A/N: First, apologies are in order. It took me so long to write this because I got sick for a couple of days. I couldn't write properly, so gomen-nasai
And second, a very titanic THANK YOU to every person who's faved, followed, and read the previous chapters. My special thanks to theintrang161, Saki-Rose Chan, Akira Hayama, my 2 guest reviewers, dQueen'C, Euryphaessa Gray, and springroses for sharing their thoughts on the previous chapter.
The general reply: I honestly felt bad for Shirley last chapter because I can sort of relate (to a different degree). Can't blame you if you think she deserves it and all though ;) I'm on neutral ground with Shirley. I just don't like her when she starts following Lelouch around like a needy puppy, and feeling overly protective of him against other girls in the ORIGINAL series when they obviously weren't an official couple. (I say original, because director for the new CG movies confirmed that Lelouch and Shirley were lowkey casually dating in the Recap movies, before L.L. leaves her for CC. :P).
That said, I won't bore you anymore with my rambling. And of course, leave me constructive criticisms please, or your general thoughts, because they're a joy to read, and I love having back-and-forth fan discussions like this.
Happy reading! ;)
Chapter 9: The Right Keeper
"Lelouch, can I see you at dinner? We can talk over some plans. Just call me back when you hear this…"
The voice message she'd left for him playing on loop was a source of comfort to no one — particularly to Shirley. He still hadn't called her back, and she had sent him the voice mail an hour ago. With every minute that passed by, her anxiety grew. And whenever she remembered why she was calling to see him in the first place, the tears would spill from her eyes. She'd tried distracting herself with all manner of school work to no avail.
Her worries were only alleviated when her customized ringtone for him filled the silence of her bedroom. Trembling, her fingers kept slipping across the screen before she managed to swipe it in the correct direction.
"What's up Shirley?"
His tone was mild like it always was. She wondered why she never bothered to take note of it before. But perhaps now that she wasn't deluding herself with fantasies, things were coming to her clearer. That or she was just paranoid. And she still hoped for the latter.
"Lelouch." She tried so hard to be cheerful, but her own emotions were betraying her. "I want to see you."
"Right now?"
He probably didn't mean it. But his tone said it all. He couldn't come to her right now. Maybe it was stretching it a bit, but if she were CC, Shirley was willing to bet Lelouch wouldn't be shrugging her off just like that. Had he ever spoken to her like that in the past year? Shirley couldn't remember. But if he had, she had been quick to forgive him for sure — so blinded by her overwhelming devotion to her boyfriend.
She pushed the hurt feelings away, focusing instead on the matter at hand. If they were going to be like this, then maybe she was making the right choice to talk things over and decide what was best.
"Not really. But a date over afternoon snacks would be great."
"Of course." Was the automatic response. There were a few seconds of silence where the background noise was audible. There was a lot barking and people talking. Was he at an animal shelter? "Is 4PM okay? I've got classes in half an hour."
"That's fine." She opened her mouth to say something affectionate, but caught herself and said, "I'll see you, Lulu," instead.
vVvVv
Checking his wristwatch for the umpteenth time since he decided to pay the local animal shelter a visit, Lelouch sat stiffly in one of the waiting room plastic chairs. He was wrought with two different nerves. One was excitement, the other was worry because he just might be late to class.
But whatever… He was more eager to bring his new girl home. (Well, not to his apartment per se. More like she was CC's new baby).
He'd finished the paperwork, had paid the adoption fees, and now he was only waiting for one of the animal shelter personnel to come out of the clinic with the pet medical records and the lovely puppy he knew his best friend would be absolutely thrilled to meet. And right as if his thoughts had summoned her and her handlers, a smiling woman waved him over as she placed papers on the front desk and an animal carrier on the ground.
Finishing up transactions and after thanking the wonderful people who worked at the shelter, he brought the carrier to his car and let the object settle in the passenger seat first before opening the little door carefully and acting out of reflex just in time to catch the excited puppy before she fell onto the car floor.
The furry little baby with her tiny pointy ears, gorgeous white fur, and delicate pink nose wagged her tail cheerily as her new human tenderly fed her puppy treats from his own hand.
She was a a hyper and squirmy little thing just shy of three months. It was hard to picture her as the sad puppy the shelter had rescued off the street. She had had a sprained hip then and had been screaming in pain when they had treated her and officially put her up for adoption. At least, that's what the woman at the animal shelter told him when he had laid eyes on the beautiful dog for the first time.
She had been shy and mostly introverted, they told him. But it hadn't felt that way when he had crouched before her and offered out his knuckles for her to sniff for the first time. She had exuberantly licked his fingers then, just as she was doing now.
"I know you're excited. I am too."
He smiled; all the while, ignoring the glowing numbers on his dashboard that officially signaled he was late for class. He would have panicked, but then again, what was another absent mark in his already soiled attendance records? He'd been skipping classes — particularly PhysEd — since high school. University wasn't any different.
The puppy behaved long enough for him to secure her back into her carrier.
"I'm taking you to your new home, okay?"
With her tail wagging in the confines of her comfortable yet temporary place, she watched her new human do silly things in the enclosed space. And though she may have been curious to find out what exactly was with that pretty little toy he kept one of his hands on, movement began happening beneath her, lulling her to sleep and letting her dream of chasing crickets through a broad open field.
vVvVv
CC was ready to come bursting through her apartment from the moment she had arrived. But the sight of a couple of slips of paper poking out the mailbox was enough to prompt her to pause.
She received no letters in school today. And though she tried hard to suppress it, she won't deny that she felt sort of disappointed if the admirer broke his series of notes today. But that was ridiculous, wasn't it? Four days of sending letters, and she was already going so far as to think that her day would be incomplete without opening one.
When Lelouch insisted that she was liking the gifts, she had pressed that she didn't really. But perhaps Lelouch had caught on that she had been lying, and he let her keep face.
So, she plucked the pieces of paper from their confinements. Two were promotional messages from Pizza Hut. The other was exactly what she needed to see today.
If I followed you home,
Would you keep me?
~Your S.A.
Brows furrowed in confusion, CC stepped through her threshold, still confused over what that letter had meant. If anything, it sounded kind of… stalker-ish. She hadn't given the letter showing up in her mailbox a second thought because Lelouch and the secret admirer were obviously in cahoots with one another, so it was easy to deduce that her best friend had served as the courier of the message today — or at least she hoped.
"Eep!"
Yapping, yapping, and more yapping…
Was that—
Dumping her things on the comfy couch, CC got down on all fours and peered at the darkness underneath the furniture to see two little eyes peering at her in the gloom. An arm stretched out towards the puppy, and the fur ball sniffed her dainty fingers. CC giggled heartily when she felt the puppy's rough tongue lick her fingers thoroughly. When she managed to coax the tiny animal out, she couldn't help but coo at it and admire it's pristine fur even more.
"Did he bring you to me?" She smiled, as she cradled the puppy to her chest, bringing her new fur baby with her into the kitchen.
A part of CC wondered if Lelouch decided to deliver the puppy to her home at the behest of the mystery man, or did her best friend do it of his own volition. Because the latter would be surprising.
The puppy's squirming and yapping drew CC out of her own thoughts only to find that in the once empty corner of her humble kitchen lay a sack filled with puppy treats. There were also cans of chicken liver and beef kibble stacked on the counter. Well, Lelouch and the admirer sure went the extra mile to settle the new pet comfortably in her home. Turning her eyes to the puppy wagging her tail excitedly in CC's arms, she stared into the dog's intelligent eyes, and concluded that this was the best gift her admirer had gotten her so far. It was thoughtful of him to give her a furry companion.
A wet nose nudged her hand and CC carefully laid a gentle kiss at the top of its snowy head. And one look into her new baby's wide brown eyes, CC understood that the mystery man was slowly growing on her. For though she hated to admit it most of the time, she would begrudgingly acknowledge that his gifts so far left impressions on her heart. From the flowers to the pizza coupons, and now this.
Well, it proved he was consistent at least… Perhaps even determined to see it through to the end.
Would he be as tender as he is when I would finally meet him?
Smiling and shaking her head to rid the thoughts of this intriguing man, she turned to the puppy and gave her a smile unbecoming of a witch.
"Now, just what do we name you?"
vVvVv
He was gentlemanly as always…
He was also actively holding a conversation with her; telling her stories, expressing his opinions, ordering for her, offering to pay.
Once upon a time, those princely gestures were enough to sweep her off her feet. They were enough to make her preen. She delighted in the fact that this wild heart — who was really just a wonderfully silly man underneath — was tamed by her and her alone. That this infamous heart breaker was all hers to keep.
How lucky that girl was…
But that had been long ago…
That had been before reality cruelly slapped her and woke her up. And for the first time in years of swooning and writing secret love letters to the one and only Lelouch Lamperouge-vi Britannia, she was seeing his act for what it really was. Like a veil lifting off her eyes, she found herself watching him in an all new light.
He was still the Prince Charming she had always seen him as. But was it safe to say that it was a front? Because his hold on her hand was loose; not firm or secure. His smile — though bright and impossibly handsome, did not reach his eyes. And his chattiness felt more like it was borne out of requirement rather than an actual desire. It was all a stupid act.
Come to think of it. Had that act always been in place?
Was he ever honest with her throughout the entire duration of their relationship?
Or had she been lying to herself all this time? Oblivious to Lelouch's true feelings; blinded and deafened by the fantasy realm she had created.
But— But she had to believe that at least some part of their relationship had been genuine, right? Otherwise, that would have made the past year completely and utterly senseless — a waste of time.
The very thought of it all tightened her throat and summoned brimming tears to the corner of her eyes.
"Shirley, their cheesecakes look good, would you—"
He stopped whatever he was about to say as she shook her head, 'no.' He must be confused, with the way he suddenly went quiet. Biting her lip in trepidation, Shirley slowly peered up at him through her fringe of ginger hair, and almost lost her nerve. Because he was looking straight at her, hyper-focused. All source of amusement was gone from his expression, and his mouth was set in a hard and grim line.
"What's wrong, Shirley?"
Was it her or did his voice just waver? Heaving a deep breath, and face flushing incredibly red, her hands clenched into tight fists. She flung her next words at him, like ripping off a band-aid as if it would alleviate the sting.
"Do you love me more than— her?" She choked on the last word, unable to even utter her rival's name.
He kept his mouth shut. And that silence hurt more than any words he would think to say next. Because silence spoke volumes, and although a part of Shirley was anticipating Lelouch's obvious answer, it still didn't change the fact that his rejection hurt and wounded her deeply.
"No." The corners of his mouth tilted downwards ever so slightly. "No, I don't." Those lovely violets reflected sadness for a good while, before his expression hardened.
The stoic mask he had donned didn't help matters. There was no trace of the cheery boyfriend she had conversed with minutes ago. It was like watching someone flip a switch. Was he always like this?
She had been chewing on her lip hard enough to draw blood, but the sting was a welcome distraction from the greater pain that was slowly tearing her heart and every dream she had ever had of them apart.
"Was— Was there ever a moment when— when it had b-been real, L-Lulu? Did you ever love me?" She beseeched with a shaky voice. "Because I loved you."
She didn't see his mask break; didn't see it give way to the face of a man who was wallowing in regret — for prolonging someone's suffering, and for drowning in the consequence of his own cowardice. But after what had just been torn, how could he expect her to look at him with a straight face again? There were tears dripping on to the surface of their table. It would have been kind to reach out and wipe her tears; but in a situation like this, it was kinder to let her weep. Any gestured he would muster could only be perceived as cruel after he had rejected her anyway.
"What does she have that I don't?" Her knuckles strained so much they were turning white. "And if you— If you wanted her in the f-first place, why would you use me?" She was facing him now, green eyes wide and brimming with tears. "How could you?"
For a moment, he could only stare — could only gaze at the image of her and her blotched face. The usual eloquence he used to effortlessly summon fell prey to the guilt that had been slowly consuming him over the course of the week.
"Lulu, please." She whimpered helplessly, silently begging him to say something — anything that would make this separation just a tiny bit easier.
"I wronged you. And I…" He swallowed thickly, and focused on his clasped hands in shame. "I know I hurt you, Shirley. And while words are poor compensation for the damage that has been done, I still want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person — for putting you through what I did. For what it's worth, I believe that what we had was real to a certain degree."
To a certain degree?
What did he even mean? And why was it so hard to breathe now? It felt like two great weights pressed against either side of her chest, slowly squeezing tighter and tighter until she was all but moments away from suffocating. It just wasn't fair! It wasn't!
What had she ever done to deserve something like this? What sin had she committed for earning this kind of punishment? Her only wish was to find love in the man that she—
"I don't understand. I—"
"Shirley… I don't deserve you. I'm not meant for you. You deserve someone who sees you for who you really are; who would love you. You don't deserve some confused guy who's never understood himself, until one day clarity dawned and he realized he was in love with someone else after all. You make people happy, Shirley. So, you deserve someone who could make you smile endlessly. Not leave you in tears like I did."
But she didn't want someone else. She wanted Lelouch. It had been a treasured dream since she first laid eyes on him — to be his woman someday. But from the beginning, CC was always in the picture. And even when she and Lelouch dated, CC never left at all.
"Lu-Lulu. It's not fair! I want you. I won't settle for someone else when it's always been you. She doesn't even like you. If she wanted you, you and her would have been dating already! Have you ever thought about that? You love someone who doesn't love you back!"
His guilt-ridden eyes hardened into flinty chips of amethyst as he watched her sob and gaze at him with eyes that were desperately pleading for his acceptance. But what she said— what she had just uttered… He could understand being hurt over rejection. But to make false assumptions about other people's relationships— It rubbed him the wrong way.
But what if she was right? He was secretly posing as his best friend's admirer, but CC's reaction at the end of the rope was something else waiting to be seen. The probability that his best friend would never return his feelings was— It was—
"But I do! I love you."
At her last words, Lelouch only stared at their clasped hands, not even wincing underneath the force of Shirley's grip. Her grief was too palpable — far too raw; each accusation flying from her mouth, carried on the wings of sorrow and rage. A part of him understood why she was saying these things. He knew that if the situations were reversed, he wouldn't have been any better, but—
"Shirley, do you love me for me?" He spoke quietly, mindful of the other guests in the cafe even if they were seated in a corner booth. "Or do you love the idea of being with me?"
He watched her eyes widen a fraction, before her indignance won and she sloppily yet promptly gathered her bag after she had forcibly torn her hand from his grasp. Delicately dabbing her reddening nose with tissues, she only bid him a brief and quiet goodbye. He didn't even see her go as he stared at the surface of the table and his congealing cup of caramel coffee. The only sound of her departure, the tell tale ringing of the bell strung high above the shop's front door.
vVvVv
"Why won't you just ask out CC?"
Lelouch groaned and just barely kept himself from face-planting straight into the open book he had been reading. Instead, he turned to face his closest male companion to see the brunette staring off into space with his chin cradled in his palm.
"And we are discussing this again because…" Lelouch trailed off, having half a mind to stomp on Suzaku's foot just to see him yowl in pain because of him for once. If they weren't in the library, he probably would have done it already.
"She likes you." At this, Suzaku turned to see Lelouch's expression turn sour. "I spoke to her today. And she likes you."
Raising a delicate eyebrow, Lelouch bookmarked the page before closing the book — knowing this conversation was going to lengthen (or not, depending on how things turned out).
"And CC explicitly told you this?"
"No. In fact, she's saying the same things as you are. But it's easy to see." Suzaku sighed deeply. "Just date her, Lelouch."
Indignance flared to life within him, and pretty violet eyes filled with annoyance darted to Suzaku and his nonchalant posture.
The brunette opted for pretending not to notice Lelouch's scowling features and prattled on. "Lelouch, we both know Shirley isn't your type. You're only with her and agreed to date her because she seems stable; not to mention the fact that she asked you out. Hardly any effort on your part. Plus, you being with her keeps the other girls off your back."
Those purple steely eyes never wavered. "Those are strong accusations, Suzaku."
Suzaku just shrugged. "Sure. But I don't hear you denying it. I may or may not be wrong, but I just think you're afraid to actually ask CC out. She smart, she's not too hard in the eyes, and she can be quite intimidating. Plus, are you really buying into the bullshit she keeps spouting about not caring about what guys think and stuff?"
Lelouch just sighed… Suzaku — and other people, for that matter — really needed to get over him suddenly choosing to date someone that wasn't green-haired and obsessed with stupid pizza. What was up with the fascination for his life and CC's anyway?
"Suzaku, let it go. I'm happy with Shirley, and that's that."
He and CC were best friends… And that would never change.
