock. It didn't matter what form I took, I tried to tell myself.
"That's a story for a different day," I told her, not caring to explain who I really was or who I had been, "but let's just say newborns are my specialty."
Esme moved to join Rosalie on the coffee table in front of Bella, and she reached out to touch her hand. "You're under no obligation, certainly, but your participation as a sort of mentor to Jasper would be appreciated."
"I don't need one." I tried to keep all indications of a pout out of my voice.
Both Esme's and Carlisle's faces snapped to me. "Yes, you will," Carlisle insisted nicely.
I refused to be the weak link, regardless of my current condition.
"I would assume much of this is instinctual, and we all know I've lived closer to my instincts than any of you."
I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth, no matter how true they were. Not one member of our family deserved to be spoken to like that. Carlisle looked like he was making a conscious decision to let my impertinence slide. It wasn't often that he asserted himself as the leader within our family, but for a moment, I saw a flash of the alpha male he could be.
"I'm sure it is mostly instincts," Bella said, drawing my attention away from Carlisle. "Instincts . . . like chewing," she added, referencing the morning's cereal blunder with a chuckle.
"Don't make me regret letting you live," I grumbled.
She knew I didn't mean it, and I hated myself for not meaning it. There was nothing I could stand less than duplicity, but I supposed I could pass that remark off as mere sarcasm.
Esme raised her eyebrows at me in a very maternal fashion. "Don't speak to her like that, Jasper. You'll need her," she warned.
"I don't need anyone." I crossed my arms across my chest and then thought better of that decision, lest I look like petulant child—or Bella.
I wanted to believe I didn't need anyone, but the lies were adding up by the second. I hated I had been reduced to that. What I really needed was for Carlisle to have some answers for me.
"I don't think that's true, bro." Emmett said, with a shake of his head. Thankfully, he didn't attempt to come any closer. The nearness of Esme and Rosalie was driving me mad, and I couldn't believe Bella could be so calm with how close they were to her.
Bella didn't seem to sense any danger from my family at all. She was even leaning forward in her seat. "That's beside the point. It's been made clear—even if you didn't get the chance to act on it—that this family doesn't need me."
The ghost of the words "doesn't want me"hung around her words.
I shifted uncomfortably, and Esme and Rosalie returned to their positions next to their mates with equally sad and guilty looks on their faces.
Emmett threaded his hand through Rosalie's and smiled a melancholy smile at Bella. "It would have been to protect you."
"It would have been to abandon me—to have it be like I never existed." She defiantly crossed her legs.
I tried not to feel sympathy for her, but the two of us had essentially been having the same conversation last night with Edward and Alice, respectively. I didn't need to try to sympathize; I knew exactly what it felt like to be abandoned by someone you loved and who you thought loved you. At least I knew Edward had truly loved Bella.
Esme looked like her heart was breaking for the girl. "Bella . . ."
"Please, don't," Bella said softly. "I guess it doesn't matter. I wouldn't be that quick to turn my back on you, though."
Everyone else had the sense to look contrite at her implied accusation.
She stood up and looked me in the eye. "I'll do it."
She needn't feel like she was doing me any favors. I had no desire to be beholden to her, of all people.
"Don't think I'll be indebted to you. You're not obligated."
"No, I'm not," she agreed. "I'll consider us even after this. You saved my life in Phoenix, though you then tried to end it last night. This is . . . this is . . ." she floundered. "I don't know what this is, but don't mistake my acceptance for kindness."
Her eyes narrowed and her posture straightened with a small, unexpected amount of confidence. For a second, I traitorously felt proud of her. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home. If you truly need me, call, but I need a little space from all of this—from all of you."
And with that, she headed out the door.
.
.
.
Author Note: I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.
As I said in my opening author note, chapters will now be coming every other week, though I hope to get some writing done while on vacation.
Recs-here are some WIPs I'm reading that all updated this week: "Constant Bearing, Decreasing Range" by beegurl13 (B/E, AH, fishermanward), "Dogstar" by spanglemaker9 (B/E, AU, E doesn't return from Alaska), "No Ordinary Proposal" by twilover76 (B/E, AU, olderward), "The Agreement" by gemgirl65 (B/E, AH, escortward), "Beyond the Scope" by Catastrophia (B/E, AH, doctorward, drabble with daily+ updates). If you aren't reading Bedelia's J/B AU "A Forest Fire" yet, get on it.
There isn't a lot of AU out there right now, so if you're reading an AU you like, let me know about it.
