Well, this one's a bit shorter than my last couple of chapters have been, but I think a lot more happens in it. I tried to let Tweek and Clyde shine since I've been favoring Kevin and Token lately. But this chapter definitely belongs to Craig. Yes, I believe Craig outshines even Cartman.

Thanks Sillybunfun and Bialy for reviewing chapter 8. You're awesome. Oh, and you should all go read Bialy's story "For Daws to Peck At". I'm seriously, you guys. Do it.

I don't own South Park. Read and review.


When You Have Everything to Lose

Chapter 9: Nothing Left to Lose

"You look like shit, dude."

"Well I'm sorry I didn't feel like getting all dolled up for you today, Token."

"Did you sleep last night?" Clyde asked.

"I think so."

It had been one of those nights. He'd lain in bed for hours, not feeling fully asleep, but not feeling conscious either. As a result, he looked, as Token so sensitively put it, like shit. He'd neglected to comb his hair after he showered, letting it dry messy and resulting in several odd-angled cowlicks, and deep purple bags hung from his sleepy gray eyes.

Tweek held out a half-empty Styrofoam cup to his friend. "Coffee?"

Craig accepted the beverage, gulping it down in seconds. He grimaced. "Tastes like ass."

Tweek snatched the empty cup back, twitching angrily. "'Thank you, Tweek, for generously sharing the one thing that you need to survive the first few grueling hours of the morning.' Gah! You're welcome, Craig. You needed it more than I did, even though I'll probably be spending third period in the guidance counselor's office—again."

Craig rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Tweek."

Tweek stared wistfully into the empty cup. "I'm never gonna make it through the morning."

"Just steal some coffee from the teachers' lounge," Clyde suggested.

Tweek's eyes grew wide. "I can't go in there."

Craig looked up and spotted Kenny across the hall. He was with that girl again.

"Tweek, it's just a room," Kevin pointed out.

If Kenny had lost any sleep the previous night, it didn't show. He looked as he always did, complete with his signature cheeky grin.

"But I've never been in there before! Have any of you ever been in the teachers' lounge?"

Craig's ex-boyfriend's thick dirty blond hair fell sloppily over his forehead to his dark eyebrows, and his blue eyes shone beneath long golden lashes. But, Craig observed, they seemed to be missing their usual sparkle.

"I have," Token said. "Stoley's right, dude. It's just a room."

"Good," Tweek replied, holding the Styrofoam cup out to his black friend. "You go get coffee for me then."

"What? I'm not your slave."

"Craig, are you okay?"

"What?" Craig looked up at Kevin upon hearing his whispered name. "Um, yeah."

"Are you sure?" Kevin glanced across the hallway at Kenny. "You should go talk to him, man."

"He doesn't want to talk to me, Kevin."

"Then make him talk to you."

"Can't you ever just mind your own business?"

"No."

"Why are you two always whispering with each other?" Clyde broke into their conversation. "If Craig didn't have his little underage girlfriend I'd swear you two are gay for each other."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Give me some credit, Clyde. If I was gay, I'd at least go for a guy who's good looking."

Clyde waggled his eyebrows. "Like me?"

"No, dude. I'd pick Tweek over you."

"Hey!" Tweek cried.

"Relax, Tweek. It's a compliment."

"It didn't sound like a compliment. Anyways, I'm not like that. Be gay for Token."

"What?"

"You guys are my friends. If I don't think I could be attracted to any of you."

"Who would you be gay for then?" Clyde asked.

"What about Kenny?" Token asked, nodding across the hall at the blond. "He's good looking."

Tweek nodded. "Yeah, dude. If you're gonna be gay, be gay for Kenny."

"Fuck, guys," Craig interrupted. "Why are we talking about this?"

"You don't think Kevin and Kenny would make a charming, faggy little couple?" Clyde asked.

Craig's sleepy eyed widened. "No. Why would you even suggest that?"

"We're only joking around, Craig," Token said. "You don't have to act like a complete homophobe."

Kevin laughed, but clapped his hand over his mouth when he saw the look on Craig's face.

Craig shook his head as he began to walk away. "You guys are all stupid."

"Where are you going?" Clyde called after him.

"I have to talk to someone," Craig replied, not looking back at his friends. His eyes were locked on Kenny.

Claudia spotted him before Kenny did. "Uh—hi," she greeted him awkwardly as he approached them.

Kenny looked up at him, surprise registering on his face for a moment before he broke into a grin, chuckling as he licked his fingers and reached up to flatten down Craig's unruly hair. "Did you get hit by a bus or something?"

Craig stiffened at the familiar feeling of Kenny's slender fingers in his black hair. "Um…Kenny?"

Kenny's eyed widened as he jerked his hand away. "Sorry," he muttered, his face flushing.

"I want to talk to you," Craig replied. He shot Claudia an almost murderous glare. "Alone."

"Right. Leaving," the girl muttered, slipping away.

Kenny crossed his arms. "You don't have to be such a dick, Craig. She's a nice girl."

Craig didn't care, and he was certainly in no mood for small talk. He cut right to the chase. "Did you fuck that skank?"

"What?"

"Did you have sex with that girl in her dad's Mustang or not?"

"I might have. Why do you care?"

"You know why I care."

Kenny rolled his eyes. "No. We didn't have sex, okay?"

"Why not?"

"What kind of question is that?"

Craig shifted uncomfortably. "Well did… Did you want to sleep with her?"

"I… No."

"Then why'd you go with her?"

Kenny narrowed his eyes at the taller boy. "Why'd you put all that stuff in Kyle's locker?"

Craig crossed his arms. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything!" Kenny cried. "God, Craig, Kyle's one of my best friends."

"Well it's not like I wanted to take part in Cartman's stupid little prank. I had no choice, Kenny. That's how blackmail works."

Kenny's jaw dropped. "What?"

"I said that's how blackmail works. Cartman says 'Put this in Kyle's locker or I'll tell everyone you're a faggot,' and I say, 'You are my master, Cartman, and I live to serve you.'"

"Cartman?" Kenny repeated. "Cartman was behind all that stuff?"

"Duh, Kenny. What did you think?"

Kenny's eyebrows knitted together as he grabbed Craig by the hand. "We need to find Cartman, now."


"So? Who do you think it is?"

Stan scratched his neck. "I don't know… Who do you think?"

Kyle gazed around the hallway. "Maybe Butters?"

"No, dude. Kenny and Cartman already ruled out Butters. And Kevin. And Token."

"Okay, so…maybe it's…Tweek. I've never seen Tweek with a girl."

Stan shrugged. "Could be Tweek. Who knows?"

"Actually, the idea of Tweek with a girl kind of weirds me out," Kyle went on.

"And the idea of Tweek with a guy doesn't?"

"Good point."

"I think Tweek's just a weird guy," Stan concluded.

"Definitely."

"I mean, he's cool and all. A little unstable. He's like a wind-up toy that never stops, you know. But he's still cool. Cooler than that asshole Craig anyways."

"Craig's not that bad. You're just overprotective of Kenny."

"I'm not overprotective of Kenny. I'm just trying to be there for him because he's…going through a rough time…or whatever. He's our friend. I'd do the same for you."

"Hey, fellas!"

"Hey Butters," they greeted the small blond boredly.

"Did you hear about Craig?" Butters asked them excitedly.

"Craig?" Kyle repeated, his eyebrows shooting up. "What about him?"

"Well, there's this rumor going around about him."

"Yeah?"

"They're saying he's a pedophile."

Stan and Kyle exchanged confused glances.

"A pedophile?" Stan repeated.

"They say he likes to have sex with little girls."

Stan laughed. "That's, like, not even close to the truth, Butters."

"It's not?"

"No. Where did you hear that?"

"Bebe was telling everyone all about it yesterday."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Of course she was. Who else but the school's biggest gossip? That girl's mouth is so big she could probably fit both fists inside it."

"Why would she tell people that Craig's a pedophile?" Stan wondered.

Butters shrugged. "I don't know, but I'm surprised you two didn't hear about it. Everyone's talking about it."

"That's why," Kyle responded. "We don't listen to everyone. Because they make up dumb shit like this. I wonder what moron made up this piece of garbage."

"Speaking of pieces of garbage," Stan said, glancing around the hallway. "Where is Craig anyways? I haven't seen him all morning."

"He was talking to Tweek and those guys just a few minutes ago," Kyle responded, nodding in the direction of Craig's friends. "I don't know where he went."

"I saw him talk to Kenny a little bit ago," Butters piped in. "They walked off together holding hands."

Stan sent Kyle a worried glance. "Holding hands?"

"Like, openly?" Kyle asked.

"Cozily?" Stan added.

Butters looked thoughtful. "Well, they definitely weren't being secretive about it. But I wouldn't say they looked cozy…"


"Kenny, let go of me."

"No," Kenny replied, dragging Craig behind him.

"But I don't want to talk to—" Kenny turned the corner sharply, narrowly missing the wall as he did so. Craig had not been so lucky. "Ow. Fuck. It's too early for this."

"Stop whining, Craig."

"You just knocked me into a wall, dumbass."

"You're fine, you big baby."

"That's easy to say when you're not being slammed into walls by your abusive boy—"

"I'm sorry, you called me your what, now?"

"Never fucking mind."

"Yeah, we'll discuss what you just about said there after we talk to Cartman."

"I don't want to talk to Cartman. I hate him. Why should I have to talk to him more than absolutely necessary?"

"This is necessary, Craig," Kenny replied, just as he spotted his fat friend down the hall. "Cartman! Hey, Cartman!"

Kenny nearly pulled Craig's shoulder out of its socket as he sped toward Cartman, jerking the taller boy along behind him.

"Bout time you two kissed and made up," Cartman commented, as the two boys approached him.

"What? No we didn't."

"You're, uh, holding hands."

"Dammit," Kenny muttered, dropping Craig's hand. He looked back up at his friend. "Cartman, what the hell is going on?"

"You tell me," Cartman replied. "I mean, you like him, then you hate him, then you love him…I really can't follow anymore."

"Not with me and Craig, you dumb fuck," Kenny replied. "I meant, why are you blackmailing him into putting that stuff in Kyle's locker?"

Cartman furrowed his brow at Craig. "I told you not to say anything."

"I didn't."

"Kyle told me, fatass."

"What? He wasn't supposed to tell you! That wasn't part of the plan! I was positive he'd only tell Stan."

"What plan, Cartman? Why have you been sending that stuff to Kyle, and where the hell did you get the CD?"

"What CD?" Craig asked.

"I dug it out of Craig's trash can," Cartman muttered.

"You what?"

"Why?" Kenny asked. "Are you trying to mess things up for me? You wanted me to get mad at Craig all over again just when I was about to…?"

Craig's eyes widened. "About to what?"

"You're supposed to be my friend, man," Kenny said, looking hurt. "You're supposed to screw with other people's lives. Not mine. Is this your way of making fun of me for being the one person who actually trusted you?"

"No!" Cartman cried. "I'm not trying to do anything to you. I just wanted to humiliate Kahl."

Kenny rubbed his temples. "And how is this supposed to humiliate Kyle? Because, honestly, I don't think anyone is more humiliated than I am right now."

Cartman sighed. "Craig was supposed to be…man bait."

"Man bait?" Craig repeated.

Then it all made sense. The idea was so ridiculous it almost made Kenny laugh. "You were using Craig to coax Kyle out of the closet?" Why he'd expected anything less than completely fucking stupid from Cartman was beyond him. How often had Cartman gone out of his way just to make Kyle miserable before?

"It would have worked," Cartman defended himself. "If Kahl hadn't told you about it. He was only supposed to tell Stan. Stan's a moron. He would have believed that Craig was Kahl's secret admirer. You, on the other hand…"

"I set him straight," Kenny finished for him. "God, Cartman, why would you think Kyle wouldn't tell me?"

"You just had to go and ruin it, Kenny. It was gonna work. Kahl was gonna admit that he was gay, and I was gonna get it all on camera and he would have had to do every damn thing I told him for the rest of his life. My very own Jew slave."

"So…you were using me…as your personal slave…" Craig said slowly, "…so that you…could make Kyle your slave?"

"Yes."

"That's retarded."

"No it's not."

"It doesn't make any sense."

"You clearly don't understand how much I hate Kahl Broflovski."

"It was never gonna work, Cartman," Craig informed him.

"It would have if Kenny hadn't found out."

"No," Craig replied. "It wouldn't have. Because Kyle is…"

"It would have worked."

"Dude, it doesn't matter whether or not it would have worked. It's over now." Kenny shook his head. "I can't believe you would even try to do that to begin with."

"Why not?" Cartman asked. "This is exactly the kind of thing I do. You should expect it from me."

"But you're the one who told me that it's wrong to try to force someone out of the closet."

"Cartman said that?"

"Dude," Cartman said. "Just because something is wrong doesn't mean I'm not gonna do it. You should know that by now, Kenny."

"I don't even know why I'm surprised," Kenny replied, shaking his head. "Why do you work so hard just to humiliate Kyle? No matter whose life you have to screw up in order to get there. It's almost like you're fucking in love with him or something."

Cartman's face turned bright red. "I AM NOT!" he shouted, loud enough to capture the attention of a few students standing around them in the hallway.

Craig rolled his eyes at Kenny. "You need to get your gaydar checked, dude. I can't believe you can't tell that—"

Craig was cut off by the shrill ringing of the morning bell, and, not bothering to finish his sentence, he turned around and walked to class.

"Hey, wait!" Kenny called after him. "Can't tell what? Craig!"


"I hope you're planning to punish Token for what he said about me."

Wendy rolled her eyes. "And what exactly did Token say about you?"

"Tell her, Clyde," Bebe said, nudging the boy who was currently sharing a desk with her—despite the fact that it was made to seat one person—and nibbling at her neck.

"Tell her what?" Clyde murmured.

"That Token called me a gossipy airhead!" Bebe cried. Wendy snickered, and Bebe glared at her. "Wendy!"

Kyle turned around in his seat and glared at Bebe. "Do you mind? This is study hall. As in, that time when most of us are trying to study."

Bebe sneered at him. "Why don't you get a life, Broflovski?"

"Why don't you get a room?" Kyle replied, turning back around. "Anyways, it's true. You are a gossipy airhead."

"Hey!"

"Don't start with them again, Kyle," Stan whispered from the seat beside his best friend.

"I'm not trying to start anything," Kyle replied. "I'm just trying to study."

But it was too late. He'd already started it. "I am not a gossipy airhead," Bebe said, poking Kyle in the back with the eraser end of her pencil to make sure she had his attention.

"So you didn't spread that bullshit about Craig sleeping with little girls?"

"I did," Bebe admitted. "But I didn't make it up."

Clyde nodded. "It's true. Craig admitted it himself."

Stan spun around. "Craig said that?"

"Actually, what he said was that he had a fourteen-year-old girlfriend," Clyde explained. "I don't know that he has a fetish for younger girls in general."

"That's a load of crap!" Stan cried. "Craig's not into younger girls. He's into…"

"Stan," Kyle cut him off. "Not your secret to tell, remember?"

Clyde stared at Kyle with deep interest. "You guys know something I don't about Craig?"

"It's nothing," Kyle assured him.

"This is great," Clyde muttered. "First he gets all chummy with Kevin, who he was barely friends with to begin with, and now he's telling his secrets to you guys, who he hates."

"Well, maybe if your girlfriend didn't have such a big mouth…"

"Wendy!"

"I'm kidding, Bebe."

"Craig doesn't tell me shit anymore," Clyde went on. "Well, he never told me shit before. But that's because he never had shit to tell me before. Now he's keeping secrets from me."

"Clyde," his girlfriend mumbled sympathetically, brushing a slender hand against his cheek.

"I mean, Token may not give a fuck, but I do. Craig and I are supposed to be best friends." Clyde looked up at Kyle and Stan. "You're not, like, his new best friends, are you?"

Stan laughed. "Believe me, Clyde. I hate that douchebag as much as he hates me."

"Watch it, Marsh. That's still my friend you're talking about. Even if he doesn't feel that way anymore…"

"Look," Kyle said. "I'd like to tell you everything I know. Mostly because you're so pathetic right now that I feel sorry for you."

"Thanks, Kyle."

"But it wouldn't be right for me to tell you, because it's none of my business. This isn't about me or you or Stan. This is between Craig and Kenny."

Clyde raised an eyebrow. "Kenny? What the fuck does Kenny have to do with all this?"

Stan grinned, nudging his best friend. "Who's the one with the big mouth now, Brof?"


"Psst. Craig."

Craig groaned. Students liked biology, because the teacher was always oblivious to what was going on in the classroom, but for once, Craig wished that senile old bastard would turn away from the board and tell Cartman to shut the fuck up. "What do you want, Cartman?"

"We need to discuss our next move with Kahl," Cartman whispered.

"There is no next move. Your plan was doomed to fail from the beginning."

"No it wasn't. I was just going about it the wrong way. If we do this right, we can still out him."

"You can't out someone who's not in the closet to begin with. Kyle's straight, retard."

"So here's what I think we should do next…" Cartman went on, ignoring Craig's declaration.

"There is no 'we', Cartman. I'm not helping you with your next dumbass scheme."

"Have you forgotten, Craig? I still know a secret that you don't want exposed."

Craig crossed his arms. Unfortunately, the fatass was right. "What do you want me to do?"

"Well, romancing from afar isn't getting the results we were looking for," Cartman replied. "So we'll have to be much more direct."

"What are you getting at?"

"You're going to have to seduce him."

Craig jumped out of his seat. "What?"

Some students broke away from their own private little conversations to look up at him curiously, Kenny included.

"Craig?" Kevin whispered, furrowing his brow.

"Forget it, Cartman," Craig said. "I am not going to seduce your friend."

Now every eye in the room was on them, except for the failing eyes of the old man teaching the class.

"Cartman, what's he talking about?" Kenny hissed.

Cartman ignored his friend, standing up to stand as close to eye level as he could with the taller boy. "Yes you will."

"No I won't."

"Don't forget, Craig," Cartman said, stepping toward the boy and prodding him threateningly in the chest. "I have something on you."

"No you don't, Cartman."

"Craig?" Kenny whispered, his eyes darting nervously around the room.

The instructor finally turned around. Even he could not ignore the scene that Craig was making. "Boys, what is going on?"

"Forget it, Cartman," Craig said, ignoring the teacher's question. "I'm not gonna let a fat waste of space like you push me around anymore. Fuck. You."

Cartman glared up at Craig. "Yeah? Well how would you like it if I let everyone here know that…?"

"What?" Craig cut him off. "That I'm gay? Guess what, I don't care anymore."

His classmates gaped at him, and Kenny looked just as surprised as the rest of them.

Cartman was taken aback. "But… I…"

"…have nothing on me if I out myself," Craig finished for him. He spun around to speak to the rest of the class. "So guess what everybody? I'm a fag. And you know what else?"

The class watched in amazement as Craig walked purposefully toward Kenny's desk, leaned forward, grabbed the blond by the shoulders, and kissed him chastely but forcefully on the lips. They were met with a few groans and a few wolf-whistles from the class, but Kenny was far too shocked to react before Craig pulled away and strode to the door. Turning to face the class one last time, Craig raised both hands high in the air and flipped them all off before marching out the door and slamming it behind him.

"The fuck?" Cartman muttered.

No one else said a word. Cartman had pretty much verbalized what they were all thinking.

Slowly, Kenny turned to face the front of the room. Then he calmly raised his hand.

"Er…yes, Kenneth?"

"May I be excused?"


I apologize if every scene without Craig in it seemed like a gap filler. That's basically what they were. I wrote the entire chapter, realized I'd completely left Stan and Kyle out of it, and added those two little moments with them to balance things out. The end of this chapter was the moment I've been working towards for the past eight chapters. The moment I first pictured in my head and then built the rest of this story around.

Oh, and Cartman's prank on Kyle... Weak, I know. I knew when I first planned this story that Cartman had to blackmail Craig into doing something despicable, but coaxing Kyle out of the closet was the best I could come up with. But I figured Cartman asking Craig to seduce Kyle would be payoff enough, and could also be the request that pushed Craig to finally coming out.

Please review!