"Moo moo moo?" The alien queried.
"Mooo!" Moo! Moo! Moooooooo!" The alien replied excitedly.
Beavis rubbed his eyes and looked up after hearing some weird noises. It was really bright so he couldn't see well. He thought, "I know that sound! It's like… a big dog or something."
He looked up and screamed as two aliens were examining his ass. They noticed him awaken and quickly pressed a button, the large probe machine behind him suddenly thrusting quickly right between his tender ass cheeks.
On the other side of the UFO, two figures stealthily moved through the corridors. They stopped for a moment, noticing many people in the rooms along the hallway. The aliens had a lot of work to finish with so many new people staying the night in the town. Finally, they had some fresh stock.
The stout figure peered into one of the rooms, recognizing its occupants as Butters and Stewart. He listened in on their conversation intently, surprised at what he overheard.
"Well hey, Stewart, well, I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?" Butters asked, straining against the straps that held him to the operating table to face his roommate. His ass was bare and he struggled because it was itchy.
"I've been good, except this town is really weird. Does everyone here have to go through this?" Stewart replied, his voice sounding much more panicked than Butters'.
The mysterious form chose that moment to walk into the room, laughing. "Oh man, you fags know each other? I'll just leave you two lovebirds alone in your room now so you can make out or whatever."
With that, he left them there, continuing his search through the rooms of the UFO.
The taller figure had slipped into a different room, recognizing Van Driessen and Principal McVicker in the same room.
"Ohhhh no! It's YOU! I knew you bastards were behind this!" McVicker said as he saw the taller figure. "Somehow… It had to be you! Uhhh, you're expelled!"
The figure was unphased by the comment, and had walked further into the room.
"Now Principal McVicker, you know there's no way they could be responsible for anything this elaborate. We need to stay positive in order to get out of this situation," Van Driessen replied.
Hearing some commotion, the figure retreated quickly as aliens entered the room. One had a long probe and the other had some kind of paddle.
"No! Get HIM! Uhhhh him!" McVicker said, unable to even gesture in the direction that the figure had gone. The aliens shrugged their shoulders as one began violently probing Van Driessen. The other, dressed in lingerie, began to paddle McVicker's ass, for some unknown reason.
The aliens continued their work as screams echoed from the chambers throughout the craft. The two figures chuckled to themselves as they passed each chamber, searching for something, or someone.
"Ohhhh nooooooo!" Beavis cried out as the machine worked hard to probe every inch of his anus.
Suddenly the probe pulled out. The aliens hurriedly grabbed some paperwork and rushed out to the hallway, leaving Beavis in the room.
"Uhuhu you cried. You were touched," One of the voices said, still under the cover of shadows.
Beavis replied, "I did not! Bunghole!"
Cartman suddenly appeared, wearing a cow hide scarf and sunglasses. "Looks like this asshole is stuck in my bogus nightmare too," he thought to himself. He at least could look cool while reliving this. He pulled up his pants a bit and said, "Dude, come with me if you want to live."
The other figure grabbed Beavis by the pants and pulled, unable to move him. In doing so, the figure accidentally activated the probe, which began to again probe Beavis's ass.
Cartman spoke gruffly as Beavis was being probed. He didn't notice. "I've had this nightmare since I was a small boy. I watched as more and more people in the town of South Park, my town, get dragged into my nightmare. It was funny at first, but then it just kept happening."
"Ahhhh!" Beavis screamed, the probe continuing, throwing lights on the figure.
"Butt-Head! It's you! Ahh! Stop it!"
Butt-Head chuckled and began to push buttons that changed the speed and size of the probe. "No way dude, this is cool."
"Excuse me Beavis, I am TRYING to speak! Now where was I…" Cartman continued. "And I don't want to stop this to save the people of South Park, but to save myself. It just won't stop. All the probing… I started to figure out how to get out and move around in the nightmare. That was when I decided I couldn't let anyone else get sucked in too. It has to stop! God dammit! Maybe if I stop people from being brought into my nightmare, the nightmare will end for me too."
"Shut up bunghole!" Beavis shouted.
That was when Cartman noticed Beavis and started losing it. "Okay it's still really fuckin' funny!" He laughed so hard that milk shot out of his nose, despite not drinking any milk.
"God dammit! I thought this stopped after that Jew stole my kidney!" Cartman said angrily.
Butt-Head had stopped mashing random buttons when he saw Cartman shoot the milk out of his nose. He just had to laugh at Cartman, which did little but frustrate him further.
"Stop laughing at me you goddamn hippie! Let's get out of here," Cartman yelled at him. He was familiar enough with the UFO to know what buttons to press to release Beavis, and he successfully pulled it off. Beavis jumped down off the table, pulling up his shorts and rubbing his sore ass.
"Uhhh, thanks kid." Beavis said. "You know they have these things in the girls bathroom, and they open up and you put them in your nose to stop that stuff from happening."
Suddenly the flying saucer began to shake as aliens rushed into the room.
"Mooo! MOOOOOOOOOO!" The aliens screamed, obviously panicking.
Behind the boys, in the viewscreen of space, loomed a massive, floating, disembodied anus.
Beavis, Butt-Head, and Cartman looked at what the aliens were panicking about, and saw the giant asshole hovering just outside the saucer. Cartman started freaking out and Butt-Head stared in horror, but Beavis was strangely unimpressed.
The anus moved towards the saucer slowly, suddenly opening up and becoming massive. It was more than large enough to swallow the entire saucer. It moved towards them as Cartman looked up in horror and said, "Dude, this is so weak."
"Terrance, do you smell something funny?" Phillip asked, the two sitting on their couch, watching some Canadian music videos. Justin Bieber was on TV, noteworthy in that he was the only Canadian to successfully disguise his flappy head and beady eyes.
"Why no Phillip. What does it smell like?" Terrance asked.
"Like this!" Phillip said as he farted in Terrance's face, a UFO flying out of Phillip's ass, somehow just missing Terrance.
"Uh, Phillip, how did you get a UFO inside your asshole?" Terrance asked.
"I don't know Terrance, but I'd like to see you try to top that fart!" Phillip said, laughing.
The UFO flew through their house, destroying many other Canadian homes. Unfortunately, just as Ugly Bob was finally receiving the plastic surgery he needed to truly become Handsome Bob, the UFO slammed into the doctor, killing him. The UFO had split in two during the crash, leaving one of the Visitors open to the air. As it died it hit the timed self destruct button and then hit a large red button on its communicator. The word, "Viacom" blinked on its red screen.
Everyone who was in the UFO was scattered across the Canadian village, all unconscious.
Cartman stretched and woke up. He was surprisingly sore and tired, even though it was almost noon.
Cartman looked around the room, panicking for a moment before relaxing. It took him a moment for him to remember he was at Stan's house. He got up and realized what time it was, confused. He climbed off the couch, avoiding stepping on Beavis and Butt-Head and went into the kitchen to eat as much of Stan's food as he could before everyone woke up.
Beavis woke up startled. He had just experienced the craziest and coolest dream he'd ever had, except for maybe like, that one time he ate those mushrooms in the desert. Last night's dream would have benefitted from a music video too, but at least that strange deity in the sky made it cooler. Sometime that night, he heard it speaking just to him in his head, talking in its booming voice with strange bathroom noises accompanied each word, very much like the Rock Bottom accent featured in the hit Nickelodeon cartoon Spongebob Squarepants.
The voice had said, "My son, you will see me again once you reach your full state of being."
Its accent was certainly thick, but not impossible to understand. What was impossible to understand was the meaning behind the words.
Randy walked into the living room, rubbing his head. "Oh man, that was a rough night." He saw Beavis was also troubled this morning and wondered if everyone had had a bad night. "Hey kid, you awake?" He asked. He didn't question why they were on the floor.
"Yeah, my butt hurts though," Beavis replied, rubbing his ass tenderly.
"Yeah, mine too… You want to go get some coffee with me before I go to work?" Randy asked, just as Butt-Head woke up.
Beavis said, "Uhhh, sure. Sound's pretty good." Inside, he was getting increasingly excited to get a frappuccino.
"RANDY MARSH YOU GET YOUR ASS IN HERE THIS INSTANT!" Sharon bellowed.
"Oh shit, COMING HONEY!" Randy said, hurrying to the kitchen to find food everywhere and trash covering the floor.
"So did you have one of your Food Network nights again Randy?!" Sharon angrily asked.
"Uh, no… At least I don't think so. I do feel pretty hungover this morning though and I was thinking about Gordon Ramsay when I woke up…" Randy said, suddenly hearing a door slam.
Cartman walked out of the bathroom whistling a teen wave song to himself. "Hey you guys, what's up? Why, Mr. Marsh! What have you done to the kitchen?" Cartman said to everyone in the room.
"Uh, look Sharon I don't remember doing any of this but I have to get going to work. I'll clean it up later bye!" Randy hurriedly said, waving everyone to come with him while he ran to the door.
Everyone rushed out and piled into the car just before Randy slammed down on the gas, hurrying quickly to leave.
"Phew, that was a close one guys!" Randy said, chuckling.
Cartman had been so distracted by his plan to frame Randy that he didn't actually know where they were going.
Everyone arrived at Tweek's Coffee shop, ready to wake up. Randy let them out to get the coffee while he waited in the parking lot. He didn't really want to stand in line when he didn't have to. Beavis was unusually excited for some reason, shaking his arms a bit in the line.
"Uh, dude, what's your problem?" Butt-Head asked Beavis.
"Like, I don't know! I just really really need a frapuccino like right now for some reason!" Beavis replied.
Tweek had stepped out from the back room and noticed the trio. He knew Cartman was trouble, but didn't recognize the two teens with him, causing him to panic further. "OH MY GOD!" he yelled out, shaking uncontrollably.
"Uhh, this kid looks like a total dork." Butt-Head said of Tweek.
"No no, that's just Tweek. He's always like that." Cartman replied, uninterested in Tweek anyway. Cartman didn't want to drink coffee like the others, since coffee was for those emo assholes. He decided to get hot cocoa instead to prove his maturity.
"Uhhh, hey kid, can you get me some napkins, uhhh," a voice called out next to the boys. It didn't take them long to recognize it as belonging to McVicker.
"Y-yes sir!" Tweek said, sprinting to the overweight principal.
Beavis saw the coffee heading towards McVicker and grabbed it out of Tweek's hands.
"Uhhhhh, oh no! Beavis and Butt-Head! We're stuck in this town because of you. Give me back my coffee you little bastard! You give me my coffee right now!" McVicker said angrily.
Tweek was getting increasingly freaked out by the conflict in the store. "AHHHH! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" he screamed as he began pulling at his hair.
Tweek's father stepped out from the back of the store and tried to calm everyone down.
"Now now, calm down everyone. Sit down and try our new blend, its soothing taste will make even the most angry person smile and say, 'wow, I'm happy."
"You son of a bitch, give me back my coffee!" McVicker said to Beavis, ignoring Tweek's dad. He grabbed the cup, spilling the hot contents all over himself.
McVicker screamed in agony, grabbing for Beavis with the intention to kill. Instead accidentally punching Richard Tweak right in the face.
"HOLY SHIT DUDE!" Tweek yelled, nearly passing out.
Beavis and Butt-Head started laughing loudly as the two adults began fist fighting.
"Woah, this rules!" Butt-Head said, excited to see the fight.
"Yeah, kick him! Kick him!" Beavis exclaimed, forgetting about his coffee need for the moment.
McVicker took a hot pot of coffee from behind the counter and poured it on Richard. He screamed in agony as the coffee burnt his skin. The fight continued as they threw kicks and punches at each other. McVicker's glasses were broken in the process, but that barely hindered him. They made their way to the back room as everyone followed.
Just then Kenny walked through the door and wondered what the commotion was all about. He went into the back room behind everyone, barely being noticed. McVicker noticed a large bucket, not realizing it was on the stove because of his broken glasses. He was just in rage mode now.
Richard followed his glance, and shouted out "NO! That is boiling hot water! Don't touch that!"
He was too late. McVicker had tossed the water towards Richard, but missed, drenching Kenny McCormick. Kenny was knocked to the ground.
"Oh no! You bastards!" McVicker cried out, but directing it at Beavis and Butt-Head. He realized he missed his target and likely injured an innocent little boy. "You did this! You broke my glasses!" McVicker started formulating a plan. He would try to convince everyone that Beavis and Butt-Head had done it.
Soon enough, Officer Barbrady arrived after receiving a call about a fight in the coffee shop.
"Alright everyone! What seems to be the trouble?" Barbrady queried.
"That man just killed that young boy!" Richard said, pointing at McVicker, then to Kenny. Kenny then stood up and brushed himself off, annoyed at getting his parka all wet.
"Oh, I guess it wasn't that hot." Richard said, relieved. He was not aware the pot had just been put on the stove recently and was just lukewarm.
Beavis and Butt-Head tried to explain the situation to Barbrady. "Uhhh, there was like, this dude fighting McDicker and then everyone was like, punching each other. Uhhh, it ruled!"
"Wow, that sounds pretty cool!" Barbrady replied. He turned to McVicker and said, "I'm sorry sir but I have to take you in."
"Uhhh what?! You bastards! I'll kill you!" McVicker said, trying to strangle Beavis and Butt-Head. Officer Barbrady slammed his nightstick on McVicker's head, knocking him out cold.
As Officer Barbrady dragged McVicker's unconscious body out the door, Richard laughed and said, "Everyone stay here and enjoy some free fraps on the house!" before getting busy behind the counter.
Randy suddenly walked in, nearly falling over McVicker as he was stuck in the door frame. He was too fat.
"What the hell is going on here?" Randy asked.
They explained the story to him while Beavis chugged down gallons of Frappuccino.
Tweek was only mildly relieved after McVicker was forcibly removed from his family's store, but had found new reason to worry as he watched Beavis drinking an obscene amount of Fraps. Likely without paying for it. "OH MAN, OH JESUS!"
Things only got worse as Beavis went through an immense, startling transformation. He began speaking in tongues and pulled his shirt up over his head.
Finally transformed, Beavis shouted, "I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I need T.P. for my bunghole!"
Butt-Head hadn't seen this side of Beavis in a long time. "Dammit Beavis, you're really doing this again?"
"ARE YOU THREATENING ME?! YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF MY BUNGHOOOOLE!" Cornholio screeched to nobody in particular.
Tweek was absolutely mortified. It was like a malevolent deity was in his store, and angry.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL! AHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he ran into the back room.
Randy saw Beavis and laughed a bit. "Oh hey kid, that's pretty funny."
Randy pulled his shirt up over his head like Beavis and held up his hands. "Uh, you will face my wrath!"
Cornholio stopped shaking for a moment and said to Randy, "Ohhh, that's pretty good. Pretty good."
Randy laughed and felt happy to be complimented, so he kept doing it, suddenly realizing he was running late for work.
"Guys, I have to go, but uh… You will feel the wrath of my bunghole! Or uh, something."
Cornholio looked at Randy a bit confused and began screaming, "RACACACACA!" at him.
Randy took that as a goodbye and left for work, leaving the kids to walk home.
"This is fuckin' lame…" Cartman muttered to himself, totally forgetting about picking up hot chocolate.
Kenny walked over after drying himself off. Luckily he always carried a spare coat with him.
"The fuck are you doing here, you poor asshole?" Cartman asked.
"MMFFFFMMFMMMM!" Kenny replied. "Mpphfhhmmm?" he then asked, quickly forgetting his anger after noticing the strangers with Cartman.
"Oh, these are my new best friends. They are way cooler than you and those assholes Stan and Kyle. I hate you guys," Cartman told him. "Except Beavis is being kind of weird right now."
"Uhhhh, What is he even saying?" Butt-Head asked.
"Why can't you understand him? Wait… I know… You can't understand poor people, can you? Kenny, talk to him again."
"MMMFFFMMMMMMM!" Kenny said clearly.
"Uhhhh what?" Butt-Head replied.
"Holy shit dude! You can't say fuck OR understand poor people?! That's so weak dude." Cartman said.
"Shut up butt monkey!" Butt-Head retorted. Beavis was still absentmindedly walking around as Cornholio.
Eventually Cornholio noticed Butt-Head and Cartman talking to Kenny, but was also unable to understand him.
"Are you threatening me?" Cornholio asked Kenny.
Kenny tried to reply that he was not in fact threatening him, and actually thought they seemed pretty cool. He started walking down the sidewalk, towards the west part of town and everyone followed.
After a long time working out what Kenny was saying, Butt-Head finally began to understand that Kenny wanted to score as much as him. Kenny hit on a lot of hot babes before finally admitting, partly through pissed off translator Cartman, that he had gotten a blowjob in the parking lot of TGI Friday's.
"Woah dude, that rules!" Butt-Head said, mouth gaping and eyes wide in amazement. Just then, he remembered seeing what he believed to be a whorehouse in town on the way to the coffee shop. It was just like the one back in Highland.
Butt-Head wasted no time in bringing it up. "We should all go to that whorehouse I saw down the street and score."
Kenny eagerly agreed, unaware of the whorehouse Butt-Head was referring to, but trusting him all the same.
Cornholio was walking behind everyone and asked Kenny for some TP, angering Cartman. He had had enough of Beavis's shit.
"Why do you keep doing this shit?" Cartman demanded of Cornholio. He sensed that they liked Kenny's company more than his and it was really pissing him off. He felt he should tag along to keep Kenny in line, having no interest in seeing the supposed whorehouse.
Kenny said something very muffled and Cartman agreed, laughing hard. He thought to himself that yeah, Kenny is still reasonably cool. Cornholio and Butt-Head didn't pay attention, ignoring it and continuing. Cornholio was still spouting off things about Lake Titicaca and T.P. before Butt-Head started laughing and stopped at the Unplanned Parenthood.
"Uhh, here it is guys. Let's go get some whores and fornicators!" Butt-Head said. "Yes! Yes!"
Kenny laughed insanely, prepared to tell them what they were about to get themselves into. "MMMFFMM-" But he was unable to finish as a flaming piece of space debris from the UFO came crashing out of the sky, slamming into Kenny. He was nothing more than bits of flesh on the sidewalk. Nobody saw it coming.
Cartman was relieved that Kenny could no longer steal his thunder, stopping to taunt Kenny's smouldering remains.
Seeing Kenny die reminded Butt-Head of a crucial detail. "Uhhh, wait a minute. I think I'm getting, like, deja-vu. I think I saw him die before."
Cartman was holding back laughter after seeing Kenny die and also at Butt-Head's current misguided assumption about this whorehouse. "Who cares dude, you're about to score. Hurry inside and see all the hot chicks!" He absolutely could not wait to see them go inside and fail to score once again. Their agony would be delicious.
Cornholio stepped into the abortion clinic first, declaring to everyone inside, "I HAVE NO BUNGHOLE!"
Meanwhile far away, a shadowy figure spoke in a deep voice to a young man in sunglasses. "We need to stop them before they do the unthinkable. They are falling out of our grasp and now they've awoken it. Your cybernetic enhancements should prove useful in tracking them down and eliminating them. You were never designed for this purpose, but I have remade you. I can remake anyone. Those boys are next…"
A glowing eye shined from behind the sunglasses as the young man said in a mechanical voice, "Those preschoolers are dead! They crashed my car and ruined everything!"
"Good… complete your mission, Mecha-Todd."
