I bet you never thought it would happen. II mean... I know there were times I didn't! But it's true. It's really here.
The last time I updated, I had just graduated high school. Now, about 5 years later, I'm a year out of college, with my B.A. I work full-time and I'm trying to finish writing my first novel.
Thank you SO much to my beta, Kaitlyn Fall, for whipping this chapter into shape. After 4 drafts, it's finally ready for you guys!
So without further ado...
Haru no Kousekiinai Arimasu
Chapter 8
By Natsudori Lina
Deep within Usagi's consciousness, something was happening. She dreamed that the sea cocooned her body. The waters (if they could indeed be called that—they were something of a gelatin-like consistency) were warm, a protective shell against her bare skin. It didn't matter here. What it was, she wasn't sure. Only that it was unimportant. Someone else had taken over the steering, the control over her body, her life, and allowed her to float here, unconcerned with anything, eyes closed and at peace.
A pair of blue eyes, furrowed beneath black brows and shot with gold, pushed to the forefront of her mind.
Usagi pursed her lips. Her lashes fluttered open and silver power shot forward from her hand. The pink sea surrounding her pulsed once, a heartbeat, and she shoved back at those eyes with her energy, pushing them out of her cocoon.
And she bobbed once more in her sea, her protective swaddling. The silver still tingled on the tips of her fingers, like an electric current running from her knuckles to her nails. She closed her eyes and when she languidly opened them again, she noticed that the sky was a soft orange, like the color of sherbet. A crescent hung in the sky and there was not a trace of blue to be found.
Seemingly in defiance of that very thought, the same pair of blue eyes swam up before her in the midst of the sea. The vision widened to encompass raven hair, a strong jaw, shoulders that stood proud beneath shining armor. She strained against the vision in her mind, her eyes narrowing to glare at this man, this intruder. The silver surrounded her body, only to falter and dissipate as it broadened still further to show a woman in his arms. Silver hair—or was it blonde? she wondered, growing increasingly alert–cascaded down the back of a white gown. It rustled with the whisper of silk as the woman turned to face her directly and Usagi started at the mirror image. If her hair was that color… if her eyes were that shade of blue… if she'd had a crescent moon nestled above her brow…
"We're supposed to be one, you know," the apparition said matter-of-factly as she stepped forward, out of the man's arms. The voice echoed around Usagi and she frowned, striking out again with the silver glow. It gently soaked into the woman's—"Serenity," the apparition interrupted. "Princess Serenity."—'s skin. "And that won't work, Usagi. What is your power is my power. What is you is me. And what is my past is your past, no matter how you try to deny me."
Usagi shook her head, mute.
"Yes," Serenity said firmly, lavender eyes flashing. "You cannot tell me that you don't feel the pull to heal when someone is injured. The pulse of Terra as negative forces invade her."
Usagi's mouth set itself in a stubborn line, refusing to reveal anything.
"You're Lunar royalty, Usagi," Serenity insisted. "Your body reacts when negative energy such as that is near you."
Usagi shook her head more emphatically, pulling her knees into her chest and putting her hands over her ears.
Serenity sighed in exasperation. "Fine," she said. "Then just try to tell me that you don't feel the pull to him."
Usagi's eyes slid past her of their own volition to settle on the man behind Serenity. His lips were bent in a confident smirk, the golden flecks in his eyes shining with warmth. Usagi reached for him without conscious thought.
His image dissipated and an indignant cry tore from Usagi's lips.
"You can't reach him without accepting me, Usagi," Serenity's voice said. She tilted her head, bird-like in her curiosity, and her gaze swept Usagi from head to trembling toe. "Is it really such a horrible thing to imagine? To remember your past and embrace your future? Your destiny? Endymion has already-"
"Mamoru," Usagi corrected hoarsely. Her voice cracked on the first syllable.
"It hardly matters what you call him. The two are interchangeable. He's taken in the missing pieces of himself. Grasped the memories and powers that had been inaccessible to him before."
"But they weren't inaccessible to me before." Usagi's hands clenched into fists. At some point during Serenity's diatribe, the gelatinous sea had dissolved and they were left standing face to face in a burnt-sienna desert. Usagi's toes curled into the sand. "The powers... healing isn't a soft tug. It's a yank. It takes everything out of me if it's not a small cut or bruise. And the memories? I don't need them. I lived it. And relived it. Over and over again, I watch everyone else fall. I feel my heart shattering, my world crumbling, and then I feel the sword rip my insides open to match." Her voice rose, the tinge of desperation evident in the tone.
"I know. It's easier for him. And Endymion... what he went through back then was still awful, but what we went through..." Serenity trailed off, hands splaying helplessly. "He didn't have to watch me fall."
"Exactly!" Usagi cried, blonde hair swinging into her eyes with a shake of her head. "They were coming for me, but he's the one they got."
"You would have done the same, had it been him being attacked," Serenity said.
Usagi looked away, neither affirming nor denying it. Serenity moved on to her next point.
"The healing, the fighting… it will all be easier with me. If you stop fighting me." Serenity's expression was earnest. "We're the same, Usagi, but you can't do this without me. This body doesn't have the experience. You don't have the knowledge or the control. I do. It takes too long to relearn and it is time that we do not have. The healing is a yank because you resist it and me. And there are good memories."
"Why can't you do it?" Usagi demanded. "I like it here. I don't have to do anything, worry about anything. You've got the body, the powers, the memories..."
"But I'm not whole by myself either, Usagi!" Serenity yanked on the end of her pigtail in frustration. "Can't you see? There are memories that are worth the bad ones, especially now that there is a hope for the future."
"I'm not sure anything is worth those memories," Usagi said softly. She looked away, eyes on her toes, blinking furious tears back.
"Is he?"
Usagi's head jerked up to look at Serenity, whose voice was harsh once again. "Is he worth it, Usagi? We died at the thought of existing without him. When he is whole, he cannot be with only a part of you. Would you have him in the arms of another?" The question wrapped around Usagi, a cruel caress. Mamoru- Endymion- whatever name he was called, whatever title he possessed- was painted in the desert sky. "Seeking to no avail what he cannot find in you because you won't let him?" Broad strokes of color, blurred lines, as though his portrait was done in sunset watercolors appeared, but his form was unmistakable. As was the peach hand that rested proprietarily on his chest. Usagi followed the smooth line of an arm to a head of long, wavy, red hair. Serenity circled Usagi and tutted sympathetically in her ear when Mamoru turned into the redhead's embrace and Usagi's eyes grew wide with horror. "It will not be just one other, you know," Serenity said almost conversationally. Mamoru's arm snaked around the faceless woman's waist. "But many. They cannot complete him the way that we can, but he won't feel complete unless you accept what you cannot change." Serenity's voice was hard, unforgiving.
Usagi squeezed her eyes shut, tears escaping from the corners. "Stop," she pleaded. "Enough. All right." She opened her eyes and slowly raised her arms to Serenity. The princess sighed in relief as she stepped forward, the train of her dress sweeping across the sand and lightening it until it was no longer the color of clay, but the shimmering sheen of pearl. Serenity clasped one of Usagi's hands and with the other, gently brushed the girl's blonde bangs aside. Rising on her tiptoes, Serenity leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Usagi's brow, and as she drew away Usagi could feel a golden crescent shining there. The twin girls embraced and Serenity sank into Usagi's skin.
Usagi's body stiffened, shoulder blades seizing together, head tilting toward the sky, gasping for one sharp intake of breath as Serenity—Usagi—they—she awoke.
Serenity's hands tightened on Endymion's elbows as Usagi's consciousness returned. Midnight blue eyes examined her own worriedly before long fingers buried themselves in her hair, which was quickly regaining its previous golden hue. Endymion pressed her to him.
"You had me worried, Odango," he murmured.
She pulled away, startled. It was Mamoru's mischievous smirk that Endymion wore. She laughed and heard the sound with relief. It wasn't the breathy chuckle of a woman trained in courtly ways that she remembered from Serenity's memories, but Usagi's full-throated one. I'm still me, she thought and couldn't stop the grin from lighting her face. "We've got a lot to talk about," she told Mamoru.
He nodded seriously. "We do. But I think you may want to address your senshi first." For the fuku-ed warriors were still kneeling in the grass before their rediscovered liege. Jupiter shifted her weight from one knee to the other. Mercury peered up at Usagi from beneath lowered lashes. Venus and Mars had clasped hands so tightly that their knuckles had turned white. The lake behind them was still, vacant of the lovers that had rented a boat earlier. The space beneath the shaded trees was empty of college students relaxing beneath the leaves, the grass missing its usual congregation of frisbee-flinging children.
The white gown faded, replaced with the simple blue and red of Usagi's school uniform. "Guys, get up," she told her senshi.
"Hime-sama—" Venus started.
"Usagi-chan," Usagi corrected. Her eyes swept them, assessing. It would be easiest for Mars and Venus, she suspected. From their behavior recently, it was obvious that they already knew something of the Silver Millennium, so they'd had time to accept her as both Usagi and Serenity. Jupiter and Mercury may have a harder time reconciling the idea.
"Princess," Mercury started timidly.
"Usagi," she said adamantly. "I'm the same person that I was before. And I hope that you can treat me like I'm nothing more than the girl that you knew I was."
"Usagi." Jupiter tried now, green eyes connecting with Usagi's approving gaze. "I—how?"
"It's always been who I am," Usagi said with a shrug. Mamoru stood at a distance behind her, armor gone and replaced with his everyday olive green blazer. "The same as you've always been senshi. It just had to be awakened in you."
Mars snorted. "Some of us haven't always been senshi."
Usagi pinned her with a look. "Quiet, Mars."
"Where is Sailor Moon?" Mamoru spoke from behind her. His expression was a mixture of worried protectiveness and guilt.
"Recuperating," Usagi said, turning to face him, a smile plastered on. The lie slipped from her lips almost before she could stop it. He blinked. The wind ruffled his black hair and Usagi continued. "She had an, um—incident earlier."
Mamoru's eyes narrowed and Usagi cursed the fact that Serenity hadn't been any better a liar than she was. "Yes, I know," he drawled. "I planned to ask her about that the next time I saw her, as a matter of fact. When you four appeared to defend your princess…" He gestured towards the four senshi. "Why didn't she?"
The senshi stayed silent, though Mercury frowned. Still, Usagi was grateful that they didn't interfere. "Like I said," she chirped. "Poor girl's recuperating. She's had quite the day and just… wasn't up to it." She wrinkled her nose in feigned sympathy.
She needed to work out how her feelings for Tuxedo Kamen would fit into this equation. As Sailor Moon, she was drawn to her protector, and it was obvious from their conversations that he felt the same pull that she did. The poor guy had to be as confused as she'd been after their earlier encounter. And after months of her heart fluttering in her chest at the sight of his cape... at the very least, he deserved an explanation from her before anything else. Before anyone else. She was in love with Mamoru, knew herself well enough to realize that that was why she'd taken to leaning on him in times of stress. She hoped he felt the same, but he would have wait for Sailor Moon's identity. She owed Tuxedo Kamen that much.
"Usagi…" Mamoru started warningly, breaking into her reverie
"Oh my gosh, it's late," she said, smacking a hand to her forehead. "Mama will have a fit. I bet Haruna-sensei's already called and told her that I skipped out on detention too. I'm so grounded." She moaned, rolling her eyes for effect.
"Odango…"
She continued heedlessly. "I've really got to get home, Baka-san."
"Baka-san?" he sputtered as she skipped over to him, faltering only as she was unable to decide between simply saying goodbye or doing as Serenity and Endymion had been accustomed to and parting with a kiss. He arched an eyebrow at her, waiting for her choice. She clapped him awkwardly on the back, and he looked at her incredulously.
Jupiter guffawed as she stood, wiping the blades of grass from her knees. Mercury hid her smile behind a hand, Mars snickered, and Venus bit down on her lip to suppress the chuckles.
"Let me at least—" he tried, starting forward, reaching for her hand and missing as she scooped her schoolbag up from its position on the ground next to the pile of ashes that had been Zoicite. His eyes skittered away from it and the obviously painful memory of a once-faithful Shitennou.
"Oh, no, please, don't worry about me!" Usagi said. "The Senshi will see me home, won't you guys?" She turned unconvincingly bright eyes towards them.
Venus bobbed her head, eyes dancing with mirth. "C'mon, Usagi-chan," she said as Usagi bounced toward them, golden streamers of hair flying out behind her. "We'll get you home." Jupiter hoisted the tiny blonde into her arms as they leaped away, the echo of Mamoru's bewildered voice following them:
"Are you kidding me?"
Endymion twirled the end of Serenity's pigtail around his index finger where they were ensconced in a hall nook of the Terran palace. Stone blocks formed an arch above them, and vines lined the sill of the open-air window they sat before. The silver-haired heir to the Lunar throne lounged peacefully in Endymion's lap. Their bench would have been uncomfortable had it not been for the cushions a manservant had fetched for them to rest upon. A warm summer breeze blew in, smelling of pine needles and sun-soaked grass. "Stay," Endymion murmured, untrimmed hair falling into his eyes as he looked down at Serenity.
Serenity tilted her head up to consider him. "I would if I could, my love," she said, lavender eyes filled with regret, "but I cannot."
"You won't," he said, jaw tightening as he turned to gaze out the parapets. Triangular treetops dotted the landscape below them and as he watched, the verdant green of the pines nearest to the castle took on a lighter brown hue. His fingers halted their ministrations on her silver strands and fell beside her.
"That is not fair," Serenity protested. She straightened from her position in his lap so that she was sitting beside him. "Sailor Venus only agreed to keep my mother away for so long." She lifted her fingers to graze his cheek. "I would stay forever if only it were my decision."
Endymion caught her hand in his. "I wonder," he said. He turned her palm face-open, and his stare burned into her. "I would give up nigh anything for you. What would you for me?"
Serenity looked away. "What do you want me to say, Mamoru-baka?"
Endymion started. Her voice was pitched higher than usual, with a snark that had never existed in her carefully measured tones, and she called him by a name he hadn't heard before. When she turned back, her eyes were blue and narrowed in a sneer, her hair darkening to the color of his crystal. Her dress was melting away to a skirt befitting a peasant. "Am I supposed to pick you?" Usagi laughed, tossing her head back. "Over my kingdom, my senshi, my family? You didn't even choose me over the senshi of the moon. How am I to trust where your heart and loyalty lie? I do not need a fickle lover."
"Serenity—what—I'm not—" Endymion's tongue felt strange, fumbling in his mouth. He curled his hand, trying to conjure a rose to placate his beloved. Nothing appeared. He stared at his empty hand, willed the rose to appear, and hissed in pain as the point of a razor protruded from his wrist. "What in Gaia's name," he began, and shouted in alarm as a steel-tipped rose shot from his wrist towards Usagi.
Sailor Moon snatched the rose from the air with a practiced ease. "Oh come on, Mamoru, you're better than that," she taunted playfully. She lifted her tiara from her forehead to twirl around her finger, a whirling discus of light. One hip was cocked in a confident stance. "After the way you eviscerated Zoicite—and don't get me wrong, I'm glad you did–but then you miss me?"
"It wasn't like that," Mamoru croaked. A pang of grief struck him at the thought of his long-ago friend. He felt inferior before the woman in front of him. His sweater itched and he was sweating under his blazer. A white expanse of nothing stretched around them. He hadn't known that he'd been betraying Usagi (Serenity? Whatever he was supposed to call her now, they were one and the same) by kissing Sailor Moon, but he couldn't take it back and he wasn't sure that he wanted to. When it came to Sailor Moon, he couldn't help but question himself.
"No?" She arched an eyebrow at him. "Then what?" She sashayed towards him and slid her arms around his waist. His hand delved into her hair and his lips dove onto hers. She responded eagerly, surging to the tips of her toes, hands moving from his waist to caress the sides of his face. The kiss was desperate and he gripped at her hips, before moving his mouth to bury it in the crook of her neck. She stiffened in his arms and let out a pained cry.
Tuxedo Kamen looked up, breath coming in short pants, his mask falling aside. "Sailor Moon?"
She choked, seizing in his arms, blue eyes hazy. Dark laughter echoed behind her and he looked down over her shoulder to see a woman crouched there, clothed in a swarthy purple fabric. A jagged dagger extended from her hand into Sailor Moon's back. Amber eyes glinted with a triumphant gleam.
"No!" he cried. Sailor Moon started to glow silver, to no avail. Her hands grasped the wound in her stomach. The red stain grew and her hands came away bloody. Golden sparks flashed to life on his hands but faded feebly. "Don't," he pleaded, gathering her close.
"I'm sorry," Sailor Moon said, blue eyes vacant.
"I am sorry," Serenity whispered, lavender orbs closing.
"I'm so sorry," Usagi sobbed. Copper red snakes bound tightly around her body and pulled her away.
And Mamoru jolted upright in his bed, not quite able to breathe.
Mamoru stared into the depths of his coffee, unable to shake the vision of Usagi's unconscious and bleeding corpse being dragged into nothingness. He turned the stirrer moodily, expression stony.
I won't let it happen, he vowed silently. His other hand clenched at the metal siding of the Crown Arcade's counter.
"Uh, Mamoru? Buddy?" Motoki's voice interrupted his musings. Mamoru's stare lifted from his coffee mug to Motoki's worried green eyes. "Do you have some kind of beef with my counter?"
Mamoru mumbled an apology, releasing the tabletop. The metal had molded beneath his hand and the indentation of his fingers had been left behind, down to the thumbprints.
"Is something wrong?" Motoki reached for the chocolate syrup and added a generous squirt to Mamoru's coffee. He took in the circles beneath Mamoru's eyes with a worried look.
"Why do you ask?"
"Well," Motoki said, holding up a finger to a pair of giggling junior high students trying to get his attention a few barstools over. "A few reasons really. I haven't seen Usagi around you in a couple days." Mamoru's jaw tightened. "When I have seen her, she's... agitated." Mamoru's eyes darkened. "You didn't order a chocolate shake." Mamoru rolled his eyes. "You ran out of here when the girls were looking for her the other day and haven't said a word about it." Mamoru shrugged uncomfortably. "And you look like hell." Motoki cheerfully rounded out his explanation.
"Nightmares," Mamoru muttered in response to the last and ignored the rest. Tinkling bells cut through the continuous beep of the video games, announcing a customer's entrance. Mamoru's head lurched up from his prone position over his coffee.
"Speak of the little blonde devil." Motoki slung his washcloth down onto the counter.
Usagi stood, frozen, framed in the doorway. Mamoru swiveled on his chair, traces of exhaustion gone. Alert now, he scrutinized her from head to toe. Her eyes widened, like the rabbit she was named for, caught in a hunter's sights. "Hello Odango," he said predatorily.
"Eep," she said.
"Or!" Mamoru said, affecting a mockingly thoughtful pose as she started forward, step by dragging step—a prisoner on her way to the gallows. Mamoru went on, "Should I call you—"
The look in her eyes promised pain if he finished that sentence. "Not unless I should call you 'you-know-what,'" she said through clenched teeth. They glared at each other, and for a second, the moment felt ordinary. Then Usagi's eyes twinkled silver, Mamoru's flashed gold, and Usagi took her seat at the stool next to him.
"Lover's spat?" Motoki asked sympathetically.
Usagi's face flamed. Mamoru's frown deepened as they turned away from each other. "Interesting," Motoki said. His eyes flicked from Usagi to Mamoru and back again. "So guys," he said, leaning forward to cup his chin in his hand. "Have there been some… shall we say… developments?" Their glares turned on him and the blond slunk away. "Denial's not just a river in Egypt, you know!" he sang out from his new spot down the counter. He turned to take the schoolgirls' orders and the reluctant royals turned to face each other.
Mamoru dove right in. "So the avoiding thing. Thought we were done with that," he said bluntly, eyes flat on hers. He grasped his coffee stirrer and gave it a twirl. He released it and the centrifugal force kept it going. And going. And-
"Would you stop that?" Usagi hissed. She reached over and seized the stirrer, shaking it in aggravation and setting it aside on a napkin. "People can see you, baka."
"Spoilsport," he muttered.
Usagi's posture straightened. "You wanted to talk," she bit out. She threw her arms wide. "I'm talking."
"I'm still annoyed at you," he said.
"Nothing new there."
"Usagi."
"Don't get your panties in a twist, Mamoru." Usagi rolled her eyes and thumped her feet against the counter. Thump. Thump. Thump. With each beat, Mamoru's jaw ticked in time. Her flowered skirt swished with her legs and Mamoru's hand shot out to grip her knee.
"Please stop being blasé about this."
"I don't know what that means."
"Nothing new there," he said.
Usagi scowled and blew a raspberry at him. "Look, did you want to talk or not?"
"I'm angry with you."
"I know."
"I thought that you finally trusted me."
"I know."
"I should be the last person you'd run from."
"I know."
"We have to talk."
"Let's go."
"This is where you live?"
Mamoru looked around. "What's wrong with it?" he said.
Usagi looked around at the unpainted white walls, the leather couches, the chrome tables and wall unit, expression dubious. "Nothing!" she said unconvincingly. "It's... nice." She trailed a finger along the back of a chair. "You know I think I saw walls this color on T.V. once." She strolled around his living room. "Except the guy who lived there wore this awful white buckled jacket... and his walls were padded."
Mamoru shugged. "It's clean. Who cares?" he said as she walked away to explore.
Usagi peered curiously into the hall closet. "Did you know," she started, sliding the closet door open, "that your towels are arranged according to size, color, and-" she flipped a few tags over "-brand?"
"Must be that damn closet-organizing dwarf again," he said as she moved out of his line of vision. "Listen, do you want anything to drink?"
A blonde head popped out of the hallway. "Hot chocolate?" she said hopefully.
He nodded, opening a cabinet, and assembling the ingredients. "Can do."
"With marshmallows?"
"I thought that was a given." He heard the sound of a door creaking as Usagi moved to exploring the different rooms.
"Your greenhouse room's pretty," Usagi yelled from inside. "I like these blue ones next to your roses, what do you call them?"
Mamoru stilled for a moment. "Forget-me-nots."
"Oh." He shouldn't have been able to hear her soft exhalation, but the breath whispered past his ear. The plants, he surmised. He was growing more used to the powers of Endymion, but it was still a little disconcerting. He felt rather than saw her join him in the kitchen, and wordlessly slid her steaming mug of hot chocolate across the table. Her shoulders hunched as she cupped her hands around it. He lifted his own mug to his lips.
An awkward silence hovered over them as Usagi traced patterns on the metal tabletop. The light glinted off of it and she shifted in her seat.
"So how do we do this?" Usagi, predictably, was the first to break the silence.
Mamoru cleared his throat and set his mug down with a clink. "Well, for starters, I think I should probably take you on a date."
"To dinner, right?"
"Of course. I'm taking you out, Odango."
"Just checking." She tilted her head to the side, expression contemplative. "So... we're dating?" She nodded slowly, decisively, as she digested the idea.
Mamoru's mouth twitched in amusement. "We're dating," he confirmed.
"This means you have to stop calling me Odango," she warned.
"Oh, I'm definitely going to keep calling you Odango."
"You can't pull on my pigtails anymore, either." She tapped a finger to her chin in thought.
"No way that's gonna end any time soon."
"And I will require at least one complimentary sundae a week," she finished, wagging a finger an inch from his face.
He couldn't stop an amused smile as he looked at her adamant little face. "As long as I get a few bites." His eyes darkened as they lowered to her lips.
"Well… okay," she said. He watched with great amusement as a blush spread across her face. She twiddled her thumbs and blurted: "It's not just because of the past, is it? Because I like you for you, Mamoru, and if you're expecting me to suddenly be able to... to waltz, or to remember to use the proper fork, or to act like I used to, you had better remind yourself that that was a long, long time ago and-"
Mamoru chuckled, cutting her rant short. "Usagi, over the past few months you have driven me absolutely crazy." She bit her lip. "I've yelled at you, been more irritated than I ever thought possible, made an ass out of myself in public... generally acted how I never thought I would," he summarized. "But I've also worried about you when you weren't around, laughed when you were around, and been crazy jealous when anyone else was around you. So, no. It's not because you're Serenity and I'm Endymion. Although, it is an unexpected bonus," he admitted.
Usagi looked relieved. "What exactly do you remember?" she said. " From back then?"
"I've got bits and pieces," Mamoru said. "Mostly Endymion pops up in flashes. If I drift off or fall asleep, I'm getting things that I think are memories, but they've been shifting into…" Visions, his mind supplied. No. He refused to believe that what he saw last night would happen in any way. "…Nightmares," he said instead. "What about you?"
Usagi turned to the side. Her voice was soft and her expression bleak when she replied, "Everything."
He changed the subject, taking pity on her. "How are the senshi? Do they remember anything yet?"
"No," she said, shaking her head. "It wasn't the same for them. Venus and Mars have had pieces for a while now, but Jupiter and Mercury?" She spread her hands. "Nothing."
"The girls," Mamoru said. "Minako, Rei, Makoto, and Ami, I mean. They're the senshi, aren't they?" She nodded. "And who's Sailor Moon? Someone at school? Do I know her?"
Usagi shrugged. "You'll meet her sooner or later."
"You know, I thought I remembered everything important, but I don't remember her," he confessed.
She hummed in agreement. "Luna says it was because the moon was at her strength."
"Who's Lu—Right." Mamoru cut himself off as the knowledge caught up with him. "Advisor. Cat. From Mau. Talking animal." He sipped his hot chocolate, shaking his head in wonder. "This memory thing's tricky."
"No kidding," Usagi said with a laugh. "Anyway, she says the planetary warriors were all awakened and assembled at the Silver Millennium court. There was peace. They didn't need a senshi of the moon then."
"They probably could have used one that last night," he commented.
"Again, no kidding."
The mention of the eve of the final battle silenced them both again. This time it was Mamoru who broke it. "After I..." He motioned awkwardly to himself so she had no doubts what he meant. "How did you- Was it Beryl?"
Usagi shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "No." She laughed bitterly. "No, that would have been me."
"You?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Mamoru moved to protest, but she cut him off. "I'm not avoiding, I just don't want to get into the details and I'm sure you get the gist."
"Sere—Usagi… Don't do that again." He reached across the table to lift her chin so that she was forced to meet his eyes. "No matter what happens, you stay alive." The vision of her eyes going blank, her body going slack, red wrapping around her until she disappeared…
I won't let it happen, he promised himself. So there's nothing to worry about.
Her eyes were stubborn when they met his. "You dove in front me and died," she reminded him. "You have no idea what that was like."
He didn't answer. He couldn't say that he was sorry. He'd do it again if it meant prolonging her life for even one second. And, he knew, he might have to.
Neither of them spoke.
"So when exactly did you figure out who you were?" she asked, giving up. He wouldn't apologize for it and clearly neither would she. "Endymion, I mean."
"Same time you did." Usagi looked at him blankly, and he continued. "You know, little battle, small light show, mayhem, past lives, that whole shebang?"
"And you're not overwhelmed with being thrust into the world of short-skirted super heroines and masked dudes?"
He blinked in confusion. "Well, I'm the only 'masked dude,'" he made finger quotes in the air, "around that I know of."
She stared at him for a moment until he could actually see the knowledge click in her mind. "Wait..." she leaned forward, smacking a hand flat onto the table. "You're Tuxedo Kamen?"
A rose appeared in his open palm in answer, stem still embedded deep in his wrist. "Ow." He frowned down at it. "I have got to learn an easier way to do that." He looked back at Usagi, who was staring, dumbstruck, at the rose. "Well really, Odango, who else could it have been?"
Usagi began to laugh so hard she could scarcely breathe.
"What? Is it so hard to believe that I'm Tokyo's caped crusader?"
"No," she said as she fought to catch her breath. "No, actually it makes perfect, perfect sense." She dissolved into giggles. "Hang on, there's something I really need to tell-"
"Me first," he interrupted. He coughed uncomfortably, trying to be heard over her laughter. His tone was worried, and Usagi seemed to struggle to obtain a sober countenance. "Sailor Moon and I- well we had kind of a moment last week, but I already... well, I realized I liked you and I couldn't have both of you at once and—will you stop laughing?"
"Mamoru, you baka." Usagi's grin split from ear-to-ear. "I'm Sailor Moon."
Mamoru blinked, putting the pieces together: Weird glowy powers, trademark hairstyle, that kiss, those eyes, Serenity fading into Usagi fading into Sailor Moon, all three of them dead in one fell swoop—No.
"Of course you are," he said, giving himself a mental smack. He felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. "Well, that makes this a whole lot less complicated."
"Tell me about it." Usagi heaved a relieved sigh. "You have no idea how stressed I was—but then again, I guess you do."
He nodded. There was still the problem of this nightmare that he couldn't shake, but that was easily remedied. He'd simply have to work doubly hard to protect her. At least the worry of wanting two girls at once had turned out to be a moot point.
"So, I'll see you at school tomorrow?" she asked, gathering her bag and standing.
He nodded and fought to urge to rise at the same time, a habit that Endymion had passed on. "I'll pick you up," he said, eyes on the petite blonde before him—his little blonde, his inner voice thought gleefully. He kept a straight face and reclined his chair back onto two legs.
"All right, well then I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning." She leaned over, pigtails softly brushing his arm, like spun silk. She dropped a soft kiss on his cheek, turning bright red as she did so, but looking proud to have accomplished it. As she drew away, Mamoru caught her chin and took her lips with his own. Her eyes popped wide in surprise before sliding closed as they both focused on the touch, the sensation that was so new in this life, but so wonderfully familiar in the past. Her mouth was soft. He nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth, and at her quiet gasp he wrapped his arm around her waist to tug her from her bent position into his lap. The chair settled onto four legs with a thud, but neither of them noticed. She wriggled, settling herself in and he groaned, hand fisting in her golden hair as it moved to tilt her head. The kiss was a dance of reunited lovers, instinctual. They moved with each other, heads tilting, lips parting. Usagi sighed into him and wound her arms around his neck. She opened her mouth when he softly sucked on her bottom lip, whimpered as he gently touched his tongue to hers. It sent an electric shock ricocheting through the pair, and Usagi drew away, panting and red-faced.
"That," she told him, trying to catch her breath, "is going to take some getting used to."
He laughed deeply, tossing his head back. "If I remember correctly," he said, "that is always going to knock the wind out of us." He snagged her lips again for a brief peck. "But now that we get to do that whenever we want, I plan to enjoy every minute of it."
Not a great deal changed over the next couple of weeks. Usagi was still late to class sometimes, but now Mamoru occasionally was too. Neither of them, when they appeared (Mamoru grinning, Usagi red-faced) seemed sorry. They still had regular shouting matches, but they now ended rather abruptly (often mid-sentence) when one would seize the other by the shoulders and kiss the breath out of them. Mamoru and the girls reached a tentative truce when he and Motoki joined them regularly for lunch.
Usagi's reactions to the youma became almost unnoticeable with the merging of Serenity's consciousness and being at Mamoru's side dampened it still further – down to an accelerated heart rate and shortness of breath – but then that tended to happen around him a lot anyway. Battles became infrequent and something of a farce, with the weakest youma she'd encountered since becoming Sailor Moon. The worst she had to endure was the senshi's teasing when she and Tuxedo Kamen arrived together and Mamoru's bizarre paranoia over her before they left for the battles. Yes, she always assured him, she'd be careful. No, she wouldn't take any unnecessary risks. And yes, fine, she'd stay out of the way until she could use her tiara or wand.
Things were going so well that Usagi had started to congratulate herself. Who said she couldn't handle this whole princess, superhero, soulmate, reincarnation, saving the world thing? she thought, head in Mamoru's lap, wiggling her feet as she happily licked at an Oreo's filling.
"Want one?" She stuck the wet cookie in his face, where he made a noise that sounded suspiciously like "Eurgh." Her eyes narrowed. "I hope you didn't just make that sound at my Oreo."
"I'm not sure what kind of germs it has," he said distractedly, eyes narrowed behind his glasses at the Biology book he had in hand. The other hand stroked her hair absently.
"It has the same germs you do." Usagi rolled her eyes. "Or have you developed amnesia over the past two weeks?" She'd forgotten to bring her manga with her to his apartment and had been waiting patiently for him to finish his reading for a whole—she checked her watch—ten minutes. It was time, she decided, for him to focus on something else. The living room was more pleasant to spend time in since she'd insisted on putting some of the roses out there, but that didn't change the fact that her boyfriend—a little ripple of pleasure brushed over her at the thought; it was still so new—was currently boring her out of her mind.
"I not only remember the past two weeks—" Mamoru turned the page of his textbook—"I remember the past couple of lives." The smoldering look he flicked her way made her face burn. "Vividly."
She managed to mumble an embarrassed, "Mamo-baka."
"When," he asked, setting his book aside (Usagi cheered internally), and focusing intently on the blonde in his lap, "are you going to call me something besides baka?"
"When," she shot back pointedly, "are you going to pick a name for me other than Odango?"
"I like Odango."
"Clearly." She settled down with a huff and licked a new Oreo. "If you cared about me, you'd eat it," she said petulantly, around the bite of cookie in her mouth.
He snatched the cookie from her hand and chomped down on it. "Happy now?" he asked, pecking her on the forehead and returning to his reading. She continued to stare at him. "What?" he asked without looking up from his book.
She shook her head. "Nothing." She reddened as she added, "Mamo-chan."
"All right, then." He turned to a new page and mumbled, "Usako."
There was a moment of silence, broken only by the sound of crinkling paper as he turned the page. Usagi tapped her toe lightly on the couch cushion. She squealed when, much to her delight, he let his book fall to the floor, slid his hands beneath her shoulders and flipped himself to lay beside her. She sat up slightly to grab his lips with her own. He cupped her small face in his hands. They were just getting to her favorite part (as Mamoru tilted her head so he had better access to the line of her neck), when a soft beeping interrupted them.
Usagi groaned and dropped her head to his shoulder. "Crap," she mumbled into a mouthful of his shirt. "Not now."
"Whassat?" Mamoru's usual composure had yet to be regained. His hair was still rumpled and his eyes were still dark, but they were sharpening quickly. "Is that your communicator? Odango?"
She glared at him, straightening her clothing. "So much for Usako, huh?" She rolled past Mamoru and off of the couch as her hair tangled around her from the movement. She reached one hand into her bag, rummaging around until she pulled her communicator out. Mamoru watched as she flicked it on. Hopefully, she thought, it would be some puny little thing that she could dust in no time, and then she and Mamo-chan could get back to-Her thoughts halted as she heard the frantic voice of Sailor Venus.
"I'm outside the Crown—ahh!" Venus's cry was filled with pain and the communicator was dropped with a clunk. After the sounds of a brief scrabble to pick it up, the screen bounced with her as she ran and her face filled the pink device's tiny display.
The senshi of love and beauty had never looked less like what she was, Mamoru saw as he joined a horrorstruck Usagi. The petite blonde covered her mouth at the sight of the injuries. He put a hand on her shoulder, and she grabbed at it, her gaze stuck on her friend. One of Venus's eyes had already swollen and purpled so badly that it was almost shut. A cut on her forehead was bleeding profusely and the orange sleeve of her fuku was ripped. "It's Kunzite," she gasped as she ran, and the screen split to show Mars, Jupiter, and Mercury, already en route, judging by the way each head of hair flew behind them, in full sprints. "And," Venus went on, "if I'm not very much mistaken, Beryl… among others" She fumbled to turn the screen to face the scene before her and they were treated to the sight of three beautiful youma. The Dark Kingdom's queen hovered above them, ominously still as she watched her underlings tear the city apart. The senshi grimly chorused that they'd be there in matters of minutes as Venus's communicator fell again from her grip and skittered across the ground. They heard the clacking of her heels as she abandoned it and sprinted across the pavement to challenge Kunzite.
Sharp talons showed in the device's screen as it was lifted and filled with the image of Beryl. "Come out, come out, little princess," she crooned. "It's time we finish this game we play." Beryl cackled, exposing her fangs, amber eyes cruel, and red hair winding around her face. Mamoru's heart dropped to his stomach.
Red hair.
The screen went black.
Usagi woke from her shock and dropped to her knees to dig through her bag. She was muttering curses through tearful eyes as she threw things out of her bag. "How did I miss this?" she said to herself. "If only I'd worn the brooch—" for, as she withdrew the brooch Mamoru usually saw her wearing, it was emanating an almost blindingly pink light—"I should have known, should have guessed, the fights have been too easy lately." Her voice broke. "Come on, Mamo-chan, we need to go!"
Mamoru gripped her by the shoulders. "Usagi," he said firmly. "We are not going anywhere. The senshi and I will handle this. You are staying here." He couldn't let her near Beryl, he knew. The horrendously vivid nightmare varied from night to night, but it always ended the same way. A variation of Usagi, dead, in his arms as copper-colored bindings dragged her into the shadows.
Usagi looked startled. She pinned her brooch to her uniform's bow with shaking hands. "Mamoru, they need me out there. I have to—"
"-Stay. Here."
"Not a chance." Usagi's mouth set in a stubborn line.
"Figured as much." He shrugged unsympathetically. He strode towards her and tossed her over his shoulder.
She squirmed frantically, beating at him with her hands and feet. "Mamoru—put me down—you don't understand," she said desperately.
"No, you don't understand." He set her down on the tiled floor of his bathroom. "I refuse to let you put yourself in that danger again. I am not going to let anything happen to you again—much less at Beryl's hands, unless you missed that memo," he said acidly. A rose appeared in his hand, but he had no time to gloat over the triumph of a transformation without injury. Tuxedo Kamen's cape swirled around him and his eyes gleamed angrily behind his mask. "I'll be back soon," he promised. He paused on his way out the door. "Try not to worry."
He shut the bathroom door behind him.
"How dare he?" Usagi fumed. Those were her senshi out there, that was the woman who had destroyed her home, and this was her fight. She stomped to the door and yanked at the knob.
Neither door nor knob budged. She pulled and pushed with growing horror. He'd fused door, knob, and wall together. "Dammit, Endymion! Now is not the time to pull this master of all elements crap on me! Mamoru!" She screamed, trying to quell the inner panic. She pounded on the door, kicked it, beat it with her fists, crashed into it over and over again with her shoulder. "You've got to let me out! You can't do this-"
The slam of the door echoed through the apartment.
"—without me," she finished in a terrified whisper. She was alone. "Ok, calm down, breathe Usagi, breathe," she said. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, gripping one of her buns in a shaky hand and squeezing it like a stressball. "There's got to be a way out of this bathroom." The obvious answer of the door was simply not going to happen. Unless she was very much mistaken, Mamoru had also managed to transmute it into some sort of strong metal, and she hadn't even made a dent in it. She dismissed the idea of crawling through the air vent—she'd had a few too many ice cream cones this week to be able to squeeze through. Usagi pressed her wrist to her forehead to assuage the burn growing there. Her crescent moon had appeared, she saw in the mirror above the sink, and it did nothing to ease her worry. Her eyes lit on the small window above the bathtub.
"I wonder…" she mused, making her way over to it. It would certainly be a tight fit, but it was definitely bigger than the air vent. If he hadn't—
Score! she thought as she propped it open. She pumped a fist. Baka had been so busy not listening to her that he'd forgotten about the window. She threw one foot eagerly out of the window, straddled the sill, and dropped the two stories to land gracefully in the alley below.
"Unbelievable," she said. Her pigtails flew behind her as she took off at a run towards the arcade. "Why couldn't anyone have been around to see that?"
Tuxedo Kamen didn't get the warm welcome from the senshi that he'd hoped for.
It was a gruesome scene. The glass windows of the Crown were shattered. The sidewalk they stood on was reduced to rubble. Civilians with sense had vacated the area, not even news vans trying to get close enough to get footage. Bodies littered the street. Some, he saw, were breathing. And others… Well, he hoped that he and his manly sparkles would be able get there in time. Motoki was inside, blood on his forehead, slumped unconscious over the counter, apron stained red. Mamoru couldn't tell whether he was breathing or not. The three youma had teamed up against Mercury and Jupiter, who appeared to be holding their own, while Mars and Venus were doing their best against Kunzite, but quickly losing ground. A red-headed woman hovered above them, watching intently, darkly magnificent in skintight purple.
Beryl. Just as he remembered her. At least Usako's nowhere near the witch, he comforted himself.
"Where is she?" Venus threw the question to Kamen when he fell into step beside them. Mars nodded sharply to him and dropped to the ground just in time to avoid a vaporizing stream of light from Kunzite. Kunzite didn't speak to acknowledge his former prince, only laughed, sounding just short of unhinged. His silver hair whipped into his manic green eyes.
"Safe," Kamen shouted back, voice grim with satisfaction. He dodged a stray blow from one of the youma's razor-blade arms, and blocked Kunzite's strike with his cane. Mercury corralled the stray youma away from the fight with Kunzite, while Mars ducked under Tuxedo Kamen's arm, fireball formed in her hand as she thrust toward the general, releasing it. It dissipated with a wave of his hand.
"We need her here!" Jupiter shrieked as she was whipped off her feet from the youma's energy blast. Mercury threw a Shine Aqua Illusion towards the green-skinned demons and raced to pull Jupiter up. The attack froze the youma, but only for a moment before the ice cracked again and their melee began all over again.
Kunzite landed a punch on Mamoru's cheekbone. For a Dark Kingdom general, he didn't seem to mind the physical approach. "We don't need her here," Kamen shouted. "We—protect—her," he huffed between parrying Kunzite's strikes (he'd apparently decided that a broadsword would be more effective). "The five of us can handle these-" Tuxedo Kamen sneered in his old Shitennou's direction, allowed himself to feel moment of triumph when a return kick to the stomach resulted in surprised grunt from Kunzite- "nobodies."
"No, you idiot," Mars screamed, her voice obviously raw from shouting attacks. Her eyes were narrowed as she shot a burst of fire towards Kunzite's face. He rippled, disappearing and reappearing in the next moment. "We can't!" She blocked a punch and screamed as Kunzite delivered a powerful kick to her chest, sending her flying off her feet.
"Mars!" Kamen yelled. He ran towards her and Kunzite seized the moment of inattention to blast Tuxedo Kamen into a light pole. It cracked clean in half as his body whipped through it, wrapping in his cape. Kamen groaned as he got to his feet slowly and untangled himself. His body felt like the gravity had doubled upon it after the impact.
Mamoru internalized his pain to shift his focus back to the battle, where Kunzite was stalking towards his former prince, death in his eyes. With a growl, Mars sprang from the ground and charged towards the general; he swatted her away like a fly. Her back hit the concrete with an audible crack. She did not get up.
"Love Me Chain!" Venus cried, swinging her chain towards Kunzite. The glow of power surrounding the golden links faded before it even reached him and the cord wrapped harmlessly around his hand when it made contact. He yanked the end, sending the blonde senshi flying into him. She cried out when he dropped the chain to seize a fistful of her hair. "Oh, I remember you, witch," he said, glowering down at her. "I remember you running me through!" He roared as he tossed her aside. Venus's body flew through the air like a child's toy. She smashed into a nearby window and lay as still as a rag doll.
"Prince," the last Shitennou said, looking again towards Tuxedo Kamen. He started, locked in shock after seeing two of the fiercest warriors he knew batted away like they were no more than mere nuisances. Hearing Kunzite address him after a millennium was strange. In a way his voice was the same, like decadent chocolate; it rolled over the senses like silk. But it was bitter now, dark chocolate, and it left an aftertaste in Kamen's mouth.
"Traitor," Tuxedo Kamen replied tersely, shifting into fighting stance.
Kunzite chuckled. "Come now, Endymion," he said, throwing his arms wide with a jovial grin. "Why must it be this way? We were friends once."
"You were a decent human being once."
"It's true I've developed certain… habits," Kunzite admitted with a shrug. "But you must see, Prince, that this mingling between our people and those of the moon… it perverts the natural balance of things. If you would just renounce—"
"—I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation before," Tuxedo Kamen said. "My answer hasn't changed."
"So be it." Kunzite sighed. "I did try, you know."
"Too well."
"I tire of this game," Beryl announced from where she floated. Her voice was harsh, grating enough to make Tuxedo Kamen grind his teeth together. She flicked her hair over one shoulder.
"So do I!" a strident voice exclaimed. Tuxedo Kamen whirled in horror to see the petite figure of Usagi, fists clenched at her side. Her blue schoolgirl's skirt swept to her knees. Hair bare of the jewels that would mark her as Sailor Moon, brooch still attached securely to her uniform's red bow, she took in the destruction and battle spread before her with hard eyes and glared hatefully at the self-proclaimed queen.
Tuxedo Kamen took off for her at a run, sure that the blood was draining from his face. He stood in front of her, cape out-stretched to shield her, hand quaking as he extended his cane. "You've got to be kidding me," Tuxedo Kamen said, eyes darting between Beryl and Kunzite. He had to get her out of here. His mind raced, but he kept his voice light. "If you weren't going to listen to me, you could have at least bothered to transform, Usako."
Usagi reddened, glancing down at her uniform. "Youlocked me in a bathroom," she reminded him with a glare. "A bathroom, Mamo-chan!" She yanked her brooch from the front of her bow.
"Idiot Odango," he muttered, with one eye on her as he shifted at least part of his attention back to Kunzite, who bared his teeth in a poor imitation of a grin.
"Stupid Baka," Usagi mumbled during the brief light show in which Sailor Moon's form replaced her own. Beryl's expression grew suddenly hungry and the knot in Mamoru's chest tightened.
"Leave, Usako," he commanded. "Now. Get out of here." His voice was desperate, he could hear it, but his hopes fell as Sailor Moon shook her head pityingly, eyes sympathetic.
"You know I can't," she said softly. "I have to do this. I owe everyone that much."
The sting of frustrated tears surprised Mamoru, but he blinked them away furiously. "Why should it be you?" he demanded. "It isn't fair." He sounded, even to his own ears, like a plaintive child.
"Why should it be anyone?" Usagi hugged him from behind. "Believe me when I tell you that I understand how you feel. But things are different than they used to be. I'm- We're different. Stronger. We have a chance this time."
Mamoru shook his head and reached blindly for her hand. "I love you, you know," he said.
"I know." Her lips quirked as she glanced his way, stepping to stand beside him. "I love you, too."
In the distance, a cloud of dust rose as Jupiter and Mercury finally combined their powers to defeat the youma that Beryl had brought along. Their eyes pointedly avoided the unconscious forms of Venus and Mars as they made their way, sweat beading their red faces and limbs trembling from exertion, to stand with their princess.
Beryl let out a deep cackle, descending slowly. "Hello little princess," she purred, landing gently on the ground. Sailor Moon lifted one foot so that her feet were spread wide and she gripped the Moon Wand with shaky hands before her. Beryl tilted her chin in invitation, eyes glinting, and a sinister smile spread across her face as small fangs protruded.
"Come to play?"
