A/N: Twilight belongs to SM!

Ok peeps, this note will be long but important!

TU 2 M! She keeps this story spiced and wrote right!

This is the longest chappy to date so far, close to 7200 words. I was planning on doing a whole day per chapter but when it came time to have things pre checked it made more sense to split them up so i don't over do it, so i hope everyone likes it this way. Its harder then i realized to put the movie playing in my head into words, so i'm sorry ahead of time for not getting IJNY updated today as well. I'll start work on that today and hopefully soon there will be an update!

The last chappy was hard for a lot of people, and it made me stop and rethink the way i wanted to write this story, but after talking it over with my beta pal, she told me to keep true to the storyline. I'm hoping that everyone stays with us for the rest of the journey. This story is very dark, intense and will probably always have supsense in every chappy no matter what. I do believe in HEA but for each of my stories there is a reason and emotion that i'm working with. I want to get those key points across to really make them a sucsess.

For this story alone we are close to 120 alerts! Which is amazing! For all 3 stories we are close to 300! You can't get any better then that, the only way is to keep going up!

*Smiling as i stand before you peeps crying*

Nuff ramble, lets get to the story!

PS. Thank u for all the reviews! They are wonderful, i try and reply to all of them!


BPOV

I hardly got any sleep last night after it had dawned on me what Jasper had tried to do. If that was what Pops had taken care of when he said that he'd been on call that night when they both came in, I could understand how he wasn't able to handle much more. I had lain with tears in my eyes, a picture of a shattered Jasper having found his dead wife and pieces of his unborn babies, then trying to end his life.

In a way I was angry at him. I had fought hard to survive and he had fought hard to die. We hadn't gone through the same tortures, but we both had been through nightmares.

The sounds of alarms beeping wildly awoke me from my horrible sleep at 5:02 am.

I pounced from my cot, to see a dozen nurses come rushing into the room. On the bed was Jasper, his whole body convulsing madly. I stood there paralyzed, unable to move closer, thinking it was the end for him.

That's when I heard his whimpering around the breathing tube. The same sounds I had made when I first woke up from my attack in the hospital.

"Jasper, you need to calm down." One of the brown haired nurses said. They were busy checking his lines in his lower half and his arm to make sure he hadn't torn or pulled anything out.

They were so set on their job, they didn't realize he wasn't fighting what was happening to him, he was wanting to know what was going on. I had been there myself, and if you didn't know who first got to you, it made you fight harder. The thought got through to me as I rushed to his side, shoving her out of the way.

"HEY! Dr. Cullen said for us to take care of his medical needs!" she snipped, I turned my head to glance at her, glaring, as I laid my hand against his cheek.

She stopped talking as Jasper went completely motionless. I turned back to him, to find his eyes trained on me, clear as day but with unshed tears.

I gave him my best smile, the same one Pops had used for me, it worked like a charm. His breathing slowed to a normal pace, and his heart rate came back down. The other nurses stopped checking him to watch us.

"Jasper, its OK. You're in the hospital. You didn't die. OK? You're healing really good, but you can't move to much. I know its annoying as hell, but its what your dad wanted for you." The last part was a lie, but I knew if he thought his father had been the one to work on him and then set up his recovery plan he was more apt to listen.

He gave a slight nod and continued to watch me. My smile grew when I knew he was listening to me.

"The nurses need to check your lines and stuff. I'm going to be right here, I promise. OK? The faster they get done, the faster they get out of here and it will be the two of us. OK?"

A hard swift nod was my answer and I moved back from him to allow them to work again, but kept within his vision so he knew I wasn't lying.

He didn't move a muscle as they went through every one of his tubes, and lines. They checked his drips and made sure his food and vitamin intakes were at optimal levels before the nurse I had pissed off, took his board from the end of the bed and scribbled something down on it.

She looked up at me, "I'm going to call Dr. Cullen, Dr. Jane, and Dr. Jared to come in since he's awake."

"Whatever is best."

She left without a word, as I moved back to his side. I looked his half naked body over, noticing each cut, and slice. For once there was color in his skin, but not from infection, he didn't look like the undead as much; and that was from only one day on the right medicine.

I looked up at him and smiled, "At the rate you're going Jasper, you should be healed within days."

He closed his eyes, tears sliding out of the corners. I felt my body begin to hurt. Even if he was unable to love me back, I still loved him and to see his pain was beginning to become worse than even my own.

Taking his good hand into mine, I looked down at it. His fingers were long and graceful, his hand large and soft. The skin as smooth as butter and the hair like silk.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but for me, I need to say it. I love you. And for once I'm not afraid of saying it to another person in fear of being abused. That's a new feeling for me, Jasper. I'm not used to being able to control my own emotions. I don't know what you've been through, but I've been through some stuff that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, except for maybe the person who did it to me." The thought made me laugh nervously, and I looked up at him.

His eyes were open and his face was absorbing everything I said. I swallowed back the tears, then licked my lips as I went to lay his hand back on bed, realizing too late that he didn't like to be touched, especially by me. He grabbed hold as I released it, shocking me. My eyes darted from it to his face, and it was almost aglow with something I couldn't pick out.

"I know you don't like to be touched, I'm sorry. I just...." I couldn't finish the sentence as he squeezed with all his might. I didn't know if I was going crazy or not, then again at that very second, I could have cared less. But the strength in that squeeze felt like love. Even if it was in my mind I was going to take it. It fed my soul and gave me more will to keep going.

Maybe if I made Jasper better I would find the meaning for my survival.

"Its OK for me to hold your hand?" The question, even to my own ears, was the stupidest thing I'd ever asked.

He gave a small nod, and continued to keep his death grip on me.

"Is it OK for me to talk to you about stuff?"

Again a small nod.

I took a deep breathe, then closed my eyes. "I want to be honest with you, Jasper. I've known your family a long time but I never knew about you. I'm not sure why. Maybe one day when you feel like sharing, you'll let me know. I won't question your family about you. No matter how much I'd like too." Another hard squeeze and my eyes popped opened.

I looked up at him, expecting to see hatred, but it wasn't. His eyes held something else completely. It was understanding. Something only he could feel, like me.

"But I'm not going too." his eyes narrowed confused. I gave him a tiny smile, "You see, I've learned my lessons about asking stuff that you don't have the right to know. Its half the reason I was abused so much. I was a nosy mouse, like my dad, your mom and dad would say. I was always into everything. It wasn't to be mean, but because I wanted to help. But I've learned sometimes knowing stuff you shouldn't doesn't help anyone, especially yourself."

Before I could say anything else, the door opened again. I would have jumped back but for Jasper's hold on my hand. For someone as weak as he was, he was not letting go for no one.

Pops was last in the door, behind Dr. Jane and another lady who was just as professional. I saw her name tag.

Dr. Misty Jared. She was Jasper's head doctor.

"You're awake, Jasp." Pops looked more happy then I'd seen him in a long time. All three came closer to us, then froze when they saw our hands. It was a shock to me, but I think it might have gave each of them a heart attack.

"Jasper, you're holding her hand?" Dr. Jared looked so confounded by the picture we made, that her mouth hung open. I realized then just how long it had been since anyone had been able to freely touch Jasper. Or should I say, how long it had been since he had freely touched anyone.

"He makes me feel better and I make him feel better." I explained but that didn't pull her mouth shut. While she stood gaping at us, Pops and Dr. Jane came and looked him over.

"Jasper, things looked wonderful. Half of your cuts have healed correctly, and the rest are on the mend." She looked to me, and her happiness dropped a bit. "Bella, did you tell him anything about his arm?"

I shook my head, and looked back at Jasper. He was still relaxed, not in the least worried about whatever news she was about to tell him. That was the only thing that kept me from turning into a big baby and letting the waterworks start.

Taking a deep breathe she started, "I'm not going to speak about past injuries, Jasper. One, because it will not help the matter, and two, Bella is not allowed to know, confidentially."

The last sentence seemed to light a fire in Jasper. His blood pressure began to rise, and his body began to color. His anger manifested itself very visually. It was hard to miss.

Within two days we'd become attached to one another even unwillingly.

Pops stepped in before Jasper came off the bed, and even in his state, I knew he'd have found a way to do so. "Mary, I think you might want to understand something right now before Jasper rips a limb off of you. Bella has become very vital to him, even in the short amount of time they have known each other. Talking about her as if she was not very important to him, is like committing murder. Do you get my drift?"

His words took her back, and I noticed Dr. Jared moving closer. She came to stop by my side, and her face was lit up with a smile. Like a mother bird watching her chickadee take flight for the first time.

"It's wonderful, Jasper. I'm very proud of you." She revealed and I watched his face. I saw the respect he had for her, and the way her words calmed him a bit.

"Don't worry, Jasper, I've had worse said to me." I added, but it seemed to make things worse. His eyes came back to rest on me, his grip tightened, and the machine numbers started to rise. "Jasper, I was trying to be nice. Don't get into a tizzy. Dad and Pops have taught me a thing or two about people's opinions. Calm down."

It made three of us in the room smile when, all at once, his body went slack, and his numbers dropped to respectable areas. I sighed, feeling strong for once in my life. I was taking care of someone else and it seemed I was doing a decent job.

It gave me hope but it made my protective emotions triple. No one was going to hurt my Jasper as long as I was there.

No one.

I smiled at him, "Thank you, Jasper. Please listen to what she has to say. Only the important stuff, avoid anything stupid."

Pops and Dr. Jared laughed outright, covering their mouths when Dr. Jane turned an evil glare at the three of us. Even Jasper was smiling around his air tube, which was a first for me.

"Thank you Bella," she snicked and I gave her a look. As did Pops and Dr. Jared. "As I was saying, Jasper, the amount of injuries in your past has created a rough patch as of now. Your latest injury was not as easy to fix as most cases would have been. You've damaged your arm to the point that keeping it is not even an option. We're trying out different antibiotics on you, and they do seem to be working but I don't know if the flesh in your arm is still alive enough to survive. If gangrene sets in, we'll have to take that arm."

All of our attention turned to him. He didn't seem to even be fazed by the news. It was almost as if he had been expecting it, watching and waiting.

"Isn't there anything that can be done? I mean, if the medicine is working so far, then shouldn't his arm react as well?"

"I highly doubt it. The best case scenario is the loss of complete feeling and motion in that arm, but keeping it I don't know what would be worse. If he is able to keep it, would it be better to not feel then to not have?"

Her words were disturbing to me, in her mind, it was simple. Very cut and dry. Simply remove the arm because it would be an eye sore to people. She had no idea what it was like to lose a part of your body. To lose something that stopped you from being able to function right.

Even with a bad arm, Jasper would still be Jasper. But I didn't believe he'd let it just hang there not working. If he was stubborn enough to survive so far, he would find a way to make it work again one day for him. He was as hard headed as Pops, it seemed.

My high was slowly draining away as was my energy. What she was saying was horrible and in a way, inhumane. Of course, Jasper took notice, as if he could sense and understand my emotions. His thumb began to ran over my knuckles and it had the effect of warm milk on a cold night. I instantly felt like everything would be OK.

I looked at him and his eyes were warm instead of the normal ice. I gave him the best smile I could muster, wrapping my other hand around ours.

Before Dr. Jane could say anymore her pager went off, she looked at it, then hurried out of the room. The air turned calm once she was gone.

"Jasper, since your breathing is much better from last night, and you seem to be taking in enough oxygen into your blood cells, we're going to remove the tube from your throat. It will hurt a bit, but I think you'll like talking to Bella." Pops always had a way to make things seem better then they were. He was talking Jasper up about me to get him to stay calm for something. It worked like a charm.

Jasper relaxed into the bed, as Pops used the bed remote to beep the nurses. Two more came into the room. He talked with them quietly while I watched Jasper's face.

"You have to let go of my hand, so we can do this, OK?" I was worried he'd fight, but he just stared at me, then blinked. I surprised myself by kissing his forehead, before moving back out of their way.

I watched as they worked around him, effectively taking out the tubing and any lines that went with it. Jasper coughed a few times, and I cringed as I listen to him struggle.

Once it was out, Pops moved his bed up so he was reclining instead of laying. I saw the flare come back into Jasper once the tube was gone. He became his old self in a way. His eyes got harder, and his body became like a snake ready to pounce.

I was worried that he was going to throw me out now that he could talk. He was more able bodied, being able to speak for things he needed. It was going to be a fight to get him to let me take care of things.

"Your throat will be sore. So we'll bring in some ice chips for you, try not to talk to much or to loud for the next few hours. I'm going to go out and talk with Dr. Jared, while Bella and you get some alone time."

I stood aside watching them leaving. Once the door shut again I turned back to Jasper. He was staring at me, his disposition hadn't changed. It was like seeing the Jasper from yesterday when he told me to get the hell away from him.

All of things I had said to him came rushing back into my head, playing over and over and I felt stupid for being so open.

The door opened yet again, and in came a nurse with a large cup of ice chips. She sat them by the bed on his little draw table, then left. I looked to him, his eyes had stayed on me. When I made no move, he held out his hand to me. I stared at it like gold.

Putting all of my trust in him, I moved closer and took it. His body relaxed but his demeanor didn't. I think he stayed that way, happy, sad or angry.

"I'm not an easy person, Bella." His voice was so low and hoarse I had to rethink his words before I could understand them.

That statement made me smile, "I'm not either. I think that's why were so bad for each other, yet so good as well."

He smiled for the second time since I met him and it was like watching baby kittens opening their eyes, seeing the world for the first time. Simply breathtaking.

"I don't want to live anymore." I was taken back by his choice of words. A tear ran down my cheek before I even knew I was crying. "But I don't want to die anymore either. I'm not sure of what my life is. I don't know what I'm doing."

"Me either."

"All I know is that I need your touch, more then I want the pain."

It was moments like this when your body became so infused with joy that you knew you were glowing on the outside.

"Maybe...maybe we can heal together, Jasper. If you want too."

He looked down at his waist, where the tubing and lines were the most, "I don't know anymore, Bella. I think one day at a time is too much for me."

"Then one hour at a time." I whispered and his eyes came back to mine.

Seconds went by and they felt like years. Then he gave a short nod, if I hadn't been watching I wouldn't have caught it.

"All I can do is try." He promised. "For you."

"All I can do is try as well. For both of us."


JPOV

I wasn't lying to Bella when I said that I wanted her touch more then I wanted the pain. Before she came into my life, inflicting pain on myself was more important then anything else. Now it wasn't. She was.

It only took a day and half. But she had done more for me then my wife would have ever thought too. When I had woken up and saw the hospital ceiling and lights, I knew I wasn't dead. At first I had been angry, and wanted to lash out, especially when the nurses got near me and started to touch.

They wouldn't leave me alone, let me go. I didn't want to be in this world. Then Bella had push one aside and laid her hand on my face. I felt the soothing tingle go through my body, the pain disappeared completely and I forgot about the want to die.

She did that. She made me want something more then just pain. She made me feel something more than sorrow. I needed her touch and that feeling to survive, now. I realized that. When she opened up to me, I understood just how much she was like me. But how much harder she had fought to get over it.

She was willing to love again despite the agony that she'd experienced the first time around. I couldn't even go into a room of people without wanting to jump off the roof.

Her honestly made me open up. Like no one else. No one truly got what it meant to go through what we had. You could call it a horrific tragedy all you like but those were just words. Emotions people felt after hearing about it. They didn't even know the details, or they'd feel more than that.

They'd likely run to the nearest trash can and take hostage of it to get through one minute of our lives.

Her courage and protectiveness of me when dad and my docs had come into the room, had shown through even with her timid stance. That brought out my protective and possessive feelings.

She was mine. She had claimed me, and I was claiming her. But that had also made me think about what Ali had said the day before.

I was still able to have more kids, something I didn't think I could live through ever again, but with Bella that option was taken away. . Even with what I'd witness in my short life, I didn't think I'd have the back bone to ever ask what could have been done to her to take something like that away from her.

She was the type of person that you saw with 10 kids, all of them laughing, big fat dimple grins on their faces tugging on her skirt for attention as she made homemade cookies.

Just like my mom had been.

She said she would try for us, and I would try for her. Maybe one day she would be right and we'd make it. I'd make it. There was so much to get through, and overcome I didn't see how, but someway she did.

That was enough for me.

As long as I had her.


BPOV

I knew today we were going to talk, no matter how painful it was. Half of me was glad to get it off my chest, while the other half was afraid that it would scare Jasper away. I pulled the chair up close to the side of his bed. Before I was even seated he was grabbing hold of my hand keeping it close to his body.

"Since you're not suppose to talk a lot for the next few hours, do you want to watch TV?"

It was the coward's way out since I was afraid to start but I didn't know any other way.

Jasper's eyes narrowed and it seemed his breathing got deeper. He was good at reading emotions, while his emotions were easily on display.

"I can talk a little," He whispered. "You talk."

I frowned, looking down at my lap. Taking a deep breathe, I looked back up at him, finally ready to start about some of my life. It looked like fate was on my side for once in my miserable life, when the door opened again, and in came Dr. Jared.

She smiled wide at both of us, and I noticed the very large manilla folder and binder in her arms.

"I know Carlisle said something about you two talking together, but I thought maybe if the three of us talked, I could help some. Would that be OK?" She looked at each of us, waiting.

The relief was so great, not to have to share with Jasper on my own, I wanted to pick her up and kiss her.

"That would be great." Maybe I'd get more info on him without having to ask. It would help me read him, and gauge his reactions so we wouldn't have another war so soon.

"I'm not sure."

Of course Jasper tried to be the party pooper, and I saw the way Dr. Jared took hold of the situation. She smiled at me, then looked at him, coming closer.

"I know how private you are Jasper, but I know you well enough, to say that you would like to know anything and everything about Bella. As she with you, but I think for her, it would be easier if there was a third party in the room that knew you well enough to help her. I know you care for her, in your own way, can I stay, if nothing else, for her?"

Man, she was good. Dr. Jared must have been friends with Pops and Esme for a long time for her to pick up that trait. It must run in the Cullen family.

We both turned our attention to Jasper, his face playing many emotions.

Finally he relaxed and nodded.

"Can this count for my appointment as well?"

She grinned at him, as she pulled the second, and last, empty chair closer to his bed on the other side. "Of course. Once again, you've found the extra benefit for yourself, so proud Jasper."

He made a face like an affronted teenager, and I had to bite my lips to not laugh at him. She was like Esme, she could embarrass you without trying. That didn't seem to be easy with Jasper, and she did it in minutes of entering the room.

Getting to know her was going to be fun. Maybe she'd rub off on me, and I'd be able to work Jasper that way.

I waited, watching as she pulled her stuff into her lap and got ready to talk. She moved her papers around, and pulled out the standard doctor's pen that they all carried, clicked the top and glanced up.

"Okay, kids. Where do we want to start? Bella, is there anything you'd like to say to start out with Jasper, or do you want to ask a question?"

I licked my lips, there were thousands on the tip of my tongue but when I looked at Jasper, his face was like a diamond, harder then I'd ever seen. He might have cared about me, was clutching my hand as his life line, but talking about his past, was not something he felt like doing.

It didn't take a smart person to see what little progress we'd made together would be completely shattered if I started out asking him questions first. I needed to open up first and hope he'd put trust into me.

"I'll talk. I think I'm better at that anyway." She just nodded, smiled and jotted down some stuff in her notes.

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?"

"How I met Troy?" .

She nodded and Jasper just kept watching me. As I talked I fell back into the memory. One that was much easier to handle then the rest.


I was 15 when I first met Troy at the mall. I was with Alice shopping for school clothes. He was 21 and the newest manager at the electronics store. He hair was jet black, and he had the greenest eyes I'd ever seen.

Soft spoken, and sweet to everyone.

Especially the girls.

I was taking a break from trying on clothes, when I went in to look at the cds.

At first, he just watched me from the doorway into the backroom, and I thought he was going to tell me to leave for being too young. You can imagine my shock when he came closer. I continued to look threw the cds, trying hard not to show that I was watching him back.

"Finding everything ok?"

I swallowed the air in my throat and choked. He smiled, and I saw the sky turn blue. Patting my back softly he waited until I was able to speak again.

"Yeah. I'm just waiting for my best friend. She's still trying on clothes. She can go for days. I last only hours." I stopped myself when I realized I was rambling. But it only made his smile increase.

Looking back, I could see the shark in him eying the naive swimmer, ready to take a jump into water without ever learning to swim.

I was going to be his dinner for a very long time, no matter how much he had to beat me into submission.

"Like any bands in particular?"

I shrugged, glancing at the racks. "I like pretty much everything. Do you have a favorite?"

I was shocked by my confidence with talking to someone so much older then me. But he didn't seem to mind, he enjoyed talking about himself.

"I'm like you. I like everything. Kinda the reason I took the job. I get to be around things I like. Especially the games. You get to see what comes in before anyone. Even the hard to find stuff."

"Cool." I wasn't sure what else you say to someone like him, so I stayed quiet.

"You're very pretty, you got a boyfriend?" Just like that, he was in. All it took was one simple compliment and I was hooked. I wasn't the sort of girl in school that got a lot of looks from boys.

I wasn't the girl that had dates, or kisses. It never hit me what his motive could be. Good, bad or cruel. Even the age difference, and why he'd want someone so young.

Now it did. I was easier to mold. I was the wallflower of the group. I'd be more quiet and compliant to his requests. No questions or refusals. At least not until I had figured out his plan and the way he worked.

By then it was too late and there was no way out. He had many tricks up his sleeve and used them with skill.


I snapped out of the dream like state, when Jasper started tugging on my hand. I blinked and looked at him, before I realized I had tears running down my face.

He wasn't the type of person who was used to this kind of emotion from a girl, that much was obvious. My little breakdown was stressing him out, and the monitors were proof.

Dr. Jared had laid her notes on the chair and was kneeling beside my chair, clasping my free arm in her hands. Her actions were motherly and at once I relaxed between the two of them.

"Did I say that all out loud?"

Sometimes my nightmares and memories mixed, and I was never sure if I was living them in my head or in real life even when I talked about them.

A look of pain crossed her face when she shook her head. I was pretty terrified to ask how I had acted.

But in a way I knew she would be able to help me.

"What happened?"

"Are you ok, Bella?" She was bent on making sure I wasn't going to have a complete meltdown and that made me smile.

"I'm getting tougher, I promise."

She nodded, then half smiled, before getting up and going back to her seat. This time around she clutched her notes to her chest. Both arms wrapped tightly around them as if she was trying to hold herself together as well.

"You were talking fine, then you'd just stop and stare as if in a trance. At first I thought it was too much and Jasper wanted you to stop. Then you'd start again as if nothing was wrong and I thought you were just collecting your thoughts. Without warning you started to cry. I know everyone has their own ways of letting things out, but even I'm glad Jasper brought you out of it. Short outlets are better then the whole thing at once. Sometimes the mind can't handle the full dose at once." Her words gave insight into how people saw me when I did one of my "quiet moments" and it made more sense why people would start to act weird around me.

They thought I was literally losing my mind. There was so few people in my life that didn't act visually like that. In their minds, maybe, but not in front of me. It helped then. Now I was worried that my problems where hurting them.

"Did it make any sense?"

"Yes. Troy was an older and very attractive person who paid you attention for the worst reasons. Were you ever intimate?"

I felt the blood literally drain from my face. My hands were cold and I was having trouble breathing. From the corner of my eye I saw Jasper saying something and jerking on my hand. But I couldn't respond. I couldn't even hear.

I felt the air leave my lungs and the world go black.


JPOV

Anger like I've never known filled my body. It started in my toes and ran up to my head. I watched helpless from the bed as Bella collapsed in the chair.

I knew the signs of a trauma black out. I'd had them myself when I first started to deal with life. Certain things, smells, questions and even people would trigger a reaction that was uncontrollable and you'd just black out.

It took me almost a year to be able to remember what I'd been asked before the blackouts. Sometimes even the whole day.

Having to listen to Bella explain the first few minutes of being with Troy had been hard. But it made more sense, then I thought. He had saw a helpless girl, begging for attention from anyone. She made the perfect doll for his collection to use as he pleased.

Growing up I'd heard about some of the cases dad had taken care of. Women and children abused by men and how they'd treat them. We even had a few stay with us when mom found out just how bad it was.

I knew Dr. Jared was the best, she even helped me, when no one could. Not even dad. Her line of questions would get me mad, but they made sense.

I didn't like the sex question, but she wouldn't have asked it unless she thought it was a big key to Bella's past and her future. I was scared to learn the answer. Either way was bad.

I sat in the bed, trying to control my mind like the shitty wires were controlling my body as nurses and doctors came flying into the room when the emergency alarm was flicked by the doc.

They were trying to help Bella, but their hands on her were going to drive me crazy. When dad finally came in, I relaxed, a hair.

He pushed his way through to where she now lay on the floor, firing questions off to find out the details.

"She just blacked out while we were talking." Dad looked confused, but nodded.

After he checked her normal vitals, he scooped her up, taking her out of the room. The anxiety consumed me, almost as much as the anger. I needed to be with her, to keep her safe. I couldn't even get out of the bed.

Dr. Jared stayed behind with me while the rest of the group followed close behind.

When the last one was out we were left to stare at one another. She was first to react, as she came to sit back in her chair, holding her papers.

"Jasper, do you want to continue?"

The question was so stupid but held so much intelligence that it was funny. She knew I didn't want to continue, that I wanted to be with Bella. Yet she knew, in order to keep me in that bed, was to keep my mind off of it.

"No, I don't. But I'm smart enough to know I can't help her, they can. Dad can."

"Bella has trigger points." She started and I just sat and stared. "You know just as I do, what that's like. When we first met everything was a trigger for you and just getting to talk with me was a feat in itself. Now your main trigger is touch. With anyone but Bella."

I couldn't argue because she was right.

"I think Bella has mentally blocked what happened to her, while you keep reliving it on purpose so you won't forget. They're the same thing. Neither of you have worked through what happened, and until you do, you can't move on. You know that. She knows that. But you still need to figure out what your solution will be. I'm with your father when I say that I think the two of you are the keys. You can help Bella and she can help you. Whether or not that means you'll be together forever, I don't know."

I felt the shivers running down my body. I don't think I could handle putting someone else that I cared about in the ground.

A lifeless Bella would mean a lifeless Jasper.

"She had blocked her brain from reliving her memories, and now the body is rebelling. Its making her emotion become physical with feeling. The brain no longer is laying dormant while she controls things. Until she works through them and gets past what happened, she'll keep living those days over."

"How do I help her?"

"You're a security to her. Her touch calms you, am I right?"

I nodded even though my body was refusing to share. She was right about one thing, the brain would only stay dormant for so long. Lately mine was waking up as well.

Great. Life sucked ass.

"Being able to take care of you, protect you, is her security. She's stronger then you, in a way. Not in the way Troy was to her, but in her way. You make her feel like she's invincible to others, unable to be hurt like she has been because she has to make sure you're ok. She's able to forget about herself and how she feels, she only has to worry about you."

I wanted her to feel that way not just about me, but herself as well. No one could hurt her unless she let them, I should know. I wrote the book on it.

"Is that good?"

"Somewhat. It takes her out of her old thoughts. But it doesn't stop them, nor does it fix them. It's just another way of blocking them. She might not realize it but she's making things worse for herself."

"Will my problems, my condition, hurt her more then help her?" I was not going to be the cause of Bella's demise.

"It may look like it, but I think you'll help her in the long run. I'm pretty sure you won't think she is helping you the whole way, but she will be."

I nodded, and that was all it took for my energy to be zapped. I rest my head back against the bed and close my eyes.

"I think we're good today, Jasper. I'll talk with your dad, and see when our next session should be and if it should be with both of you." I heard her stand up and opened my eyes.

"Thanks."

"See you later, Jasper."

We nodded at one another, as I watched her leave. I was left to listen to the beeping and sounds of the machines around me. Since I had woke up I was able to take a look at myself and see what I had done.

Losing my arm wasn't a shock. I knew with cutting myself, that one day I might do it wrong and cut off the blood to somewhere important.

It seemed to scare Bella more than anyone though.

I hoped for her sake I didn't lose it. Even if I wasn't able to use it, it would be easier for her. Not because of how I'd look, but because of what she'd lost.

My eyes were closed and I fell asleep faster then I had in years, thinking about Bella.


****Ok, peeps, lets see if we can get over the 100 mark with reviews, and maybe even more! There was lots going on in this chappy, so i hope it was worth your time! Next chappy probably after an update for IJNY which will hopefully be posted after mother's day this weekend!

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