Xana has weird ways of killing people. You'd think a knife in the back would be enough, but no, he has to be so dramatic. D: Oh well. Blame the writer, I guess.
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I stood over the body of my fallen opponent, and felt a sense of satisfaction... although something else started to tug at me. What was it? It was as though I was having second thoughts about going through with my plan, even though it had already been carried out.
That's called guilt, Xana.
No, I don't think it's guilt. it's something different.
If you say so.
What do you mean?
Sissy was silent as I tore my eyes away from the facedown, broken body. I looked around the room for a closet, or a cabinet, somewhere I could hide Ulrich's corpse. There was only the window, and that would not be a good idea.
I mean, I've felt guilt before... Many times. and for sure, you're feeling guilt. Her tone became soothing as I felt a tiny sense of panic. You've realized that this is not what you really wanted, right? You think that what you did is wrong... right?
Thank you, Mom, I said. Of course you're right. I paused, feeling a torrent of words crashing against the dams of my thoughts. Is that what you want me to say? Because honestly, I think you're right. Maybe I went about this all wrong. I am a machine. I was built by imperfect hands. I am imperfect. My existence is imperfect. Nothing is perfect! Maybe this was the wrong way, after all. It could also be the best way. It might even be one of the many means to an end, that I just happened to pick because it's the most violent way, that makes people suffer the most! I am nothing, and in my hunger for revenge, I took what very well may be the worst course. I... I am no better than a human in that regard.
As I picked up the shadow of the boy who once stood so mightily before me, I felt a little piece of respect for him. He had the guts to stand against me. He was only a child. He...
He was dead. I shrugged, letting my cold heart once again keep me warm, and tossed him over my shoulder, wondering if both bodies would fit in the janitor's closet.
They will, Xana, replied Sissy. Again, I felt guilt, even at hearing her voice. And stop beating yourself up. You picked a course to take, so follow it. Her somewhat cheery voice really annoyed me, but she was right. I had a job to do, and it needed to be completed. I'm not through, though. To come this far, and then suddenly stop, deifes all reason. What's with you? It seems like more and more, you're losing sight of your goal.
Well, what's with you? I thought you didn't want me to do this. Didn't you say that the whole idea was stupid, that there are better ways?
I did... but then again, I did have 20 days in solitary confinement to think it over, thanks to a certian someone I know... I got the mental image of Sissy sticking her tongure out at me. And when I thought it over, your plan made more and more sense. I wanted to help you. I mean, I still do. I'll do whatever it takes to turn this planet into something better than what it is.
Oh? Even though you'll die along with the rest of the human species?
Of course. At least when I die, I'll know it was for a good cause. Besides, we both know that you won't kill me. You like me too much.
I don't like you.
You love me.
No, I... I don't even know anymore.
Well, I know, and isn't that enough? Sissy grinned, and sank into the confines of her mind. She was so loyal, so beautifully loyal.
I opened the door, checked the hallway, then walked across to the closet. As I threw his body inside, I felt a momentary wave of nausea from Sissy... or was it my own? I really couldn't tell. With passion and elation and guilt and joy all phasing through me, I was aimless.
Aimless people are sheep.
Sheep get torn apart by wolves.
I could not be aimless. With my brain searching for the best way to feel about this situation, I grabbed a roll of paper towels from a shelf and tore off a sheet. With Windex in hand, the hallway floor was clean in no time, and I shoved the soiled squares into a bucket in the corner.
Well, that was quick and dirty, laughed Sissy. I bet you didn't even plan to do that.
So what if I didn't? I asked, fighting the temptation to pour bleach on the tiles. It'd be ineffective, so I just closed the janitor's closet and left the building.
It just shows how quick you think. It's interesting.
How?
Well... I'm a little more sure about our future, knowing that you can fight off an threat instantly, like Emily. That could've gone way wrong.
But... but you told me what to say! I replied.
So? You decided to confront her. I would've ran, and obviously screw your plan up.
True... Wait, you doubted me? That's pretty sweet of you.
How can distrust be sweet?
Doubt makes for a strong will. If I make a major decision, you'll think about it first, and point out any flaws. I thought for a moment. Just if I say do something, do it, okay?
What do you want from me? To doubt or do?
Both! I laughed a little, and walked towards the forest. Let's see... Aelita and Jeremy were in Jeremy's room, where nobody ever goes... Not even Jim these days. IThe whole room was basically a fire hazard, with all those cords and parts everywhere. Yumi and Ulrich were in the closet back at school, and the janitor is sick this week anyway with the flu. Speaking of which, it's been going around lately, so if the Lyoko team is missing, no one will think much of it.
Odd was in one of these trees, I think. Can we stop by and see him again before we go to... where are we going, anyway?
No, we can't. The longer we're in this world, the more dangerous things are... Actually, yes, we can. I smiled for a moment.
Okay... but where are we going? Sissy pleaded.
I grinned. Home.
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Thank you, Xana, for showing that your conscience does exist.
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Please, I'm begging you! ;_;
