Dear Miku:
Ah, I think this is the last time you'll get to hear from me- I'll explain in a while, after I catch you up on what happened before I put pen to paper:
1. I was given a not-too-bad costume, and played the cowbell for a few shows.
2. I always said 'good-night' instead of 'good-bye'.
3. I learned a lot about everyone.
4. I almost went (in Luki's usual words) 'all the way'. (!!!ah, and this leads into!!!)
5. Luka called me on behalf of my parents, who are apparently hysterical with worry.
6. I stole Gakupo's mouthwash and am hoping if I drink it all I'll die quickly.
Yeah, I'll start at the first: My official stage outfit is actually very nice.
I have these mock-headphones that help prevent me from going deaf (actually earmuffs, of course)
I wear a shiny shirt and a pretty blue tie with clips on it for some reason. With bulky boots and rather tight black pants.
Every day, Rin (resident boss of appearance) stencils a number on my left arm with a red Sharpie- Miku's is fake as well, funnily enough.
Akaito wears a similar set of headphones, his usual red scarf and black pants, and an open shirt- everyone in the Hagane's seems to love exposing their midriffs. ( I refuse, Miku!)
We are energetic and not too serious- We usually just make up half the lyrics as we go, and no one cares because no one knows who we are.
But really, I'm enjoying the traveling more than the shows. Even though we have to bathe in public restrooms (!!!terrible!!!) and never actually eat much and all that other practical stuff.
But it's so- exciting! The Haganemobile is divided into small spaces for equipment, and makeshift rooms of a house with duct tape on the floor.
Miku has a corner, with a mattress and her box of things we should never touch/find out about. (I'm so very curious...)
Gakupo has a too-small bed (looks like a kid's) and they keep most instruments around his section.
Rin and Len don't have an actual bed, just a bunch of pillows they keep in a heap and usually smack people around with. (usually me, of course.) Also, lots of stuffed animals which hurt if they have glass eyes. (from experience!)
Meiko doesn't have a section, they keep the microwave, laptop and mini-fridge where hers would be.
Instead, she shares Kaito's sleeping-bag-blanket-thing. (She claims their relationship is platonic-romantic-friendship-with-benefits, which doesn't make much sense to me, but nothing really does.)
This might sound like a boring life, so far: you are wrong. It's not like my old life, where I was bored talking to people because they had nothing to say.
Meiko has a thousand stories about her adventures, usually involving alcohol. My favorite one goes like this: (Meiko's first person used)
"I was hanging around after we were you know hanging around an office supply store, when I saw this guy. He was tallish and recognized me from The Haganes so I left with him and forgot to tell the others.
"He took me behind this building thing a while away and lock-picked the back door and took my picture with his cellphone and asked for my number but I we only have one phone and I didn't want to waste minutes,
but then he took me to his room in this abandoned place with a bunch of useless junk and we were drinking because I don't know, we could even though I probably shouldn't have, so I think I passed out.
I woke up in this old couple's little house and they wouldn't tell me how I got there but I was missing my shirt and had new shoes which are the ones I have on now- Mikuo, look, aren't they nice?
Yeah, it's OK, I don't think I was molested or anything, but I still wonder why it turned out like that, and the old coulple gave me some cash and I got my hair dyed- Mhm, this was recent, but now my roots are showing-"
Then she changed the subject. Come to think of it, I probably have heard better stories from her, but I remembered this one because it was so confusing.
Rin and Len are always fun to be around, once you get used to their... closeness. (Mystery of relationship- still unsolved) They like to talk to strangers, and I guess I was a stranger at first, because here is the list of the questions they asked:
1. Are you a boy? (Yes, and I think it's pretty obvious, but I was wearing a sweater- still! It's obvious!)
2. What's your favorite food? (I like onions, but not on their own...)
3. Is that red-haired guy your boyfriend? (I don't know! Sort of!)
4. Do you think Rin's cute? (I said yes, because what else do you say? She's cute, but scary.)
5. Are you playing with us (in The Haganes)? (Gakupo gave me a cowbell, so yes.)
6. Are your parents mean? (No, they're really nice! I like them, I guess.)
7. Then why are you here? (Because... I wanted to. And I like Akaito, a-and everyone here.)
8. Are you gay? (I guess... I never actually thought about that, but I like Akaito, and he's a guy... I still like you, too, Rin! And Miku and Meiko, just differently!)
9. Are you good at singing? (I hadn't really tried- so they made me sing a little of their songs- they said I was OK. That's nice to hear, because they're really good.)
As well as a bunch of things I can't remember- they talk quickly, but finish each other's sentences often. Another note- if you don't smile, they will poke you in the stomach, really, really hard.
Gakupo doesn't talk much. He's barely acknowledged by anyone but Akaito and me- they say he prefers to be left alone. A very serious individual, and the only one I haven't yet seen come onto some fan/show-goer. (Meiko is most guilty of this.)
Miku talks a bit, but would rather watch us. She looks sad, and won't tell us why. She hums often, and can play every instrument in the Haganemobile very well. (But she says her first was a violin.)
Kaito is loud (not as loud as the twins, though) and the most responsible, strangely. He drives the most, as well, and makes sure we don't die of malnutrition or get hit by a car or anything.
Oh, yes: driving. Kaito, Miku, and Gakupo take turns driving, and someone always is. (Never Meiko, because apparently she has the common automotive sense of a wild boar) Sleep cycles are bizarre, so sometimes one of them will be passed out in the Haganemobile while we're elsewhere.
Akaito's car is hooked up the the back of the truck, and rolls along. We keep our few belongings in the trunk or front seats, and sleep (crowdedly) in the back.
Which brings up the almost-losing-virginity thing. (!!! I KNOW !!!)
So, it was nighttime, and Akaito and I were talking, as usual, in the back of his car. I think Kaito was driving because we weren't swerving or anything, and were going a sane speed. The orange lights of the highway flashed over us.
It was really pretty, the flickering effect it lent to Akaito, who's already nice-looking. I had my arms around him under the blankets we borrowed from The Haganes, and it was quiet and peaceful. It was surreal.
And then kissed him as hard as I dared and unwound his scarf, deciding that I might as well see what all this hype about sex was before we killed ourselves. What I said, though, was something eloquent like:
"Um, please, Akaito, I want- um, I'm trying to take your scarf off. Um, yeah."- while using my other hand to unbutton his shirt with desperate fingers, suddenly wide awake..
But he understand what I meant, so my shortcoming in communication didn't matter in the long run. (Which is pretty long- I've survived seventeen years! In a row!)
He kissed back, warily as if he was the one who had no idea what he was doing, instead of I. I felt him awkwardly loosen my tie, and ask some questions I didn't bother answering, about if I was sure or something. (I was more than sure.)
It was probably about when he was running his hands along my shirtless back when I realized the extent of this, how I was supposed to wait until I got married and definitely not do this with a guy, but I was beyond caring- unfamiliar desire blocking out reason.
His hands on my hips, my arms around his neck, legs entwined and feeling too hot in the pants we were still wearing from the show, must remedy this...
His hands were clumsy and his fingertips were rough, but I didn't care. I was tossing my socks into the driver's seat, rushing to make contact with Akaito, who was gently teasing my ribs with his lips- when my phone went off from the glove compartment.
My ringtone is a tuneless song of shrill beeps, and I was snapped back to what my life was: a false reality where I ignored the fact that my parents would realize I wasn't camping with Luki after all.
Instead I was almost-completely free of my costume borrowed from a wonderful irresponsible band, wanting nothing more than to rewind time to a few minutes ago, silence my phone, then jump Akaito all over again. (I wish I had done that so badly, Miku! WHY?)
Akaito sat up, looked at me with a mixture of shame and anger in his (ever so gorgeous) eyes, and stared. I numbly heard it ring over and over, finally buzzing to silence. I waited a painful, endless moment, then crawled over to hear the message.
It was from Luka Megurine, and went as follows: (forever burned into my mind, I fear.)
"Er, Mikuo? (her voice sounded weak, but I don't think it was just the connection.) We're back from a trip and your parents are frantic- where have you been? I didn't say anything about that red-head, but what's going on? Call me back, right away. Or call your parents, they gave me your number. We're going to call you in missing tomorrow, since it will be officially a day or however long they want you to wait... good-bye."
Good-bye. What a coincidence. I think I might have said something, or cried or swore or something, but all I remember is Akaito embracing me and talking about nothing until we fell asleep.
In the morning (this morning, actually), I dressed with a burning face, not mentioning last night's events. I pretended nothing was wrong, smile smile smiling to The Haganes, and avoidin Akaito's pleading, pitying looks.
It's another clear day- never a cloud, it seems, not in recent memory. I took Gakupo's mouthwash. (I'll copy bits of the label- ANTISEPTIC, PREVENT PLAQUE, GINGIVITIS, EXTRA-STRENGTH...)
So now, I'm being a shy awkward angsty teenager, on my back under the Haganemobile clutching my modern poison. God, all I can think of is Romeo and Juliet. God, are you actually real? Please don't be too mad at me, for everything...
The grass is wet, and cold. Everything's been cold since I stumbled from the back seat this morning- despite the sun. I'm fairly sure it will do the job, this chemical-mixture colored bright green. I hope it won't hurt, and I hope Akaito won't think too bad of me-
I was supposed to this with him, but I can't stand it, knowing about Luka and my parents- time to say good-bye. This time, it's farewell.
But, really, Akaito, I'm sorry. I love you, and I never said it. Why? Was I afraid? I wanted to make love with you, be taken- but I never even said why. It's more than those three words, for certain, but I don't know the right words to say...
I hope you read this and know what I mean- I've never been so happy. That's all there really is to it. I don't know what will happen, if Luka will help track you down, or if you'll follow me to wherever I'm going.
(but I know the other world cannot be as wonderful as mine was with you)
And Miku, thanks for listening or putting up with these thoughts. I love you too, in a platonic, diary-like way.
Good-bye, farewell, good-night,...
(I just tasted some of this Listerine-stuff, and I NEVER KNEW HOW BAD IT TASTESSSSS)
Good-bye.
