A/N: Hello! Thank you so much for sticking with this story until now. We are about the halfway point now, and I just needed to tell you how happy it has made me to see you guys really like the story. Your love makes me write faster. Please please, review and tell me what you think and what mistakes I can improve on, and I would be forever thankful to you. And now, enjoy! :)
9. Cowardice
Teddy Lupin was startled by the dream he had just woken up to. Of course Victoire was there, as she was in all his dreams lately, but she had been naked and aroused and it had made him aroused too. He scratched his head and came out of bed. He looked at himself in the full-length mirror and sighed. His hair was bubble-gum pink, and he could clearly see his erection inside his pyjama bottoms. He had to do something about his recent thoughts about Victoire before he saw her later in the evening, as he was already having trouble with even mustering the courage to talk to her normally.
He hadn't heard from her in a month. Her silence was suspicious, and he remembered with sadness what she said to him the last time they saw each other. She had developed feelings for Nott, and apparently he had offered to shag her. He felt a wave of jealousy invade him, and he sighed again. This Christmas was not going to be easy. He shook his head and instantly vanished the pink hair out of his head. He was glad he was staying at his grandmum's for the holidays, because having three roommates meant he always had to be on the lookout and constantly avoiding thoughts that would turn his hair pink.
"Are you awake?" his grandmum called behind the closed door.
"Yes." Teddy called back, sitting on the bed again.
"It's almost noon. You have to go."
"Yes. I understand." it had been a yearly tradition to have Christmas lunch with Harry and Ginny, and then in the evening they would all go to the Burrow, and his grandmum would come for dinner and the whole family was complete. But he was dreading it, the yearly tradition was about to become torture.
He dressed quietly, pulling the homemade cardigan Molly had knitted for him over a t-shirt of his new favorite band of the moment: The Basilisks. He shook his head, and turned his hair jet black, in an effort to not letting the pink out. He hated pink.
"I'll catch up with you later." his grandmum called from the kitchen. "I need to get started on this pudding."
"Don't be too late." Teddy warned, getting his coat on. "Maybe we could come back early…" he mumbled under his breath.
"I won't. See you there." his grandmum called distractedly.
Teddy Apparated at Harry's place right at noon. He was having a difficult time finding his own thoughts as he knocked on the door. He was overthinking everything and he was starting to panic. He hated being in love.
"Ted, come in." Harry said, opening the door. "We were about to start lunch."
"Sorry I'm late." Teddy mumbled.
"Don't worry about it." Harry slapped him affectionately on the back. "What's wrong?"
"What?" Teddy asked, lifting his gaze to Harry's.
"You look a little...green." Harry led Teddy to the living room, ignoring Ginny's yells from the kitchen asking if Teddy had arrived.
"Do I?" Ted asked, helplessly. He sat down on the couch, sighing heavily and rubbing his face with his hands. "I feel kind of squeamish."
"Did you eat something funny?" Harry asked, his brow furrowed.
"No." Teddy kept rubbing his face and he could feel his hair turning from black to pink in no time.
"Is it a fever?" he said, touching Teddy's forehead. "No, you're fine."
"I feel a little out of breath." Teddy said, realising that he was having a hard time breathing. "Like there's something on my chest."
"Why don't you lie down for a little bit?" Harry asked, standing up from the couch and offering it to Teddy.
"Oh Merlin." Teddy whispered, lifting his large feet to the couch and covering his face. He was feeling more awful by the minute.
"Ginny!" Teddy heard Harry call from afar. His hearing was clouding rapidly. "Ginny come quick!"
He heard Ginny's footsteps approach, and then he heard her muttering some spell under her breath, and then she took away his hands from his face, looking at him with tenderness. Teddy felt instant relief, his heart, that had started to beat furiously, was then soothed. He sighed again and sat down on the couch, a preoccupied Harry hovering over him.
"Are you all right now?" Ginny asked, sitting next to him on the couch.
"Yes, thank you." he said, his cheeks reddening. It embarrassed him deeply every time Ginny cooed him like she did with James and Albus. "I don't know what happened."
"It seemed like a panic attack, Teddy." Ginny said straightforwardly.
"A panic attack?" Harry echoed in a concerned voice. "What's going on Teddy?"
"I-I don't…" Teddy's embarrassment grew immensely as he realised why his panic was escalating.
"Is something the matter?" Ginny asked softly. "You can talk to us. If there's something with your granny or-"
"No!" Teddy said quickly. "It has nothing to do with granny. It's just...pathetic."
"I'm sure, whatever it is, it's not as bad as you believe. And I'm sure if you talk to somebody about it, you'll feel better." Ginny continued in a calm voice, taking Teddy's hand in between hers.
"Harry already knows." Teddy mumbled, his face reddening again.
"I do?" Harry asked, surprised.
"About...her."
"About...her?" Harry asked cluelessly.
"You don't remember?" Teddy asked, suddenly desperation growing inside him. Of course he wouldn't remember, it was not that important, Teddy thought.
"Are you in love with someone?" Ginny asked, squeezing Teddy's hand and her face lighting up.
"I-I...am."
"Oh!" Harry said, realising where the conversation was heading. "About her."
"It's nothing." Teddy stood up suddenly. "Just forget it."
"No!" Ginny stood up too. "You can tell us. You can tell me. I'll help you."
"I'll talk to him." Harry declared, and grabbed Teddy's shoulder, leading him to his office.
"I don't want to talk about anything, really." Teddy said, feeling extremely uncomfortable.
"Ted," Harry began, sitting down in an armchair by the fire. "If you're having a panic attack about it, then it's serious."
"I think I was just overthinking things." Teddy said, sitting down on the armchair opposite Harry's.
"What were you overthinking?" Harry scratched his head, clearly this was far beyond his comfort zone too.
"Harry…" Teddy started. "what do I do if Victoire…"
"I think you don't need to have plans, Ted. Just let everything run its course." Harry said.
"But what if she doesn't...what if I can't...I mean...She surely...with that other bloke...Or what if…" Teddy mumbled, feeling more dejected as every word came out of his mouth.
Harry laughed. It was not a cruel laugh or a laugh to ridicule Teddy, even. It was more of a proud laugh, and it disconcerted Teddy deeply. Why was he so delighted? His face reddened and Harry just scratched his head again and with a shy smile he said:
"I think she is important to you and you'll never know anything until you try."
"I know…" Teddy sighed.
"It doesn't have to be today, or even tomorrow, but just remember that if you don't do it, you'll never know."
Teddy knew Harry was right, he was being a coward avoiding Victoire, and avoiding his feelings, but he hated it. He wanted everything to go back to normal, to being just Victoire and Teddy without the complicated emotions attached to it. He was physically in pain, and his chest and his heart were aching thinking about her.
Lunch went by in a jiffy. Teddy didn't register what was being spoken or what he was eating. He just continued with tasks automatically, his stomach somersaulting every time Victoire's name was said, or when Ginny mentioned his recent panic attack. He just nodded along and ignored everything. After lunch, James, Albus, Lily and Teddy went out to the back yard for a little Quidditch.
"Teddy, I want to ride with you." Lily said, pulling his sleeve.
"You're a big girl, already, Lily, I don't think riding together would be a good idea. Why don't you take out your broom and show me what you've learned." Teddy said, dismissively.
He was Keeper while the Potter kids threw balls at him, he missed everyone of them, making him feel even more dejected.
"What's gotten into you, Lupin?" James asked him. "You've been out of game for less than 6 months and you've become lousy."
"James, stop being nasty to people!" Ginny called from the house.
"It's fine, Ginny." Teddy called back. And then he turned to James and said in a quiet whisper: "When you are captain of the Gryffindor team and get an offer from the Magpies, then we can discuss about it."
"You got an offer?" James asked incredulously, packing the balls and brooms into the broomshed.
"Last summer." Teddy said nonchalantly.
"Then I'll get one for the Chudley Cannons and the Magpies, and for the national team!" James said with confidence.
"Dream high, kid." Teddy winked at him, walking towards the house. "And maybe your dreams would come true."
"Dad! How did you become captain of the Gryffindor team?! I need to beat Teddy!" James said to Harry once they had entered the house.
"With a lot of hard work, and being awesome." Harry said, ruffling his son's hair.
"You were ok, Potter. Don't flatter yourself too much." Ginny said, sticking out his tongue at him.
"Oi, Weasley!" Harry said, grabbing his wife by the waist and snuggling her close, kissing her fully on the lips.
"Yeach! Ew!" their three children yelped at the same time, averting their eyes. Harry and Ginny laughed.
"Are you ready to go?" Ginny asked her children. She walked towards the fireplace and handed James the Floo Powder. He disappeared calling out "the Burrow".
One by one the Potters disappeared into the fireplace, leaving green flames behind them. At last, just Harry and Teddy were left. Harry came closer to Teddy and patted him on the back.
"Are you ready?" he asked, smiling.
"Not really…" Teddy said. "I didn't know I was such a coward until today."
"Being afraid is not being a coward." Harry said, reassuringly. "Overcoming your fear and acting in spite of it, is what makes you brave, and you know this."
"Fighting dark wizards and unknown hexes and curses is nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now." Teddy said, his face falling.
"When I started to have feelings for Ginny, I was mortally afraid." Harry said, scratching his head and ruffling it. "I knew that if Ron find out he would murder me in my sleep, but-"
"He accepted it." Teddy finished. "I have heard this story before."
"Yes, you have. And you've heard how your father was terrified of the wolf gene and yet he had you, and he loved you and he loved your mother. So you don't have to be afraid, kid. There are worst pains out there."
"I don't know why it has struck me so hard. I've never felt this way before." Teddy said, his hand on the jar with the Floo Powder.
"It's called love, Ted. And I can officially say you are a man now. Falling in love is what men do."
"Cheers, Harry." Teddy said, feeling a little better. "But are you sure is fine?"
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, getting some of the Floo Powder for himself.
"About me and Victoire?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Because she's your niece." Teddy stated, as if it was so obvious why Harry should hate it.
"And you're my son." he said simply. "I cannot think of a better match than this one."
Teddy beamed and watched as Harry disappeared engulfed by the green flames. He loves me as a son, Teddy repeated in his head. Those words resonated inside his head, making him smile. He had always thought he belonged to Harry, he was his parent in the absence of a real one, but he had always feared Harry only thought of him as his teacher's son. Doubts that were clouding his mind for years now, suddenly dissipated. And with this newly found peace of mind, Teddy grabbed the Floo Powder and chanted "the Burrow" and he was suddenly standing in the middle of Molly's and Arthur's living room, smiling back to the redheads.
"Teddy!" Molly screeched, coming to him and hugging him with all her plumped might. "I have not seen you in so long. You're all grown up now!"
"Thanks, Molly." Teddy mumbled, feeling embarrassed.
"And where is your dear grandmother?" she asked, handing Teddy to her husband for another bone-crushing hug.
"She's coming, she said she was making a pudding." Teddy said between somebody else's arms (he couldn't keep up with the amount of hugs he was receiving).
"Oh, that woman! I told her to not bring anything! She always does this and she's a guest!" Molly fumed all the way back to the kitchen. Teddy chuckled.
But his good humor was instantly drained from his face when he saw Dominique and Louis heading up the stairs. Bill and Fleur were down there, sitting in the living room with the rest of the adults. Teddy gulped and went upstairs to look for Victoire. Despite his fears and insecurities, he was attracted to her like a magnet. Knowing she was in the same house as he was, was enough to make him go to her. He needed to see her face and her smile and her long blonde-white hair.
"Teddy," Lily said, grabbing his arm. "Hugo and I are playing over here."
"I can't right now, Lils. I have to look for somebody else."
"But Teddy-!" Lily whined, tugging his sleeve harder. Lily's pleas were drown instantly on Teddy's mind, as he heard a familiar voice filling his ears. She was on the third-floor landing, talking to Dominique in a loud chatter. Nay, she was not talking, she was arguing. Teddy dismissively ruffled Lily's hair and went to the stairs, listening hard to make out their words as he approached.
"-but I told you about Charlie!" Dominique said harshly.
"You volunteered that information!" Victoire snapped back. "I didn't ask for it!"
"You are not suppose to keep anything from me! I'm your sister and best friend! You've never done anything like that before!"
"Just because I told you about my love life in the past doesn't mean I need to tell you about it every time!" Victoire shrieked. Teddy froze in place at the mention of Victoire's heart. He wanted to continue listening, but he was torn between curiosity and fear, so he stepped forward, venturing into the landing.
"Are you in love with him? Because if you're not, then-"
"That's none of your bloody business." Victoire said calmly and when she turned her head she saw Teddy at the foot of the stairs. "What do you want?!" she almost shrieked at him too.
"What's going on?" Teddy asked sheepishly.
"Maybe he can talk some sense into you!" Dominique said, walking towards him. "Do you know who Victoire has been sn-"
Her sentence was cut short by a very angry Victoire, pulling Dominique out of the way, getting in front of Teddy in a protective manner.
"He knows, just stop it." Victoire said in a serious voice.
"He knows?!" Dominique gaped at him in disbelief. "How can you know about it and do nothing?!"
"It's my business, and I'd prefer it if you wouldn't go and divulge it to the rest of the family!" Victoire snapped again, crossing her arms above her chest.
"Fine!" Dominique said, huffing. "Do whatever you want, but don't come running to me when he breaks your heart!"
Dominique stormed down the stairs noisily. Victoire remained with her back to Teddy, her arms crossed, and he was unable to move. He scanned Victoire's back, her neck, and her slim shoulders; this was the girl he had fantasised about for the last four months non-stop, but as he gazed at her, she looked completely unattainable, and that thought was enough to make Teddy shudder.
"Dominique found out about Nott." Victoire said quietly.
"I figured." Teddy said, his chest constricting.
Victoire spun around, her face ablaze by the recent argument she was having. It was a weird sight, Victoire was rarely angry, she was a happy person, and seeing her like that was making him curios. What other aspects of Victoire had he missed in all these years? So far, he had seen the happy Victoire, the timid Victoire, the naïve Victoire, the drunk Victoire, and now the angry Victoire. He wanted to see more of her, more of her expressions, more of her moods, more of everything.
"How did she found out?" Teddy asked apprehensively. He was not keen to know exactly what was going on with Nott, but he was jealous.
"We were-" a door opened to their left, and Rose and Albus came out of the room, a look of bewilderment on their faces. They were covered in soth, and Teddy immediately knew they have been up to no good.
"Come here." Teddy whispered, grabbing lightly Victoire's shoulder to lead her into one of the bedrooms.
"Dominique followed me and saw us leave an abandoned classroom." Victoire said, her stance somewhat more relaxed. They were in Percy's old bedroom, so everything was neatly stacked and the walls were covered in a serious wallpaper.
"What were you doing in there?" Teddy asked as casually as he could.
"Stuff…" Victoire said, sitting down on the bed and looking elsewhere. Teddy gulped.
"So you guys are really together?" he asked, sitting down beside her on the bed.
"Yeah…" Victoire made a funny face. "Sort of."
"Sort of?" Teddy raised his eyebrow. "So he is not your boyfriend?"
"It's complicated, Teddy." Victoire said, exasperated.
"What's so complicated? Please, enlightened me." he was feeling irritated himself.
"You know, about the bet. It's all leading up to it and-"
"I don't care about the stupid bet, Vic!" Teddy snapped. "I care about you, and you're going to get hurt."
"Yes, I know you think that but really-"
"What is that twat doing to you...exactly?" Teddy snapped again, turning his head to look seriously at Victoire.
"What?" Victoire asked, reddening.
"Tell me. What's he doing to you?" Teddy's face felt red and bothersome. He was angry and jealous and he wanted to scream at her for getting into this situation.
"Doing...to me?" Victoire said, avoiding his gaze and blushing madly. "I don't want to tell you."
"Are you shagging?" Teddy asked curtly.
"Why are you asking that?" Victoire replied, crossing her arms over her chest in an effort to hide herself.
"Are you even in love with him?" Teddy snapped again, ignoring her question.
"I want to be!" Victoire said, turning her eyes to him and watching him directly to his face. Baby blue reflected on brown.
"He's using you." Teddy stated, more calmly.
"And I'm using him." Victoire said with confidence. "So we're even."
"You want a boyfriend that badly?"
"It's not about that."
"Then is it about the bloody bet?" Teddy asked, standing up and pacing in front of her. "I told you, already. We should just stop it. You win, all right? Your matchmaking skills are top of the notch, so just stop messing around."
"It's not about the bet either."
"Then explain it to me, Victoire, because I truly can't understand you." Teddy stopped pacing, he stood right in front of her, his anger subsiding, his anxiety rising.
"You don't have to understand anything!"
"Why are you treating me like that? We are suppose to be friends!"
"I am fed up with people trying to be my friend and just getting in my business like they owned me!"
"Then what do you want? For me to stop caring about you?"
"Yes!" Victoire shrieked. Teddy stood there, looking at her, his heart sinking and his hair downing to its bland brown. Why was he so disappointed? What exactly did he expect from today? Was he going to kiss her? Was he going to confess his recently discovered feelings? No, it was the other way around. He was actually hoping Victoire would make some sort of sign that would let him know that she felt the same way. Could he be anymore of a coward?
"Then be happy with him." Teddy said, his jaw clenching. "I won't say anything else. I didn't know you had become this person."
"What?" Victoire said, her brows frowning.
"If you want to go around lifting your skirt to that git, then be my guess. I won't care anymore if he hurts you. I've warned you so many times, that you deserve it." Teddy said, despicably.
"Teddy…" Victoire said, standing up to face him. "You don't mean that…"
"I do, Victoire. I truly do." he said, to her face, his eyes set on hers.
"You're such a stupid schmuck! Why can't you just wish me happiness!" Victoire exploded. "It's all because of you! And you dare to hate me! Well, guess what, Ted Lupin? I hate you!
"Fine by me." Teddy mumbled. Victoire pushed past him, her shoulder colliding with him, and her alluring aroma lingering. He watched as she opened the door and descended the stairs, and he stood there, his throat tightening and his heart crunching.
