Disclaimer: I don't own 'em

A/N: Sorry for being so slack in updating this story. You can either blame SoFrost or Immi--take your pick ;-)

Chapter 8

"Why don't you quit worrying about yourself for one damn minute and think about how this little stunt of yours affects everyone around you—especially Sara?"

We both turned at the sound of the voice.

"Lily." "Mother." We both spoke simultaneously.

"Catherine, Sara," she said as she nodded at each of us.

I immediately pulled back from Catherine and stood up. "Lily," my voice cracked as I spoke her name. "I forgot to…"

She put her hand up to silence me as she took her purse from her arm and sat down in a chair near Catherine's bed.

"Nancy called me last night. She said you were a bit distraught over my daughter's …antics." She adjusted her purse on her lap before turning to Catherine. "And you, my dear, dear, Catherine. Thank goodness neither your daughter nor Sam are alive. This would have killed both of them. What were you thinking? Attempting suicide? It's so passé."

"Mother, I…" Catherine was swiftly cut off by a dismissive wave her mother's hand.

"Save it for someone else, Catherine. Frankly, I'm tired of it, dear. You've spent your entire life making excuses for your behavior. Leaving home like you did…shaking your ass for money...using drugs…marrying that worthless man. Sometimes I think…"

"Lily, I don't think now's the time for you to berate Catherine and the decisions she's made," I step toward the door and opened it. "As a matter of fact, we were having a private discussion and I think we'd both appreciate it if you would give us some privacy." I look at Catherine and she nods slightly, reassuring me that I am making the right decision in kicking her mother out.

"Fine, I'll leave you two to work out the mess Catherine has made of everything. But understand this, there's no one to fall back on anymore, Catherine. Sam is gone. You can't depend on his money to bail you out of trouble. And as for me, well, your sister and I have both decided that we're staying out of this. As I said, you two are on your own." She stood up and walked toward me, pausing she added, "Sara, you have my sympathy."

"Cath, I'll be right back," I say as I close the door behind me and step out into the hall with Lily.

"You do realize you're going to have your hands full with this one?" she asked as she hitched her thumb over her shoulder in Catherine's direction.

"Yeah, I do. You understand why I want…no, why I need to do things like this, right?" I ask the former showgirl.

"I do," she says nodding. "I can't say that I agree with this idea of yours, but I at least understand why you believe you need to do it this way. I hope you know what you're doing," she said as she walks away.

I take a couple of deep breaths before walking back into the room with Catherine.

"I've really fucked things up, haven't I?" she asks as she stares blankly at the ceiling above her bed.

"If by fucked up you mean falling back into old habits, shutting me out of your life, experiencing financial ruin, losing your job, being cut off by your family…"

"I get it," she says dismissively as she sits up in bed the once more.

Break her down completely. I hear the counselor's words in my head before deciding to push this issue even further.

"Do you? Do you really get it, Catherine? This isn't just your life that you've fucked up this time. I'm affected by all of this, too. Everyone that knows you is affected. Did you ever once stop to think about how what you were doing would affect the rest of us?"

She stares blankly ahead and ignores my questions. I slam my hand down on the bedside table and shout, "Answer me!"

"No, I didn't," she concedes with an icy undertone.

We embark on a staring match, each of us waiting for the other to waiver, flinch or break contact first. She does, looking down at her hands and beginning to speak once again.

"I didn't want to feel anything anymore, Sara. I had lost Lindsey. She was the one thing that made life worth living. You weren't there the day she came into this world. You weren't there for the first step or the first word. You didn't get to patch up her scratched knee or pick her up the first time she fell off a bicycle. You didn't change her diapers or…"

"You're right, I didn't. I didn't have the mother-daughter bond you had with her. No one but you had that bond. But I did love her. There was nothing in the world I wouldn't have done for Lindsey. You think I wasn't there for you, and you're probably right. I obviously wasn't there in the capacity you needed me to be. But you could've said something. Not once did you ever tell me you needed me. And every time I turned to you, you pushed me away. You turned to your mother and your sister and to your old friend. And you turned me…away. Yet, every day, I came home. Every day I was there. And I didn't need you or your family reminding me that Lindsey would be here today if I hadn't pushed you to let her go out with that boy. But time and again, each of you saw fit to pour salt in that wound. I saw her that night, Cath. You didn't. And I spared you from having to see her the way I did. Just like I told Nancy, that's the last memory I have of Lindsey. Each of you has a happy one of her smiling, laughing or being her typical self. I'm the only person in this family who doesn't. And I managed to stay sober through this. I stayed sober for her because I loved her and she needed a parent in her life she could depend on who didn't turn to alcohol to solve problems. And I stayed sober for you because I am as in love with you today as I was the first time I ever uttered those words to you. And I plan on sticking by your side, but I need to know something, Catherine," I say as I reach out and take her hand in mine. "Do you love me?"

She turns away from me and pulls her hand from mine. I sit down in the chair beside her bed and study her. She can't bring herself to look at me, instead, she's staring at the window.

After a few minutes, a nurse walks in to check her vitals, take her blood pressure and make a few notations on her chart and quickly leaves again. I'm not sure how long I'm in that chair waiting for a response, but sleep overcomes me. Sometime later, I'm awakened by the sounds of soft sobs.

Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I see that once again, Catherine is curled up on the bed crying. As before, I climb on the bed beside her and wrap my arms around her. Her crying only increases and my attempts to soothe her do little to help.

"I never stopped loving you," she says between sobs. She takes her hospital gown and dabs at her face before looking at me. "I still love you, Sara. But it's not the same as the love a mother feels for her child. That love is…"

"…strong. I know. Whether you love me or not, I'm going to help you get through this, so don't think you have to tell me that or I'll walk out the door." A part of me honestly wondered if that's what she was doing. Even though she had just tried to kill herself, self-preservation is still a basic human drive.

She pulls back slightly from me before bringing her lips to mine. She presses them gently against mine, but there is hesitancy there. I bring my hand to her face and gently cup her cheek but not taking control of the kiss. She seems to take this little encouragement of mine and deepens the kiss. As the urgency of her kiss grows, I pull back.

"Catherine, we need to make some decisions."

I move to lie on my back and she cuddles into my side, her head on my shoulder.

"We're going to lose the house and there's nothing we can do about that. Sofia and Greg are going to help me look for an apartment. In the meantime, Nick, Warrick and Grissom are packing our things and putting them in storage. I'm going to stay with Grissom and Sofia until we find a place. You're going to rehab. Something residential."

She starts to pull back, to protest, but I keep my hold on her firm.

"You're not going to win this argument, babe. Our first concern has to be to get you better, and this time, you're doing rehab. I know it's not what you want."

"No, it's not," she responds harshly.

"Well, frankly, I don't care. This is about what's best for us. And the best course of action for us right now is to get you into rehab. I'm going to look at a couple of places this afternoon. I'm going to make a decision about one of them and then we're checking your ass in there."

"I'm not a child, Sara. I should have some say in what happens to me."

"Oh, you do have a say. You said it loud and clear yesterday when you tried to kill yourself."